FREE Webinar Series: “Journey to the Heart” with love. life. om.

February 11, 2016 / Paula / No Comments

Yesterday was Loving Kindness Wednesday. I spent the day planning and scheduling love. life. om.’s first FREE webinar series specifically designed for everyone and anyone with the desire to transform their lives and reach their full potential.

Join the conversation and open your heart to new people, new opportunities, and new insights within love. life. om.’s safe and inclusive community.

In this FREE series, we’ll read selected meditations from Melody Beattie’s best-selling book “Journey to the Heart” and spend time sharing and reflecting on her words of wisdom. I’ll also share simple yet powerful mindfulness tools you can integrate into your personal healing journey toolkit.

Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with others who share your desire and passion to finally be free from unnecessary mental, emotional and physical blocks to finding joy and happiness!

Sign up today!

There are four (4) sessions in the series. Sign up for all of them or only the ones that fit your schedule best. I can’t wait for all of us to connect!

Have a beautiful day!
Paula Carrasquillo, MA, RYT-200
yoga teacher and health coach
www.paulacarrasquillo.com

Work with me! If you’re interested in learning powerful tools and techniques to transform your body, mind and spirit and open new pathways to healing and reaching your highest potential self, contact me to learn about the programs and services I offer.

FREE Webinar Series: “Journey to the Heart” by Melody Beatty

February 7, 2016 / Paula / 2 Comments

FREE Book Club Webinar Series: “Journey to the heart” by Melody Beatty

To kickstart the new year, I bought Beatty’s book of daily meditations. Each evening, I read an entry and am always blown away.
Some of you may know her other book, “Codependent No More”. I purchased that book a few years ago, but it didn’t resonate with me the way her book of daily meditations has.

It’s not that I’m in denial that I have a history of being codependent; I think we all can acknowledge we’ve been or continue to be codependent to a degree thanks to our upbringing in a society that makes us believe codependency is normal while simultaneously brainwashing us into believing we’re not codependent and that being codependent is “bad”. For many of us, it was the toxic relationship with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath that finally opened our eyes to our conditioning and codependent tendencies.

So no, I’m not in denial. It’s just that I’m the type of person who doesn’t wish to dwell for long on what’s wrong with me, because that generally leads me down a slippery slope of self-blame and self-judgment, which, ironically, sends me deeper into codependency because I end up desperate for external validation from others. Nope. I refuse to get trapped on that merry-go-round ever again.

I know I was codependent in the past and remain codependent to a degree today. I accept it. What I want to know is how do I change my default and learn to be more self-sufficient and self-reliant in relationships and with myself?

Beatty’s daily meditations provide part of answers, I believe, and speak to simple action steps that have the potential to pull us out of our conditioning and into a healthier mindset of joy, freedom, and accountability.

I’d like to invite you to read and share Beatty’s book with me. I’ll be conducting FREE webinars and inviting everyone to join in the conversation.

If you’re interested, please comment below with a day of the week and time that works best for you. I will do my best to accommodate as many of us as I can when scheduling the first FREE live webinar.

During the webinars, I’ll also share other mindfulness tools to help you stay grounded and focused on your inner journey of healing and transformation!

Paula Carrasquillo, MA, RYT-200
yoga teacher and health coach
www.paulacarrasquillo.com

When the victim becomes the tyrant #abuse #recovery

February 5, 2016 / Paula / No Comments

Abusers wear away our self-confidence, self-respect, self-trust and self-worth. But abusers aren’t easy to spot in the beginning, because they don’t act like abusive tyrants on the “first date”. Instead, abusers attract us initially with compliments and kudos mixed with a dose of self-loathing.

“You’re so good at that!!! I’d love to be as good at that as you are. And you’re so beautiful when you do it. I wish I were beautiful.”

