Narcissistic sociopaths (like the boy in my story) are most concerned with how they are perceived by EVERYONE. Narcissists must SEEM perfect, impenetrable, impervious to pain, emotionless, and unaffected. To them, SEEMING this way makes others want to be them. How do they perfect this illusion? Through lying. But even their lies aren’t categorized as lies in the delusional minds of a sociopath. Their lies are “their truth.” They succeed in twisting the reality of a situation with a barrage of twisted information (mixed with a hint of truth to make it seem believable).
The boy had zero successful intimate relationships. His marriage failed; his many engagements failed; any attempts at having children failed. Why did all of these things fail? Well, if you were to ask the boy, nothing failed. It’s how he wanted it. It worked out just as he hoped. After all, if he admitted to failure, he was exposing HIS weaknesses. He doesn’t want anyone to think he has weaknesses. He’d be admitting to being as vulnerable as any ordinary human being. Ordinary? He can’t have that! He’s super-human, remember?!
Failed relationship story #1
Why did his marriage to his cousin only last six months? According to the sociopath, he didn’t want to get married in the first place. It was all his family’s idea. They pushed him to bring her to the United States on a fiancée visa. He “fell out of love” with her as soon as she moved in before the marriage. He waited until the 6 month visa was nearly expired before saying his vows. And only did it, as he says, to “save” her from the poor conditions of her home country. He didn’t even have sex on his wedding night. He didn’t even pay for the wedding license. His mom foot the bill for everything. He just went along with everything everyone else wanted, because he cared so much about “not hurting her.” (Yeah, right!!!)
Why do I not believe a single word of his wedding story? Because the boy never did anything anyone asked or wanted him to do unless it was his idea. He passed along his version of the story of his marriage to SEEM like he sacrificed a part of himself to save his cousin. He painted a picture of a person with a heart and a person who would “take one for the team!” (The “team” being his twisted family.) He wanted me to think he was capable of thinking of another before thinking of himself. (But I know now that he married her because, as I have written, these types can’t stand to be alone!)
Failed relationship story #2
Why did his relationship with his fiancée end before a wedding? According to the sociopath, he never proposed to her in the first place. He just went along (again!) with what the woman in his life wanted. He wanted her to stop nagging him. If she thought he wanted to marry her, it would end the nagging and crying because, according to the boy, she was at that I-need-to-be-married-before-I’m-30 stage of panic. He “allowed” her to move in with him. (He never asked her. She just showed up with her stuff one day.) He “allowed” her to have a ring. He “allowed” her to think he wanted to marry her. His words. His controlling language which I missed initially. (Shame on me!) He claims he never got down on bended knee to propose. She must have misinterpreted things as a proposal when he took her to a jeweler and asked the jeweler to design a ring. (Silly girl!! How could ANYONE EVER misinterpret a trip to the jewelry store as a proposal!!???)
Uninvited by him to live with him and wearing an engagement ring that really wasn’t an engagement ring, his fiancée was seriously delusional, according to the boy. It was her own fault she didn’t comply with his needs and got depressed and became unattractive to him and caused the relationship to end. He claims the relationship was over months before he ever kicked her out. She just didn’t choose to believe it was over. And he cared too much about “not hurting her” to kick her out too soon.
The reality is, he didn’t want to hurt himself. He didn’t kick her out until he was certain she wouldn’t take her dog (a dog he became attached because dogs are easily controlled) or sue him for all the money she had already invested in pre-wedding preparation. (Because he’s just a con man, in relationships and business.)
These are just a couple of the many tales the boy told to twist the truth and divert all blame away from him and onto “them.” According to the sociopath, he helped those women understand themselves and their flaws. He liked pointing out their mental flaws and weaknesses. As he liked claiming, they were in the dark about themselves before they met him and experienced his honest approach to relationships. He helped THEM understand their dysfunction because he “cared so much!” (After all, he is so incredibly healthy, don’t you know, and only a healthy person can point out another’s dysfunctions.)
But the only dysfunctional person is him. He’s fooling himself. Narcissists fool themselves (and their counselors). They play sick jokes on themselves everyday. It’s sad. The one statement he got right is that those women (including myself) ARE happier because of him, but not because of the reasons his delusional mind believes. We are happier because we experienced what a shit person is like and now know how to avoid them. We have moved on to healthy and fulfilling relationships with real men, real people, people with normal and healthy minds.
But he’ll NEVER understand that, because his mind isn’t normal or complete. His mind is a ball of dysfunction and chaos and blame, blame, blame. It’s always someone else’s fault. (He always cared too much. She always let him down.)
His dark and twisted heart will keep him moving forward to the next victim who will soon become another person he blames and shames. The new relationship will start out like a fairytale (like they ALL did) but end in a black cloud of abuse, control, and deception. The cycle never ends for these types. It never ends. No one can save them from it, not even themselves.