My life frequently passes chronologically through my internal lens like a film, a movie trailer. It seems to start and end the same each time it plays. But the middle always surprises me by what my subconscious chooses to remember and draw to the surface at a specific time of day or during a particular season.
Today, my film is playing out like this:
>> I see myself chasing after lightning bugs as a child with my sister.
>> I see my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Newlon, who encouraged me to speak in front of people despite the embarrassing way my “R”s came out sounding like “W”s.
>> I see the town librarian who never smiled and always seemed annoyed that my sister and I would come in on really hot summer days and sit for hours and read Highlights magazines just to cool off.
>> I see myself at sleepovers with my friends Missy and Lissa and their annoying little brothers.
>> I see myself sitting through my high school graduation next to Doug who finally spoke his first words to me after being in the same classes for 4 years.
>> I see myself as a freshman in the dorms and running barefoot in the puddles behind Cumberland Hall with Kristy who loved thunderstorms.
>> I see myself visiting DC for the first time alone to be with my friend Susan and meeting her Korean ballerina roommate who had no shame in telling me that her secret Korean spice was MSG.
>> I see all the interesting patrons I met waiting tables in college.
>> I see my friends and parties and celebrations and vacations and the ocean and the mountains.
>> I see my wedding day and the day I learned I was pregnant.
>> I see myself meeting my son for the first time.
>> I see last night and how my son is growing into a boy who makes me proud.
>> I see the sociopath and how accepting one man’s self-pity nearly destroyed my vision of all the beauty my life has provided.
>> I see the power I had once given that ugly grain of sand.
>> I see how that ugly grain of sand will forever spread his self-pity, and I accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.
So I go back to thinking about planning my next party with the people I love and who love me.
I think about being here, now and being completely confident in my next decision to grow and learn and to open my life to more opportunities to meet even more wonderful people I will one day be seeing in future versions of my life’s internal film.
(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/401172279277101461/)