“Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath” to be featured in international magazine

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International, UK-based OM Yoga Magazine will feature my book, me and fellow survivor, blogger, and entrepreneur, Andrea Clark, in their upcoming edition.

As part of a larger story on the benefits of yoga and meditation for domestic violence victims and their children, our professional bios and contributions to issues of safety, DV/abuse recovery, and sociopath awareness will be highlighted.

To put an international spotlight on survivors of sociopath/pathological abuse is HUGE!! It’s huge for everyone from victims to those who offer assistance and support to survivors in recovery.

Please checkout Andrea’s blog, The Eternal Victim and her Safe Girl Security site.

Also, consider following OM Yoga Magazine or getting a subscription. Their mobile app is free!

Namaste!
~Paula

Never Forget the Sociopath’s Rage

bear_cubIn all relationships–intimate, business, familial, platonic–the sociopath MUST be in control.

The moment the sociopath loses control of someone he once controlled, that person will be vilified and torn down by the sociopath.

The sociopath will assassinate the person’s character in subtle and overt ways.

His audience will be a bit shocked by the sociopath’s sudden dislike and criticism of people the sociopath once SEEMED to revere:

“He is suffering from serious depression. What should I do? Should I say something to his family? He’s going to hurt himself!” (feigned concern)

“She is so unattractive. Look at her eyes. They’re so close together. And her body. She really thinks she’s hot and she’s not.” (projection of the sociopath’s body image issues)

“They’re nothing but a family of show offs. They are so arrogant and think they are better than everyone around them.” (more projection revealing how he compares his own family to others leading to deep jealousy)

“He’s dead to me!” (ease of discard regardless of how long a person was part of the sociopath’s life)

And if the sociopath can convince his audience to agree, the sociopath is happy. His supply is replenished, and the sociopath feels fulfilled.

(Imagine being fulfilled and happy at destroying another person’s reputation and convincing others that another person is unworthy of consideration? That’s evil. That’s darkness.)

But if the sociopath’s audience disagrees and questions the sociopath’s opinion and criticism, the sociopath instantly becomes incensed and the explosive rage begins:

“You disagree with me? Get out! Get the f*ck out! You whore. You bastard!”

Then the sociopath either throws you outside or silent treatment commences.

Seriously. What evolved and intelligent and reasonable and prudent person responds to simple questions by a loved one in such a way?

An evolved, intelligent, reasonable and prudent person DOESN’T react in such a way.

Regardless of how calm the sociopath appears when all is going in the sociopath’s favor, don’t ever forget that rage. Don’t underestimate the destructive power of the rage that bubbles and churns beneath the sociopath’s cool exterior. It only takes a simple denial to ignite the sociopath’s rage.

Why poke the bear when you know it’s a bear?

Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41658365272847383/)

What I Learned from Living Through Hell – The Narcissist Slayer Award and Nominees

Narcissist Slayer Award - Paula's PontificationsI’m a Narcissist Slayer. Narc Slayer for short. I know several other Narc Slayers. I bet you do, too.

Roughly two (2) years ago when I started actively writing on this blog about my experience with the boy in my story, I never imagined that one day I would be awarded with a Narc Slayer Award. But that day has arrived, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Kim, the very talented and insightful blogger over at Let me Reach with Kim Saeed, presented me (along with ten (10) other bloggers/Narc Slayers) with this honor on December 13. Thank you, Kim!

Check out her full post and the others she awarded.

Like all blog awards, I have a responsibility as a recipient. I must:

1. Thank the person who nominated me and link back to them. CHECK!

2. Place the award logo on my blog. CHECK!

3. Write a blog post and nominate other blogs for the award – there is no minimum or maximum number of blogs required to nominate. CHECK!

>> Deliberate Donkey

>> My Abandoned Self ©

>> Madeline Scribes

4. Inform my nominees on their site that I have chosen them for the honor. CHECK!

5. Share one positive thing I took away from my relationship with the Narcissist.

Well, crap! I can do 1 – 4 with relative ease. But #5 stings my eyes just reading the words. Something positive? Other than the fact that going through hell has given me a greater appreciation for all of the beautiful people and encounters I experience on a daily basis, the positives are best described as things I have learned as a result of the toxic relationship:

I learned how NOT to live and navigate this world.

