Survivor stories 25, 26, 27 and 28: Zoe, Alice, Beverly and Christina #SeeDV #abuse

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October 25, 2014 – Zoe’s story: “The relationship absorbed me; I was hypnotised by it.”*

October 26, 2014- Alice’s story: Leave abuse; it is not worth the anguish and loss of yourself

October 27, 2014 – Beverly’s story: Lies, manipulation and emotional abuse

October 28, 2014 – Christina’s story: Building up after being broken down by abuse


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Stories 16 and 17: Patricia and Quinn #survivorstories @commdiginews

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BETHESDA, Maryland, October 16, 2014 — Patricia* is a survivor of domestic violence and pathological abuse living and recovering in The United States.

Before the relationship, I was happy and full of life, looking for my one and only to share a happy life. During my relationship, I became sick and mentally ill. I had a nervous breakdown. I started blaming myself for everything and hating myself. Now that the relationship is over, I am starting to recover and heal. My therapist is saving me; that’s for sure. Read more… 


BETHESDA, Maryland, October 17, 2014 — Quinn* is a survivor of domestic violence who is now enjoying living a fulfilled life in The United States.

Unfortunately, I had several relationships that were abusive; I just did not know it and/or could not stop myself from repeating the same behavior with the same type of partners. It took many years of repeated circumstances before I was able to be strong enough to say ‘never again’. Read more… 


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Survival story #15 – Ophelia’s story: Surviving a sociopath’s cruelty and mind games @commdiginews

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October 15, 2014 – Ophelia’s story: Surviving a sociopath’s cruelty and mind games

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 15, 2014 — Ophelia* is a survivor of domestic violence and pathological abuse living, raising her daughter and energetically healing in The United States.

I waited until my 40’s and met a handsome doctor who was also an impressive musician and who seemed to have the same values and goals as I did. He lived in another state but drove to see me often, showered me with affection, attention, gifts, trips and fancy dates.

I loved who I thought he was, which I later realized he created by mirroring me. Because of this, I thought I had met my soulmate. He had children from a previous marriage, so I moved to be with him, where I knew no one. I got pregnant and jumped in with both feet and woke to discover I had married a sociopath. Read more...


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Naomi’s story: “On more than one occasion, I imagined killing him.” #dvawareness @commdiginews

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October 14, 2014 – Naomi’s story: “On more than one occasion, I imagined killing him.”


BETHESDA, Maryland, October 14, 2014 — Naomi* is a survivor of domestic violence and pathological abuse living, raising her children and recovering in The United States.

Before the relationship, I was on a great path. Picking up new hobbies and skills, working out regularly, eating healthy, caring for and bonding fully with my then one-and-a-half-year-old son.

Then I met him. Read more


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Survival Stories 12 and 13 – Laura and Mary #domesticviolence #princecharming

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October 12, 2014 – Laura’s story: A living hell of domestic violence and pathological abuse

October 13, 2014 – Mary’s story: Stayed with her abuser to protect her children


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Story #11 – Katherine’s story: Surviving pathological and intimate partner abuse #dvawareness #survival #recovery

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October 11, 2014: Katherine’s story: Surviving pathological and intimate partner abuse

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 11, 2014 — Katherine* is a survivor of pathological and intimate partner abuse living, working as a nurse and recovering in The United States.

Before getting together with Scott, I was happy, trusting, confident and joyful. During the relationship, I was confused, distrustful and anxious. Now that it is over, I feel depressed, lonely, violated and still confused. It sucks.

I met Scott at work. He is a doctor; I am a nurse. (I’ve now discovered through research that these professions are quite typical for pathological relationships). I knew him for three years before we started dating. Read more…


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Jake’s story: Abuse, addiction, and love with a sociopath #DVawarenessMonth

Hsing Wei/FLICKR

Hsing Wei/FLICKR

October 10, 2014 – Jake’s story: Abuse, addiction, and love with a sociopath

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 10, 2014 — Jake* is a survivor of drug addiction and sociopath abuse living and recovering in The United States.


My name is Jake and my story is not for the faint of heart (as with anyone who has been in a toxic relationship with a sociopath). My story involves addiction, therefore is painful to talk about, but in writing this story I believe I will find healing so I can move on with my life. If I can help even one person with my story, then all of this was worth it. Read more…

Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Faith’s story of abuse: “He told me that we were kindred spirits and that I must have read the instruction manual for him.”

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Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

Faith’s story of abuse: “He told me that we were kindred spirits and that I must have read the instruction manual for him.”

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 6, 2014 — Faith* is a survivor of intimate partner abuse living, dancing and recovering in Canada.

Before the relationship I was happy, confident and outgoing. I had grown up in a neglectful, abusive single-parent household but had managed to do alright nonetheless, I believed I was liked by my entourage and had fair self-esteem levels. I was involved in my ethnic community, as a dancer and counted many friends in the band we were all a part. Read more…

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

A real victim of trauma vs. Oscar Pistorius and his pity ploy

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“I will not look at a picture where I’m tormented by what I saw and felt that night,” Oscar Pistorius testified after the prosecution projected an image of Reeva Steenkamp’s dead body to the court. “As I picked Reeva up, my fingers touched her head. I remember. I don’t have to look at a picture. I was there.”

Pistorius is tormented by what he saw and felt, but not by what he did? He’s not tormented by his actions?

If we are to believe Pistorius, we must believe that he was absolutely terrified that night and was only trying to protect Reeva. He was, according to him, acting and moving from a place of extreme fear and vulnerability. He was traumatized by the assumption that a burglar had gained access into his home. In his eyes, Oscar wants us to believe that he shot through that bathroom door because, in the moments leading up to the gun “accidentally” firing, Oscar was a victim of an intruder.

