Why Calling Pistorius Insecure but Not Narcissistic is Damaging to Sociopath Abuse Awareness

The experts continue to misinform themselves and the public about narcissism, which is at the root of sociopathy. The experts who evaluated Oscar Pistorius got it half right:

  1. Right – The doctors and therapists who evaluated Pistorius testified this week that the Paralympic athlete was not suffering from any form of mental illness or impairment when he shot and murdered Reeva Steenkamp on the eve of Valentine’s Day 2013 in his South Africa residence.
  2. Wrong – Despite labeling Pistorius as highly insecure and depressed, the experts claim there are no clear indications that he is a narcissist with a personality disorder or a psychopath/sociopath with deep pathological defects.

I find this conclusion troubling and contradictory, because, as we all are very aware; narcissists and sociopaths act abusively, not only because they lack a conscience and are void of empathy, but because they are deeply insecure, highly fearful of abandonment, and paranoid. When cornered and caught, they drop the grandiose and entitled front and instead manipulate the consciousness of others by engaging and parading their insecurities to gain pity.

As Martha Stout, Ph.D. notes in her book The Sociopath Next Door, not all narcissists are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are narcissists. More importantly, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and those who are sociopaths do not like themselves. Knowing this should not excuse their nature or make them sympathetic characters.

So let’s remind ourselves, first and foremost, that narcissists do not love themselves and are not secure in their identities.
The term “narcissism” is derived directly from the myth of Narcissus. Like Narcissus, narcissists appear to always and forever be gazing lovingly at themselves. If you interpret Narcissus or narcissism this way, you would be half correct. Narcissus is always and forever gazing loving at his reflection, not at himself—there is a difference.

A reflection of a person is a distortion; it is not the inner reality and nuances that reveal our nature. The narcissistic sociopath falls in love with a distorted self-image, not with his/her spirit. It seems that the myth behind the myth has been obscured by the images depicting the myth. What a travesty of misinformation and interpretation.

Sociopaths hide their true nature from themselves and from everybody else. They avoid looking within, because they hate themselves and fear being reminded of why they hate themselves so much.

Another thing to remember about that reflection pool we always see Narcissus staring into adoringly–that reflection pool is a shallow puddle. And it’s this shallow, muddied effect that makes narcissists and sociopaths so dangerous and why even the experts get it wrong the majority of the time, because even the experts misinterpret the myth, which leads to misinterpretation of what it means to be narcissistic.

Instead of being real and sharing their inner fears and shame, sociopaths present to the world an idealized reflection, a projection of who they want us to think they are and of who they desperately wish to be. These projections are mere shadows and imaginings of their surroundings and are composed of nothing real or tangible.

Pistorius wanted to be seen as a super man and indestructible. And now? Now that he has been exposed? What happened to the projections?

They simply no longer serve his agenda. His agenda now is to save himself from punishment. Understanding and accepting how easily a narcissist/sociopath can switch gears should be obvious to the experts and should be the reason society pursues just punishment and insists that Pistorius be accountable for his/her actions. In light of this recent diagnosis (or misdiagnosis), it appears Pistorius may never receive just punishment.

Why do we as a society keep excusing this behavior and refuse to label the behavior for what it is? Why are we sympathizing with Pistorius? Are we afraid of being judged ourselves one day for acting abusively or carelessly? Or are we already acting abusively and carelessly on a regular basis, and we don’t want to seem like hypocrites by punishing these fools simply because they got caught? Or do we see this type of behavior as “not a big deal” and that people just have bad days and do dumb things under duress?

A woman is dead as a result of this man’s “dumb” act. Her name is Reeva Steenkamp. She did nothing to provoke her murderer to shoot her four (4) times through a locked bathroom door. She thought she was fleeing from eminent danger. She never imagined Oscar would dive into such a deep narcissistic rage and lose all awareness of reality and destroy her.

Pistorius destroyed a woman’s life and negatively impacted the lives of all of her family, friends, and loved ones. He’s now claiming to be an insecure and fearful victim of society and circumstance? Where do his self-pity and outer blame end and his accountability begin?

He is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath and society must be properly educated about what narcissism means.

Pistorius has used self-pity, “loss” of limbs, and the state of crime in South Africa to dupe the experts and the public into believing he is a rat in a cage who reacts in fear when his cage is rattled.

Well, don’t we all!?