I learned that I may make mistakes, but those mistakes do not have to define who I am forever and eternity. I’m allowed to change and be better without constant and repeated shaming.

I learned that love has always been abundantly present in my life. I was just too stupid and blind to recognize and appreciate it. (I love you, George!)

I learned that loving with my whole heart is possible and even more fullfilling when I am with those who also love with their whole hearts.

I learned that change is possible, real change, as long as I remember that falling down doesn’t mean something’s over; it means I get a chance to try again with greater insight and understanding.

I learned that love truly is patient and kind; but in order to receive it, I must really love and value myself first.

I learned that regardless of how alone and powerless I feel when it comes to any and all challenges life throws my way, there is someone, many someones, out here who feel as I feel and desperately do not want to feel alone either.

I learned that there is strength in numbers and anything is possible if I simply have faith…faith in myself…faith in my family…faith in my friends…faith in God.

I learned that I do believe in something greater than myself and that something is with me every day as long as I never stop believing.

I learned that judgment truly is the root of evil, and that judgment of others begins when we judge ourselves. I’m finding peace in just being and not judging.

I learned that stating facts and responses to how I was treated are not judgments and that silence only encourages evil and abuse to perpetuate, grow and fester.

I learned that injustices eventually “get served” and that good truly does triumph over evil. However, unlike the drama-fueled victories depicted in movies, real-world victories are far more subtle and happen unexpectedly. There’s no applause or obnoxious cheering, but there are many silent smiles and feelings of validation and accomplishment.

Above all, I learned that patience is my best friend. (I wish I had met her sooner!)

Namaste!
~Paula

© 2014 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications

shadows, psychopath, sociopath, awareness, dating a sociopath, divorcing a narcissist, Paula Carrasquillo, Paula Renee Carrasquillo, Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo

Emerging from the Shadows of the Sociopath

shadowsOnce, I met a boy. He was sweet and caring and fell in love with me, and I with him.

But something happened, something unexpected and unexplainable. I don’t know exactly what happened, when it happened or why it happened. Whatever it was, it sent this boy into a very dark place.

For a time, I accompanied him in that dark place, but not because I wanted to be there. I had an obligation to him and myself, I thought. I had no idea how we got there in the first place. Things happened so fast. I don’t recall entering willfully, but I must have. All I knew for certain was that I didn’t like or enjoy the dark.

For too long it seemed, I endured the darkness and its shadows and fought daily to get us both out of there. But each time I tried to pull us into the light, the boy dragged us deeper into the darkness. The deeper we got, the less light I could see. We got so deep, I forgot what the light looked like and how it felt.

I was resigned to the darkness. I found myself as empty and as hollow as the dark place I desperately wanted to leave. I became a shadow of my former self.

But one night, I had a dream about the light. I felt its warmth and glow and joy. I missed the light so much. I hadn’t felt those things in so long. I needed those things and knew I would die if I didn’t escape the darkness. I didn’t want to die.

So I started climbing out of the darkness, first with small steps. But the boy kept pulling me back. He held tightly to my heels for awhile. But I refused to give up. I kicked long and hard until he finally let go.

Even without him holding on to me physically, I struggled. I had to take larger steps, and I soon found myself clawing and scratching my way to the surface. There were so many times I wanted to give up. My arms grew tired, my back ached, my memory kept going back to the boy I loved. I’d slip in these moments; my focus was compromised. Days and weeks and sometimes months of progress were lost with each little slip. But I kept remembering that dream and how warm and joyful the light was.

I kept moving forward, closer to the light and never looking back. Once the warm glow of the light hit me, my thoughts returned to the boy still in that dark place. I wanted desperately to share the joy I was feeling with him.

But my efforts were in vain.

My voice just echoed and bounced around the darkness driving the boy mad and just confusing him more as to why I chose to leave him behind. The darkness had eroded any inkling of the light inside the boy. He saw me perched above with the light shining on my back as just a shadow, dark and distant. To the boy, I appeared no better than the darkness in which he lived.

So in the end, the boy chose the darkness and its dancing shadows. I accepted his choice and eventually realized that no words, deeds or wishes would have convinced the boy that the wasted life he was living was unnecessary. He chose to hide behind false pride, ego and selfishness. He was a shadow and lacked the necessary trust to follow me and eventually join me as equals in the light.

And the final release, the ripping apart of the last heart string that connected me to him, was bittersweet but much more sweet than bitter, because it’s so lovely in the light.

