All sociopath’s are honest…when they rage!

Can you handle the truth of a sociopath's rage?“Anger cannot be dishonest.” ― Marcus Aurelius

We all have come to believe and realize that a narcissistic sociopath is not capable of telling the truth. Surprisingly and unfortunately, the only time we hear the truth from the sociopath’s mouth is when a sociopath is in a full-on rage, in a fit of absolute anger.

Everything he spews at you in these moments is how he really feels. Rage is the only way he can express himself with any realism or clarity, even though it seems less clear to us and more like a big old chaotic nightmare spilling at our feet.

If we can remember and/or recall this about the sociopath, the truth becomes clearer and easier to accept.

Is it our fault that the sociopath suffered in childhood (or whenever) and that’s why she yells and screams and rages at you? Is it our fault that the sociopath didn’t learn how to self-soothe as a child beyond yelling, screaming and blaming others? Should we feel responsible for fixing these flaws and teaching the sociopath how to behave normally?

No, no, and hell no!

Should we make every attempt to get away from the out-of-control rages and anger inflicted upon us by the sociopath?

Absolutely!

All the yelling and hatred the sociopath throws at us serves only to traumatise our delicate senses, leaving two victims in anger’s wake.

Healthy people understand the value in self-soothing. We started doing it as children when our parents told us to go to our rooms and think about what we did. We know that sitting alone listening to our own voices and understanding our own tears, fears and frustrations is the only way to learn, grow and become a better and more independent person.

The sociopath doesn’t understand this simple exercise. He has no idea what self-soothe means or he wouldn’t keep screaming at us when we make a mistake or behave inappropriately (and we all misbehave sometimes. No one is perfect!). If he understood self-soothing, he would allow us to go off and think about our behavior in silent meditation. He wouldn’t incessantly berate and judge and point his nasty finger in our faces in hopes of shaming and belittling us.

The goal of a sociopath’s anger isn’t to help us; it’s to hurt us. That’s the truth we must accept.

Does being that angry make any sense to you? Does prohibiting us from self-soothing make any sense to you?
 
It never made a bit of sense to me.

Does repeatedly telling a person how bad and how irresponsible they are solve anything in anyone’s life?

It certainly didn’t encourage me or motivate me to act and better myself. All it did was push me into a state of depression and self-loathing.

Who can accomplish anything in a state of despair?

Not me and probably not you, either.

And the reason we allowed the words of the sociopath to affect us, control us and send us so very, very low is because we were told by the sociopath that he loved us, needed us and would die if left without us.

What a nasty trick to play on someone, huh? Telling someone you love them when you have no clue what love means. Pfft!

Don’t ignore the sociopath’s anger or make excuses for the anger. See it for the reality that it is and see that it can harm you in many, many ways.

Anger is violent, controlling and leads to violent acts. Anger is incredibly insidious and can infest our pain, leading us to commit hurtful and violent acts we otherwise would never dream of committing.

We will NEVER beat the sociopath at being angry because our truth isn’t as ugly and as pathetic as his. The sociopath’s anger is more powerful than the energy from all of the stars combined. Let him self-implode since he can’t self-soothe.

The Sociopath’s Hate Game – You better participate or else!

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How often do you or did you find yourself discussing other people while in your toxic relationship with the sociopath?

Talking about the faults of others is never-ending and always the highlight of the Sociopath’s existence.

The ultimate in confusion is when the sociopath begins talking negatively about people you thought he admired. One day he’s best friends with someone; the next day that best friend is his mortal enemy.

And if you even consider questioning or countering the sociopath’s opinion of someone, you become their enemy also.

The sociopath leaves you little choice but to endure his hate-filled tirades about others. Otherwise, you become the subject of the sociopath’s hate-filled tirades, and who wants to be that? The sociopath is so vile in his description of people he dislikes. So vile.

People with healthy minds and outlooks on life don’t spend countless hours and conversations trying to convince the rest of us that someone deserves our disdain.

Healthy people ask each other why they might feel dislike for someone, because healthy people don’t want to hold on to the hate. Healthy people want to turn our hate into understanding, even if a person has behaved badly. (That’s why we give the sociopathic fools chance after chance.)

But the sociopath enjoys hating and enjoys it even more when he convinces or thinks he’s convinced others to hate, too.

When we agree or pretend to agree with the sociopath’s hate, we’re providing supply which energizes the sociopath to keep doing what he’s always done: hate and hurt.

I choose not to participate in this hate game. It simply takes us further and further away from peace.