The difference between Pistorius and the rest of us non-sociopaths is that we have empathy, remorse and a conscience. Together, these qualities would not allow us to defend our actions with the hope of eluding punishment. On the contrary, unlike Pistorius, we would be ashamed and surrender to the justice system and plead guilty.

Reeva did not have the opportunity to defend herself. Why is Pistorius demanding and expecting the grace and mercy he denied Reeva?

In addition, we should not be surprised by the latest news declaring Pistorius is now suicidal. After all, Sociopaths suffer, too, despite what anyone wants to believe. They suffer deep stress and anxiety when they get caught in such a public manner and are forced to answer for their behavior. It’s no wonder Pistorius is showing signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder…his mask slipped and he had no control, because he is not in control of his nature…ever.

This is frightening to me and why my recommendation to those who discover they have aligned unknowingly with a narcissist/sociopath is to run in the opposite direction. These are the people who deserve to be outcasts, and I have no shame or remorse in declaring such.

Namaste!
~Paula

Liars! Further Dissection of Pistorius’s Anxiety and PTSD Claims

Oscar throws a temper tantrum at the Paralympics, and an expert claims he did it because he suffers from General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)?

First, someone suffering from undiagnosed and untreated GAD would have a difficult time competing let alone losing a race.

Second, those who suffer GAD generally do not blame others for every mistake they make in life, and they certainly wouldn’t know to blame the possible source of their anxiety: their abusive parents. Oh, my!

Individuals suffering from GAD fail to act due to fear of failure and of being perceived as imperfect. Their anxiety is born from feeling like they are not good enough.

Oscar, on the contrary, believes he is very good. He is so good in his eyes that he once fought to be the exception to all the rules in the last summer Olympic games.

Did he care if other athletes considered his presence and “blades” to be an unfair advantage? Not at all. He did not have the capacity to respect the sound and scientific arguments against him competing. Instead, he was quoted as saying:

“I don’t see myself as disabled. There’s nothing I can’t do that able-bodied athletes can do.”

Despite his current claim that experiencing the trauma of having his fibulas removed at 11-months of age and of having a one-time alcoholic mother and controlling father who made him fearful of society, up until the day he murdered Reeva Steenkamp, all who knew Oscar and witnessed his behavior would have argued otherwise.

“I still find it strange when I say to someone, ‘Can you pass me my legs?’ But I don’t ever think about my disability,” Pistorius has claimed.

So which is it? Is Pistorius someone who, for years, has simply been fooling everyone into believing his disability didn’t have a negative effect on his life but actually made him superhuman for overcoming his loss of limbs? Or is Pistorius fooling us now in an attempt to elude justice for the gun-killing murder of Reeva Steenkamp?

If he were truly terrified that night, he would have simply reached over to touch the position on the bed where Reeva should have been. In a matter of seconds, he would have been assured that the noise he claimed to have heard was just Reeva and not an intruder. His fears and anxieties would have subsided. And as a GAD sufferer, this is exactly what he would have done, because, after years of experiencing debilitating and undiagnosed GAD, he would have trained himself to investigate the reasonable cause before reacting prematurely.

But this is not what poor, suffering Pistorius did that night. Instead, according to him, he reached for his gun (not for Reeva) and took more time to stumble over to the toilet door on his stumps, screaming to the person behind the door, “Get the fuck out of my house!”

Reeva surely would have heard that and responded with, “It’s just me Oscar. It’s Reeva.”

He didn’t even speak through the door, “Is that you Reeva? I’m scared. Is that you in the toilet?”

THAT is what someone with undiagnosed and untreated GAD would do, because people with GAD are frozen to respond to situations if there are uncertainties.

Only an arrogant and reactive sociopath would shoot first and ask questions later, because to a sociopath, all of their actions are justified.

And, no, you cannot claim that his trauma response would have been to fight. Why? Because in this situation, there was a door between Oscar and the presumed threat. A person experiencing trauma would hope the door remained intact to continue serving as a barrier. Shooting through the door decreases the door’s value as a barrier. Not only would holes render the door weaker, the chances that the presumed threat on the other side would use their weapon also increased.

Oscar knew the person on the other side of the door was Reeva. He knew she was unarmed. He knew his life was not in physical danger.

But Oscar was scared and terrified in those moments, because he feared his reputation was on the line. He was more than aware of Reeva’s interest in speaking out against domestic violence. Also, he was well-aware that her own reputation and public presence in the spotlight was on the threshold of taking off with her soon-to-be aired reality show and with her Valentine’s Day speech at a local school about domestic violence and intimate partner abuse.

