After several years of not writing, I returned to my blog last January. Up until then, I had been discouraged from writing for many reasons:
1) Where was my voice? It had been lost for so long.
2) What was I going to write about? So many things were going on in my life and my head; I didn’t know where to begin.
3) What if no one read anything I wrote? My life couldn’t possibly interest anyone or have an impact.
4) How would I find the time to maintain a blog? Being a wife, mother, and working FT takes up a lot of time. I didn’t want to sacrifice any of these things.
5) Why bother? I had zero motivation.
The catalyst to break through those negative barriers came from a collection of life experiences and emotions:
1) January 2012 marked my 40th birthday. If I couldn’t find my voice by 40, when did I expect it to arrive?
2) I had been practicing yoga for 3 months. I was letting go of as much as I could on the mat. I needed to let go in other ways.
3) My stepfather died unexpectedly in December 2011. I was sad. I was filled with sadness. I needed to release it.
4) I was struggling to come to terms with my past. So many things were clouding my view. I couldn’t see past the garbage of my recent past to get to the joy of my future.
5) I needed an outlet. Writing can be done anywhere. Writing is what it would be!
I look back at my posts from earlier last year and compare them with posts from more recently. I believe I have grown a lot and become a lot less angry and confused. I attribute my growth and awareness to many things, the least of which is my writing.
Writing has always been a part of who I am and how I cope. I have been writing letters and notes to myself ever since I was a little girl. The writing never failed me. But I failed my writing.
I wish I hadn’t stopped when I did a few years ago. I wish I had been more confident in my own thoughts and ideas to keep writing. I wish I hadn’t allowed someone else to influence me and make me feel like my writing wasn’t good enough to share. I wish I had loved myself to the degree that I love myself now.
But that’s old news! What a difference a year makes!
Just something I wanted to share:
My sister/best friend and her long-time boyfriend (pictured) are due to have their first child in the coming weeks. A little girl. I’m going to be an aunt again. I am so excited to meet her. Now more than ever, I feel like I can give as much as I receive. Namaste!