Survival story #15 – Ophelia’s story: Surviving a sociopath’s cruelty and mind games @commdiginews

freedom

October 15, 2014 – Ophelia’s story: Surviving a sociopath’s cruelty and mind games

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 15, 2014 — Ophelia* is a survivor of domestic violence and pathological abuse living, raising her daughter and energetically healing in The United States.

I waited until my 40’s and met a handsome doctor who was also an impressive musician and who seemed to have the same values and goals as I did. He lived in another state but drove to see me often, showered me with affection, attention, gifts, trips and fancy dates.

I loved who I thought he was, which I later realized he created by mirroring me. Because of this, I thought I had met my soulmate. He had children from a previous marriage, so I moved to be with him, where I knew no one. I got pregnant and jumped in with both feet and woke to discover I had married a sociopath. Read more...


Each day during the month of October, column author Paula Carrasquillo will feature a story written by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Never-give-up

Never Give Up. ~ shared by Paula F.

Never-give-upThe following was shared by one of my Facebook page followers, Paula F. Her story reads like a miracle! She hopes her story will help inspire others to keep moving forward despite the overwhelming urge to give up…

As we all know, escaping is a long, scary, difficult journey. But it can also be the most wonderful growth experience anyone could have.

I feel led to share this part of my recovery where ever I can. I’m sorry it’s long, but I think it’s worth the read. I’ll start with a bit of my back story, but worry not, it turns positive.

In November, for the 11th and last time, I left a 16+ year extremely abusive marriage with a man-boy I believe to be, at the very least, a sociopath.

I ran while he was imprisoned for assaulting me and left with nothing but my son, my animals and my truck and very few possessions. I was broken and terrified but determined to save us.

We moved 500 miles away to kind-hearted people we barely knew, having no one else to turn to. Since November, we have been living in a 5th wheel with no water or power, behind a house that a dozen other people share, lots of toddlers too. It was chaotic and an increasingly difficult environment for me to deal with.

In April, my abuser was released from prison and, in violation of a no contact order AND a restraining order, contacted me and offered me back my home and all my possessions. I have come so far, my son is happier than ever, and I finally have too much self-respect to take that offer despite being as discouraged and in as difficult circumstances as I was. But I knew I had to do SOMETHING different as I was not moving forward.

So, instead of taking his offer, which in my heart I KNOW would allow him to undo all that I have done to recover from him, I took a huge leap of faith, left the place I was at and, facing homelessness, went to another, bigger city to look for housing and a job. I was able to get emergency homeless assistance for a motel room for 16 days. It runs out Tuesday. I have been busting my ass every single day, getting up at 6 a.m. and hunting for a place, applying for jobs, desperately clinging to my positivity, really trying my very hardest.

Friday, I woke up hurting (I have Fibromyalgia, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder) and discouraged, teary eyed, and afraid and fighting to hold on to the positive attitude I worked so hard to cultivate in myself, even through such hard times. I was thinking maybe my doctor and therapist were right; maybe it’s too soon to go back to work. Who would want me? And that after all my hard work to find a place to live and a job, I believed I had failed.

I prayed–what more could I do? I’d done everything I could, worked HARD, stayed positive as much as I could and now I was just stuck.

I was crying saying “What now? I did EVERYTHING I could, everything I thought I was led to do, everything I thought any higher power would want me to do. I worked my butt off, kept hope alive and my attitude right, trusted that what was meant to be would come to pass if I kept my eyes, ears, and heart open, doing all I could to find and follow up on every lead that came to me. Yet, here I am out of time, money and options, with a 13-year-old son depending on me! What do I do now?”

Well apparently the answer was, “Answer your phone” because it rang shortly after and within a couple hours everything I’d worked and prayed for came through.

Just when I’d decided to say screw it and hide in the covers and cry, I got a call about an apartment I applied for weeks ago and have gone back to follow up on 4 times. They finally approved me! So, I got up and got ready to go talk to the manager, feeling so good that I even called to follow up on the job I interviewed for Tuesday and left a message for the personnel manager thanking her for the opportunity to interview and saying I looked forward to the possibility of hearing from her.

