Undoing Our Fears and Triggers Lying Down

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While exposed to the sociopath’s crazy-making highs and lows, we compromised our intuition and ability to instinctively distinguish right action from wrong action.

One day, the sociopath declared that right action was wrong action, and the next day, the sociopath declared that wrong action was right action.

No amount of logic or deep thought could bring us clarity and focus to the life we were being conned and controlled into living and accepting under the sociopath’s spell.

Many refer to this as cognitive dissonance, living in the fog and/or being emotionally unstable. Much of what we experience in the aftermath through triggers and anxiety was born from this place of uncertainty and fear about ourselves and our surroundings. This fear and uncertainty, which the sociopath manifested in us, rendered us dependent and reliant upon the sociopath for clarity and approval.

Even outside the toxic relationship, we find ourselves frozen and in search of outside validity and approval. The fear of being judged and not accepted and viewed as unworthy is very real and keeps us from expanding and growing.

Regardless of how deep and for how long we were in this state of paralysis, I believe we can repair what was damaged and improve how we relate to ourselves and others moving forward.

It’s no secret that yoga and meditation have helped me find myself these past 3 years. One meditation technique I believe has been most profound for me is Yoga Nidra.

During the practice of Yoga Nidra, you relax in a quiet space either reclined and outstretched on the floor or mat or in a comfortable seated position.

A Yoga Nidra instructor guides you into a quiet and relaxed state in which you are guided through sensing your body to sensing your feelings and emotions to sensing your thoughts and beliefs and finally to sensing your natural state of being.

Yoga Nidra does not require you to move your body or to be flexible. It’s not a religion but is a profound spiritual experience. Many practice Yoga Nidra to release stress and anxiety and to improve sleep patterns and fight restlessness.

The following excerpt taken from the book “Yoga Nidra: A Meditation Practice for Deep Relaxation and Healing” by Richard Miller, PhD, sums up why I practice and teach Yoga Nidra to others:

“You possess an innate intelligence that knows exactly what to do in every situation that life brings to your table. When you are wiling to be with “this” moment “now,” your intrinsic resources are always nearby, ready to acknowledge and engage right action. Fear is always about the future, and reactivity is about the past. Right action resides in the “now.” Yoga Nidra is a practice that reveals and teaches you how to live in the now so that you can access your native intelligence and inborn ability to respond appropriately to every situation.”

If you have questions about Yoga Nidra, please ask in the comment section below.

Namaste!
Paula Carrasquillo
yogi. author. advocate.

Take Back the Love the Sociopath Stole from You

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Sociopaths have zero sense of identity, which is why they target individuals with strong beliefs, values and a moral compass, all of which sociopaths steal and wear as their own.

Keeping this in mind, it’s easy to see that when you fell in love with the sociopath, what you really fell in love with were your best qualities mirrored and reflected back at you.

So the love you thought you lost and wasted on the sociopath is still inside of you. You just need to redirect it back to yourself, the original and intended recipient.

Take back the love the sociopath stole and hoarded as his/her own. It was never meant for the sociopath in the first place. It was always meant for you.

Namaste!
Paula Carrasquillo
yogi. author. advocate.

Silence the echoes of the sociopath’s love-bombing to find healthy self-love and self-worth

Example of a sociopath's love bombing. Just a bit desperate, right?

Example of a sociopath’s love bombing. Just a bit desperate, right?

During the early idolization phase of the toxic relationship and during any periods we attempted to leave the relationship, the sociopath graced us with amazing and ego-boosting compliments. And as easily as the sweet words flowed from the sociopath’s mouth, so, too, did the hatred. Yet, in our recovery and long after we escaped and/or were discarded, we prefer listening to the love musings in our remembering as opposed to the hate-filled attacks that followed.

Why? Why can’t we easily see and recognize the love bombing for what it was–manipulation tactics of a predator?

Call it our normal defense mechanism against self-hatred and self-loathing. We’d rather focus on the nice things people point out about ourselves rather than the mean things used to criticize and judge us. Facing criticism is uncomfortable and defeating. Besides, we just don’t have a desire to let go of all those pretty, flowery words that seduced our consciousness and catapulted us into ecstasy.