For people with compassion, we’re flattered while we simultaneously believe we can help the abuser gain their own recipe for self-confidence and self-love. The moment we get the “itch to fix”, we’re hooked and the cycle of abuse begins. Soon, the very things the abuser praised us for being and doing, become the very things the abuser uses to condemn us.

“How dare you think you’re so smart? How dare you think you’re better at that than I am? How dare you think you’re so perfect and beautiful? You are so self-righteous! You need help!”

We’re left scratching our heads, apologizing profusely, asking how we can make it right, promise not to carelessly harm the abuser again and vow to work harder to be a better person.

Do you see what happens when we make the choice to feed into the abuser’s attacks? We forget, dismiss and down play our humanity. We judge ourselves and absorb all responsibility for how we made the abuser feel. We end up abusing ourselves from the inside out when we permit another human being to shit on us for being us. So not only are we getting pummeled from the outside by the abusers, we’re getting pummeled even harder from the inside by ourselves.

It’s not easy to break the abuse cycle or walk away from abusive relationships. But many of us have left and remain immersed in the inner cycle of abuse, which keeps us hyper-over reactive in all relationships. We lose people. We lose jobs. We lose trust. And it’s all because we’re unable to see that the abusive tyrant is now living inside of us.

Our inner tyrant is resentful. Our inner tyrant is suspicious and trusts no one. Our inner tyrant moves from a place of fear and not from a place of heart-centered self-love. Soon, our inner tyrant becomes an outer tyrant and lashes out and ambushes people with the same words our abusers once used to tear down our self-confidence and self-trust.

The victim has now become the tyrant creating new victims.

How do we stop this insane cycle of abuse? How do we stop resenting people and stop projecting our inner tyrant onto them accusing them of being the tyrant? The process isn’t any easy one, but there are a few conscious steps you can start taking today:

Recognize that you’re doing this and choose not to be ashamed about it. Hurt people hurt people, but you have the power to break the cycle.
Let go of thinking you have to be right or that you must have all the answers now in order to feel or be perceived as worthy. No one knows everything; we’re all a work in progress.
Shift your mind away from fear and toward love every time you sense hate, criticism or anger bubbling to the surface.

None of us wants to harm anyone. None of us wants to be abusive. But we can’t pretend we’re doing the best we can if we’re leaving people scratching their heads and wondering how they hurt us when it was our inner tyrant doing the harm all along.

Let go of the inner tyrant, so you can say hello to abundant inner and outer love.

Paula Carrasquillo, MA, RYT-200
yoga teacher and health coach
www.paulacarrasquillo.com

Disclaimer – The content of this website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical health problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider.

Why I will never be ashamed for speaking out against my abusers

November 28, 2015 / Paula / 28 Comments

The following comment was left on my FB page by a person in a homeless shelter in San Diego, California who knows and is comforting a “poor” homeless man who happens to be the same man who was my abuser when I was 18, more that 25 years ago.

“So what? Sociopaths always change. Why does it matter to you if the sociopath changes? Why not focus on your own changes and transformation?” – you

It is greatly concerning to me that you are labeling people, without having the necessary degree to do so, and further, causing someone suffering, for, apparently, hurting you almost 30 years ago. It seems you are hiding behind righteousness, and while i would love to believe that you are sincere, anyone that can continue to harm an already mentally-challenged individual with continuous libel on the Internet is NOT enlightened in the least. While i support you in all aspects of your recovery, i absolutely object to you vilifying your “teachers” from the past, and certainly, misdiagnosing their mental state and then maliciously plastering it all over the Internet. Is that your revenge? Because if so, it’s working. i am in a service group and work for the homeless. The homeless individual you name online over and over is traumatized by your online attacks, and makes sure that everyone he meets “Googles” him so that they can hear it from him first. It is obvious that this is more harmful to him than his voluminous online arrest records. He is no saint, but we are not here to judge, only to learn. What you obviously didn’t learn from choosing him as a teacher a age 18, since you continue to repeat the pattern, is that all truth is within. He was only a mirror for you to learn from. You may well have broken him. i hope you’re satisfied. #Shameful

ps. You obviously have free speech to do whatever you want. But when words are used as a weapon to harm others, that is abuse, too. If you are trying to improve yourself, i would suggest not further harming the mental health of your former lovers. Just a suggestion.

