Since I started writing about emotional abuse and domestic violence in January, I have become more and more aware of many myths people have about what domestic violence is and why women are so angry about having lived through it. I want to shatter these myths:
Myth#1: It’s only domestic violence if he hits you.
Myth #2: She’s just angry and bitter because he doesn’t love her anymore.
Myth #1 Shattered
Domestic violence is control and power. Domestic violence is any act upon a spouse or intimate partner that takes away their free will to act physically, emotionally, or sexually. Here are some examples I personally lived through:
- Locking your girlfriend in a bathroom is domestic violence.
- Locking your girlfriend outside of the house with no shoes or keys or purse is domestic violence.
- Stealing or hiding your girlfriend’s phone, car keys, computer, or any personal item your girlfriend values is domestic violence.
- Calling and texting your girlfriend non-stop throughout the day just to make sure she is where she claims to be is domestic violence.
- Telling your girlfriend she is a bad mother just to make her feel as miserable and as worthless as you is domestic violence.
- Telling your girlfriend she’s a whore and sleeping around because she won’t have sex with you is domestic violence.
- Blocking your girlfriend from being able to walk away from your rages is domestic violence.
- Smashing a lamp above your girlfriend’s head when she does finally walk away from your rages is domestic violence.
Control, power, and fear. Those are the main tools of an abuser. If you choose words or a fist to get the job done, that’s your preference. It’s all abuse.
Myth #2 Shattered:
The truth is that none of us survivors are upset because our exes don’t love us anymore. (That’s actually what we want, so they’ll leave us alone, you see.) We are angry because some man who claimed he loved us so much took away our ability to love ourselves. That is what pisses us off the most. We are not bitter and vengeful over having our hearts broken on some romantic level. We are angry because we know now that we didn’t deserve to live a single second believing we were unworthy of our own love.
Please visit NOMORE.org to take a stand against domestic violence.