But we must let go, because this defense mechanism against self-hatred and self-loathing doesn’t work in the aftermath of sociopath abuse and instead, solidifies a deep sense self-hatred and self-loathing, crowding out any hope of finding healthy self-love and self-awareness.

Despite your preoccupation with allowing the sociopath’s professions of deep love and admiration for you to echo in your mind, you are not better than any of the sociopath’s exes or more beautiful or smarter or a better parent or a better lover or more caring or the one DESTINED to FINALLY fulfill the sociopath’s needs for love and affection.

If you’re holding on to ANY of these ego-driven, ego-feeding assumptions about yourself, let them go.

Holding on to these fantastical and materialistic self-identifiers that the sociopath used to control and manipulate your intuition and emotions inside the relationship, will continue controlling you outside the relationship.

By holding on to such false and unhealthy self-awareness, you will:

>>*Compare yourself to all of the sociopath’s new lovers or spouses. This constant comparison will make you wonder, “Is she better than me? Is she more loving, patient, kind and beautiful than me? How could she be better than me? She can’t be better than me.”

>>Leave yourself open to the sociopath’s future manipulations and lies when and if the sociopath reaches out in the future for more supply (because his current lover or spouse is “Oh, so frustrating!”).

>>Remain stuck in forever seeking the sociopath’s approval of every choice and action you take. You will find yourself asking yourself, “I wonder what the sociopath would think of me doing this? I’m sure the sociopath would/would not approve.”

>>Remain cut off from the qualities that do make you unique and special. And those qualities are:

1. Your failings AND your successes.
2. Your light AND your shadow self.
3. Your fears AND your courage.

We’re dichotomies. We are not one-sided like the sociopath had us believing. And both of our sides are equally beautiful and powerful and serve to complement the other.

So stop splitting yourself like the sociopath did. Your good deeds do not make you good anymore than your bad deeds make you bad. It’s how you process your “good” and “bad” deeds and grow your compassion for yourself and others that truly matters.

We must embrace and love all of our being in order to break free from any of the shame and blame our past missteps are causing us in the present.

We must own our missteps, but not punish ourselves for what we did in the past. We must not consume ourselves with self-hatred any longer.

To convince us we are bad, evil and imprudent was and remains the purpose of the sociopath’s mission.

Release yourself from the influence of the sociopath once-and-for-all, embrace your failings, let go of your ego and recognize that to be human, is to make mistakes so we learn and grow from them.

We must not allow the sociopath to define who we are in the aftermath. Good or bad. No pining away for the sociopath’s approval, which we will never receive and which leads to wallowing in self-loathing. If we continue to hold on to those empty, ego-boosting compliments as the basis of our self-worth, we risk destroying any hope for present and/or future peace, joy and comfort.

Namaste!
~Paula Carrasquillo, author of Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath

*The new target is not “The One” to save the sociopath either, because the sociopath can’t be saved. The new target is fighting to be “The One,” because the new target does not wish to be included in the laundry list of those from his past that the sociopath judges and demeans. The new target has been made to believe she is the exception the sociopath has waited for his whole life, because the sociopath is massaging her ego, just like the sociopath massaged yours, into believing she is better than you and all others. You know, those of us who weren’t and aren’t patient enough, loving enough, smart enough, caring enough, sane enough, worthy enough or good enough. The new target is desperate to remain on that pedestal not realizing she’s fighting to maintain that spot. And don’t judge the new target, because you were once just as oblivious and ignorant to the reality of the sociopath’s abuse and control, too. 🙂

Becoming Numb to the Sociopath and Opening the Door to Survival

Open door to survival from sociopath abuse

Sociopaths repeatedly and effortlessly find loving and caring people.

Why and how do they do it?

First, Sociopaths need good people to camouflage their shittiness from the world. The more loving, giving, religious, charitable and/or respected their significant other, the more likely the sociopath will succeed in gaining his own reputation for being the same type of good person his significant other spent years establishing.