He couldn’t have her breaking up with him. The timing was terrible! She could easily start pointing fingers at his abusive and manipulative nature. Oscar had to do something to shut her up, so he shot through the door, killed Reeva, and today claims it’s because of his childhood.

He wants the rest of us to see him as the real victim, a victim of his childhood and uncontrollable circumstances, while we are to feel nothing for the woman he killed.

Who does that? Childhood victims of trauma and abuse?

No. Real victims of trauma who commit heinous crimes and murder would ask to be punished. There would be no denial. There would be absolute blame and shame. There would be no pleas for understanding or pity. No victim would make such an outrageous claim that killing a loved one was a reasonable response to an unknown threat. Reasonable because 30 years ago your fibulas were amputated? What’s next? All circumcised boys who commit murder will claim trauma, too? (Get f%$#ing real!!)

Namaste!
~Paula

Claiming Pistorius Suffers from an Anxiety Disorder is Insulting to All Victims and Survivors Worldwide

The psychiatrist did a great job of listing why one MIGHT suffer from an anxiety disorder as a result of health traumas or imperfect childhood experiences like OP, but the expert failed to accurately illustrate how anxiety is outwardly manifested and measured over time.

The expert, in his ignorance, proved Pistorius does NOT suffer from general anxiety. Quite the opposite.

People with true anxiety tend to be anxious as a result of deep feelings of accountability, shame and blame. Oscar displays none of these.

Those with true anxiety are often rendered unable to act, because we need things to be perfect before we act. Otherwise, if something doesn’t happen as we planned, it burdens us because we see the failed plans as being totally and completely our fault, no one else’s. Oscar blames everyone BUT himself.

Those with true anxiety burden themselves with all of the fault. We run every possible outcome and scenario through our minds, which is why most of is don’t act or pursue our dreams. We try to be perfect before taking action (which is impossible), so we rarely act. Oscar has the opposite problem. He believes he is perfect and acts like a bull in a China shop, smashing through life with delusions of entitlement.

Those with true anxiety can definitely be controlling as a result of our need for perfection. However, when and if we do act and our actions fail or result in harm, the shame and guilt builds and grows deeper. Our anxiety grows. It’s a vicious cycle that destroys our self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth.

OP displays zero accountability or remorse, which is evident in his specific responses to being questioned about his harmful behavior.

Oscar IS suffering, however. He suffers from the temporary anxiety of getting caught and realizing prison time is an absolute possibility and consequence.

It’s convenient for the defense to claim anxiety, but the diagnosis is grossly inaccurate and insulting to those of us who understand how anxiety leads to deterioration of self-worth, not to an inflated ego and deflection of accountability, which is what Oscar displays.

OP is a sociopath. There is no doubt in my mind. He intentionally murdered his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. The only thing that wasn’t intended was getting caught.

Namaste!
~Paula

A real victim of trauma vs. Oscar Pistorius and his pity ploy

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“I will not look at a picture where I’m tormented by what I saw and felt that night,” Oscar Pistorius testified after the prosecution projected an image of Reeva Steenkamp’s dead body to the court. “As I picked Reeva up, my fingers touched her head. I remember. I don’t have to look at a picture. I was there.”

Pistorius is tormented by what he saw and felt, but not by what he did? He’s not tormented by his actions?

If we are to believe Pistorius, we must believe that he was absolutely terrified that night and was only trying to protect Reeva. He was, according to him, acting and moving from a place of extreme fear and vulnerability. He was traumatized by the assumption that a burglar had gained access into his home. In his eyes, Oscar wants us to believe that he shot through that bathroom door because, in the moments leading up to the gun “accidentally” firing, Oscar was a victim of an intruder.

Okay. Let’s consider that. Let’s consider that Pistorius was terrified and traumatized.

According to Pistorius, he was so terrified and traumatized by hearing sounds coming from the locked toilet stall that he blindly shot through the bathroom door at what he imagined was a burglar. Immediately after blindly shooting through the door, Pistorius then experienced a second trauma upon realizing – oh, my goodness! – that he had actually shot Reeva. Double trauma!

One would assume that a double trauma would translate to compounded shock, correct? How does one who experiences compounded shock respond?

First, one does not immediately proclaim to himself and everyone within earshot, “I am a victim. I deserve justice.”

Pistorius testified that he repeatedly asked the paramedics on the scene for help. He repeatedly said, “Help me, help me.” He also testified that he had asked a police officer, once in custody, if he could wash his hands, because the smell of the blood on them was making him vomit.

