“Unashamed Voices” will expose sociopaths in our midst #ebook #preorder

The ebook collection of survivor stories is available for pre-order!

• US Pre-Orders
• UK Pre-Orders
  
• Canada Pre-Orders
• Australia Pre-Orders

Last year, nearly 50 readers and survivors submitted their survivor stories to me. Last month, I edited and published a story a day to my Communities Digital Column. This month, I compiled all of the edited and previously-published stories (plus two previously unpublished stories) into a working draft for an ebook. Yesterday, I designed the cover and uploaded the draft to Kindle Direct Publishing for pre-order status review. Today, the pre-order status was approved, and now everyone can pre-order their copy before the release date of December 31, 2014.

As promised, the book will also be available for FREE upon release next month. The purpose of the pre-order period is to generate interest and profit in hopes of being afforded the opportunity to also make the book available in soft copy.

I thank everyone who visits this blog for giving me the strength, courage and determination I needed to dedicate to this project, which has consumed me for nearly the past 20 months. Our voices would not be able to build the stength and momentum they have without the support we give to eachother. XOXO

Book Description:

“Unashamed Voices: True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud – Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst”

Not everyone moves from a place of care and respect for themselves and others, because not everyone has (1) a conscience; (2) the ability to feel remorse; and (3) the ability to tap into affective empathy–the type of empathy that allows one to see and feel a situation from another’s perspective. People lacking these qualities are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. They exist everywhere in society, including our homes where their toxic and parasitic lifestyles are destroying families, children and communities every single day.

This collection of 33 true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships sets out to expose the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. These personal accounts will dispel the myths surrounding domestic violence and intimate partner abuse and have you questioning what you thought you knew about crimes being committed behind closed doors. You will also understand the impact to victims and survivors and start gaining an understanding of why so many remain silent and that most, if not all survivors, are walking around undiagnosed and/or under diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression and other debilitating conditions resulting from the physical, emotional and spiritual abuse they endured and continue to relive in the aftermath.

With greater awareness and education, victims and survivors of pathological abuse at the hands of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists will have a greater chance of experiencing justice and a greater chance of protecting potential victims who are the future targets of these manipulative and malignant criminals hiding behind the false and delusional facade of moral righteousness and victimization.

If you are interested in being a part of the solution to one day see an end to domestic violence, rape and fraud, read this book and pass it on to anyone and everyone you know who has been or is currently being impacted by a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist. With 1 in 25 people estimated to be a sociopath, the chance that you know someone affected by an individual with a pathological personality disorder is extremely high. Allow the many voices of truth in these pages open your eyes to the answers behind the senseless acts committed against you, your loved ones and/or your friends.

Paula Carrasquillo, MA
November 18, 2014

http://www.amazon.com/Unashamed-Voices-Survivors-Domestic-Sociopaths-ebook/dp/B00PUMN6HW/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416430397&sr=1-2&pebp=1416430399152

Sociopaths Everywhere, Did the sociopath ever love me?, and A Survivor’s Bookshelf #newsletter #issue3

This latest issue of Paula’s Pontifications Newsletter is now available.

July 22, 2014: Volume 1, Issue 3
Sociopaths Everywhere, Did the Sociopath Ever Love Me?, and A Survivor’s Bookshelf

Why Calling Pistorius Insecure but Not Narcissistic is Damaging to Sociopath Abuse Awareness

The experts continue to misinform themselves and the public about narcissism, which is at the root of sociopathy. The experts who evaluated Oscar Pistorius got it half right:

1. Right – The doctors and therapists who evaluated Pistorius testified this week that the Paralympic athlete was not suffering from any form of mental illness or impairment when he shot and murdered Reeva Steenkamp on the eve of Valentine’s Day 2013 in his South Africa residence.
2. Wrong – Despite labeling Pistorius as highly insecure and depressed, the experts claim there are no clear indications that he is a narcissist with a personality disorder or a psychopath/sociopath with deep pathological defects.

