That Pesky Sociopath Who Thinks He’s Your Savior

How many times have you heard the following from the sociopath in your life:

“You have problems. You are sick. You need me because everyone else in your life has let you get away with being this way your entire life. You NEED me or you can’t get better.”

I heard it so many times. I’m sure you did, too.

Why is this part of their MO?

Because sociopaths like to be perceived as the hero. They want to be your savior. Saviors are respected and revered. Sociopaths like love being revered. It feeds their superiority complex.

But you didn’t need to be saved from anything when you met the sociopath, right? Me either!! So how did the sociopath convince us we needed to be saved?

By creating the pit we fell into, that’s how.

Generally speaking, when people are confused, people tend to feel lost and in need of help. The sociopath creates the confusion and in turn, our desperation to be saved from it.

How do they create this confusion?

Sociopaths use three rather opposing techniques in tandem to create the confusion: love bombing, gas lighting and devaluing.

Love Bombing and Plans for the Future
The sociopath tells you that everything about you is perfect. You talk about making plans for the future. You talk specific plans. You agree to the plan and the specifics. Everything is seems perfect.

Gas Lighting
At a later date, (maybe as soon as the very next day) you bring up some of the specifics of the plan. You’re told you are mistaken about the specifics of the plan. The sociopath explains the plans back to you, but they aren’t the plans you had agreed to. You are certain they have been altered. The sociopath assures you that they are the same plans you agreed to originally. But you know you never would have agreed to those plans. You know it!

Devaluing
You reject the plan. It’s not what you had talked about. The sociopath calls you a lying, selfish whore for rejecting the plan after having agreed to the plans. You are distraught. You can’t believe the same person who said you were so amazing is now calling you such horrid names.

The pit is being dug.

The cycle continues.

Love bombing, gas lighting, devaluing.
Love bombing, gas lighting, devaluing.
Love bombing, gas lighting, devaluing.
Love bombing, gas lighting, devaluing.

The pit gets deeper.

Depression sets in.

You take on a bad habit: over-eating, drinking, gambling, shopping, sleeping…Whatever it is, you do it to drown out your confusion.

But bad habits do a lot more than drown out the confusion. They turn you into someone and something you dislike.

The pit is too deep to crawl out on your own.

Soon, the sociopath learns of your bad habit, because you can’t hide the pounds you’ve added or the fact you don’t have enough money to pay your bills or you’re hung over, or hell, you just tell him that you’re struggling with something, because we learned a long time ago that the people we love and who love us can handle us even at our worst, right?

So we just assume that telling our “soul mate” (a.k.a. the sociopath we don’t realize is a sociopath) about our struggles will result in a healthy plan of attack to turn those bad habits around.

But it doesn’t work like that with a sociopath. Sociopaths don’t love themselves, so how are they supposed to understand your struggles and provide you with unconditional support and guidance?

They can’t, and they won’t. All they do is continue to use the same three techniques (love bombing, gas lighting and devaluing) sprinkled with lots of shaming and blaming, and Voila! You have yourself a false god. A false savior who continuously repeats:

“You have problems. You are sick. You need me because everyone else in your life has let you get away with being this way your entire life. You NEED me or you won’t get better.”

You’re screwed if you think this guy can help you. YOU. ARE. ROYALLY. SCREWED!

He can’t save you because he doesn’t wish to save you. The truth is that the sociopath created a bunch of lies, diversions and drama to convince you that you are hopeless. He might throw you a bone every now and then, but that’s just to give you hope so you keep holding onto the rope connecting you to his savior facade.

A true savior would take on your pain (not shame you) and get inside the pit with you and lift you up onto his shoulders and support you until you could get back on solid ground and stand on your own two feet.

But that’s exactly the opposite of what a sociopath wants. He wants you desperate, dependent and in NEED of him.

A sociopath doesn’t love you. A sociopath loves the idea of controlling you and keeping you all to himself.

But you are not a possession or an instrument that can be played and tuned to his liking. You do not need the sociopath to complete you, and you certainly don’t need him continuously telling you how worthless and weak you are.

The only thing a sociopath succeeds in doing is making you feel ashamed of your every-day mess ups. Once you fall into the trap of shaming yourself, you become disconnected from your core self. When you become disconnected from your core, you end up making bigger mistakes, mistakes that really cause you harm.

Then the sociopath can say, “See. I told you so. You’re sick. Look what you’ve done! I’m the only one who can save you now.”

I call BS on that. You should, too. These ultimate assholes couldn’t dig themselves out of jar of Jif. 🙂

Save yourself. Walk away and let the healing begin.

Namaste!

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/265712446734742994/)