“Unashamed Voices” will expose sociopaths in our midst #ebook #preorder

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The ebook collection of survivor stories is available for pre-order!

Last year, nearly 50 readers and survivors submitted their survivor stories to me. Last month, I edited and published a story a day to my Communities Digital Column. This month, I compiled all of the edited and previously-published stories (plus two previously unpublished stories) into a working draft for an ebook. Yesterday, I designed the cover and uploaded the draft to Kindle Direct Publishing for pre-order status review. Today, the pre-order status was approved, and now everyone can pre-order their copy before the release date of December 31, 2014.

As promised, the book will also be available for FREE upon release next month. The purpose of the pre-order period is to generate interest and profit in hopes of being afforded the opportunity to also make the book available in soft copy.

I thank everyone who visits this blog for giving me the strength, courage and determination I needed to dedicate to this project, which has consumed me for nearly the past 20 months. Our voices would not be able to build the stength and momentum they have without the support we give to eachother. XOXO

Book Description:

“Unashamed Voices: True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud – Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst”

Not everyone moves from a place of care and respect for themselves and others, because not everyone has (1) a conscience; (2) the ability to feel remorse; and (3) the ability to tap into affective empathy–the type of empathy that allows one to see and feel a situation from another’s perspective. People lacking these qualities are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. They exist everywhere in society, including our homes where their toxic and parasitic lifestyles are destroying families, children and communities every single day.

This collection of 33 true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships sets out to expose the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. These personal accounts will dispel the myths surrounding domestic violence and intimate partner abuse and have you questioning what you thought you knew about crimes being committed behind closed doors. You will also understand the impact to victims and survivors and start gaining an understanding of why so many remain silent and that most, if not all survivors, are walking around undiagnosed and/or under diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression and other debilitating conditions resulting from the physical, emotional and spiritual abuse they endured and continue to relive in the aftermath.

With greater awareness and education, victims and survivors of pathological abuse at the hands of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists will have a greater chance of experiencing justice and a greater chance of protecting potential victims who are the future targets of these manipulative and malignant criminals hiding behind the false and delusional facade of moral righteousness and victimization.

If you are interested in being a part of the solution to one day see an end to domestic violence, rape and fraud, read this book and pass it on to anyone and everyone you know who has been or is currently being impacted by a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist. With 1 in 25 people estimated to be a sociopath, the chance that you know someone affected by an individual with a pathological personality disorder is extremely high. Allow the many voices of truth in these pages open your eyes to the answers behind the senseless acts committed against you, your loved ones and/or your friends.

Paula Carrasquillo, MA
November 18, 2014

http://www.amazon.com/Unashamed-Voices-Survivors-Domestic-Sociopaths-ebook/dp/B00PUMN6HW/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416430397&sr=1-2&pebp=1416430399152

“Love bites” of sociopaths #Pistorius #DomesticViolence #SamanthaTaylor

Man biting woman's shoulder

Oscar Pistorius has been found guilty of culpable homicide but not guilty of murder. He could receive a suspended sentence and be free to abuse again, because Judge Masipa claims there wasn’t enough evidence to suggest that Oscar knew Reeva was behind the locked bathroom door of his Pretoria, South African home on the even of Valentine’s Day 2013 when he blindly fired 4 shots through the door, murdering the young and vibrant Reeva.

As I scanned the endless verdict headlines this morning in disbelief, another Pistorius-related headline caught my eye:

My life of hell with Oscar Pistorius: Watch ex-lover reveal how she feared Blade Runner would kill her

In this brief article and video interview footage, Samantha Taylor, former girlfreind of Pistorius, describes incidents in which the paralympic athlete bit her, pinched her, and locked her in his home. She describes being so frightened following one of his rages that she hid his gun from him, the same gun he used to shoot and murder Reeva, out of fear for her life.

To me, this is chilling and reminiscent of my own degrading and fear-inducing treatment.

Although the boy in my story didn’t have a gun (at least not one that I knew existed), he bit and pinched me in public and private whenever it seemed he was losing control of me and/or I was exerting my independence.

