Never be a Devil’s advocate: The dangers of believing in the endearing sociopath

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Think back. What was it the sociopath did that made you think the sociopath was a good guy who deserved your trust?

Did the sociopath take up for you when no one else would?

Did the sociopath promise to fix something in your life that you were convinced could not be fixed?

Did the sociopath actually come out and say, “You’re different from everyone. You have something special, and I can help you nurture it”?

More than likely, the sociopath spent hours, days and many weeks grooming you into believing he was your savior, your saving grace, and that you complimented him perfectly.

He wanted you and only you.

Included in his charms and slick talk to convince you he was worthy and serious, the sociopath probably had an example or two of “accomplishments” he made in the past.

Did the sociopath tell you about how he helped a friend or gave to a charity?

Sociopaths are very good at giving us lip service and listing examples of their so-called good deeds. And because we would never dream of lying about who we are and what we have done to improve ourselves and others, we believe the sociopath and are impressed by the sociopath’s grandiose stories of action. Really impressed.

Unfortunately, we never heard the real story of their over-inflated acts of kindness, acts accomplished and implemented by others and at the expense of others. The sociopath simply took (and continues to take) the credit like any pathological and self-righteous nut job would.

The sociopath depicted himself as a saint surrounded by sinners. He always, somehow and miraculously, escaped the world of the sinners just in the nick of time, too!

And the proof that the sociopath was god-like seemed to be right before your eyes, too. You became “knowledgable” that all of the sociopath’s exes had been eliminated and vanquished from his life, and they all seemed to regret having been vanquished.

(The sociopath MUST have be some kind of wonderful if he could induce such neediness and desire in those he had discarded, right?)

He’s like the James Bond of real life, don’t cha know? How glorious it must be to be the charmed sociopath, huh? To attract every sinner in need of saving on the planet means the sociopath MUST have super powers or SOMETHING that causes him to emit such energy, right?

We never dreamed that the power the sociopath emitted was the power of lies, dishonesty and manipulation. We just never suspected THAT until it was almost too late.

Instead of reading the signs correctly, we believed what the sociopath told us. The sociopath convinced us that, regardless of the blaring fact he kept losing people in his life, the people he lost meant nothing to him and were just out to destroy him…never the other way around.

The sociopath convinced you that he had what everyone else wanted (You know, that secret computer chip implanted in his brain, which explained his ever-impressive and expanding mind of knowledge and power. Bahaha!), and he’s offering it to you (yeah, poor sinful you) for a steal. All you have to do is trust him and believe in him, and your life will be forever blessed. Everyone will be envious that you are by the sociopath’s side and not them.

(Pfft! Really? You fell for it, too. Admit it. We were all duped. Nothing to be ashamed about. We all want to believe Superman really exists. It’s called hope in mankind.)

Once positioned on his right side, you unknowingly volunteered to be a slave to the sociopath’s every whim and fancy.

You found yourself agreeing to say and do things you never dreamed you would ever say or do. You rejected people who, in the past, you would have welcomed due to their inquisitive and powerful nature.

The sociopath told you not to trust them, so you didn’t, because you trusted the sociopath and believed that the sociopath MUST have known something you didn’t know. Repeatedly, you rejected and discarded the same people the sociopath rejected and discarded.

(I just watched independence and discernment wash away as I wrote that. Very frightening how much power we give these sociopathic fools…and for no good reason other than our blind faith in the good of humanity.)

But as soon as you began to question the very whims and fancies you once blindly trusted, you became one of the sinners whom the sociopath needed to either mind screw more or vanquish forever from his delusional world of self-power and control.

Once you stopped responding to the sociopath’s relentless attempts to mind screw you, you somehow either left or were discarded like many before you.

Regardless of how it ended, be thankful it’s over. Be thankful the freak is out of your life and you can focus on reality again.

If you’re reading this in disbelief and thinking that life with a sociopath sounds too much like a silly B movie or cartoon, you’d be correct. Sociopaths love drama. The more that surrounds the sociopath, the better.

Drama has no substance. It’s more transparent, translucent and without substance than the clouds. At least clouds have a purpose!

The sociopath is just a fool who builds life upon a foundation of shifting and sinking sand. The pillars of support the sociopath needs come from you and me and that person and this person.

Without us, the sociopath can’t survive and thrive.

Without us, the sociopath ceases to be powerful.

Without us, the sociopath is unable to hurt people like us.

Without us, the sociopath will suddenly and violently perish.

Sociopaths NEED us; we do not need them. Always remember this simple fact to remain free from the sociopath’s lies, manipulations and never-ending con game.

The next time a sociopath crosses your path with charms and promises of salvation, just nod, smile and say:

“No, thank you. I might believe in ghosts and faeries, but I refuse to believe in you.”