Shortly after, I was in the manager’s office working on the rental contract, about to take a one-bedroom because I couldn’t afford a two-bedroom, when my cell phone rang and it was the personnel manager that I had left the message for. She offered me the job!! First job I interviewed for and I nailed it!! I just about FREAKED out right there in that office, and I took the 2-bedroom apartment, and I get to have my therapy dog there too!

As if that wasn’t awesome enough? A few minutes later my cell rang again and it was regarding the state government job I tested for Thursday. They want to interview me next week! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? I am on cloud nine right now! I DID IT!!!! I actually did it! From broken, broke, homeless and nearing hopelessness; I picked myself up, sought the help I needed, listened to my heart and higher power, worked my ass off to change and put myself back together and make a life for my son and I and I SUCCEEDED!

If I can, anyone can! I went from homeless and unemployed to not just getting adequate shelter but getting a NICE place at a good price. From jobless to offered a great job for exactly the community organization that I most wanted to work for and still sought after for another, giving me options! I feel wonderful. Proud of myself. So very, very blessed and led to share and maybe touch at least one struggling soul with hope and encouragement.

Never give up! You are worth putting your all into all that you do. You are worthy and must forgive and love yourself! Your reward will come, maybe not as soon or easily as we’d like, but in ways you can’t imagine. Just don’t give up! Learn to love yourself and live with an attitude of gratitude and hope and a heart of love. Let your light shine and your path will be revealed. Your light may also illuminate something for others as well. And isn’t that the greatest gift and reward we can aspire to give or get? Thank you for allowing me to share.

Love, light, and hope to you all!

~Paula F.

(image source: daytobeyou.com/stay-strong/never-give-up-2/)

What a woman looks like who has been emotionally beaten

Tina of One Mom’s Battle made me aware of this recent interview with Christie Brinkley by Matt Lauer on The Today Show. She has been divorced from her husband Peter Cook for four (4) years, but his abuse of her life continues. If you can’t see it in the last few minutes posted below, watch the entire video on The Today Show’s site. If you aren’t crying along with her, I’d be surprised.

Healing from domestic violence one story at a time

From http://www.squidoo.com/DomesticViolenceAbuse

Image from Squidoo

What comes to mind when you read or hear the term “domestic violence?” Do you picture a woman being punched and stepped on by her husband? Do you see a woman with tears running from her eyes blackened by his blows? What if I told you that this is just a small part of what domestic violence is? What if I told you that domestic violence also includes emotional abuse and sexual abuse and child abuse?

And what about the process of healing after escaping such an experience? Healing is more than waiting for the bruises to fade. Healing takes time to understand the self blame, shame, resentment, anger, depression, and fear.

And most women (and men) cannot heal alone. It takes the courage and compassion of others to help them through the long journey to discovering themselves and life again. It takes organizations like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Domestic Abuse Help Line for Men and Women to intervene, educate, and attempt to stop and prevent the abuse, which happens all around us every day.

Moved by the overwhelming responses to my story, The Birth and Evolution of a Narcissistic Sociopath, I have decided not to publish the last parts of the story on the website. Instead, I will self-publish the story and make it available through Amazon.com in eReader format and possibly print-on-demand format for about $5.00 per copy. Up to 30% of the sales will be donated to an as-of-yet-designated domestic violence non-profit organization. (Hopefully, my readers will help me narrow the field.)

Before publishing, I will expand upon all parts of the the story. Each part will include more detailed descriptions of The Boy’s behavior and abuse of the Woman, the Child, and his Friends. I’ll provide helpful resources and checklists for my readers to use for themselves or to share with family members, friends, neighbors, or co-workers trying to free themselves from abuse. Other features are also being considered.

Friends with secrets and perfect strangers with stored emotions have been moved enough by my story to e-mail me and share their own stories of abuse. It’s been therapeutic for so many of us, and I want this domino-type healing effect to continue to spread.

Thank you, readers!

Namaste!

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