Read “Unashamed Voices” and expand the sociopath awareness message

Becoming a yoga teacher and health coach allows me the opportunity to continuously give back the gifts that were given to me through my healing and recovery process. I publish books for the same reason.

Unashamed Voices by Paula CarrasquiloMy second self-published book, Unashamed Voices, is a collection of true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships. The book exposes the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists in our midst.

Readers of my blog submitted their stories to me between May 2013 and October 2013. I know it wasn’t an easy task for them. Sitting down and writing the details of personal trauma is an exhausting and triggering exercise. And then to send them off to a complete stranger?

After I received the stories, I spent over a year reading, absorbing and editing each. And I say “edit” loosely, because I did not want the authentic voice of each survivor to be lost in my voice. I stuck to “correcting” only basic grammar and punctuation errors.

I have deep respect and admiration for each and every survivor who took that leap of faith and trusted me. I am determined to continue honoring them and promoting and improving this book. A traditional publisher WILL take notice. Their choice to hit “send” will not be in vain or limited in scope. This book WILL be available in libraries and institutes and read and studied by students, law enforcement, lawyers, judges, therapists and families affected by these tragedies.

Contribute to the expansion of our message. Download and read your copy today and share it with someone tomorrow.

With sincere thanks,
Paula Carrasquillo
Yogi. Author. Advocate.

©2015 Paula Carrasquillo and Love. Life. Om.

Narcissists, their rages, and the blame game

Finger Pointing Blame GameThe boy in my story often accused me of being Bipolar, Borderline, and depressed. He would blame his rages on what he liked to call my mental instability. After escaping, I asked my counselor about the differences between depression, Bipolar Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I wanted to know how a person knows if he/she has Bipolar Disorder or is Borderline.

My counselor explained that there is no blood test or brain scan to determine any of these conditions. However, he assured me that based on our many sessions and conversations, I was depressed…nothing more.

Not that I was relieved to learn that I was JUST depressed, I was relieved to learn that the boy’s rages had NOTHING to do with me. The boy’s rages had EVERYTHING to do with his own disordered mind. Nothing more. (But even if I were Bipolar or Borderline, doesn’t give him the right to blame me for his shitty treatment of me.)

The boy’s rages would come out of no where and were not influenced by alcohol or drugs. The boy was completely sober. We’d be talking about something and then BAM!! I was always caught off guard and rendered speechless and frozen, similar to a deer in headlights.

Interestingly, I recently read the following on a blog by Joseph Burgo, Ph.D:

“Most of the clients I’ve seen who demonstrated features of Borderline Personality Disorder or presented with Bipolar Disorder symptoms also displayed features of narcissistic behavior, often involving outbursts of rage.”

Dr. Burgo goes on to explain that an episode of rage, whether by a person with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is an intense form of blaming, one of the primary defenses against shame.

Dr. Burgo’s message makes it clear to me that the boy’s rages were a combination of blame, shame, and projection. I’ll never know why the boy was so ashamed of who he is, and I honestly do not care to know anymore. Finally, the boy is dead to me and only his actions and treatment live on in my writings and posts in hopes others will learn from my misfortune.

If someone is raging on you, you need to find the strength and courage to walk away. If they have Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, bless them and wish them the best. How much more of your life and happiness are you willing to sacrifice for someone who refuses to face their own disordered mind?


Keep your heart out of his jar…forever!

Heart outside of his jar - Keep it there!If you succeed or have succeeded in ending your relationship with a narcissist, a sociopath, or anyone with an affliction associated with any Cluster B disorder (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, and histrionic personality disorder), there WILL be a time in either the near or distant future that the nutcase will contact you in an attempt to lure you back into his lair.

The sociopath will choose a time in his life that he needs you the most. He might be alone, engaged to someone who is simply driving him crazy, married to a nag, or dealing with a pregnant wife who just won’t put out or give him any attention. Whatever his situation, he’s suffering because the woman in his life doesn’t love him the way he NEEDS to be loved. He’ll be sitting around one day and suddenly you’ll come to mind, and he’ll think:

“Paula. Yeah, Paula. She was easy to manipulate and control; she’ll enjoy some of my flattery and give me some, too, I’m sure. Getting my fix [his narcissistic supply] from a few e-mails or phone calls would really boost me right now.”

And off goes the narcissist to call, write or text Paula with lies, lies, lies about how he’s being mistreated and misunderstood.

He’ll be expecting Paula to soothe his ego and take pity on him immediately. He’ll expert her to say, “You poor thing. You deserve better. You poor, poor, thing.” But he doesn’t realize that Paula has learned her lesson (FINALLY!) and can now recognize the tricks of sociopathic pricks like him even from a distance of several light years.

So, instead of having pity and replying to him with soothing words often reserved for children, she won’t respond at all. She won’t even send him a “Screw off!” note. Instead, she’ll ignore him because that’s the best way to defeat these predators. Ignore them and act like they aren’t even human, because, with all sincerity, they aren’t human like the rest of us.