I find this conclusion troubling and contradictory, because, as we all are very aware; narcissists and sociopaths act abusively, not only because they lack a conscience and are void of empathy, but because they are deeply insecure, highly fearful of abandonment, and paranoid. When cornered and caught, they drop the grandiose and entitled front and instead manipulate the consciousness of others by engaging and parading their insecurities to gain pity.

As Martha Stout, Ph.D. notes in her book The Sociopath Next Door, not all narcissists are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are narcissists. More importantly, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and those who are sociopaths do not like themselves. Knowing this should not excuse their nature or make them sympathetic characters.

So let’s remind ourselves, first and foremost, that narcissists do not love themselves and are not secure in their identities.
The term “narcissism” is derived directly from the myth of Narcissus. Like Narcissus, narcissists appear to always and forever be gazing lovingly at themselves. If you interpret Narcissus or narcissism this way, you would be half correct. Narcissus is always and forever gazing loving at his reflection, not at himself—there is a difference.

A reflection of a person is a distortion; it is not the inner reality and nuances that reveal our nature. The narcissistic sociopath falls in love with a distorted self-image, not with his/her spirit. It seems that the myth behind the myth has been obscured by the images depicting the myth. What a travesty of misinformation and interpretation.

Sociopaths hide their true nature from themselves and from everybody else. They avoid looking within, because they hate themselves and fear being reminded of why they hate themselves so much.

Another thing to remember about that reflection pool we always see Narcissus staring into adoringly–that reflection pool is a shallow puddle. And it’s this shallow, muddied effect that makes narcissists and sociopaths so dangerous and why even the experts get it wrong the majority of the time, because even the experts misinterpret the myth, which leads to misinterpretation of what it means to be narcissistic.

Instead of being real and sharing their inner fears and shame, sociopaths present to the world an idealized reflection, a projection of who they want us to think they are and of who they desperately wish to be. These projections are mere shadows and imaginings of their surroundings and are composed of nothing real or tangible.

Pistorius wanted to be seen as a super man and indestructible. And now? Now that he has been exposed? What happened to the projections?

They simply no longer serve his agenda. His agenda now is to save himself from punishment. Understanding and accepting how easily a narcissist/sociopath can switch gears should be obvious to the experts and should be the reason society pursues just punishment and insists that Pistorius be accountable for his/her actions. In light of this recent diagnosis (or misdiagnosis), it appears Pistorius may never receive just punishment.

Why do we as a society keep excusing this behavior and refuse to label the behavior for what it is? Why are we sympathizing with Pistorius? Are we afraid of being judged ourselves one day for acting abusively or carelessly? Or are we already acting abusively and carelessly on a regular basis, and we don’t want to seem like hypocrites by punishing these fools simply because they got caught? Or do we see this type of behavior as “not a big deal” and that people just have bad days and do dumb things under duress?

A woman is dead as a result of this man’s “dumb” act. Her name is Reeva Steenkamp. She did nothing to provoke her murderer to shoot her four (4) times through a locked bathroom door. She thought she was fleeing from eminent danger. She never imagined Oscar would dive into such a deep narcissistic rage and lose all awareness of reality and destroy her.

Pistorius destroyed a woman’s life and negatively impacted the lives of all of her family, friends, and loved ones. He’s now claiming to be an insecure and fearful victim of society and circumstance? Where do his self-pity and outer blame end and his accountability begin?

He is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath and society must be properly educated about what narcissism means.

Pistorius has used self-pity, “loss” of limbs, and the state of crime in South Africa to dupe the experts and the public into believing he is a rat in a cage who reacts in fear when his cage is rattled.

Well, don’t we all!?

The difference between Pistorius and the rest of us non-sociopaths is that we have empathy, remorse and a conscience. Together, these qualities would not allow us to defend our actions with the hope of eluding punishment. On the contrary, unlike Pistorius, we would be ashamed and surrender to the justice system and plead guilty.

Reeva did not have the opportunity to defend herself. Why is Pistorius demanding and expecting the grace and mercy he denied Reeva?

In addition, we should not be surprised by the latest news declaring Pistorius is now suicidal. After all, Sociopaths suffer, too, despite what anyone wants to believe. They suffer deep stress and anxiety when they get caught in such a public manner and are forced to answer for their behavior. It’s no wonder Pistorius is showing signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder…his mask slipped and he had no control, because he is not in control of his nature…ever.

