Top 5 Reasons to Date a Sociopath

You’re probably asking yourself, “Really, Paula?!?! What the F&%* has gotten into you? Have you gone nuts on us?”

No. Not exactly. However, I have gone nuts listening to the same justifications over and over again from victims as to why they won’t leave or think they can “fix” their abuser.

Once and for all, “YOU CAN’T FIX A PERSON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE FIXED!”

I realize it’s not a simple thing to escape or leave your partner. I understand. But I also understand that if we don’t start changing our way of thinking while we’re in the hell that the narcissistic sociopath has created, we will never get out of it. We will just fester, lose ourselves, and eventually die with lots of regrets.

This post is for all of the men and women who think it’s more compassionate and human to stay with their abuser.  Who hold out hope for a better future, because they don’t want to give up on someone. Who need to take a good hard look at where they are and what they have or will become.

The Top 5 Reasons to Date a Sociopath

1. You never have to speak.

We all have trouble expressing ourselves and sometimes we just wish we didn’t have to make a case for why we think the way we think. It’s grueling on our brains and can cause headaches for some of us.

In a relationship with a sociopath, you’ll quickly learn that you don’t need to use your brain anymore. It’s really a moot exercise that goes something like this:

While sharing your most intimate feelings and your best ideas with your sociopathic partner, he’ll sit there seemingly listening while he nods, grunts “a-hem, a-hem,” and rubs his hands together in anticipation for you to hurry up and shut up. As soon as you finish your sentence, he’ll says, “Well, but you’re wrong. It’s actually X, Y, and Z; not A, B, and C.”

And it doesn’t matter what the topic, you will always be wrong. (Unless it’s knowledge or experience you have that he wants to suck from you. Just don’t ever expect a “Thank you” for your free lessons. Sociopaths take with impunity.)

If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, it doesn’t matter what you think or say. The sociopath isn’t going to listen to you anyhow, so you may as well stop.

2. You never have to change.

Those 10 pounds you’ve been wanting to lose? Keep ’em! That class you wanted to take in hopes of helping your career? Stop worrying about saving up for it. Why? Your sociopath likes you just the way you are, the way you were when he spotted you and set his sights on ensnaring you. The idea that you would want to improve yourself when you are already so “perfect” is absurd to the sociopath.

Change is a dirty word to the sociopath. Change means you are spending time doing something that doesn’t involve pampering and tending to his needs. Only his self-improvement, reputation, and goals matter. Find out what your sociopath wants to accomplish and help him grow and change. Your self-improvement is completely unnecessary.

You can finally breathe a sigh of relief knowing you don’t have to bother with all of the hard work that goes into being successful and accomplished. You can feel completely content being a sub-par human. It’s not like anyone would notice improvements anyhow, right? Pfft!

3. You never have to make hard choices.

Decisions. Decisions. They’re pesky little buggers, huh? If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with a sociopath, he’ll make those decisions for you. No need to worry your pretty little head about making any for yourself, okay?

The sociopath knows what’s best for you after all. And he will tell you often what’s best for you. It’s quite amazing how much he knows after only knowing you for a short time, too. It’s like you are soul mates or something and you’ve been waiting for him to come and save you from being burdened by all of these tough choices and decisions.

4. You never have to make new friends (and you can forget about old ones!)

Maintaining healthy relationships with friends and families can be a burden sometimes. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just want to turn off my ringer and not listen to my sister complain to me or to my best friend tell me about another argument she had with her husband. Another exhausting part of life I would like to do without on occasion.

Enter your sociopathic partner to the rescue! Thanks to him, you will never have to worry about that again.

Your sociopath will single-handedly make all of your friends and family members disappear. In record time. It’s like magic, really. One day you’re getting calls from your mom, dad, sisters, and long-time friends; the next day you’ve got no one. (What a fucking relief, huh? They just drained you anyhow and expected too much of your time.)

But how did the sociopath accomplish what you never could with your friends and family? How did he get them to leave you alone for a change?

It seems your sociopath’s charm can be VERY selective when he puts his mind to it. He puts on a prince charming mask for you but a Darth Vader helmet for everyone else. No wonder you keep ignoring all the warnings your friends and family give you about him. You can’t see what they can see, and it is just how the sociopath likes it.