My Response

First of all, my book Escaping the Boy and the majority of my early blog posts are about an abusive relationship I was in my mid-30’s and not about your homeless friend beating and torturing me when I was 18. I haven’t finished writing that book yet.

So let me clarify a few more things for you:

Your homeless friend is a repeat, convicted felon who has tortured and harmed many, many people across Florida, Maryland, Pennsylvania and California without remorse or concern for anyone. Thanks to my “revengeful” posts, many of his victims have been able to find closure and understanding. Your homeless friend has had many opportunities in the past 25 years to repent and change his actions. Multiple arrests certainly haven’t helped him; being in front of multiple judges certainly didn’t light a fire under his ass to change, have they? But a few blog posts that I’ve written and posted in the past 3 years detailing each of his latest arrests have awakened his conscience? No, it’s not his conscience that’s been awakened. It’s the simple fact that there are fewer unsuspecting people he can approach and torture at-will. He’s been cornered and he doesn’t like it, the same way he corned me and countless other victims from his past.

You don’t know this homeless man. This poor homeless man. You’re being manipulated by him. He’s giving you his sob story…the same one he gave me…I’m sure. Yes, he told me he was tortured and abused by his father. Yes, he witnessed the tragic death of his friend as a result of a wreck less car accident when he was a teenager. But he was offered lots and lots of help and support during that period, and he chose to be the angry and revengeful person he turned out to be. We all know people who were abused as children who did not turn their pain onto others as an outlet for finding THEIR REVENGE on society. So do not judge me for stating facts about a danger to society, okay?

I was 18. It was a week after graduating from high school when your friend dragged me onto a beach late at night and decided to kick me, force my face into the sand, and repeatedly threaten to kill me. He said it would be my last night on the planet. I was ready to die. Luckily, I got away from him because he exhausted himself while I kept frozen. I was only the first of his many victims. I remained silent about that night and other nights he abused me during our short 6-month relationship. I remained silent for over 2 decades until I escaped another danger to society (“The Boy” in my first book), and I vowed never to be silent again.

Your friend beats women, men, police, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers–any one who gets in his way. You are dealing with a deranged human being who will stop at nothing to convince you that he is the true victim. So don’t come to this page preaching to me about how uneducated or unqualified I am to tell my story. You didn’t live it; you weren’t tortured and harmed by your homeless friend. Not yet.

Shit.

It took me 2 decades to understand why sand under my toes made me panic. It took me 2 decades to understand the source of my depression and pain. It took me lots and lots of inner work to reveal the reason I allowed another abuser to enter my life in my 30’s and attempt to destroy me. I work every single day to undo the harm your homeless friend and “the boy” inflicted upon me. My friends and family were collateral damage. I owe it to my loved ones not to go silent ever again.

Today, your homeless friend is suffering from the humiliation of his own acts. Instead of choosing to self-reflect, he sends his latest victim to his rescue? If you’re a mental health professional with credentials and certification, you are the very reason people like me are out here. This isn’t a revenge page. This is justice. I’ve paid my dues; it’s time your homeless friend stopped crying and paid his too.

If anyone would like to read additional accounts of this poor, homeless man’s abuse against me, read the introduction to my second book, Unashamed Voices.

If anyone would like to read the posts I shared about this abuser, I’ve listed them here to make it easy for you:

And for anyone else who would like to defend this poor, homeless man and shame me for speaking out, save your breath. Why not hire a slimy lawyer and try suing me for libel and defamation instead? In the United States, it’s the burden of the prosecution to prove libel and defamation. It will take many, many hours and dollars to search for an inkling of proof that I’m a liar. And Cease and Desist letters don’t scare me either, so save your money.