These song lyrics below (and video here) may help some of you who are on the fence about finally deleting, blocking, or changing your email and phone number, so you don’t have to read his words or hear his disgusting voice again…

“Jar Of Hearts”

No, I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
And I’ve learned to live half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

[Chorus: x2]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

My book’s title, cover, and Eve

Cover image: Escaping The Boy (copyright 2012)

During the spring of 2000, my last semester as an undergraduate at Frostburg State University, the professor for my course, Literature of the Environment, was going through the process of getting her latest manuscript published. She is Barbara Hurd, and her book is Stirring the Mud: On Swamps, Bogs, and the Human Imagination, which I recommend highly.

She shared with students the struggles and frustrations she was experiencing battling editors to determine a title for her book. (Yes. She wasn’t FREE to say, “This is what I want MY book to be called, and this is what I want the cover to look like.”) I remember thinking how unfair. Why would anyone want to spend all of that time creating something so personal just to have some marketing “expert” TELL YOU, the creator, what to call your work and with what image it should be associated? Not fair. Not fair at all! (If you go to Amazon, you’ll notice that the cover for the Hardback is VERY different from the cover of the paperback edition of Stirring the Mud. I wonder if Dr. Hurd had more input on the paperback design? Hmmm? Doubtful.)

Fast forward to today and to Kindle Direct Publishing (the self-publishing program I used). The artist has TOTAL creative freedom and TOTAL responsibility for the final product. It’s a beautiful thing. I could have paid someone to edit beyond basic copy edits, I could have paid a marketer to come up with some catchy title options, and I could have paid a photographer and/or graphic artist to design and format my cover design. But me, I am stubborn and have that I-can-do-it-myself attitude. After all, this could be my only chance to publish, and I want it to be what I want it to be (even if the end product isn’t as beautiful and perfect as a marketing guru or professional photographer and designer could make it.) But it is Mine, all Mine!! Hehehehe!

The first step was deciding on a title. I had been calling it “The Story of a Sociopath” with the subtitle of “The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath.” Upon reflection, I realized the title needed to be shorter, with a forward drive, and the ability to capture someone on a personal level. (Thanks, Jody Miller!) Many iterations later using this as my criteria, and my title was finalized: Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath.

The next step was to make the cover design. I have limited experience with Adobe Creative Suite and graphics. Most of that experience is with Photoshop. To make it easy on myself and for my book to remain familiar to my dedicated readers and followers, I chose to use the image of the statue of Eve, which has been front-and-center on my website for months.

But where in the world is Eve? Really. Where and when did I take that picture? (And yes, I took that picture, Boy, not you, so rein in those lawyer hounds.) I photographed Eve in October 2008 in Pere Lechaise Cemetery located in the 20th arrondissement of Paris, France.

While the boy visited the graveside of Jim Morrison for an agonizing second time during our short visit to the capital city, I made my way north along a tiny path that led me to a narrow and steep concrete staircase blanketed in ivy. Upon reaching the top and final step, I saw her. Eve. And she moved me. The day was overcast and misty from rain. I was sad and frustrated. I missed my son (who was only 3 at the time). Eve comforted me. And confused me. Is she ascending or descending the steps? Is she moving forward and reaching for the apple or stepping back having decided against it? I snapped the picture just as the boy found me.

One thing is clear about Eve: she has a choice to make. What will her choice be and will it be the best choice? What choice will YOU make?


A Baby Changes Everything

The Woman's Guardian AngelThe abuse of her son at the hands of the boy surely couldn’t be topped. Could it?  Will the woman ever get the courage to leave? Will the boy ever be convinced that he is the one with the problem and stop blaming others for his misery?

Discover more of the dirty, mind-bending tricks the boy enjoys performing. Pick up where you left off, readers, or start from the beginning if you’re just joining the story.


The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath

Story of a Sociopath – up to Part 7

Wolf in sheep's clothing - sociopathMy Story of a Sociopath website is coming along quite nicely. I have fine-tuned many of the more important points through Part 7. I am still searching for a publisher but am thinking about self-publishing the story through i-Books. Any comments would be appreciated.

(Keep in mind, I have no proofreader or editor at this point, just my story in all it’s rawness.)

I am thinking it would be a great supplement to a research text on sociopaths, psychopaths, and personality disorders in general. I’ve already been informed that it’s causing emotional anguish for one of my readers. He’s either been a victim of someone like The Boy or he sees himself in The Boy. It’s not for me to judge. Enjoy!

How to Respond to a Narcissist

I have been meaning to write this post for the past few months. Unfortunately, everytime I think I have the answers, I second guess myself. This second-guessing game made me realize that the best way to respond to a narcissist is to NOT respond.

A narcissist will always be right. No matter how much logic and sincerity goes into your response, a narcissist will find a way to turn your words against you. It’s quite sad. I am saddened that I allowed a narcissist to affect me for so many years (even though within months of meeting I knew I should have run FAST in the opposite direction). I guess folks like me who can put ourselves in other people’s shoes believed the narcissist wasn’t really a narcissist, that he wasn’t really THAT materialistic or self-indulgent. Folks like me are wrong.

So, I am delighted that I finally found the answer, the answer I intuitively knew but ignored 3 years ago: when faced with a controlling narcissist, say nothing and just run as fast as you can in the opposite direction and NEVER look back. He’ll be fine. Narcissists always are (at least in their minds).

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