(Remember, sociopaths are the biggest and most successful cheaters on the planet! They can do it remorselessly and believe they deserve it and earned it honorably.)

Plus, the more people the sociopath’s significant other has surrounding her, the more protected the sociopath feels.

The delusional sociopath automatically considers his significant other’s friends his friends and will use them to cowardly hide behind while getting away with his insidious abuses.

(Think of churches, clubs, community service groups and even yoga studios and gyms where people come together to reach collective goals as a community or team.)

And sociopaths seem to have amazing radar for finding people like this, the absolute opposite of themselves.

Sociopaths hone in on and find the most empathic and forgiving individuals among us. They seek us out, because we serve as safe havens for the sociopath’s diabolical nature.

People who are natural nurturers. People who are good mothers or good fathers. People who take care of the emotional needs of friends and family. People who take on the burdens of the ones they love.

And people like this are not necessarily co-dependent.

Often times, people like this have gone their entire lives without falling prey to sociopaths. We have made friends, loved and lost and experienced the natural highs and lows of love and grief.

Victims of sociopaths aren’t relationship ignorant. We understand what healthy relationships should look like. We know love is about give and take. We also know that relationships take time, effort and work as the relationship grows and evolves.

Knowing this is one of the reasons many of us stuck around longer than we should. We held out hope that the sociopath understood love, too.

We thought the sociopath needed a little nudge and prodding in the right direction. We thought modeling patience and understanding is all the sociopath needed to awaken his sleeping compassion and empathy. So we practiced great patience with the sociopath . After all, we didn’t wish to seem cruel and unreasonable if we walked away abandoning the sociopath after just a few arguments and misunderstandings.

We gave the relationship, not necessarily the sociopath, many chances.

So, no, we were not all co-dependent. Entering the toxic relationship with the sociopath thrust us into behaving in ways characteristic of co-dependency.

We made excuses for the sociopath, and early in the relationship, we agreed with the sociopath when he claimed others didn’t like him because they were jealous of him.

This degree of co-dependency came from being with the sociopath too long. And we stayed too long because our nature dictated us to only look at the good despite the sociopath continuously pushing and destroying our boundaries, while simultaneously giving us empty apologies and false promises that he/she would change.

And because we are highly empathic and understand that love is patient, we gave the sociopath chance after chance to change his/her way of thinking about us. We held out hope that the sociopath’s demands and expectations of how we SHOULD love them would ease and align with reality.

(No one is perfect; we all make mistakes. Shaming and blaming and relentlessly pushing a person to the edge of sanity is not love.)

Unfortunately, the only thing that changed was our faith in ourselves. We interpreted the sociopath’s perpetual lack of understanding as our inability and failure to demonstrate our full capacity to love.

So we kept trying and prooving ourselves worthy. We gave the sociopath more and understanding than we had ever given to another human. Ever. And it still didn’t make a difference. The sociopath remained unchanged.

We exhausted ourselves to the point of losing sight of what real love looked like.

We lost our ability to overcome and mutually work through relationship issues and road blocks. We questioned our ability to love, care and forgive, because the sociopath relentlessly diminished us for reacting emotionally and normally to his hatefulness.

If the sociopath had his way, we would have simply submitted and allowed him to think and act just as he wished to think and act, regardless of the harm and abuse he inflicted.

The irony of the sociopath’s wish for us to stop reacting so emotionally lies in the simple fact that he coveted us in the beginning because we ARE so emotional and caring. If we had been void of emotions, we never would have attracted the sociopath into our lives in the first place.

So the more the sociopath demanded that we become like him and learn to relax and let things roll off our backs, the more we attempted to do that.

And what’s the first thing we started relaxing about? Yup. You guessed it. We started reacting less and less to the sociopath’s negative criticisms of us, and we submitted less and less to the sociopath’s whims.

And when we did this, the rage became even greater. Initially, this caused us great confusion:

“You asked me to stop caring so much, remember? You asked me to stop stressing and being so emotional. So I am trying.”