Namaste,
Paula Carrasquillo
yogi. author. advocate.

Will the sociopath change? Yes…but you will transform!!!

October 16, 2015 / Paula / No Comments

You feel like you’re in a good place; you’ve been making healthy changes in your lifestyle. You may have quit smoking or lost weight or landed a great new job. But doubts about your worth continue to creep into your thoughts. You second-guess yourself and even doubt the sociopath is really a sociopath and that maybe everything that happened was really you’re fault after all.

These doubts you’re experiencing are normal due to many factors, the least of which is your lack of validation and justice in the aftermath. But justice is coming, and it begins within.

You’re biggest questions seem to be, “What if he/she can change? What if he/she has changed?”

My question for you is, “So what? Sociopaths always change. Why does it matter to you if the sociopath changes? Why not focus on your own changes and transformation?” Besides, profound, core change and transformation consists of phases and actions an individual must take, resulting in relearning, reconditioning and an altertered state of one’s default system. The types of changes a sociopath makes are only surface changes based on the sociopath’s need to appear a certain way in order to gain money, status, sex, and popularity. There’s no self-reflection required and no tapping into or questioning their core values.

Unfortunately, most people think changing habits is indicative of change. It’s not. Sociopaths are master chameleons and can adapt to any environment; it may look like profound change from the outside, but the same mirroring technique and the same self-motivating factors activated and used when the sociopath was with you and adapting to your individuality and environment are the same he/she’s using with his new girlfriend/boyfriend or group of friends he/she’s currently duping into believing he/she’s a good guy.

Once you make the choice to focus on yourself, worrying about the sociopath and what the sociopath is doing or not doing falls away. Obviously, thoughts of him/her are going to creep in. You’ll be tempted to compare your progress and growth to the sociopath’s, and you will even find yourself wondering if he/she would approve of all the remarkable accomplishments you’ve made. There’s nothing wrong with these thoughts. However, they’re indicative that you’re still bonded to the sociopath and dependent upon the sociopath’s approval. I recommend looking into cord cutting techniques and practices. We’re all energy influencing and impacting each other. But once you build your force field and refuse to allow his energy to penetrate your peace of mind, you’ll take yourself to places you never thought possible.

We all possess a light side and a dark side, or more appropriately called our shadow side. You may have been attracted to your sociopath’s bad boy/bad girl persona, because that dark behavior reflected a shadow side of yourself that you had never explored. You were essentially attracted to your shadow self reflecting off the sociopath.

I recommend exploring your shadow side and understand that it is the self-destructive side of our nature that takes over when we allow other people, groups, or situations to control and dictate our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Think of a crowd mentality; people do stupid things due to crowd influences that they wouldn’t do alone. On an individual relationship level between ourselves and a romantic partner, this surrender of our core values happens when we put ourselves in the hands of another who claims he has our best interests at heart. This type of surrender leads to suffering when our partner acts from a place of self-interest and not from a place of love and compassion. We think his/her behaviors come from the same place inside his/her core that we activate when we behave the same. Mirroring is only surface; beneath the surface, their motivation is drastically different and opposed to our motivation.

Below is link to a site that outlines the phases of change leading to transformation. Ignore the fact it focuses on organizational transformation; the curve and details apply at the individual level too (and the book I’m currently writing applies recovery from toxic relationships to this change management approach).

Where do you think you currently fall within this curve?

http://www.changemanagementpro.com/9-stages-of-transformational-change/

Namaste,
Paula Carrasquillo
Advocate and Author

“There’s something odd about that guy she’s dating.”

April 16, 2015 / Paula / 9 Comments

“There’s something odd about that guy she’s dating.”

I have many sisters who aren’t afraid to be direct with me. I have a mother who pays attention and asks questions. Despite this, none of them felt comfortable probing me about “that guy” while I was dating him or letting me know how they really felt.

