Love bombing, attacks and cognitive dissonance #sociopaths #narcissists

Love bombing, attacks and cognitive dissonance Paula CarrasquilloLove bombing (v.) – overwhelming us with attention and praise, calling us their soul mate after a week of knowing us and describing us as “the one” they’ve been waiting for their entire lives.

The praise demands our attention; it’s literally in our faces, in out texts, in our ears and throughout our emails from the sociopath. The love bombs come on like a blitzkrieg and are repeated over and over again to the point of dizzying us into a fog of feeling totally loved and adored. By establishing and surrounding us in a bliss fog, the sociopath primes us so we miss or dismiss the insidious nature of the narcissistic sociopath’s personal attacks on our character over time.

Love bombing happens in the very beginning of the relationship and is repeated by the abuser over the lifetime of the relationship.

Love bombing immediately follows narcissistic rages and highly energized verbal and violent physical attacks and is the primary reason victims experience cognitive dissonance: having co-occurring and conflicting emotions of love and loathing for the sociopath.

Essentially, anytime the abuser fears we will leave/abandon him due to his assaults, we will be love bombed.

They love bomb us to throw us off balance. Love bombing happens immediately after an attack. We have little time to process our anger and frustrations, because, just as quickly as the rage comes on, the love bombing follows.

This hot-and-cold/cold-and-hot behavior is contradictory to any understanding of love a healthy person knows. But we tend to make excuses for the abuser. Don’t. Don’t feel sorry for him or pity him. That’s what he wants you to do. If he’s an adult, he should know better. There is no excuse for abuse and manipulation of a good person’s heart.

Love bombing is one of their favorite tools to con us into thinking they’re only human and deserve chance after chance to redeem themselves. After all, they love you so much, right?

If in the beginning days, weeks and months of a romantic relationship a person uses repeated superlatives to describe how perfect we are for them (like the best or the most), be cautious. No one knows a person well enough that soon to profess such undying love and affection.

But it’s so easy to be hypnotized. Humans love to be loved and adored, which is our core, human quality narcissistic sociopaths use, extort and defile. It’s how we end up convinced that we are the bad guy in the relationship. How can we possibly justify rejecting and being angry and upset with someone who seems to love us so much? We’re monsters for rejecting such fragile people, huh? We’re hateful and heartless.

We are none of those things. None of them! Our crime is being fooled by a person who has no idea of love outside movies and fairy tales. That’s the ideal fantasy, not the reality of love.

We need to let go of the fantasy of love at first sight and approach love and life realistically. True love is possible, but true love takes time, patience and lots of “getting to know you” moments.

Deflect the love bomb with common sense and laugh at the preposterousness of it as soon as it strikes. You might end up being called heartless, but it’s better to be called heartless before falling, don’t you think? 🙂

Namaste!

CU Psychopathy Research

Feedback from victims of Psychopaths and Cluster Bs needed for doctoral research!

CU Psychopathy ResearchPh.D. candidate, Courtney Humeny, contacted me directly with a simple request to help recruit participants for her doctoral research dissertation.

She is “looking for people who have been victimized by a potential psychopath, sociopath, narcissist, or any individual demonstrating abusive, criminal, or antisocial traits as a family member (i.e., spouse) or by a significant other (i.e., dating relations, common law, etc) for a study examining emotion in victims. A person who possesses such characteristics often has many shallow relationships, lacks empathy, lies pathologically, is superficially charming, and fails to take responsibility for their actions.”

Courtney’s research may lead to real changes in how victims are perceived and treated by family court, law enforcement and counselors.

Please consider participating. Follow the link provided in her message below for more details. You may also contact her directly: cmhumeny@gmail.com.

Hello. I am a PhD student at Carleton University. I am conducting a study on victims of psychopaths and domestic violence for my dissertation. I am looking for people who are interested in taking part in surveys looking at victimization experiences, emotion regulation, resilience, PTSD symptoms, and psychosomatic symptoms. For more information about the study please go to the following link:www.cuaftermath.com .

If you have any questions or concerns please email me at cmhumeny@gmail.com

~Courtney Humeny

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