But we learned quickly that the sociopath is not only hateful, but he is also the biggest hypocrite we’ll ever encounter.

For the sociopath to remain happy and without rage, we must remain detached from our emotions unless those emotions somehow benefit the sociopath.

We must laugh, cry and get frustrated only when the sociopath deems those emotions necessary and just. All other emotions we feel are judged and vilified by the sociopath.

You see, any emotions or reactions we have must be born of the sociopath and only according to his will. The sociopath thrives on our emotional reactions to him. The sociopath feeds on the drama our emotions generate. So if we no longer reacted to him emotionally, he no longer received the drama he thrived; he lost his life source in us!

(The same principles that guide a schoolyard bully’s behaviors.)

In the sociopath’s delusional attempts to force us to become numb to all things that normally illicit emotional reactions in us, we also became numb to the sociopath and his manipulations.

The numbness overtook us one day, more than likely in the middle of one of the sociopath’s rages.

(What an insult to the sociopath’s nature!! How dare we become numb to him?!?!?)

Instead of fighting or running away like we had done so many times in the past, we sat emotionless and quietly “took it” instead.

Becoming numb is essentially the “freeze” mode of our “fight/flight/freeze” response to threatening situations. In our numbness, we fully rejected the drama that drove the sociopath’s behavior and abuses against us.

We didn’t realize it in the moment, but our ability to go numb was a beautifully disguised clue that we could survive without the sociopath’s approval and acceptance. We CAN detach. But we were too numb to understand this fact as it was happening.

Do you remember when you first became numb? It is not a sign of heartlessness. It’s a sign of strength and your ability to self-protect.

Our last resort is becoming numb and detached. It doesn’t feel good or natural to us. That’s why we question it.

But we realize, eventually, that becoming numb is not a heartless act. We finally learn what being heartless really is:

Heartless is cheating and manipulation.

Heartless is behaving and responding to those you claim to love without empathy, compassion or a conscience.

Heartless is driving another to detach from all others except oneself.

Heartless is the sociopath you escaped.

Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/185421709627994995/)

© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

The hateful and non-empathetic sociopath…detach now!

zenbirthdaycardWhy can’t sociopaths truly empathize with others?

We know they can fake an empathetic stance and act like they care. They do this with brilliant believability in the beginning idolization and repeated grooming phases of the relationship.

But they can’t feel the emotions that empathy naturally necessitates. They can’t demonstrate true empathy in words or actions or in their treatment of us.

If we are feeling hurt emotionally due to insensitive treatment by the sociopath, the sociopath, in turn, succeeds in hurting and crushing us even more by criticizing us for being emotional!

Why? Why do sociopaths not recognize our pain and attempt to alleviate it rather than exacerbate it?

The only explanation is that sociopaths are somehow denied the ability to feel or have emotions of their own and, as a result, are convinced that emotions are a sign of weakness. After all, how can anything the sociopath doesn’t possess or can’t experience have worth?

But the irony is that sociopaths are fueled by our emotions!! They need our emotions. When we cry or get angry, the sociopath perceives our emotions as their cue, their green light, to destroy us.

They hate emotions and love to destroy what they hate.

So what better way to “hurt” a sociopath than by being emotionless in the face of their abuse? What better way to get a sociopath to lose interest in you than by not reacting to them?

This is why no contact is so important! You’ve exhausted yourself in hopes of getting answers. And you know by now that nothing true or real will ever come from any more questions and pleadings on your part. Further questions and pleadings will simply fuel the sociopath and encourage the sociopath to continue the avoidance and projection games.

Nothing will ever be resolved.

So you are left to accept the sociopath for the incomplete person the sociopath is and to detach emotionally from an emotionless being. It’s really simple and very easy once you put it into practice.

Namaste!
~Paula

© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

Grazed by the Bullet of Sociopathic Child Abuse

armando_me_hospitalThis post was tough to write probably because the toughest part of the aftermath of my experience with the sociopath has been coming to terms with what he did to my son and the associated guilt I carry for being partially to blame. Reminders of the bullet we dodged can’t help but creep into my every-day life as I watch my son grow and thrive. Because the sociopath didn’t stop at trying to emotionally tear me down. He cowardly went after my son as well, while lying and claiming unconditional love for him.