Never underestimate the power of the darkness and the consuming shadows it casts.

Life is in the light. Death is in the darkness. You have a choice.

Namaste!
~ Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/512636370053886530/)

Oh, boy! The sociopath went and got hitched! Lower the curtain on the drama once and for all.

red curtain

You just found out the sociopath has a new girlfriend, a new soul mate. To top it off, he married her!

Your first reaction is to be pissed and angry. I understand where your anger is coming from. But as you work through your emotions, there are a few things you need to keep in mind:

Sociopaths CAN NOT be alone. They must always have someone or something to control. To them, the ultimate is to use people to control other people. He’s using his relationship to control your emotions and to play with your mind. And he is loving every second of your pain.

Do you really care that he is in a new relationship? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Are you jealous of her?

NO! Of course you answered “no” to all of these.

Your anger is coming from your ego. You are pissed that he duped you. You’re pissed that he fooled everyone into thinking he’s a good guy and you’re a freak. You’re pissed because there is nothing you can do to save or warn his new girlfriend/wife about what is to come (because it will come for her just as it came for you.)

You must remove yourself from his bag of tricks. You must not allow him to be able to manipulate and control your emotions even from a distance. You must learn to be able to remain completely detached. If you allow anything that he says, does or implies with his actions or words to affect you in any way, he is still affecting you and controlling you.

It is not easy to become completely detached as quickly as you want to become completely detached. The only way to get closer to becoming completely detached is to be absolutely certain in your mind that he is what he is: a narcissistic sociopath who lacks the ability to empathize or feel remorse. He has no conscience.

Everything he does and says is for effect and relies upon an audience. Remove yourself from his audience.

For me, I had to stop worrying about warning and trying to save his future girlfriends. I accept the fact that he is still out there reading my blog and calling me crazy to all of his new friends and “followers.” I’m okay with that. I’m okay with him calling my son a spoiled brat, my family enablers, my husband a fat ass and my sisters ugly and fat.

Who the fuck cares what these dark and twisted jackasses think of us and the ones who love us? They have nothing we want. They are no one we would be proud to stand next to. They lack integrity and respect for everyone, including themselves.

Sociopaths are textbook. They are predictable. We need to stop reacting with surprise to their behavior and instead react with a heavy yawn.

They’re predictable and boring characters who only exist if we give them a stage. So drop the curtain on their performance and cancel the show.

Namaste!
~ Paula

setting boundaries

The Importance of Boundaries and Keeping the Sociopath on the Outside

setting boundariesI never had boundaries before I met the sociopath. I was naive and too open and honest. I wasn’t afraid of sharing my dreams and weaknesses and past mistakes. I believed my history made me the strong person I thought I was, and I just liked sharing.

When I hooked up with the sociopath, he seemed to like and respect me immediately.  This “instant attraction” led me to share too much, too soon. And boy did I share!

I shared without any expectations. I didn’t expect anything in return from the sociopath and figured that if he wanted to share himself with me he could, if not, that’s okay, too.

Although I expected nothing in return for all of my disclosure and sharing, I still became hurt and angered when it became increasingly clear that the sociopath was only interested in rejecting, defiling and dismissing my feelings, my opinions and my worth. Every chance he got.

My hurt and anger at what I perceived to be his change of heart and disinterest in me as a person turned into self-destructive behavior and crazy-making. Now I understand that trying to keep a sociopath in your life is never worth losing your dignity and self-respect. Never. But I allowed his treatment of me to affect me this way. I allowed myself to become invested in a person who I shouldn’t have been invested in.

It’s human nature to desire people to like us, and when someone doesn’t like us or seems to suddenly stop liking us, we want to know why and try to make them like us.

The sociopath fools you by making you think he likes you as soon as you meet him. You become invested in him emotionally and instantly. After all, he seems so interested and concerned and caring, doesn’t he?

But then suddenly, as if you were thrust into a parallel universe, the sociopath starts treating you as if he doesn’t like you and as if you don’t really matter after all. This leaves you confused, and you flail and try to figure out what you did to make him stop liking you.

You might even threaten to leave him.

It’s a no-win battle. No matter how many times the sociopath claims, “I love you. I’m sorry. I’ll change. You’re the love of my life. I’ll die if you leave me,” he’ll continue to degrade you with every opportunity.