Is this how traumatized victims react in the moments and hours following such a traumatizing event? Do victims of traumatic events ask for help and ask to be cleaned up? No, they don’t.

As a society, we’ve seen plenty of footage and images of the aftermath of devastating traumatic events like 911 and the Boston Marathon bombing. With this collective understanding and knowledge, we can make a well-educated assumption that victims of trauma have no idea what just happened to them. Victims walk around dazed and confused, right? They move about in a state of shock and disbelief. Victims don’t recognize they’re injured. They don’t realize they’re bleeding or just lost an arm or a leg. They aren’t vomiting and retching. The last thing they notice is the smell of blood on their hands. They aren’t processing anything in the immediate aftermath. They are in shock!

When we experiences a traumatic event, our senses shut down. We actually become frozen from within. Although our physical body is experiencing a physical event, the rest of our body’s ability to function fails. We may be touching things, stepping on things, saying things, screaming things, being hit by things or even hitting things ourselves…none of these sensations are experienced consciously in the moment of being impacted by the traumatic event.

As a direct result of being temporarily disassociated from our sensations during a traumatic event, we have extreme difficulty remembering details of the event or how we specifically acted and reacted at the time of impact. Our behavior seems surreal to our memory, as if we were not present when the trauma event was happening.

Amazingly, although our mind may not have been consciously processing the trauma event, our subconscious was. Our subconscious becomes the temporary storage unit, so to say, for the sensations and reactions we experienced. Those sensations cannot be processed until they leave that storage unit as triggers. Triggers present themselves to victims in the forms of sounds, odors, images, flavors or textures that mirror the actual sensations our subconscious spared us during the traumatic event.

A victim can suddenly and unexpectedly experience a trigger at any time or in any environment following the traumatic event. These sudden and unannounced triggers catapult victims into a hyper state of awareness and panic. On trigger impact, victims suddenly become fearful when no real danger is eminent and go back to their mental and emotional state of the traumatic event. A victim may begin to sweat profusely and grab at their necks as they gasp for breath. They may frantically attempt to escape a crowd of people or a room. They might aggressively push a plate of food from the table. They might stop talking mid-sentence or mid-conversation and go silent and freeze and gaze off into nothingness.

In the eyes of those witnessing these trigger responses, victims appear crazy and unstable. But neither could be further from the truth.

When a victim finally experiences a trigger, the victim is receiving cues about what really happened during the traumatic event. Getting in touch with the truth about what was experienced allows a victim to move toward balance – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Triggers are our mind’s personal messages to us that we experienced something very real and very ugly and that it’s time to pay attention and accept it in order to move through it.

Once an individual understands the when, why and how behind triggers, the victim will finally realize he/she IS a victim. And once a victim realizes there is no shame in being a victim, the victim becomes a thriving survivor.

Only an individual who lacks a conscience and who lacks all accountability can immediately step away from a double-trauma (in which his actions resulted in devastation and death) feeling like the victim.

There is nothing Pistorius needs to move through. He is not experiencing triggers or trauma recall. In his own words he states that he was there and remembers, right? However, it is clear that Pistorius needs to get over himself, stop casting delusions and lies, and start telling the truth.

I imagine he doesn’t even take the anti-depressants prescribed to him. That his accounts of waking up to the smell of blood are real, but that he’s rather annoyed and inconvenienced by the memory of the putrid smell than triggered. That his crying and vomiting are only because he is mourning the life he once lived and not the woman he murdered.

Namaste!
~Paula

Sociopaths accept no blame and refuse punishment #OscarPistorius

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I awoke this morning to more Oscar Pistorius testimony and am blown away by how he’s able to just say that he “made a mistake.” We make mistakes on math tests. Oh, right…boys will be boys, huh?

He’s already minimizing his actions, and he hasn’t served any time or taken any responsibility for his “mistake.”

In reality, he’s been very sheltered and protected these last 13 months. He even went on holiday to beautiful Mozambique where he met his current girlfriend who happens to be 19 years old. Can a man who is truly mourning the devastating “accidental” killing of his beautiful girlfriend meet someone new and fall in love less than a year later?!? Someone who “accidentally” murders his girlfriend would be too fearful and distrustful of HIMSELF to even consider allowing someone new into his life.

Reeva’s murder was no accident.

People who commit “accidental” crimes such as this admit wrongdoing and ask for their just punishment. They don’t weep and cry in hopes of being pitied and forgiven before they’ve faced the consequences.