And now you have no more friends. It’s just the two of you. You and your sociopath against the world. Isn’t it so romantic?

5. You never have to love yourself.

The most difficult place to get to in life is a place of self-love. Self-love requires you to care for yourself, respect yourself, take responsibility for yourself, and know yourself. If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, the struggle to find self-love is over, because the sociopath will strip away every last ounce of your spirit. You will be rendered spiritless, and it’s only with a spirit guiding us that we can journey toward the inner peace self-love provides.

Your sociopathic partner will convince you that you are worthless, shameful, and damaged. Through gaslighting, triangulation, projection, and manipulation, you will quickly be convinced that you are garbage.

You are a bad mother, a bad father, a horrible employee, a person in need of learning lessons. Everything you accomplished in life up until the time you met the sociopath means absolutely nothing. Why? Because it didn’t involve the sociopath.


Get a head start today. Go ahead! Delete your Facebook account. Delete your blog. Throw away pictures from your past. You are stuck with a sociopath who can’t be bothered with your tears, your hopes, your desires, or your ambitions. But most of all, he can’t be bothered with you behaving like you matter.

Do you matter? Of course you do! I don’t want you to give up on yourself. Please don’t give up on yourself.

Namaste!

Category:
abuse, Addiction, Child abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Friends, Health, Humor, Journaling, Kids, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 58 Comments

  1. The thing is while most are, some are not sadistic and aggressive. All I am is charming and passive, so I get the same feelings from when I hurt people and when I make them feel really good about themselves, to me it doesn’t matter. So for the people I get close too, I feel very protective, defensive, and when they’re happy I’m happy knowing I did that. As for strangers I’m indifferent of their happiness because I don’t know anything else. You make us all out to seem like we’re some sort of misery vampires. It makes it very difficult to love a world that has shown you so much hatred and continues to. We’re the only mental disorder that is forced to integrate ourselves into society and trust me we spend every waking moment thinking about how to blend in. On behave of the sociopath/sociopaths who have burned you so badly and make it so difficult for the rest of us, I’m sorry they have filled you with so much hatred. I know what it feels like.

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    • I’m sorry that you interpret my choice to share the abuse as a “hatred” for sociopaths. I hate the abuse and am indifferent to people without conscience. As for you thinking you’re a sociopath/psychopath, I don’t sense that you truly are. It’s not about loving everyone; it’s about having compassion for all living beings, especially the sufferings of others. You might want to talk to a behavioral psychologist and maybe even a trauma specialist.

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  2. The only reason I would go back would be to play him at his own game and then I’d leave him with the words “Well you let me get away with it all darling”. I would then send a text the next day saying “We’ll always have a close bond darling” ….. and that would be it. The End! Closure! Check-mate!

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    • Loool you wish, unless you are a sociopath you will never beat him. Just the fact you came back, will lead him towards your intent

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  3. Ah. Reverse psychology. You almost had me going there for a moment 😉

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  4. dont you dare fucking jude us were pepole to ya know

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  5. You are all what you think you are talking about. I have a woman like you that was raised wrong constantly judges everyone, and thinks she can do no wrong. The irony of being a narcissist is that they think someone else is because their significant others opinion doesn’t suit their desires. One woman in here flat out told a story about her own controlling behavior about the soda. Let the man drink his soda. Mine does the same to me and accuses me of being the sociopath. Im convinced people who delve into psychology are the most screwed up ones of all.

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    • That’s funny. I avoided the topic of psychology/psychiatry until after my 38th birthday and after being “struck” by the pathological mutant I refer to often as the boy in my story. Accusing a person of being a sick and twisted sociopath isn’t exactly something that comes naturally to a person who isn’t a sick and twisted sociopath. We generally accuse ourselves of acting badly. Once we exhaust ourselves of analyzing all of our bad behavior and we still can’t make heads or tails of what happened in the relationship, it’s safe to say the OTHER person has some deep-rooted issues deserving of observation.