In public, I would be sitting at a table of acquaintances talking about this or that, and suddenly he’d squeeze and sting my upper thigh or the back of my arm with an aggressive pinch.

I’d immediately react and jump mid-sentence, and those at the table would look at me like I was crazy and wonder, “What in the world?” But before I could get my bearings straight, the boy would quickly lean over and kiss me to further silence me while biting my lip. Once he released me, he’d whisper in my ear, “You are so beautiful.”

I was left shocked, stunned, frustrated and embarrassed.

In private, I would be sitting quietly reading, and the boy would sneak up behind me and bite my neck or shoulder and/or pinch my arm. I would immediately jump and tell him it hurt and to please not do that again. His reaction to me would be disdain.

He would say, “Oh, that didn’t hurt. You are so sensitive. You don’t like me touching you, do you? You don’t love me, do you?”

And then a rage would ensue.

He argued and tried to convince me that his bites and pinches were “love bites” and “love squeezes.” I didn’t know what to call them, because they hurt and left bruises but were immediately followed by his professions of love and idolization.

I was left so confused and wondering, “Maybe I am too sensitive and just need to lighten up a little.”

Today, I realize that these are tactics abusers use to control, intimidate and induce cognitive dissonance on their victims. It’s akin to training a dog with a shock collar, so they don’t go beyond the boundaries their invisible fence allows.

And, yes, I feared for my life before I left him, sleeping with a butter knife underneath my side of the mattress just in case he’d decide to wake me and fly into a rage. My fears were further validated a year after escaping when an ex-girlfriend of the boy contacted me and wrote, “I always feared that if I had married him, my life would become one of those Lifetime movies where the husband snaps and kills his wife for no apparent reason.”

The injustice of the Pistorius verdict is why we must not be afraid to share what happened to us and why our collective stories will one day be heeded and judges like Masipa presiding over trials like Pistorius’ won’t let killers walk free after an act of cold-blooded murder against one’s own spouse/significant other.

Consider picking up a copy of the recently released book by Samantha Taylor’s mother, Patricia, Oscar: An accident waiting to happen, which speaks to the athlete’s state of mind leading to Reeva’s murder. Chilling.

Namaste!
~Paula, author of Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath

Book Giveaway – “Carnal Abuse By Deceit” by J.M. Short #limitedtimeoffer

"Carnal Abuse by Deceit" by J. ShortFree Kindle version: http://www.amazon.com/Carnal-Abuse-Deceit-Predators-Became/dp/0615814557

Free paperback copy through Goodreads. (The first 10 entries are guaranteed a free copy.): http://www.amazon.com/Carnal-Abuse-Deceit-Predators-Became/dp/0615814557

Read my review on Communities Digital News, LLC – Rape by fraud: What it means and why it matters

Book Recommendation – “Carnal Abuse by Deceit: How a Predator’s Lies Became Rape” by Joyce M. Short

Rape by FraudRape by fraud: What it means and why it matters
by Paula Carrasquillo for CommDigiNews

WASHINGTON, February 9, 2014 — In her recently published book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit,” Joyce M. Short presents a persuasive case for the expansion and inclusion of rape by fraud across the penal code systems in the United States and uses her personal story as supporting evidence.
Read more…

How many licks?

Hard Work Ahead in the Aftermath of the Sociopath

How many licks?Sociopaths see all people, especially intimate partners, as possessions and acquisitions.

Remember that Tootsie Roll Pop commercial from decades ago? Well, I can’t help but think about it when I think about the sociopath, the boy in my story. He behaved like a big, fat toddler holding a lollipop, slowly licking away at me and my identity.

And I allowed the sociopath to consume me, penetrate and control my emotions. He judged my emotions daily by shaming, blaming and praising me. And I cared what he thought. Why? Because I thought he really loved me, and don’t we all care what our loved ones think of us?

But now I know nothing the sociopath did or said came from a place of love. His actions came from a place of fear, and his fears were inflicted upon me. I absorbed those fears and took them on. Doing this thrust me into a very dark place. A dark place that slowly and insidiously destroyed my sense of self.