As a child, I didn’t dream about getting married or having children. I rarely imagined my future self with anyone for that matter. My visions of my future were rather boring:

I was always old and surrounded by cats. (I don’t even like cats that much!) My younger sister often accompanied me in these visions; she was old, too. She was surrounded by dogs. (Makes a lot of sense if you knew her!)

Neither of us had children in these visions. Nor did we have husbands. We took care of each other (kind of like we’ve always done since we were little), and we always seemed to be hanging out on our front porch with the animals and several flower pots covering the stoop and front walkway. (I’m not exactly a green thumb; I’ll give my sister the credit for keeping the flowers healthy and alive.)

One thing I loved the most about these visions was our happiness. We were happy to have each other like we had always had each other growing up. As old ladies, we smiled a lot and drank iced tea.

We seemed so damn content in these visions. I’m starting to understand why that may be.

Today, we both have a child of our own. Just one each: I have a wonderfully imaginative and sensitive little boy, and my younger sister gave birth to a beautiful daughter earlier this year.

Before giving birth, I was so afraid to fail as a mother. I was so afraid of endangering my child or doing something to cause him harm. But something inside of me changed in the first moments of my son’s birth 8 years ago.

To me, having a child was a stressful idea. So many responsibilities! So many unknown variables and “what if”s that I seriously never wanted to have children.

But then “the pill” failed and I was pregnant!

I worried for 38 weeks that my son would be born deformed or with a disability – all due to something I had caused or had eaten or had been exposed to while pregnant.

(No one put these fears into my head. I was pretty good at scaring myself back then without anyone’s help.)

At 37 weeks pregnant, I was suffering from severe pre-eclampsia (pregnancy induced high blood pressure) and nothing was working to bring my BP into a normal range. I agreed to an emergency C-section.

I vaguely recall being wheeled into the OR to receive the spinal injection that would numb me from the neck down.

I vaguely recall lying on my back with my arms stretched out and fastened so as not to move them.

I vaguely remember the draped green fabric staring back at me so I couldn’t see what was happening to my body.

I vaguely remember the pressure.

I vaguely remember, once the pressure stopped, my husband behind and above me with the light shining down upon him as he smiled in spite of his tears.

The one moment I remember in all of its details was the moment my son’s nose touched mine and a deep and calming energy, that I can only describe as love, shooting through my body, relaxing me instantly.

I wouldn’t get a chance to hold my son for another 24 hours, the time it took for all of the drugs to flush out of my system and for my overwhelming fear of dropping him to wash away.

The first time holding him was feeding time, and his little 6 pound 9 ounce body nuzzled up to me and latched on in an instant, leaving the two of us to grow our love bond over and over again for the next 12 months of breast feeding and bonding bliss.

Which brings me to why I had no choice but to walk away from the sociopath (not really knowing he was a sociopath) in order to protect the truest love I had ever felt outside of the love of my parents and siblings–the love between myself and my son.

The saddest and most despicable behaviors by the sociopath, the boy in my story, was his attempt to convince me that my son wasn’t as lovable as I believed my son to be and the sociopath’s attempt to destroy my son’s growing self-esteem.

(It’s important to know that my son is NOT the sociopath’s son, and my son was between the ages of 3 and 5 when I was in the toxic relationship.)

I think all parents would agree that children can be manipulative and can use loving ploys at times to get what they want.

I also think parents would agree that we as parents intuitively know the difference between our child’s con and our child’s real desire to bond and connect.

The sociopath would roll his eyes at my son anytime my son would come running to me for a hug or a kiss. The sociopath would whisper to me how pathetic my son’s obvious manipulations were.

I would argue that my son was genuine in his love and that I could recognize when my son was trying to get something out of me by obvious attempts to “schmooze” me.