Okay. Let’s consider that. Let’s consider that Pistorius was terrified and traumatized.

According to Pistorius, he was so terrified and traumatized by hearing sounds coming from the locked toilet stall that he blindly shot through the bathroom door at what he imagined was a burglar. Immediately after blindly shooting through the door, Pistorius then experienced a second trauma upon realizing – oh, my goodness! – that he had actually shot Reeva. Double trauma!

One would assume that a double trauma would translate to compounded shock, correct? How does one who experiences compounded shock respond?

First, one does not immediately proclaim to himself and everyone within earshot, “I am a victim. I deserve justice.”

Pistorius testified that he repeatedly asked the paramedics on the scene for help. He repeatedly said, “Help me, help me.” He also testified that he had asked a police officer, once in custody, if he could wash his hands, because the smell of the blood on them was making him vomit.

Is this how traumatized victims react in the moments and hours following such a traumatizing event? Do victims of traumatic events ask for help and ask to be cleaned up? No, they don’t.

As a society, we’ve seen plenty of footage and images of the aftermath of devastating traumatic events like 911 and the Boston Marathon bombing. With this collective understanding and knowledge, we can make a well-educated assumption that victims of trauma have no idea what just happened to them. Victims walk around dazed and confused, right? They move about in a state of shock and disbelief. Victims don’t recognize they’re injured. They don’t realize they’re bleeding or just lost an arm or a leg. They aren’t vomiting and retching. The last thing they notice is the smell of blood on their hands. They aren’t processing anything in the immediate aftermath. They are in shock!

When we experiences a traumatic event, our senses shut down. We actually become frozen from within. Although our physical body is experiencing a physical event, the rest of our body’s ability to function fails. We may be touching things, stepping on things, saying things, screaming things, being hit by things or even hitting things ourselves…none of these sensations are experienced consciously in the moment of being impacted by the traumatic event.

As a direct result of being temporarily disassociated from our sensations during a traumatic event, we have extreme difficulty remembering details of the event or how we specifically acted and reacted at the time of impact. Our behavior seems surreal to our memory, as if we were not present when the trauma event was happening.

Amazingly, although our mind may not have been consciously processing the trauma event, our subconscious was. Our subconscious becomes the temporary storage unit, so to say, for the sensations and reactions we experienced. Those sensations cannot be processed until they leave that storage unit as triggers. Triggers present themselves to victims in the forms of sounds, odors, images, flavors or textures that mirror the actual sensations our subconscious spared us during the traumatic event.

A victim can suddenly and unexpectedly experience a trigger at any time or in any environment following the traumatic event. These sudden and unannounced triggers catapult victims into a hyper state of awareness and panic. On trigger impact, victims suddenly become fearful when no real danger is eminent and go back to their mental and emotional state of the traumatic event. A victim may begin to sweat profusely and grab at their necks as they gasp for breath. They may frantically attempt to escape a crowd of people or a room. They might aggressively push a plate of food from the table. They might stop talking mid-sentence or mid-conversation and go silent and freeze and gaze off into nothingness.

In the eyes of those witnessing these trigger responses, victims appear crazy and unstable. But neither could be further from the truth.

When a victim finally experiences a trigger, the victim is receiving cues about what really happened during the traumatic event. Getting in touch with the truth about what was experienced allows a victim to move toward balance – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Triggers are our mind’s personal messages to us that we experienced something very real and very ugly and that it’s time to pay attention and accept it in order to move through it.

Once an individual understands the when, why and how behind triggers, the victim will finally realize he/she IS a victim. And once a victim realizes there is no shame in being a victim, the victim becomes a thriving survivor.

Only an individual who lacks a conscience and who lacks all accountability can immediately step away from a double-trauma (in which his actions resulted in devastation and death) feeling like the victim.

There is nothing Pistorius needs to move through. He is not experiencing triggers or trauma recall. In his own words he states that he was there and remembers, right? However, it is clear that Pistorius needs to get over himself, stop casting delusions and lies, and start telling the truth.

I imagine he doesn’t even take the anti-depressants prescribed to him. That his accounts of waking up to the smell of blood are real, but that he’s rather annoyed and inconvenienced by the memory of the putrid smell than triggered. That his crying and vomiting are only because he is mourning the life he once lived and not the woman he murdered.

Namaste!
~Paula

Is Your Boss an Energy Vampire? #commdiginews

energy_vampireMost who come to this blog know what an energy vampire is, specifically in intimate relationships. Although we escaped the toxic relationship with our exes, there is no guarantee we will be able to forever avoid the impact of sociopathy moving forward.

How do we use what we have learned about sociopathy and sociopathic behavior and apply it to non-intimate relationships that seem to be draining us like our sociopathic/narcissistic partner did?

Fortunately, we can learn to recognize behaviors inflicted on us by others in our relationships to determine if those behaviors are the source of why we feel negatively impacted in that relationship. (After all, sometimes our emotional state of mind has nothing to do with the people we relate to and has everything to do with our own self-worth and confidence.) But if the other person is a mind-sucking energy and emotional vampire, our first defense is to end the relationship so we can get to work on ourselves.

Follow my story link to Communities Digital News (formerly known as The Washington Times Communities). Thank you. Enjoy!

Is your boss an energy vampire?
by Paula Carrasquillo for Communities Digital News, LLC

http://www.commdiginews.com/life/is-your-boss-an-energy-vampire-jennifer-oneills-energy-vampires-how-to-deal-with-negative-people-2487/ 

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