Wisdom of survivors of domestic violence, rape and fraud
Paula’s Column: Living Inside Out Loud
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clara molina
I divorced my narcissist sociopath ex-husband last fall, better said -he cheated on me and he thought was better to discard me and moved to the next victim. I can’t let go. I sincerely know God removed me from that evil. Still, I am stuck with the “what if’s” -what if he cared, what if he loved me? I frequently visit your website and I thank you a lot for educating the public about this malady, I have learned a lot. One way this ill-mannered male continues to inflict pain is withholding my dear dogs. I did not have a way to take the dogs when I left the house. When I went back to get the dog/dogs, he attacked me verbally, he insulted and terrified me again. I missed the dogs so much. I pray that God will provide for the dogs and keep them healthy.
Clara, I am so sorry you are struggling with the “waht ifs”. It’s these “what ifs” that kept us from leaving the relationship sooner than we did. I realize in your case that you were discarded and forced to leave, but you must have had some realizations while inside the relationship that the relationship wasn’t healthy and that no matter how much you tried to improve communications, you were met with resistance and more shaming and blaming. The only way to make a relationship with a person like this work is to surrender your identity and completely comply with everything the abuser wants you to believe. “Think how I think. Do as I do. Feel as I feel.” Is that any life to live? Only a complete robot/zombie-type could live out their life denying their own values, worth, ideas and feelings when not inline with their opressor. Keep praying for you animals. They’re going to be just fine. This you must believe so you can move forward with your life. 🙂
Love. Life. OM. Blog 
I divorced my narcissist sociopath ex-husband last fall, better said -he cheated on me and he thought was better to discard me and moved to the next victim. I can’t let go. I sincerely know God removed me from that evil. Still, I am stuck with the “what if’s” -what if he cared, what if he loved me? I frequently visit your website and I thank you a lot for educating the public about this malady, I have learned a lot. One way this ill-mannered male continues to inflict pain is withholding my dear dogs. I did not have a way to take the dogs when I left the house. When I went back to get the dog/dogs, he attacked me verbally, he insulted and terrified me again. I missed the dogs so much. I pray that God will provide for the dogs and keep them healthy.
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Clara, I am so sorry you are struggling with the “waht ifs”. It’s these “what ifs” that kept us from leaving the relationship sooner than we did. I realize in your case that you were discarded and forced to leave, but you must have had some realizations while inside the relationship that the relationship wasn’t healthy and that no matter how much you tried to improve communications, you were met with resistance and more shaming and blaming. The only way to make a relationship with a person like this work is to surrender your identity and completely comply with everything the abuser wants you to believe. “Think how I think. Do as I do. Feel as I feel.” Is that any life to live? Only a complete robot/zombie-type could live out their life denying their own values, worth, ideas and feelings when not inline with their opressor. Keep praying for you animals. They’re going to be just fine. This you must believe so you can move forward with your life. 🙂
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