Only after I escaped the sociopath did I learn about the numerous conversation my friends and family members were having amongst themselves about “that guy”. In the aftermath of the relationship, my mother and sisters confessed that his behavior was “odd” and “abnormal”, but they weren’t able to define exactly what it was about him that made them uneasy. This inability to pinpoint a tangible reason to explain their gut feelings discouraged them from voicing their concerns with me directly.

Even if they had approached me, I’m sure I wouldn’t have welcomed their criticisms and questions. I would have become defensive and made excuses and explained away his behavior. I was in both shock and denial while inside the toxic dynamic. I was unwilling to face the humiliation of choosing so poorly, so the more I pushed away the reality of who “that guy” was turning out to be, the less humiliation I felt on a daily basis. I thought I was preserving myself, when I was actually allowing myself to decay from the inside out.

Today, I can pinpoint exactly what it was about “that guy” that made my family’s skin crawl, because it made my skin crawl too, but I just kept denying what I was sensing:

A permeating presence of stagnant, low-vibrational energy, which revealed his 1) lack of authenticity; 2) lack of truth; and 3) lack of original thoughts.

When I think back to these words he screamed at me just before I escaped, “I don’t know why you’re getting so upset now after all this time. You knew from the beginning that this is who I am,” I realize he was right. Even before the name calling, blocking, pushing, grabbing, pinching and down-right dirtiness of his actions and words, the ugliness of the sociopath was always present, hovering like a phantom and lingering at the threshold of the foreground and background. And he never tried to hide it. He actually believed he was as normal and as healthy as the next guy.

1. Lack of authenticity – This was ever-present but especially noticeable to me when we were with others in a group. I immediately picked up on his false gestures of friendship and camaraderie. In the beginning, my body would only slightly react…a tickle in my throat…at the sound of him talking about how happy he was for someone. He wasn’t happy for anyone. Who was he fooling? He only said he was happy because he thought that was what he was supposed to say. He didn’t feel happiness for anyone on any deep level. I sensed this lack of genuine emotions early but was too naive to understand the depth of what it meant about the true nature of “that guy”.

2. Lack of truth – Closely connected to his lack of authenticity, his lack of truth expanded beyond simply lying when recounting stories from his past and present. I never sensed a solid truth in anything he said, chose to eat, buy or acquire. In every relationship, we share and tell our stories with a combination of the words we use and the things we choose to surround ourselves, from the books on our shelves to the pictures we carry in our wallets. When we are in the presence of an honest and truthful person, everything that person says and everything surrounding that person, from their clothes to their friendships to what they eat, makes sense, folds into each other and further solidifies our personal idea of who that person is. With “that guy”, there were too many contradictions flashing before my eyes, making it impossible for me to form a clear picture of who “that guy” was. Unfortunately, because my intuition was not well-primed, these contradictions caused me to feel confused and restless about the emotions and sensations they conjured within me. I fought the contradictions and attempted to explain them away: “Oh, he’s just complicated. He’s just really in touch with his feminine side. He’s just very masculine and that’s why he’s super jealous. He’s just not used to kids. His just needs more time to understand my family.” The excuses were endless and only served to hide the truth about the lack of truth within “that guy”. I couldn’t form a solid image of his persona in my mind, because he wasn’t standing in truth. He was perpetually acting and switching roles depending on his audience and based on what he thought would garner him the most control, reward and attention. I see that now, and it’s twisted.

3. Lack of original thoughts – This was one of his most aggravating qualities. He liked regurgitating the thoughts and ideas of others and claiming them as his own. I considered this the equivalent to stealing, but I honestly didn’t think he actually believed his own delusions until I caught him claiming my thoughts, skills and ideas as his own. Some may call this gas lighting, but I knew the truth and never questioned my truth as he spewed it from his lying mouth. This wasn’t a matter of forgetting whether or not I knew something that he was trying to pass off as his lesson to me. This was a matter of me stopping myself from vomiting all over him due to my uncontrollable disgust at his arrogance, disrespect and lack of integrity. He wasn’t fooling me. But he was. I didn’t speak up and say, “Don’t use my knowledge and my words to establish your false sense of superiority over me.” Instead, I let the anger and disgust fester, while simultaneously trying to convince myself that he didn’t mean any harm. After all, don’t they say imitation is the highest form of flattery? Hmm? I don’t think so either. It’s just thievery and a little creepy.