After escaping the sociopath, I was hit hard by a need to go inward and explore what it was inside of me that allowed such evil to penetrate me and use me as its host.

I discovered I wasn’t as confident and as strong as I thought I was. I didn’t have the necessary self-love and self-respect I needed to fight off and deflect sociopaths and sociopathic behavior by others.

So I set out to change that.

I wrote on my blog. I met others with similar experiences. I didn’t feel alone.

I talked to friends and family about how I was feeling. Not everyone understood but enough “got it” and encouraged me to keep talking.

I read books and blogs. Some didn’t fit with how I was feeling. Others did. I took what was valuable and relevant to my situation and left the rest behind.

I continued meeting with my counselor even when I felt like I didn’t need to talk to him anymore. He kept encouraging me while asking the hard questions.

I practiced yoga as often as I could. If I couldn’t find the time to get on the mat, I thought about what I learned on the mat and how I could bring that patience, determination and non-judgment into my daily life, work and play.

I faced my deepest and darkest sides. I turned my entire identity upside down and inside out.

And the work remains; it’s never-ending. But that’s just because life is never-ending (until, of course, it ends). I’m comfortable being an idealist who is forced to push the reality button on occasion.

Thankfully, I now have a solid foundation of self-love and self-worth. I no longer define myself by what I’ve done or what I have left undone. I am always changing and growing, the way we’re supposed to do in life. I’m in an environment and surrounded by friends and loved ones who give me that freedom to grow and reach my potential.

Today, I remain committed to starting, completing and maintaining the hard work I’ve done and continue to do deconstructing and rebuilding what nearly destroyed me due to all of my past toxic relationships and their effects.

I may not be 100% impenetrable. I have no doubt I will be faced with many shitty people in my future. Fortunately, I have more faith and trust in my gut, and I am pretty confident that it would take an infinite number of licks to get to the center of this tootsie roll pop again! 

Namaste!
~Paula

© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

Share Your Story!

Share Your Story by September 30, 2013!

Share Your Story!The deadline to Share Your Story is just a month away!

I am writing a follow-up book to Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath, and I want you and your story to be a part of it!

My second book will focus on healing and recovery from pathological love/toxic relationships using mindful approaches like yoga, meditation, writing, journaling, joining support groups and much more.

I believe that the more real-life examples victims, survivors and advocates read, the better our collective understanding. The better our collective understanding, the easier it will be to increase our support systems and see real change in how divorce, child custody, domestic violence, rape and intimate partner abuse cases are approached, investigated and determined/prosecuted.

Follow the link below to learn more about sharing your story. For all who share their story and are interested, I’ll send you a signed copy of “Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath.” You’ll see on the form where to provide your full mailing address.

Thank you, in advance, for helping us help each other understand and learn about the powers within ourselves to overcome even the ugliest relationships and experiences in this lifetime.

Namaste! Peace!
~ Paula

Share your story today!

© Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications, 2012 – 2013.

release me, paula renee carrasquillo, paula reeves-carrasquillo

The Exorcism of the Sociopath: Victim to Survivor

release me, paula renee carrasquillo, paula reeves-carrasquilloAfter this past week, I am more focused and determined to finally compile this blog into my second book, a follow up to Escaping the Boy. I’ve even come up with a working title:

The Exorcism of the Sociopath

One of the many realizations I came to over the past 18 months through my blog and my interactions with readers is that even after escaping the pathological relationship with the boy, I continued to be silently and insidiously possessed by something not of myself. I ruminated on the “why”s and “how”s of what happened. I self-soothed with alcohol for a while. I got stuck in a place I didn’t like.

In order to get unstuck and to rid myself of whatever it was that had possessed me, I needed to acknowledge that I wasn’t myself, accept that I was a victim of not being myself and then work toward releasing myself from the invisible stronghold that had overcome me.

Confused? So was I. All I knew was that I was hurting myself and those in my life who loved me. I wanted to stop.

My biggest hurdle to being able to end the insanity was believing I had been a victim in the first place. Who me?! No way was I ever going to admit to being taken advantage of. In doing this, in this resistance, I hurt myself. I was delusional. I tried repressing feelings and emotions that only a victim could possibly feel and emit.