This is frightening to me and why my recommendation to those who discover they have aligned unknowingly with a narcissist/sociopath is to run in the opposite direction. These are the people who deserve to be outcasts, and I have no shame or remorse in declaring such.

Namaste!
~Paula

Turning the Sociopath’s Toxic Crap into Bountiful Blossoms

(Warning: This post may cause gas.)

Don’t misinterpret the sociopath’s ability to manipulate and demean you as a skill.

A skill is something we’re taught and we learn. The sociopath was born with this ability.

Harming and hurting individuals is his nature, and he does it with the same ease he pisses and shits. And like a bowel movement, there is no need for him to tap into empathy, remorse or his phantom conscience:

“Ahhh! That felt good. Now let me wash my hands really, really good. Can’t have any remnants of THAT left in my world.”

Ask yourself this the next time you use the toilet:

“How much guilt and remorse do I feel after I relieve myself and flush?”

Surely, you’ll answer, “None!” (Heck, if you didn’t eliminate that crap, it would have caused serious bloat and painful pressure. Ouch! Who needs that?)

And this is exactly how the sociopath views everyone who no longer serves him: we are just excess bloat and pressure. He releases and flushes us out of his life as if we never existed. So easy. No skills required.

I WISH I could do that. I WISH it were that easy for all of us non-sociopaths to reciprocate and let out two farts for every one of theirs. But we can’t. Neither my conscience nor your conscience allows us to throw people away that easily.

Be relieved by this news. (Yes, I said that.) It speaks to your ability to love. But know that we are at least able to eliminate the toxic, sociopathic crap he fed us a little bit at a time. We do this by learning and perfecting the skills of thoughtful introspection and mindful self-love.

So practice some mindfulness and self-love the next time you find yourself on the toilet. Imagine that along with today’s breakfast or last night’s dinner, you’re also ridding your body and mind of the toxins the sociopath brought to your life.

Enjoy the release and flush all that sociopathic nonsense down the toilet. One day you will emerge and blossom a whole new you!

Namaste!
~ Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/530369293586614618/)

Where’s my “Sociopaths Suck” hat?

This afternoon, I received a message from a producer at HuffPost Live asking if I would be interested in participating in a live broadcast set to air tomorrow afternoon beginning at 2:30 p.m. EST.

The topic: Sociopaths!

My answer: Hell yes!

They’d like me to share some of my story and participate in the discussion about sociopaths in the media and how to deal with them in everyday life (whatever that means.)

I’ll post more details as they are provided to me.

I sure hope I can find something decent to wear. Any ideas or suggestions? 🙂

The Sociopath as the Rotten, Stinking Limb Even a Tree Hugger Can’t Embrace

“Why do you talk about sociopaths as if they aren’t humans?”

That was a question by a commenter left on a blog I frequent. The first thing that came to mind after reading the comment was:

“Is the commenter a sociopath or is the commenter just one of those do-gooders who likes focusing on the positive in people?”

Regardless, I’d like to answer the question:

I don’t think sociopaths are like non-sociopaths. Therefore, I have a hard time referring to them in terms I use for non-sociopaths.

Certainly, many of us behave badly at times in our lives. I know I have! But unlike sociopaths, we are accountable and identify when we need to make a change so we stop behaving badly.

As far as focusing on the negative, I love people! With the exception of the sociopath. I choose to keep them out of my life so I can neither love nor hate them. I’d like to remain indifferent to their presence on planet earth.

I find most of my outlooks on life need an asterisk that states: *with the exception of sociopaths.

For example:

I always look for the good in people.*

Everyone deserves a second chance and sometimes need even more chances.*

There is good in everyone.*

I will go out of my way to help a person in need.*

I admire intelligent people.*

I enjoy meeting new people.*

You get the idea. I’m a tree-hugger type who won’t embrace that one rotten, stinking limb.

Am I ashamed of that? Nope.

Does it make me look like a hypocrite. Probably.