Looking back, I used to feel ashamed at myself for remaining inside that low vibrational and toxic relationship for so long. Today, I realize my intuition simply wasn’t evolved enough to figure it out calmly and quickly. I reacted from a place of high-sensitivity without understanding why I was reacting from that place. It wasn’t because I was too sensitive or unstable. It was because my sensitivity was right on par. It was “that guy” who was unstable.

Namaste!
~Paula

What if “50 Shades” was never intended to be what it has become?

February 15, 2015 / Paula / 10 Comments

What if “50 Shades of Grey” was intended to be the very opposite of what society has embraced it to be? Let’s imagine.

The author of “50 Shades of Grey” was in the middle of reading the Twilight series (pre-teen vampire romance series) and thought:

”Oh, this type of thing REALLY happens and it happened to me. It’s not romance; it’s abuse. Vampires are real. They may not suck blood, but they suck the life out of those they prey upon and control. Maybe if I wrote a human version of the vampire character, people will see how ridiculous it is for us to romanticize this type of relationship.”

She took pen to paper and poorly wrote (purposefully) her novel filled with overt abuse, contradictions and obvious ironies about love and relationships. She even misrepresented the BDSM community knowing that THAT community is extremely vocal, more vocal than the DV community. (At least at the time she was writing.)

The book was published quickly as an e-book. Unfortunately, the book took off in a direction she never imagined. The book’s intended message was lost. People embraced it as a manual for better sex and improved relationships. It sold and sold and sold. A traditional publisher picked it up followed by an eager film production company. Instead of speaking out against the ignorant masses early, the author thought it best to sit back, collect her royalties and devise a plan.

While accumulating millions of dollars from the entertainment-hungry masses, the author made a wish-list of programs to create, programs and services traditionally not funded for victims and survivors of abuse:

1. Neuroscience and behavioral research studies focusing on the effects and varying classifications of PTSD during and in the aftermath of emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, and physical abuse.

2. Lobbying efforts to influence a change in the laws and penalties for non-stranger intimate partner rape and assault, child abuse, financial fraud, rape by fraud and a myriad of crimes associated with control and torture.

3. Education and awareness programs to assist and inform police officers, advocates, social workers and other service workers to clearly and effectively discern between perpetrator and victim.

4. A foundation dedicated to providing food, clothing, cars, money, hotel rooms and housing, counseling, integrative treatment options and support to victims and survivors and their families, children and friends.

5. Yearly conference of like-minded people and professionals interested in putting an end to the needless suffering of millions struck by abuse – emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical.

The book’s film version launched on Valentine’s Day 2015 (another intended irony in hopes of “awakening” those still asleep at the wheel).

On Monday morning, following the release, the author held a press conference revealing the book and film’s intended message. The book was rebranded and marketed as intended. Sales continued to rise and the wish list was made a reality.

…and we all lived happily ever after.

I know — “Wishful thinking, Paula.”

Paula Carrasquillo
Yogi. Author. Advocate.
http://www.paulacarrasquillo.com

Detach, Connect, Reduce #abuserecovery #sociopath #awareness

January 27, 2015 / Paula / 6 Comments

Detach, Connect, Reduce

The latest issue of Love. Life. Om. Newsletter is available!