Good morning! ~Paula

Love bombing, attacks and cognitive dissonance #sociopaths #narcissists

Love bombing, attacks and cognitive dissonance Paula CarrasquilloLove bombing (v.) – overwhelming us with attention and praise, calling us their soul mate after a week of knowing us and describing us as “the one” they’ve been waiting for their entire lives.

The praise demands our attention; it’s literally in our faces, in out texts, in our ears and throughout our emails from the sociopath. The love bombs come on like a blitzkrieg and are repeated over and over again to the point of dizzying us into a fog of feeling totally loved and adored. By establishing and surrounding us in a bliss fog, the sociopath primes us so we miss or dismiss the insidious nature of the narcissistic sociopath’s personal attacks on our character over time.

Love bombing happens in the very beginning of the relationship and is repeated by the abuser over the lifetime of the relationship.

Love bombing immediately follows narcissistic rages and highly energized verbal and violent physical attacks and is the primary reason victims experience cognitive dissonance: having co-occurring and conflicting emotions of love and loathing for the sociopath.

Essentially, anytime the abuser fears we will leave/abandon him due to his assaults, we will be love bombed.

They love bomb us to throw us off balance. Love bombing happens immediately after an attack. We have little time to process our anger and frustrations, because, just as quickly as the rage comes on, the love bombing follows.

This hot-and-cold/cold-and-hot behavior is contradictory to any understanding of love a healthy person knows. But we tend to make excuses for the abuser. Don’t. Don’t feel sorry for him or pity him. That’s what he wants you to do. If he’s an adult, he should know better. There is no excuse for abuse and manipulation of a good person’s heart.

Love bombing is one of their favorite tools to con us into thinking they’re only human and deserve chance after chance to redeem themselves. After all, they love you so much, right?

If in the beginning days, weeks and months of a romantic relationship a person uses repeated superlatives to describe how perfect we are for them (like the best or the most), be cautious. No one knows a person well enough that soon to profess such undying love and affection.

But it’s so easy to be hypnotized. Humans love to be loved and adored, which is our core, human quality narcissistic sociopaths use, extort and defile. It’s how we end up convinced that we are the bad guy in the relationship. How can we possibly justify rejecting and being angry and upset with someone who seems to love us so much? We’re monsters for rejecting such fragile people, huh? We’re hateful and heartless.

We are none of those things. None of them! Our crime is being fooled by a person who has no idea of love outside movies and fairy tales. That’s the ideal fantasy, not the reality of love.

We need to let go of the fantasy of love at first sight and approach love and life realistically. True love is possible, but true love takes time, patience and lots of “getting to know you” moments.

Deflect the love bomb with common sense and laugh at the preposterousness of it as soon as it strikes. You might end up being called heartless, but it’s better to be called heartless before falling, don’t you think? 🙂

Namaste!

A Baby Changes Everything

The Woman's Guardian AngelThe abuse of her son at the hands of the boy surely couldn’t be topped. Could it?  Will the woman ever get the courage to leave? Will the boy ever be convinced that he is the one with the problem and stop blaming others for his misery?

Discover more of the dirty, mind-bending tricks the boy enjoys performing. Pick up where you left off, readers, or start from the beginning if you’re just joining the story.

Enjoy!

The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath

Story of a Sociopath up to Part 11

The Birth & Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath is getting more and more suspenseful…

Is the woman going to leave the boy, have his baby, marry him, kill him? Or will the boy and his twisted thinking, manipulations, and projections destroy her first? Get caught up and leave your comments, suggestions, and critiques. Enjoy!

(P.S. My past and on-going followers will notice that I have been reorganizing the site as I write and add “Parts.” I think I finally found an arrangement that will work for all future additions. I hope I am not confusing you but making your experience better. Namaste!)

How to Respond to a Narcissist

I have been meaning to write this post for the past few months. Unfortunately, everytime I think I have the answers, I second guess myself. This second-guessing game made me realize that the best way to respond to a narcissist is to NOT respond.

A narcissist will always be right. No matter how much logic and sincerity goes into your response, a narcissist will find a way to turn your words against you. It’s quite sad. I am saddened that I allowed a narcissist to affect me for so many years (even though within months of meeting I knew I should have run FAST in the opposite direction). I guess folks like me who can put ourselves in other people’s shoes believed the narcissist wasn’t really a narcissist, that he wasn’t really THAT materialistic or self-indulgent. Folks like me are wrong.

So, I am delighted that I finally found the answer, the answer I intuitively knew but ignored 3 years ago: when faced with a controlling narcissist, say nothing and just run as fast as you can in the opposite direction and NEVER look back. He’ll be fine. Narcissists always are (at least in their minds).

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