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  6. […] use three rather opposing techniques in tandem to create the confusion: love bombing, gas lighting and […]

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  7. OH MY, it’s been 7 years for me, seven years of a living hell and I was so in love and so understanding that it blinded me from what my partner actually was.
    I had made notes on my calendar throughout the years every time something happened, and only until now have I understood what I was going through. It’s a very sad situation when you realize you have wasted years of your life and have shed so many tears & depression over a person who basically just uses you & manipulates your heart, your mind and your life – for nothing but the fact that they have no conscience and they truly do have a psychological problem they cannot fix. Sadly they do not realize how much they hurt others, and that part alone is the scariest thought because they will continue their lives doing this to other pour souls who cross their path.

    I’ve been through it all:

    – lies about his home life, stated he was ‘separated’ only a year later did I find out he was married still living with his wife
    – lied about his job which was non-existant
    – flirted with friends/strangers alike to the point of starting orgies
    – problems with strangers, as he is very blunt and does not care what he says to people
    – problems with police officers, throwing water bottles, hot dogs, whatever he has in his hands after the bar and starts trouble
    – always centre of attention, the joker, the one who goes on stage and entertains everyone
    – very high sex drive / attractive man
    – promiscuous nature, finding out months sometimes a year later of girls he met online/bar which he had one night stands with or a relationship with
    – loving, kind towards me but within a week or two always dealt with verbal abuse over one issue or other which he caused
    – blamed me for problems which arised due to his own actions
    – never met his close friends or buddies or family members to see his other life (he always kept his personal life separate, there was always one reason or another of why it wasn’t possible over the years)
    – puts people against you, alienates you from your family and friends until all you have is him
    – drinking problem, alcohol which made him grab women in bars (breasts, bottom etc) in front of me caught when I wasn’t looking or when he thought i wasn’t around, and there were many times it was done in front of my face & I was told it was just ‘fun’ and drunkeness that made him do it
    – as much as i have a good heart, am shy, very attractive as a woman, it did not matter to him to lie in my face and have no empathy that he was hurting me with other women
    – there were times i had proof of his lies and I wouldn’t let him know what I knew & I watched him casually tell me otherwise like it was second nature, it hurt to see this knowing the truth
    – always stated he was in love with me and wanted to marry me, but constantly cheated and lied nonetheless out of just pure thrill, I believe they unknowingly get some type of high from this to others, the lying & cheating is exciting
    – very intelligent, yet uses this to their advantage to manipulate others

    My last day was two weeks ago, I waited on him all day for a ‘weekend’ he supposedly wanted to spend with me..
    Friday night excuse was he forgot about a friends husband’s birthday party (i wasn’t able to go as i live an hour away) I later found out he was at a bbq party with friends and women he had associations with.
    Saturday comes along, I received many excuses in the morning as to why I was unable to join him at an ‘antique show’ due to him going early at 8am with family, he ended up not going at all as I later found out he as at this party from the night before and was still enjoying the festivities the next day and was lying to me all along.
    I spend the day cleaning my home, changing my sheets, buying groceries for our weekend, buying his favorite wine.. he finally showed up at 7:30pm, said he was tired and wanted to stay in, he wanted to sit in the car when I sat in to let me know of his day while we were parked, I stated I did not want to sit in a hot car to listen to him tell me about his day, I suggested we could go to a book store if he was tired, sit and have a coffee and he can tell me of his day and then we can go home and hang in if he was tired.
    I was stuck most of my day indoors, waiting on him and doing things for us in preparation, it wasn’t too much to ask to step out.
    Mind you at this time I had already known where he spend Friday night and most of Saturday and I was sad, and because I loved him so much I didn’t bring it up not to upset him.
    Well, as we are driving within 10min he gets angry because he wants to tell me about his day (his lies, not the truth).. I had expressed to him only that I would have liked to join him at the antique show Saturday morning ( I had asked the night prior but he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed) in the morning he just ignored what I said & left without me.. keep in mind you I said this calmly, lovingly and politely, as I do not like seeing his anger. Well within 10min into our ride, after me stating only that I would have liked to join him and wished he would have planned it with me – HE BLOWS UP, starts to get upset hitting & banging at the steering wheel yelling and screaming at me of how much stress he has coming from all angles (as he lives with his parents and has a daughter from previous marriage that only lasted 2yrs) as he is doing this acting like a psychotic maniac, he utters ‘im turning around and going home, i had enough of this sh#t’ WOW

    For the first time, I snapped, I don’t know what happened, with his yelling and telling me he was going home after the day I had I immediately opened the car door as he was driving along the lakeshore, I wanted to get out.