The sociopath, of course, didn’t appreciate that. For starters, the sociopath wanted me convinced that my idea of unconditional love between me and my son was just an illusion. The sociopath hoped I would feel defeated by my son’s inability to love me. After all, if I didn’t think my son loved me, I’d rely more and more upon receiving the sociopath’s love, which would render me more and more dependent upon the sociopath’s acceptance and approval of me as a person. Which would give him, in the end, ultimate control.

But each attempt by the sociopath to sever the bond between mother and child failed. I wasn’t going to believe, not for a second, any of the sociopath’s lame and bogus attempts to brainwash me against my own child’s affections. So the next best thing for the sociopath to do was to try tearing down my son’s confidence.

Mature, huh?

The sociopath liked calling my son a “baby” and a “midget”. My son despised being teased and would verbally declare to the sociopath just how much he despised the taunts:

“Stop it, Wooben! Stop it! I am not a baby!”

This encouraged the sociopath. He would laugh and poke more fun at my son and use even more annoying baby talk when speaking to my son.

(This baby talk approach is effective and demeaning, especially for children who partially define themselves and their maturity by how adults treat them. If an adult treats a child with respect and maturity, a child will naturally feel respected and mature. If an adult treats a child as “less than” the adult, the child will feel less than and will lack the confidence necessary to become mature and self-reliant. A powerful cause-and-effect reality in which adults always have the upper hand. Rather frightening if you think about this too much.)

My son was in a lose-lose battle with the sociopath. The more my son cried at being called a baby, the more the sociopath could prove to my son that he was a baby.

“Poor, poor Armando. Cry, cry Armando. See! You ARE a baby!!”

(Have I ever mentioned my desire to gouge out the sociopath’s eyeballs in the final weeks of the relationship before I escaped? Oh, forgive me. I can’t help but remember that urge as I revisit this scumbag’s treatment of my child.)

The point I am making is that this is child abuse. Plain and simple.

Child abuse is not limited to physical violence. Child abuse often begins as simple taunts and teases like I describe above. The abuse becomes obvious when these taunts and teasings escalate and the adult in the situation ignores the negative impact upon the child or finds the negative impact fulfilling in a sick and twisted way.

I pointed out the twistedness behind the sociopath’s behavior only to have the sociopath project some other ugliness onto me in hopes I would get too distraught with being too unhappy with myself to care or worry about how unhappy I was with how the sociopath treated me and my son.

Well, the sociopath underestimated my love for my child and my ability to suspend my depression long enough to act. I think he underestimated my love and desire to protect my son, because the sociopath never experienced such a true-love bond with his own mother. He had no idea the lengths I would go to in order to protect and preserve that love because the sociopath had never seen or felt it in his own life.

Should I have felt sorry for the sociopath and tried to get him to understand the love bond I shared with my son?

Well, I did feel sorry for the sociopath, and I tried many times in vain to express and model the love bond. But the sociopath was too jealous and insecure and afraid to open up to seeing something, anything, new and inspiring outside of his sad reality and life circumstances.

My child didn’t deserve being subjected to this sick man’s behavior any longer than he needed to be subjected to it. I wasn’t going to sit around praying and hoping the sociopath would change, either. My love for my son was much stronger and more motivational than any sad story told by or empty promises offered by the sociopath.

In the end, the sociopath’s crying tantrums and empty apologies were met by two words from my mouth, “Fuck you!”

(I know! It’s not appropriate, lady-like or classy. I didn’t exactly know what I was dealing with, remember, or what was happening to me? I didn’t exactly know the sociopath was a sociopath in these emotional moments. All I knew was that the guy was not good for me and was clearly hurting my child. What I describe here is just part of the abuse. I was angry. I deserved to be angry.)

Sacrificing my son’s love was never an option. My son deserved a chance to develop healthy self-esteem, self-respect and self-love. I could see that the sociopath lacked all of those qualities. Therefore I could not, in good conscience and with love, continue subjecting my son to such a poor model of human behavior.

If I didn’t leave for myself, I had to escape for my son. So that’s where my strength was born. Out of the love bond I had for my son.

