Why I will never be ashamed for speaking out against my abusers
The following comment was left on my FB page by a person in a homeless shelter in San Diego, California who knows and is comforting a “poor” homeless man who happens to be the same man who was my abuser when I was 18, more that 25 years ago.
“So what? Sociopaths always change. Why does it matter to you if the sociopath changes? Why not focus on your own changes and transformation?” – you
It is greatly concerning to me that you are labeling people, without having the necessary degree to do so, and further, causing someone suffering, for, apparently, hurting you almost 30 years ago. It seems you are hiding behind righteousness, and while i would love to believe that you are sincere, anyone that can continue to harm an already mentally-challenged individual with continuous libel on the Internet is NOT enlightened in the least. While i support you in all aspects of your recovery, i absolutely object to you vilifying your “teachers” from the past, and certainly, misdiagnosing their mental state and then maliciously plastering it all over the Internet. Is that your revenge? Because if so, it’s working. i am in a service group and work for the homeless. The homeless individual you name online over and over is traumatized by your online attacks, and makes sure that everyone he meets “Googles” him so that they can hear it from him first. It is obvious that this is more harmful to him than his voluminous online arrest records. He is no saint, but we are not here to judge, only to learn. What you obviously didn’t learn from choosing him as a teacher a age 18, since you continue to repeat the pattern, is that all truth is within. He was only a mirror for you to learn from. You may well have broken him. i hope you’re satisfied. #Shameful
ps. You obviously have free speech to do whatever you want. But when words are used as a weapon to harm others, that is abuse, too. If you are trying to improve yourself, i would suggest not further harming the mental health of your former lovers. Just a suggestion.
First of all, my book Escaping the Boy and the majority of my early blog posts are about an abusive relationship I was in my mid-30’s and not about your homeless friend beating and torturing me when I was 18. I haven’t finished writing that book yet.
So let me clarify a few more things for you:
Your homeless friend is a repeat, convicted felon who has tortured and harmed many, many people across Florida, Maryland, Pennsylvania and California without remorse or concern for anyone. Thanks to my “revengeful” posts, many of his victims have been able to find closure and understanding. Your homeless friend has had many opportunities in the past 25 years to repent and change his actions. Multiple arrests certainly haven’t helped him; being in front of multiple judges certainly didn’t light a fire under his ass to change, have they? But a few blog posts that I’ve written and posted in the past 3 years detailing each of his latest arrests have awakened his conscience? No, it’s not his conscience that’s been awakened. It’s the simple fact that there are fewer unsuspecting people he can approach and torture at-will. He’s been cornered and he doesn’t like it, the same way he corned me and countless other victims from his past.
You don’t know this homeless man. This poor homeless man. You’re being manipulated by him. He’s giving you his sob story…the same one he gave me…I’m sure. Yes, he told me he was tortured and abused by his father. Yes, he witnessed the tragic death of his friend as a result of a wreck less car accident when he was a teenager. But he was offered lots and lots of help and support during that period, and he chose to be the angry and revengeful person he turned out to be. We all know people who were abused as children who did not turn their pain onto others as an outlet for finding THEIR REVENGE on society. So do not judge me for stating facts about a danger to society, okay?
I was 18. It was a week after graduating from high school when your friend dragged me onto a beach late at night and decided to kick me, force my face into the sand, and repeatedly threaten to kill me. He said it would be my last night on the planet. I was ready to die. Luckily, I got away from him because he exhausted himself while I kept frozen. I was only the first of his many victims. I remained silent about that night and other nights he abused me during our short 6-month relationship. I remained silent for over 2 decades until I escaped another danger to society (“The Boy” in my first book), and I vowed never to be silent again.
Your friend beats women, men, police, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers–any one who gets in his way. You are dealing with a deranged human being who will stop at nothing to convince you that he is the true victim. So don’t come to this page preaching to me about how uneducated or unqualified I am to tell my story. You didn’t live it; you weren’t tortured and harmed by your homeless friend. Not yet.
It took me 2 decades to understand why sand under my toes made me panic. It took me 2 decades to understand the source of my depression and pain. It took me lots and lots of inner work to reveal the reason I allowed another abuser to enter my life in my 30’s and attempt to destroy me. I work every single day to undo the harm your homeless friend and “the boy” inflicted upon me. My friends and family were collateral damage. I owe it to my loved ones not to go silent ever again.
Today, your homeless friend is suffering from the humiliation of his own acts. Instead of choosing to self-reflect, he sends his latest victim to his rescue? If you’re a mental health professional with credentials and certification, you are the very reason people like me are out here. This isn’t a revenge page. This is justice. I’ve paid my dues; it’s time your homeless friend stopped crying and paid his too.
If anyone would like to read additional accounts of this poor, homeless man’s abuse against me, read the introduction to my second book, Unashamed Voices.
If anyone would like to read the posts I shared about this abuser, I’ve listed them here to make it easy for you:
- May 13, 2013 – Because it never stops, I can never stop
- May 29, 2014 – My first abuser is PROOF that abusers DO NOT change and only get worse
And for anyone else who would like to defend this poor, homeless man and shame me for speaking out, save your breath. Why not hire a slimy lawyer and try suing me for libel and defamation instead? In the United States, it’s the burden of the prosecution to prove libel and defamation. It will take many, many hours and dollars to search for an inkling of proof that I’m a liar. And Cease and Desist letters don’t scare me either, so save your money.
yogi. author. advocate.
© 2015 Paula Carrasquillo and love. life. om.