    I have never done that before or acted that way the mere shock of what he had done and how he was treating me in my face, knowing full well he is lying to me, was something I will never forget.

    He was in the center lane and he pulled over within a minute and watched me get out. Now, I know he is lying as I received photo proof of where he was and with whom, he knows he is lying but doesn’t realize I know, and yet he still treated me that way? UNBELIEVABLE

    It took me a little over a half hour to get home walking. Not once did he try to stop me from getting out of the car, he didnt come looking for me, but he did text me in capital letters how I could have caused an accident (we were barely going 20km at the time), and how I could have ruined his career (which he does not have, he is still going to college, his 3rd attempt, failing some courses already) but this is how narcissistic sociopaths are.. this is what they do, this is how they treat you and it was not the first time.

    Sadly this happened once before after waiting on him most of the day, preparing for his arrival, he never showed up & cancelled on me using the excuse that I didn’t want to drive half way and meet him..

    I never responded to any of his texts after he made me walk home in the cold that night, I felt worthless, I realized I had been fooled for 6 years.I was numb on my walk home in disbelief that this has been my life

    He has sent me angry emails and texts since this happened, it’s been 2 weeks – I have not responded to any (as he enjoys the blame game and arguing to the point where he wont make you sleep for a week just from you trying to wrap your brain around all the harsh words and put downs he throws at you).

    I always forgave him, for many many things he has done to me, in front of me and behind my back..

    I guess it took for me to watch him lie to me for days knowing the truth, and it crushed me and devastated me to watch him do this to my face and not have a care in the world of how he was deceiving me and lying to me. It took this last time for me to actually realize the relationship was all a lie – I was faithful and loving and in it wholeheartedly, he wasn’t.

    As hard as it is, and has been, I have not contacted him, I have changed my number and I am having a difficult time because throughout the years he has alienated me from my family and my friends. I am alone more than ever, but I had to do this, my life, my self esteem, my self worth is all gone.

    Sadly, the peace and solace I feel not reading or hearing his harsh words towards me, degrading me & not listening to the constant lies & stories, not being manipulated any longer, and not spending nights and weekends worrying or stressing over issues he brings into my life – has been the first feeling of peace I have felt in a long time.

    It’s a daily struggle trying to forget, trying not to call or text, because I was in love, this was what I believed to be my soulmate, my life. But it was nothing but a lie, I was just one of many, for no other reason but the fact that he cannot control his sociopathic nature.

    I don’t know what the future will hold for me, I don’t know if I will fully recover, I don’t know if I will ever heal from this, but I am going to try – it’s all I have left to save myself from this.

    For those of you who have experienced a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath

    Good Luck to you all & God Bless you all

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    • Debra, Thank you for taking the time to share your story and experience with us. Too bad the narcissistic sociopath doesn’t come right out and say, “I’m cheating and flirting with everyone and anyone because I don’t really love you. I just like stringing you along. It’s a fun game for me and I like being able to see how easy it is to control you and your emotions.” Do you mind if I share your comment as a post on this blog? I won’t use your name. You posted this three times. You seem to want to share. I can help you with that. 🙂

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  8. If someone tells you that they have been clinically diagnosed with sociopathy and they display all of the symptoms of being a sociopath and a narcissist should you believe them????????? I just got out of a relationship with this guy and he told me he was a sociopath…I just didnt know what that is, or to believe it..

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    • You are very smart to be suspicious. These people don’t tell the truth unless it benefits them. So, if he disclosed this to you AFTER you decided to leave, it worked for him because it was his excuse for the relationship failing. Sociopaths fail at relationships for many, many reasons related to their character. By claiming his issues are built-in to his nature keeps him at ease. It allows them to keep doing what they’ve been doing regardless of what society thinks. They can simply turn to you or me and say, “Well, I was born this way and I can’t change. See, it says so right there in my diagnosis.” Hehe! I say let them all use this as an excuse, so no one is tempted to return to them. Who would be crazy enough to hang with a sociopath if we knew from the beginning he/she was a sociopath!?!? No me. 🙂

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    • Believe and run….Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!!!!!