I was NOT going to admit to being a victim. NEVER!

Silly me. I had very strong negative connotations connected to “being a victim.” I thought it was a death sentence. I thought that people would look at me differently and treat me differently and not feel like they could trust me. I worried that people would think I was telling my story in order to make excuses for my behavior. I never wanted to be perceived that way. I could fix myself and no one would ever have to know what happened to me.

I soon realized that I had to embrace, at least temporarily, my role as a victim. By doing that, I was able to discover how I was REALLY affected, emotionally and spiritually. I discovered invaluable support from people who didn’t feel sorry for me but who had faith in my ability to overcome. Once I was willing to take the added strength of others, I was able to let go of that victim role and embrace being a survivor, someone in total and complete control of my destiny regardless of where I had been and who had tried to destroy me.

My hope is that my second book will help guide others out of victim mode and into full survival mode. I want to see everyone who has ever entered a pit similar to the one I entered emerge a better and stronger person.

Accountability equals empowerment.

I am by no stretch of the imaginiation finished with my healing and recovery. But I know I am much stronger than I have ever been, and I foresee myself continuing to grow and learn throughout the next phases and stages of my life.

I want you to succeed. I want you to feel good about admitting that you were, at one time a victim. Most importantly, I want you to be a survivor. I want you to be someone you love and trust. Because once you become someone you love and trust, others will be more willing and able to love and trust you also.

Namaste!
~ Paula
(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/444871269411994202/)

balance

Balancing to Hold On by Letting Go

balanceSince I started this blog, I am realizing more and more how much we, the victims and survivors of pathological love relationships, need each other. I’m also realizing how much we need to set each other free.

From the outside looking in, most people who visit this site (and other sites like this one) can easily jump to the conclusion that we’re a bunch of crying, complaining, broken-hearted, love-sick divas who need to move on!

I get it. I really do. I understand why many choose to look at us in that light: it’s easier to see surface emotions and judge them without diving deep into the reasons behind the emotions.

Often when we read or hear of another’s pain, we end up taking on their emotions. It’s draining. That’s called empathy. Being empathetic takes lots of energy and requires an absence of ego.

We know sociopaths can’t do that. They are not able to empathize.

The rest of us can empathize to a high degree, and the beauty of our ability is that we can choose the degree to which we empathize.

What do I mean? Well, think about it. The amount of energy it takes to focus on another’s pain is draining. We know the people in our lives who drain us the most, right? More than likely, the first person that comes to mind is the sociopath with his pseudo-pain.

But there are many non-pathological people who need our attention due to real pain, and we give to them freely. We put our worries and frustrations aside in order to take on the worries and frustrations of others.

And because we are aware of the energy required to do this, we sometimes choose not to empathize. We choose not to get involved. Making that choice is tough and sometimes filled with guilt. But it’s necessary.

I am perfectly content sometimes to not get involved, especially if I have no useful skills or resources that can help someone in great pain. In those circumstances, I end up feeling more helpless and hopeless and sad, in addition to taking on the pain of the person with whom I am empathizing.

So I choose not to get involved.

It’s not easy to turn the switch from “on” to “off.” I have had to do this often over the past months with family, friends and blog followers (I apologize!) in order to protect myself and remain on track to self-awareness and recovery.

Being overly empathetic of others steals our energy needed for ourselves. It’s the catch-22 of being a healthy, non-pathological person who critiques sociopaths and psychopaths daily–I end up looking no better than the sociopaths and psychopaths I analyze and digest.

But that’s just my guilt talking. I know I’m not a sociopath or psychopath. I also know when the time has come for me to be serious about my limitations and think seriously about hanging up my current hat in order to try on a new one.

Now is one of those times.

Since late February, I have been struggling with writing about sociopaths/psychopaths. I know deep down that I can’t maintain this momentum. I just can’t. I’ve written exhaustively about my experience and observations over the past 16 months or so. With the submission of each post, I think, “This could be the last one on the subject.”