My son saved me long before I was able to save myself. Miraculously, our love bond grew and continues to grow even stronger as a result. Who knew such a thing was possible!?!?!!!!

Namaste!
~Paula


© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

The Sociopath as Bull in a China Shop

bullSociopaths aren’t really living; they’re merely existing.

A sociopath believes he is superior and evolved, and we almost believed that he was superior and evolved. After all, the Sociopath demonstrated what seemed to be a unique ability to “live in the moment” effortlessly and with little to no stress.

The sociopath often encouraged us to also live without worry and embrace “living in the moment” with him.

It seemed like a good idea. It even seemed fun and adventurous at first. Unfortunately, we always failed to master this philosophy. We couldn’t seem to let go of our worry and our fears as we navigated our lives with the Sociopath and others.

Why did we keep failing in this?

For starters, we have a conscience.

And for another thing, what the Sociopath was preaching to us wasn’t even close to living. The Sociopath’s self-analysis was actually VERY delusional, because the sociopath failed to see the difference between LIVING in the moment and EXISTING in the moment:

1. Living in the moment requires full awareness of ourselves and absolute respect for others. We’re careful not to cause harm to ourselves or others. We think about how others may or may not be affected. We act on empathy and what is in the best interests of everyone “that moment” touches.

2. Existing in the moment is analogous to a bull in a china shop. That bull is certainly in the moment…a moment of destruction, chaos and utter dysfunction. The bull is not considering anyone but himself and will harm anyone and everything that gets in his way.

The sociopath is the bull. You are the china.

Don’t settle on merely existing like the Sociopath. Don’t be fooled by the fool’s philosophy.

Aspire to live in the moment, reflecting on yourself and the choices you make and the people you affect and touch.

Honest and true joy come from living. Existing leaves behind a wake of destruction filled with lies and excuses.

Namaste!
~ Paula

© Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications, 2012 – 2013.

(image source:http://www.pinterest.com/pin/234679830552331951/)

No Need to ‘Stoop to Conquer’ the Sociopath

No need to Stoop to Conquer the SociopathThe biggest lie Sociopaths tell is to themselves about themselves.

Sociopaths “honestly” think they are superior and better than others and feel entitled to treat people any way they wish to treat them as long as it benefits the sociopath.

The Sociopath will kiss the ground that his current supply/girlfriend/boss/social group walk upon until they serve no material benefit or purpose.

And every other person that crosses the Sociopath’s path will also be looked upon as a means to an end:

>>The waitress
>>The bartender
>>The police officer
>>The lawyer
>>The Judge
>>The social worker
>>The department store clerk

The Sociopath will use his charms in the moment to get the best results he feels entitled to receiving. He’ll smile to their faces and call them morons behind their backs. And these people are so unsuspecting of the Sociopath’s evil and despicable intentions that they WILL grant the charming Sociopath exactly what he desires.

We can’t defeat these charming assholes at their own game. Why would we want to?

When we try battling them at their own game, we are stripped of our morals and ethics, and we end up becoming more and more distraught and guilt-ridden at OUR behavior.

(I did this. I don’t wish anyone to experience what I experienced.)

Sociopaths want us to stoop to their level. It validates them. Let’s not do that. Let’s, instead, leave them on their island at the center of their world. It’s where they think they belong, anyhow, so let’s give it to them. Let’s just leave them alone and go about our lives.

Let’s nurture our conscience, our empathy, our care, our joy and our love for all living things. Let’s step away from the hate. It’s not really the Sociopath that we hate, anyhow. It’s the continued injustice of never getting justice for the despicable acts the Sociopath inflicted upon us.

What we actually feel for the Sociopath in the end is NOTHING. A NOTHINGNESS. And NOTHINGNESS is difficult to process, but it’s possible. We just need to stay focused on ourselves and the people in our lives who bring us true joy, connectedness and hope.

There is no hope for the Sociopath, but there is unlimited potential for ourselves.

Namaste!
~Paula

© Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications, 2012 – 2013.

(image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/122582421077228509/)

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