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    • The problem is that he told me of his sociopath tendencies a couple months before he decided to just walk away….I didn’t think anything of it, since he was seeing a therapist, and said he was working on getting better. The way he left was so abrupt too. We had either talked or been together everyday for a year and a half, then one day nothing, at all. We had recently talked about a future, meeting my parents since I already met his, how much his mother really liked me, and even children. After two weeks of not hearing from him I called and he informed me that he had started dating someone else. I was distraught. I did everything for him, and I assumed that we were growing together. I’m 23 and he’s 25. I will be finishing my degree in May, and he doesn’t work or go to school, but manages to be one of the most charming intellectual men I have ever met. He is well read and has a very above average IQ. He can quote the greatest philosophers off the top of his head, and analyze them impeccably as well. Although he is so smart, lately I’ve gotten the since that he was a bit envious of me being so far along in school. In one breath he would call me an intelligent beautiful woman….and the next, he would admonish me for not being intelligent enough because I’m not creatively inclined. Before he disappeared I received a corporate job that he did not seem happy with me about. He said 9 to 5’s are for losers lol He claims to not like anyone at all and has contempt for most people, but has a massive following of people that adore him. He did not display any remorse at leaving me in a cold way. I asked him if it was something I did, and he said no, he just needed something more local and close by since I live so far away.I’m still feeling kind of empty. How can you pour so much love and time into a person and get absolutely back? When I read back on our old conversations it was always me building up his esteem, and telling him how great and exceptional he was, while he rarely reciprocated. I think basically I really enjoyed the intellectual stimulation he provided…it was so refreshing. Now I’m torn. I really love him, and if he returned I’m not sure if I would be strong enough to run away….he’s like one of those sirens in the Odyssey. he just strings ideas, words, and even people along so splendidly. He has power over me. I don’t want that. at the same time I don’t want to be bitter if its something he really can’t help…..

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    • T.Dot what you just described could be anyone’s story who has dealt with a scociopath who has Narcisstic Personality Disorder. The abrupt leaving and alrady dating someone else is known as the discard. We have all been through it. Two books that realy helped me with my ex are, “Women Who Love Sociopaths” by Sandra L. Brown and Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin. I think that these two books will have many of the answers that you are seeking regarding his behavior and your feelings. We all get to healing –it just takes some time and work on our ends of it.

      🙂

      ivonne

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    • Thanks Ivonne, I just ordered “Women Who Love Sociopaths” after your recommendation. I just need some kind of relief. He has me feeling like the mentally incapacitated one lol

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    • T.Dot as you come to understand the science behind the madness–theirs not yours you will start to feel so much better. It is part of their game and m.o. to make it seem as if we are the ones who are mad. And in a certain sense we are because we are trying to make sense of their irrational and incomprehensible behaviors.
      🙂

      ivonne

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  9. Every one in such an unhealthy relationship needs to read this!!! You have described perfectly the hidden “benefits” of such relationships. Nice job!!

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  10. Reblogged this on ronald scott ippolito.

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  11. Great post Paula! If I might add something, we need to remember that toxic relationships like the one you described above do not necessarily need to be romantic – they can be family or friends. At least with friends in many cases the ties aren’t nearly so close or strong, so they are easier to sever.

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  12. Paula, funny you mention the soda. Well my ex-narc was on the total health kick–no junk food or sugar what so ever. When we were in Malysia with my friend Lisa, she brought back a soda to the hotel room. I imediatley got the evil eye from him. I told him it was Lisa’s soda because he could not say anything to her. But yeah to me he tried to control everything.

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  13. That was hysterical! LOL Love your wit 😀

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  14. Spread Information has nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Please go here to pick up your award and congratulations!
    http://spreadinformation.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/second-win-in-2013-for-the-versatile-blogger-award/

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  15. Reblogged this on "You Know You're Borderline When…" and commented:
    I thought this post was a riot. Enjoy!