This delusional and pathetic abuser has no shame. He has no respect for Reeva’s family who are truly grieving. This entire story makes me both angry and sad.

Every single one of us is fearful of judgment. And we resist the urge to judge others, because we understand the pain of being unfairly judged. It’s a great practice NOT to judge others. But it’s not judgment when you call a spade a spade. It’s a fact! Oscar Pistorius killed a woman. He deserves to face the consequences.

If I “accidentally” kill a person due to my own negligence, I wouldn’t be able to expect zero punishment. I would serve my time and hope for redemption. Forgiveness is never a given nor should it be expected. Acceptance of our behavior and acceptance of the just punishment is a sign of a remorseful person.

Pistorius accepts neither. He wants to be the exception to all the rules.

Pistorius mentioned earlier in the week that he suffers insomnia, and when he can sleep, he often awakens terrified “to the smell of blood.” Today, he testified that the day of the murder and while in custody he asked an officer if he could wash his hands:

“I asked a policeman if I might wash my hands because the smell of the blood was making me throw up,” Pistorius said on the stand.

Really? He wanted to wash his hands of his crime? Perhaps we should refer to him as Pilate and not Pistorius. The smell of the blood was making him sick and not the reality that he had murdered his girlfriend?

For me, Pistorius continues to reveal his true nature. Who wouldn’t sit in the blood of the woman he killed and face the consequences? Who wouldn’t accept what he did and consider that smell to be part of his just punishment? This man is a coward. This man is despicable. This man is a pathological sociopath who honestly believes he has suffered enough and hopes we will pity him to avoid the maximum penalty and punishment.

I apologize for repeatedly going on about this, but this could be the case that many victims can refer others to in hopes of accurately illustrating and explaining the mask of sanity abusive sociopaths walk around wearing, fooling the populous.

Oscar Pistorius accepts no blame and refuses punishment.

Namaste!
~Paula

Reeva Steenkamp was murdered by a narcissistic sociopath

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Have you been following the Pistorius trial?

“I’m scared of you sometimes,” texted Reeva Steenkamp.

She and Pistorius had been out with friends just a couple of weeks prior to her murder. Pistorius forced them to leave the restaurant due to his delusional belief that Reeva was flirting with the husband of a friend.

“I was not flirting with anyone today, I feel sick that you suggested that,” she texted, adding, “We are living in a double-standard relationship. Every five seconds I hear you dated another chick.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I read these and thought about what could have been my fate. These texts are reminiscent of my own from that toxic life with the boy in my story.

As soon as news of Reeva’s murder made the news last Valentine’s Day 2013, I knew Pistorius had killed her in a sociopathic rage. My gut and intuition told me that Pistorius’s claim about being frightened by potential burglars in his bathroom was ludicrous. To scare away a burglar, you just turn on a light or scream, “I have a gun and I called the police!” You don’t blindly shoot through a door, especially if you haven’t bothered to seek out the location of all your beloved family members first.

Who blindly shoots through a door? A sociopath at the height of his rage.

I imagine Pistorius was growing increasingly jealous and feeling increasingly out of control. Reeva was about to cross the threshold of stardom with her reality show and the public appearances that come with that world.

Pistorius, so accustomed to being in control and having the spotlight on him, could not handle Reeva being out of his control.

I imagine a heated argument resulted in Reeva feeling incredibly frightened. She didn’t freeze or fight. Her instinct was to flee. She had one advantage over Pistorius…her legs. She used them and raced to the bathroom and locked herself inside. This sent Pistorius into a frenzy of rage.

How was he going to regain control? There was no way Reeva was going to get away with exerting her independence over him. She was NOT allowed to run away from him without facing the consequences. The sociopath MUST have the final say…always!

As soon as Pistorius heard the lock click into place, he grabbed his gun and started shooting. Blind rage. Shooting 4 times.

Like a “good” sociopath, he had a plan. He knew who to blame. He wasn’t going to be accused of intentionally killing his girlfriend. After all, he loved her soooo much!

I wrote the attached story a year ago. Today, I believe, more than ever, that he is an evil and delusional sociopath who had every intention of killing Reeva. How dare she defy him and run from him? He never gave her permission to do such a thing.

What do you think?

https://paularenee.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/pistorius-jealousy-and-self-fulfilling-prophecies-of-the-narcissistic-sociopath/

Pistorius, Jealousy, and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies of the Narcissistic Sociopath

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