However, unless a person has lived alongside a sociopath or other pathological type, that person will never understand the distinction and the exception. And that’s okay. Bless them, as my sister-in-law would say. 🙂

~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/64598575875873780/)

Keep your heart out of his jar…forever!

If you succeed or have succeeded in ending your relationship with a narcissist, a sociopath, or anyone with an affliction associated with any Cluster B disorder (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, and histrionic personality disorder), there WILL be a time in either the near or distant future that the nutcase will contact you in an attempt to lure you back into his lair.

The sociopath will choose a time in his life that he needs you the most. He might be alone, engaged to someone who is simply driving him crazy, married to a nag, or dealing with a pregnant wife who just won’t put out or give him any attention. Whatever his situation, he’s suffering because the woman in his life doesn’t love him the way he NEEDS to be loved. He’ll be sitting around one day and suddenly you’ll come to mind, and he’ll think:

“Paula. Yeah, Paula. She was easy to manipulate and control; she’ll enjoy some of my flattery and give me some, too, I’m sure. Getting my fix [his narcissistic supply] from a few e-mails or phone calls would really boost me right now.”

And off goes the narcissist to call, write or text Paula with lies, lies, lies about how he’s being mistreated and misunderstood.

He’ll be expecting Paula to soothe his ego and take pity on him immediately. He’ll expert her to say, “You poor thing. You deserve better. You poor, poor, thing.” But he doesn’t realize that Paula has learned her lesson (FINALLY!) and can now recognize the tricks of sociopathic pricks like him even from a distance of several light years.

So, instead of having pity and replying to him with soothing words often reserved for children, she won’t respond at all. She won’t even send him a “Screw off!” note. Instead, she’ll ignore him because that’s the best way to defeat these predators. Ignore them and act like they aren’t even human, because, with all sincerity, they aren’t human like the rest of us.

These song lyrics below (and video here) may help some of you who are on the fence about finally deleting, blocking, or changing your email and phone number, so you don’t have to read his words or hear his disgusting voice again…

“Jar Of Hearts”

No, I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
And I’ve learned to live half-alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

[Chorus: x2]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Reader support and fun with analytics

WordPress blogging is fun. I get to write and publish and meet other bloggers and readers. I find out a lot about myself and receive enormous amounts of encouragement. I honestly don’t know what would have happened to my mind in the last few months if I hadn’t been gifted with all of the support.

Especially in hard times, we need each other. Now that the good times are peeking through, I’m focusing on participating more in the blogs I follow (and hope to follow), which means reading them, commenting on them, commenting on comments, and simply being there like so many were there for me.

One of my favorite features provided by WordPress is the analytics. People from across the globe visit my blog. The majority of visitors come from the United States, Australia, Canada, and the United Kingdom. I can also pinpoint the city, state and the referral site!

The most interesting analysis to date has been the reoccurring (almost daily) visits by a specific reader (not a fellow blogger) who comes from Springfield, Virginia and enters via pocaipainting.com. If you happen to be that reader, thank you so much for your interest in my blog. It seems you’re especially interested in anything and everything I post about sociopaths, Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath, and abuse. I hope you’re learning about yourself the evil among us.

To the rest of my readers and fellow bloggers, Namaste!

This is child abuse; don’t you think?

Who treats a child like this and thinks it’s okay? The boy has some serious Mommy issues, it’s clear. Plus, he can’t seem to figure out that love isn’t about being in the honeymoon stage forever.

Read from the beginning or get caught up on The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath. I’ll be formatting the site soon to make it available on most eReaders!

Thank you and enjoy!

Story of a Sociopath up to Part 11

The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath

The Birth & Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath is getting more and more suspenseful…

Is the woman going to leave the boy, have his baby, marry him, kill him? Or will the boy and his twisted thinking, manipulations, and projections destroy her first? Get caught up and leave your comments, suggestions, and critiques. Enjoy!

(P.S. My past and on-going followers will notice that I have been reorganizing the site as I write and add “Parts.” I think I finally found an arrangement that will work for all future additions. I hope I am not confusing you but making your experience better. Namaste!)