Namaste!
~Paula

Don’t Trust the Smile: How to Deal with and Protect Yourself from Charismatic Liars

Image: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/220465344228494353/

Image: Pinterest

Have you ever been face-to-face with someone you know is lying but you failed to say, “Hey! You’re lying!”

Many of you might claim you’ve always stood your ground and that you’ve never been fooled by anyone’s lies and deceptions, and you can recognize a lie the second you see it or hear it. Good for you! I would say you are really, really discerning and insightful.

I’d also venture to guess that you’ve missed some lies along the way. Probably some of the biggest and most damaging lies. I am almost 100% certain that all of us have been lied to by a charismatic liar, and we either still believe the lies or it took us many hours, days, months or even years before we recognized them as lies.

Charismatic liars are the ones who lie straight to our faces and do it with an ear-to-ear smiling, happy grin on their faces.

Many of us never recognize the charismatic liar for what he really is. Many of us continue to get duped with each lie and promise. Fortunately, over time, most of us end up catching on to the lies and manipulations of the charismatic liar, because his lies and the promises connected to those lies just keep getting deeper and deeper and less and less believable.

Those of us who recognize these charismatic liars would all probably describe our experiences with these types something like this:

“I heard the lie with my own ears coming out of his mouth but was so distracted and shocked to see the liar smiling as he spoke, that I stopped thinking he could possibly be lying and nodded right along with the liar in agreement. Later, after revisiting the conversation in my mind, I realized I was being lied to!”

Am I right? I thought so.

Don’t be upset with yourself. You probably want to kick yourself for being duped and for not addressing the liar even after you realized what had happened. You’ll probably vow to speak up the next time you’re faced with such a situation.

The reality is, you won’t speak up the next time either. You’ll just sit there and nod and smile back at the lying and nodding liar.

Why am I so certain of that?

Because it’s what we do as humans. We mimic and mirror behaviors and expressions before us, regardless of the contradiction of the words we hear.

If we hear a lie but see a charming and smiling person, the reality of that lie is suspended and we are, in that instant, brainwashed into believing the lie was never spoken.

“How could someone lie with a smile on his face. I must be wrong. He must be telling the truth.”

Nope. You’re wrong for second-guessing your gut. That’s what you’re wrong about.

The problem with speaking out against a smiling and charismatic liar is that you end up looking like the bad guy, not the liar.

How ironic, huh?

It’s true. If a liar is smiling and spewing more lies on top of other lies you once nodded in agreement with, people are going to think you’re being cruel and unfair for ever questioning the liar.

After all, how can you justify being so mean to such a smiling and happy person?

Well, for starters, telling someone you think they’re lying to you isn’t a mean or cruel act. It’s actually an act filled with self-respect and integrity that comes from a place of truth and honesty inside yourself, a place no charismatic liar possesses or understands.

So ignore the criticisms spewed at you for speaking your truth by the liar and by those he’s aligned with who think you’re being mean. Those people have clearly bought the lies of the smiling and charming liar who no longer fools you.

Stand your ground, but be prepared to lose your job, lose your friends, get written up, get passed over for that promotion, get shamed for being so emotional (yes, people will deem you as too unstable to know what you’re saying when you tell truths that counter their delusions) and find yourself in a club of one.

Sure, there will always be those who say to you, “It’s okay. I agree. So many of us agree with you, but…”

But nothing! If you agree, then tell the liar what you think is the truth. The more we cater to these lying, manipulative and leeching fools, the more we become the fool ourselves.

Don’t smile back in agreement. Don’t nod when you recognize BS, especially when it’s coming from a smiling, charismatic liar.

His agenda is himself. He has no interest in your success or your happiness. The sooner you realize you’re dealing with a snake, the sooner you can prepare your exit from the group, job or relationship.

But don’t walk away without saying what you really believe, because the karma associated with not protecting those you left behind with the snake will follow you, and you’ll end up face-to-face with another smiling and charismatic liar ready to suck you dry of all your time, resources, skills and passion in you next job or relationship.

Speak out now. Today. Your integrity and the integrity of other good people want you to take that leap.

Namaste!
~Paula

in my honest opinion mug

Message to Sociopaths: IMHO, Sharing Your Crappy Opinion of Others Does not Equate to Being Honest

in my honest opinion mugBeing an opinionated jerk is not the same thing as being an honest person.

A sociopath will fog up the honesty window by telling you he’s honest to a fault:

“I always tell people what I think of them. I always give them my honest opinion about what they wear and what they eat and what they drink. What do you mean by saying I’m a liar?”

Telling people, unsolicited, what you think of them isn’t exactly the same thing as being honest about who you are and what your motivations are.

