Helen and Irene’s Stories of Abuse and Recovery*


Helen’s Story – “Nothing I did ever made him happy.”

Irene’s Story – “When I told him I was pregnant with our third baby, he wanted me to abort it.”

Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

Read all the survivor stories published this month to Paula’s column, Living Inside Out Loud

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.


The Top 5 Reasons to Walk Away from all TEXTBOOK Sociopaths

walking away

There seems to be a growing trend of sociopaths “coming out” on blogs, message boards and even in real-world environments. More often than not, the sociopath slips into an already comment-heavy post or string of victims and survivors with a seemingly harmless comment like this:

Hi, my name is Johnny, and I’m a sociopath. I’m not here to convince you that you’re wrong about sociopaths. I’d like to help you understand us better. Ask me anything you want to know. I’ll even give you my personal e-mail address.

What have I learned to do when this happens on a post I am actively commenting? I have learned to ignore and keep moving. Hopefully, the following five reasons will influence you NOT to begin any type of engagement with a sociopath, no matter how tempting and curious you may be:

1.) Do not engage a sociopath. Period.

If someone comments on a blog you follow and announces that he’s a sociopath, shrug to yourself and move along. Do you really want to be friends or associates with someone who professes to be the very thing that tried to destroy you in the first place?

2.) Do not believe a sociopath when the sociopath claims to have a moral code.

It’s your moral code he is projecting in order to gain your sympathy and trust. When we recognize ourselves in another person, our empathy, sympathy and compassion kick in and we think, “Oh, that poor, poor man. He needs someone to understand him.”

3.) Do not share your private thoughts, philosophy or insight with a sociopath.

When a sociopath says, “Just ask me anything you want to know. I’d love to help you understand me better,” he’s actually saying to himself, “If I gain their trust by seeming like a helper and a savior, I can learn more about what makes these non-sociopaths tick so I can be better at fooling and manipulating them.” Remember, if there is nothing in it for them, why would they waste their time on us boring, non-sociopathic saps?

4.) Do not praise a sociopath for being open and honest.

First, that’s a flipping oxymoron, contradiction in terms on so many levels. Second, if you praise a sociopath, you’ve invited him into your sphere. The sociopath’s negative energy has infiltrated your positive energy, and he’s already started sucking it from you. When you praise a sociopath for being human like you, what you’re really doing is validating the sociopath, giving the sociopath an ego boost and acknowledging that the sociopath succeeded in duping you. Open door to manipulate you further!

5.) Remain ever-mindful and fascinated with each other and not with the sociopath.

Curiosity killed the cat, remember? If you begin a conversation with a sociopath, be prepared to be triggered and for your recovery to be compromised. Be prepared to question yourself and your reality of good. Be prepared to start thinking sociopaths can be “fixed.” Be prepared to start becoming a delusional mess all over again.

Use your powers and strengths of compassion and empathy to understand each other instead. We already know how sociopaths operate. They’re textbook! They have nothing to teach us. Besides, why would you willfully enter that hell again?

No contact. Period.

~ Paula

%d bloggers like this: