One of the reasons many remain in toxic and pathological love relationships for too long is because we want to be absolutely certain that we aren’t giving up on a person prematurely.
We always second-guess ourselves and ask, “What if it’s me and not him/her? What if I changed X, Y and Z about myself? Surely he/she will see my efforts and the relationship will get better.”
The relationship never gets better with a pathological person. The sociopath can’t see beyond his/her need to control you.
If you suggest counseling or attempt to change anything about yourself while in the relationship, your efforts will be perceived by the sociopath as a direct attack.
The sociopath will look upon your attempt to change with great contempt. The sociopath will accuse you of not being satisfied. Why change yourself or try getting the sociopath to change? You can’t possibly love the sociopath if you want to change the sociopath and the relationship. How dare you suggest it?!
To add more confusion, the sociopath tells you that YOU REALLY DO need to change and get better and provide him with the love and attention the sociopath deserves.
Yet, any attempt you make to change and satisfy the sociopath for the sake of preserving the relationship, the sociopath will shame and blame you.
You: Exercising really clears my mind and puts me in a great mood. I’m going to start going to the gym on the way home from work in the evenings. I think it will really help us.
The Sociopath: Help us? Well, it doesn’t help me. Spending time at the gym will only take away from our time together. You must not like our time together. You must not really love me. Whore! You heartless bitch!
It’s vicious and insidious and leads to more and more verbal, emotional and eventually physical abuse (if it hasn’t already escalated to that.)
Do yourself and your future a favor and see the sociopath for what the sociopath is and stop thinking you are failing yourself by ending it. Walk away. Go no contact.
Do you have any idea how many more deserving people are in this world dying for someone like you to be a part of theirs? People with a conscience and empathy and big hearts—real hearts, not those fake ones the sociopath likes flashing in our faces?
If you remain in a relationship with a sociopath, you remain under the sociopath’s control. You will forever suffer.
But if you get out, there can be no regrets for having the courage to step away from hell. Take a chance on yourself for a change.