Life is filled with lessons, and most of these lessons reveal a dichotomy we once took for granted. The most powerful dichotomy we’ve uncovered as survivors is that of good vs. evil. Today, we understand the relationship between good and evil beyond the poetic metaphor. Good and evil are real and ever-present. As survivors of sociopath abuse, we appreciate and value this dichotomy. We are not fearful of it. However, we are fearful of the chaos that could result if these forces were to crash into our lives again. This issue of Love. Life. Om. Newsletter touches on actions we can take to prevent future implosions of good and evil at our doorstep.

In this issue…

Feature: Detaching from Non-romantic Sociopath Relationships
Recovery Tip: Don’t Ignore Your Spirit Connection
Self-Care: Reduce Sugar; Increase Recovery Results

Namaste!
Paula Carrasquillo
Yogi. Author. Advocate.

“Unashamed Voices” will expose sociopaths in our midst #ebook #preorder

November 19, 2014 / Paula / 5 Comments

The ebook collection of survivor stories is available for pre-order!

Last year, nearly 50 readers and survivors submitted their survivor stories to me. Last month, I edited and published a story a day to my Communities Digital Column. This month, I compiled all of the edited and previously-published stories (plus two previously unpublished stories) into a working draft for an ebook. Yesterday, I designed the cover and uploaded the draft to Kindle Direct Publishing for pre-order status review. Today, the pre-order status was approved, and now everyone can pre-order their copy before the release date of December 31, 2014.

As promised, the book will also be available for FREE upon release next month. The purpose of the pre-order period is to generate interest and profit in hopes of being afforded the opportunity to also make the book available in soft copy.

I thank everyone who visits this blog for giving me the strength, courage and determination I needed to dedicate to this project, which has consumed me for nearly the past 20 months. Our voices would not be able to build the stength and momentum they have without the support we give to eachother. XOXO

Book Description:

“Unashamed Voices: True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud – Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst”

Not everyone moves from a place of care and respect for themselves and others, because not everyone has (1) a conscience; (2) the ability to feel remorse; and (3) the ability to tap into affective empathy–the type of empathy that allows one to see and feel a situation from another’s perspective. People lacking these qualities are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. They exist everywhere in society, including our homes where their toxic and parasitic lifestyles are destroying families, children and communities every single day.

This collection of 33 true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships sets out to expose the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. These personal accounts will dispel the myths surrounding domestic violence and intimate partner abuse and have you questioning what you thought you knew about crimes being committed behind closed doors. You will also understand the impact to victims and survivors and start gaining an understanding of why so many remain silent and that most, if not all survivors, are walking around undiagnosed and/or under diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression and other debilitating conditions resulting from the physical, emotional and spiritual abuse they endured and continue to relive in the aftermath.

With greater awareness and education, victims and survivors of pathological abuse at the hands of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists will have a greater chance of experiencing justice and a greater chance of protecting potential victims who are the future targets of these manipulative and malignant criminals hiding behind the false and delusional facade of moral righteousness and victimization.

If you are interested in being a part of the solution to one day see an end to domestic violence, rape and fraud, read this book and pass it on to anyone and everyone you know who has been or is currently being impacted by a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist. With 1 in 25 people estimated to be a sociopath, the chance that you know someone affected by an individual with a pathological personality disorder is extremely high. Allow the many voices of truth in these pages open your eyes to the answers behind the senseless acts committed against you, your loved ones and/or your friends.

Paula Carrasquillo, MA
November 18, 2014

http://www.amazon.com/Unashamed-Voices-Survivors-Domestic-Sociopaths-ebook/dp/B00PUMN6HW/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416430397&sr=1-2&pebp=1416430399152

Inspired by IIN’s Health Coach conference in NYC #recovery #healing #transformation

November 12, 2014 / Paula / 6 Comments

With fellow and future Integrative Nutrition Health Coaches at IIN’s conference in NYC – November 2014

Last weekend, I traveled to New York City to attend a conference held by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN). The 2-day conference was held at The Jazz at Lincoln Center and attended by over 1000 current students and graduates of IIN. The experience proved to be motivational, inspirational, and educational.