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  16. I love it!

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  17. Paula, thsi was so hysterical but really only because I have lived all the five points. Totally on target the one exception being that my narc had a list of things wrong me that I should reconsider, such as, my hair was too short, I was too fat (hmn I’m a size 8), my tattoos were a problem along with my peircings (nose and belly-lest anyone think I am too weird), my perfume was wrong, and I needed to stop eating cheese which would help melose 20 lbs because I was too fat and really it was also for my health because he wanted me around for a really long time because he was my soulmate and he loved me……….

    In all seriousness as much as I can appreciate the humor of the post you did touch on 5 key areas of control for the narc.

    Great Post.

    Ivonne

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    • Thank you, Ivonne. Yes, they know what’s best for us, don’t they? And we never once looked at their flaws and imperfections and dared offer our opinions, did we? If we did, it was only once or twice.

      For example, my ex drank a lot of soda…A LOT!! Early in the relationship I mentioned he might want to try to cut back. And I listed a bunch of reasons why, not even TRYING to be controlling, just informative. Well, instead of him reflecting on any of my points, he went into this melodramatic pity party about how soda reminds him of blah, blah, blah and why it feels so good going down and yada, yada, yada. I didn’t realize it at the time, but
      he was responding like an alcoholic or drug addict: he wasn’t going to stop or cut back on soda because it makes him feel good!! All I was “allowed” to do was feel sorry for him and apologize for ever mentioning soda in the first place. XOXO

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  18. What a delightfully ironic twist of a blog post, illuminating the personal and social death the victims of these people suffer.

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  19. Perfect post~Re-blogging/(journaling.)

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  20. Love it! I basically say the same thing in my own book but without the humor.

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  21. Absolutley the most incredible description of my ex husband…AND me being so amazingly willing to actually believe that having no friends, or thoughts, or education, or ideas, or breath left in my body that didnt involve HIM was somehow desirable. I was never right or valid or allowed to do or say anything that wasn’t contradicted or negated. No friends, no family, yes, how utterly romantic. This is hilarious! Or would be if it wasnt so so true! What a great great piece of writing Paula. Oh my, you really know how to describe this stuff. Thank you!

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    • Thank you, Linda. But sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to describe it. 🙂

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    • I know what you mean!! May we all be released from this to live in joy and freedom, knowing only the truth of who we really are. Mostly, this is what you’ve shown me! 🙂

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  22. I always telling people that dating TheEx was an easy way to burn off bad karma… in the way that cutting off a leg would be an easy way to lose 50-lbs (as in: Totally not worth it.)

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  23. Paula, excellent post!! Again!! Can I just add; no need to lose weight because you will never be skinny enough or if you get skinny enough there will be some other flaw that surfaces.

    Also no need to have a memory; the sociopath twist the facts and alters history to suit his agenda anyway. The same event may change 1/2 dozen times according to his needs.

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  24. I’m so glad you included men and women, because there are
    definitely women who do this, too. Trust me, I know…I barely
    survived one who thought she was the most creative person
    alive, yet basically took every idea, connection, possession,
    effort etc ‘she’ had from others (not just me), with nary a
    pesky thank you. good riddance. 🙂

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    • It disturbs me that women like this seem to glide under the radar. Why is that? I wish I had more female sociopath stories to share in support of the men who must be at a total and complete loss when it comes to finding people who understand and believe that their ex is more than just a typical asshole. I’m glad she’s gone from your life, too, Mike.

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  25. Wow thats amazing you have my Ex husband exactly thats exactly how it WAS but now Im trying my hardest to fight him in court WISH ME LUCK Im really gonna need it x x x Sarah x

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    • Good luck, Sarah! I’m guessing you follow One Mom’s Battle? Her support and knowledge related to family court is by far the most comprehensive I know of online. Spreading some pixie dust for you, as Tina likes to call it. 🙂

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  26. God that was a brilliant read and so correct in all of their ways. Love the sarcasm especially, made me chuckle!

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  27. Ha i swear you’re blogging about my father, add in he chooses friends for both and decides when how and where they will meet, and how long they will be in their lives until they just don’t measure up…lol (not really funny)

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