Trauma Purge and the Surprise of Letting Go

It’s Loving Kindness Wednesday!

I took the attached picture last week in Maui. After snapping the shot, I looked at the image and thought, “That’s not what I thought I was taking a picture of. This looks like a flame shooting up through the waves!!”

It was so unexpected and such a wonderful surprise. A lot like how it feels when we’re moving through transformation and out of trauma and into our greatest potential self. The unexpected happens frequently regardless of the tools we use to release our trapped trauma, emotions and pain. 

A tool I use and recommend others to practice is yoga. But yoga isn’t the gentle kind of release one might think it is. It’s powerful and intense. 

Through movements and holdings of the body simultaneously with the breath, yoga loosens trauma in preparation for the ultimate purge, cleansing and letting go of trauma. 

Loosening too much too quickly is not recommended. Otherwise, you run the risk of re-traumatizing yourself and creating an even thicker block of compacted and congested emotional and spiritual “gunk”. 

Preferably, begin or reintroduce yoga by easing into a practice of yin or guided meditation. These types of tools are slower and more focused, allowing for a gentle emergence of accumulated trauma, stress and anxiety. Connected to this accumulation of gunk are your fears partnered with all the self-sabotaging tools the gunk set as your default whenever faced with relationship challenges. So as the gunk surfaces, expect to be swiftly and unexpectedly overcome with even more intense sensations of the following: self-doubt, self-judgment, shame, remorse, regret, lack of self-respect, etc. 

Fortunately and with more practice, instead of cycling through the loop of these destructive emotions, you will recognize and be aware of them. When you are aware of them, they have no power or control over your actions, behaviors and/or treatment of others. When you’re aware of them, you accept them for the tricksters that they are and simultaneously let them go.

The letting go process may happen unexpectedly. You’ll know when it’s happening. No need for me to spoil the surprise.

Paula Carrasquillo, yoga teacher and health coach

The Top 5 Reasons to Walk Away from all TEXTBOOK Sociopaths

walking away

There seems to be a growing trend of sociopaths “coming out” on blogs, message boards and even in real-world environments. More often than not, the sociopath slips into an already comment-heavy post or string of victims and survivors with a seemingly harmless comment like this:

Hi, my name is Johnny, and I’m a sociopath. I’m not here to convince you that you’re wrong about sociopaths. I’d like to help you understand us better. Ask me anything you want to know. I’ll even give you my personal e-mail address.

What have I learned to do when this happens on a post I am actively commenting? I have learned to ignore and keep moving. Hopefully, the following five reasons will influence you NOT to begin any type of engagement with a sociopath, no matter how tempting and curious you may be:

1.) Do not engage a sociopath. Period.

If someone comments on a blog you follow and announces that he’s a sociopath, shrug to yourself and move along. Do you really want to be friends or associates with someone who professes to be the very thing that tried to destroy you in the first place?

2.) Do not believe a sociopath when the sociopath claims to have a moral code.

It’s your moral code he is projecting in order to gain your sympathy and trust. When we recognize ourselves in another person, our empathy, sympathy and compassion kick in and we think, “Oh, that poor, poor man. He needs someone to understand him.”

3.) Do not share your private thoughts, philosophy or insight with a sociopath.

When a sociopath says, “Just ask me anything you want to know. I’d love to help you understand me better,” he’s actually saying to himself, “If I gain their trust by seeming like a helper and a savior, I can learn more about what makes these non-sociopaths tick so I can be better at fooling and manipulating them.” Remember, if there is nothing in it for them, why would they waste their time on us boring, non-sociopathic saps?

4.) Do not praise a sociopath for being open and honest.

First, that’s a flipping oxymoron, contradiction in terms on so many levels. Second, if you praise a sociopath, you’ve invited him into your sphere. The sociopath’s negative energy has infiltrated your positive energy, and he’s already started sucking it from you. When you praise a sociopath for being human like you, what you’re really doing is validating the sociopath, giving the sociopath an ego boost and acknowledging that the sociopath succeeded in duping you. Open door to manipulate you further!

5.) Remain ever-mindful and fascinated with each other and not with the sociopath.

Curiosity killed the cat, remember? If you begin a conversation with a sociopath, be prepared to be triggered and for your recovery to be compromised. Be prepared to question yourself and your reality of good. Be prepared to start thinking sociopaths can be “fixed.” Be prepared to start becoming a delusional mess all over again.

Use your powers and strengths of compassion and empathy to understand each other instead. We already know how sociopaths operate. They’re textbook! They have nothing to teach us. Besides, why would you willfully enter that hell again?

No contact. Period.

~ Paula

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