It never is. There is always something that sparks something inside of me. It could be a conversation with a friend, a question from a reader, a TV commercial I watch, a word I hear, a song I begin to hum…whatever it is, I become inspired to share one more story related to sociopaths and toxic relationships.

But I am serious this time. This really could be the last post on the subject I write, but that’s only because I have so many other wonderful things in my life on which I want to focus.

Other than the obvious need to spend more time with my family, I am also actively planning to begin yoga teacher training in the fall. Once certified in yoga, I can then become certified to teach yoga to trauma patients.

THAT is what I see as my ultimate gift and take away from my toxic relationship and the best use of my empathy and all the energy it consumes. My writing has been a stepping stone to many things: friendships, understanding, job opportunities, vision and purpose.

I’ll continue to write, but probably less and less about sociopaths and psychopaths but more and more on healing techniques and mindful approaches to self-care (which anyone could benefit regardless of past relationship horrors).

I remain dedicated to transforming this blog into a comprehensive book on the aftermath and journey to self-recovery and healing from relational harm. That goal will be primary through the end of this year. As far as writing new material, I want to focus more on writing and editing for Elephant Journal and my Washington Times Communities’ column (which could possibly go into syndication, but I need to hunker down for that to happen).

So I’m not really going anywhere. I could never leave this community. However, I realize I need to let go a little in order to free myself to explore more possibilities for life, love and laughter. The “longing” part is taken care of now, because I feel more free today than I have ever felt in my entire life. I owe a large majority of that to my blog readers and visitors. You’ve made these past months so worth it to me.

The rest is thanks to my loving husband J., my son A. and myself.

Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/147492956518852766/)

Women Who Love Psychopaths Cover by Sandra L. Brown

Spotlight: Relational Harm Reduction and Public Psychopathy Education

Women Who Love Psychopaths Cover by Sandra L. BrownWhen I come across another blogger or author or advocate who is actively bringing awareness to others about pathology, psychopaths, relational harm, abuse, recovery and healing on a regular and frequent basis, I share my discovery. I re-blog or re-tweet or write a Facebook status update on my book page dedicated to that person or organization.

For several months, I have been highly influenced and motivated by the work and research of:

The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Psychopathy Education (The Institute)

Sandra L. BrownThe Institute is lead by CEO and founder, Sandra L. Brown, M.A. Sandra has over 25 years of experience as a psychoanalyst and has written several books, including Women Who Love Psychopaths and How to Spot a Dangerous ManRead Sandra’s full bio...

Sandra’s partner at The Institute is Jennifer Young, LMHC. Jennifer’s career spans more than 19 years. Read Jennifer’s full bio

The following is taken from The Institute’s website:

The Institute is a rapidly growing body of people seeking to impact public education surrounding issues related to pathology, personality disorders, and psychopathy.

This growing body are survivors—women, men and their children who have sustained psychological injury because of someone else’s pathology. The only way to give meaning to the horror they lived is to find a ‘voice’ from which they teach others.

I recommend:

Namaste! ~Paula

Share Your Story!

Share your story of survival and recovery with me for my next book!

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I am writing a follow-up book to Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath and would like you and your story to be a part of it!

Submit your story!

My second book will focus on healing and recovery from pathological love relationships using mindful approaches like yoga, meditation, writing, journaling, joining support groups and much more.

I believe that the more real-life examples victims, survivors and advocates read, the better our collective understanding. The better our collective understanding, the easier it will be to increase our support systems and see real change in how divorce, child custody, domestic violence, rape and intimate partner abuse cases are approached, investigated and determined/prosecuted.

By following the “Submit Your Story” link, completing and submitting the form, you agree to have your story shared anonymously. However, if you would like me to use your name in my book, check the box at the end of the form prior to submission. Your name and home state/country will be included in the book’s acknowledgments.

If you have any questions prior to completing the form, send me a private message.

You can complete as little or as much of the form/questionnaire as you would like. Keep in mind that writing about your experiences may cause anxieties and a flood of emotions. If you are triggered in any way, stop writing and speak to a trusted counselor or loved one.

Submit your story!

http://storyofasociopath.com/Share_Your_Story_.html

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