I enrolled in the 12-month IIN health coach certification program in June 2014. As part of the curriculum, I am studying dietary theories and nutrition while learning how to be a better coach and mentor. In addition to my degrees in communication and adult education and my yoga teaching certification, I hope to gain additional and valuable knowledge, skills, and insight through IIN to increase the effectiveness and thoroughness of the support and assistance I offer survivors of abuse.

While attending the conference, I was honored to hear talks from several intelligent, successful, and knowledgeable individuals in the fields of integrative medicine, nutrition, yoga, sports, entertainment, and coaching, including:

Dr. William Davis, author of “Wheat Belly”

Nina Planck, author of “Real Food”

Venus Williams, tennis pro and designer

Dr. Andrew Weil, pioneer of Integrative Medicine

Jennifer Esposito, actress and founder of Jennifer’s Way

Daniel Vitalis, author of “Rewild Yourself”

Catherine Collautt, Ph.D., metaphysician and manifesting consultant

I was also honored to meet and be surrounded by other IIN students and graduates interested in helping their current and future clients enhance and increase the energy surrounding their mental, emotional, physical, relational, financial, and spiritual well-being. I found myself immersed in a sea of people with a collective passion to serve and give back compassionately to their fellow human beings. It was incredibly empowering to experience such energy in one room.

At one point during the conference, students and graduates who recently published books through IIN’s “Launch Your Dream Book” course were asked to come to the stage and introduce themselves and their books. I cannot recall the exact number who packed the stage, but it must have been close to 75.

My curiosity was piqued for two reasons when Jeanine Finelli took the mike: (1) Her name is nearly identical to my step sister’s name; and (2) Her book is titled, “Love Yourself to Health…with Gusto! – ABC Guide for Surviving a Toxic Relationship”.

Once all of the authors left the stage, I ran out to the book display table in the lobby in hopes of meeting her. Despite the dense crowd, I was able to find her and connect. Wow! I this was no coincidence. Jeanine is a 2008 IIN graduate and has been offering her coaching services for several years. I immediately asked her if she would be interested in becoming a guest on the BlogTalk Radio show, From Hurt to Healed: Conversations with Kim and Paula. She is definitely interested.

The next day, I met current student Madeline Eyer during lunch. The first things I noticed about Madeline were her clear blue eyes and her shiny silver hair. Stunning. She shared her book title, “Essential Green Smoothies”, which is filled with recipes that incorporate essential oils. Not coincidentally, I had just purchased a plug-in essential oil diffuser before the NYC trip and was in need of more information. Madeline mentioned that she was a distributor of a particular brand of oils and offered me her card and contact information. Soon I’ll be Skyping with her and learning more about essential oils in preparation for a smoothie party I’d like to have for friends and family. I may even suggest to the owner of Bethesda Salt Cave, where I teach meditation, to carry Madeline’s book. It’s beautifully illustrated and accessible to all, even newbies to essential oils like myself.

While in New York City, I also met a blog reader and survivor with whom I have been corresponding since July. This was our first face-to-face meeting and hope it won’t be our last. She is young, vibrant, and filled with a passion to give back too.

On my return bus trip to DC Sunday night, I sat next to my good friend and fellow IIN student and accountability coach, Ladan. We shared our reflections, ginger gum, and chocolate. Although we both agreed that a printed program would have been nice and that the venue would have been better if we had been allowed to drink water while in the auditorium, overall, we both enjoyed and were energized by our experiences at the conference.

I graduate in June 2015 as a certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach. Upon graduation, I will automatically become a member of the International Association for Health Coaches (IAHC), the world’s largest collection of health coaches. I cannot wait to start putting my newly acquired skills and education to work on my blog and privately with my recovery coach clients and friends. We all deserve authentic, intelligent, and thoughtful support and guidance on this journey of healing and transformation in the aftermath of abuse.

Namaste!
Paula Carrasquillo, author of Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath