We all have come to believe and realize that a narcissistic sociopath is not capable of telling the truth. Surprisingly and unfortunately, the only time we hear the truth from the sociopath’s mouth is when a sociopath is in a full-on rage, in a fit of absolute anger.
Everything he spews at you in these moments is how he really feels. Rage is the only way he can express himself with any realism or clarity, even though it seems less clear to us and more like a big old chaotic nightmare spilling at our feet.
If we can remember and/or recall this about the sociopath, the truth becomes clearer and easier to accept.
Is it our fault that the sociopath suffered in childhood (or whenever) and that’s why she yells and screams and rages at you? Is it our fault that the sociopath didn’t learn how to self-soothe as a child beyond yelling, screaming and blaming others? Should we feel responsible for fixing these flaws and teaching the sociopath how to behave normally?
No, no, and hell no!
Should we make every attempt to get away from the out-of-control rages and anger inflicted upon us by the sociopath?
All the yelling and hatred the sociopath throws at us serves only to traumatise our delicate senses, leaving two victims in anger’s wake.
Healthy people understand the value in self-soothing. We started doing it as children when our parents told us to go to our rooms and think about what we did. We know that sitting alone listening to our own voices and understanding our own tears, fears and frustrations is the only way to learn, grow and become a better and more independent person.
The sociopath doesn’t understand this simple exercise. He has no idea what self-soothe means or he wouldn’t keep screaming at us when we make a mistake or behave inappropriately (and we all misbehave sometimes. No one is perfect!). If he understood self-soothing, he would allow us to go off and think about our behavior in silent meditation. He wouldn’t incessantly berate and judge and point his nasty finger in our faces in hopes of shaming and belittling us.
The goal of a sociopath’s anger isn’t to help us; it’s to hurt us. That’s the truth we must accept.
Does being that angry make any sense to you? Does prohibiting us from self-soothing make any sense to you?
It never made a bit of sense to me.
Does repeatedly telling a person how bad and how irresponsible they are solve anything in anyone’s life?
It certainly didn’t encourage me or motivate me to act and better myself. All it did was push me into a state of depression and self-loathing.
Who can accomplish anything in a state of despair?
Not me and probably not you, either.
And the reason we allowed the words of the sociopath to affect us, control us and send us so very, very low is because we were told by the sociopath that he loved us, needed us and would die if left without us.
What a nasty trick to play on someone, huh? Telling someone you love them when you have no clue what love means. Pfft!
Don’t ignore the sociopath’s anger or make excuses for the anger. See it for the reality that it is and see that it can harm you in many, many ways.
Anger is violent, controlling and leads to violent acts. Anger is incredibly insidious and can infest our pain, leading us to commit hurtful and violent acts we otherwise would never dream of committing.
We will NEVER beat the sociopath at being angry because our truth isn’t as ugly and as pathetic as his. The sociopath’s anger is more powerful than the energy from all of the stars combined. Let him self-implode since he can’t self-soothe.