Telling people that you don’t like this or that about them is you being a smug prick. It’s not being honest with them.

Being honest with them would be:

“I hate this gift you gave me, because I really don’t like or care about you and don’t care if I hurt your feelings or not because you are nothing to me. Next year I won’t like the gift you give me, either, because I don’t like you. I just love seeing your disappointed look knowing I made you feel so disappointed about yourself.”

A Sociopath could never come right out and be 100% honest. Ever!

So don’t let these fools claim honesty by pointing to a time they were “honest” with you about something you said or did that they didn’t like.

Pfft!

That just proves they’re an asshole, and anyone can be an asshole on occasion, but not everyone can be honest about why they’re an asshole.

I’d love to hear a sociopath explain his asshole-ness to me. Wouldn’t you?

IMHO, sociopaths are disgusting, delusional jerks who go against all decency and righteousness. Why do I think that? I think that because I have witnessed, first-hand, how they have verbally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically caused harm to others and lack any remorse for doing so.

As victims and survivors, the closest we get to receiving an apology is more like an excuse:

“Well, it’s your fault. You knew I was like this from the beginning.”

My response to the boy in my story when I received the above excuse went something like this:

“No, I thought you were just an immature asshole who needed some life experience to see what an asshole you really are. I guess you like being a cocksucker, huh?”

(Needless to say, that response didn’t help bring peace to the situation.)

I take full responsibility. It was my fault for accepting the sociopath into my life. Shame on me for thinking he was human like the rest of us.

Good morning! Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/152629874841562497/)

Domestic violence abusers and Lance Armstrong

lance armstrong meddling kidsThe next time someone asks you why you stayed in an abusive relationship for so long, ask them why it took the world over a decade to finally realize Lance Armstrong was a cheating doper. Some people won’t like this post. I take that back. MANY people won’t like this post. How can I compare Lance Armstrong to domestic violence and abusers? Easy.

Abusers don’t start hurting us the day we accept our first date with them. Many abusers don’t start abusing their victims until they are certain their victims have “bought” their con. The con is that the abuser is our soul mate and will love you and only you forever. The abuser is the best you have ever had and that without the abuser, you will suffer. The abuser gains our pity and sympathy. He was a victim of abuse himself or endured a challenging childhood or agonizing first marriage or divorce. Whatever it was the abuser endured, he over came it because he is powerful and strong and a superman. The abuse he inflicts on you is because he is afraid of losing you. He can’t help himself. He’s so scared. You forgive him over and over and over again. Until, finally, one day you wake up and say to yourself, “I won’t take this anymore! I am worth so much more than this lying, abusive, asshole. I don’t care what he endured. I won’t be his victim anymore.”

Lance Armstrong created his mask, his con, too. He is a cancer survivor. He is a hard-working athlete. He’s a family man who froze his sperm before chemotherapy in order  to have children! He won the hearts of many and motivated many cancer patients to keep fighting.

Since the first cheating accusations, Lance has proclaimed his innocence and everyone (most everyone) believed him or were at least left with enough doubt that they refused to believe such a man of strength and integrity could do such a thing. No one could fathom that a hero would lie through his teeth to cover up the truth. After all, if it were true, he’d eventually crack under the pressure, right? No one can lie for as long as the dope testers claim he has lied, right?

(Victims of domestic violence know differently. We know there are people who will lie and blame others for their bad behavior. We know it’s possible for abusers to maintain their lies and the mask of innocence forever, even if faced with images of their battered victims.)

Lance proclaimed his innocence for over a decade. But now we have been provided with an extensive report explaining how he passed all of those drug tests. Now we know how he bullied many into keeping their mouths shut, or else. This was an elaborate con with many players and A LOT of money exchanging hands. He abused the trust of all of his fans, cancer researchers, cancer survivors, and MANY good people who put their trust in Livestrong because Lance projected his “man of steel” reputation onto the Foundation. Livestrong WAS Lance. Lance WAS Livestrong.

Lance will never admit he cheated; there is too much money and “stuff” at stake. Are we really that stupid to believe that a drug-free Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France 7 times against every top rider who admitted to cheating?!?!  There are many who still believe he is superman and innocent and a victim of a witch hunt. I, for one, think he’s a lying cheater and a textbook narcissist. How he handles the ensuing backlash will help determine if he is also a sociopath. Look for the pity party and the blame game and whether he “gifts” his new wife with many of his assets. He may even divorce her to protect his “stuff.”

He could have been a true hero to many, but his greedy nature took him to a place good people wouldn’t even consider going. Like all abusers, he has zero remorse or accountability. It’s our fault for believing their con in the first place, right? Silly us. We asked for it.

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