You must set boundaries.

Boundaries help you say no to people (like the sociopath) who don’t align with your values. Boundaries keep you healthy, honest and true to your core. Setting and using boundaries is a mindful and beneficial practice.

When with the sociopath, you either need to use your forgotten boundaries or find the strength to create new boundaries.

You must not be so forgiving of the sociopath. Boundaries will help you put yourself first. You must be smarter and more aware of yourself and stop worrying about hurting the sociopath, because after all, the only thing the sociopath is capable of doing with any great success is hurting YOU!

They are masters at inflicting pain.

You should leave. You can leave. You will leave. You do leave.

You don’t have to take it anymore. You utilized your boundaries.

And once outside of the relationship and armed with a full understanding of what struck you, the hardest part is letting go of your need to keep “your” sociopath from hurting anyone else. You must realize that you can’t prevent the inevitable. The sociopath’s harm is inevitable. It can’t be stopped.

Your boundaries are limited. Your boundaries can’t save anyone else but yourself. That’s okay. It’s got to be okay.

You’re safe now. The sociopath is on the other side. The outside. He can no longer hurt you or your family or your friends and all those people you love and deserve your love.

You’re free.

I keep this page going and my blog fresh because I want to help people avoid the prolonged confusion I felt trying to make sense of the mess I found myself in emotionally and spiritually during and immediately after escaping.

I want others to learn from my mistake and to understand the importance of setting healthy boundaries in order to preserve their integrity and worth.

Strong, healthy boundaries can help you avoid being exploited.

I do not wish for anyone to endure the pain and confusion I endured trying to figure out the “other” species living among us that hurts and harms with impunity.

Namaste! ~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/9007267977441132/)

redflagforest600_775 Ilustrations by Laura Lee

Why We See the Red Flags of the Narcissistic Sociopath as Green Lights to Nurture…at first.

redflagforest600_775 Ilustrations by Laura Lee(This post was inspired by Dr. Malkin’s latest article on Huffington Post: 5 Early Warning Signs You’re With a Narcissist)

The 5 Early Warning Signs You’re With a Narcissist/Sociopath

  • Projected Feelings of Insecurity
  • Emotion-phobia
  • A Fragmented Family Story
  • Idol Worship
  • A High Need for Control

I appreciate Dr. Malkin’s thoroughness and insight in providing his list, but I wonder what he means by early? How many of the five behaviors did you miss as red flags of your narcissistic sociopath partner? How early did you start realizing that these behaviors were indicative of evil and pathology?

I can check, double check, triple check (you get the idea) each of them as behaviors I observed early in the relationship, but at the time, I glossed over them as being nothing more than signs that the sociopath lived a sad and pathetic life before me.

Why did I gloss over them in such a way like so many others who came before and after me?

Well, unfortunately, because the love-bombing phase/idolization phase coincided with my first peak at these behaviors, I did not recognize them as warnings. I simply viewed these “signs” as nothing more than simple flaws in the sociopath’s makeup. These flawed behaviors made me pity the sociopath and empathize with his position and misfortune. My interpretation of the behaviors as flaws allowed the sociopath to be humanized in my eyes, exactly what he intended.

(No wonder we didn’t jump ship when we first experienced them! We’re a bunch of suckers who wanted to help the losers escape their past and live a better life. Pfft! We know better now, huh?)

It wasn’t until about 8 months to a year into the toxic relationship (when the sociopath began his devaluing, blame and shame phase) that I looked back and shook my head at myself for being so blind. The five signs finally became the warnings that propelled me into sadness and depression but later lifted me out of the darkness and back to my sanity.

You see, even if we had this list in front of us when the relationship began, none of us would have been able to see them as warnings. None of us would have given up on the sociopath and abandoned the relationship so quickly. It’s not our nature to dismiss people due to a few flaws.

We still would have tried to understand why the sociopath was so negative and harsh and rage full and controlling. We still would have sacrificed our own souls to fix his.

Looking back at how we interpreted and reacted to these behaviors of the sociopath will help us finally understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. It’s the nature of good people to nurture and help others.

On the other side of the toxic and pathological relationship, we now realize that some people don’t deserve our help, especially those who demand and insist we give up our lives to feed theirs.

Below are my reflections on how I interpreted these early behaviors, not as red flags to run fast in the opposite direction, but as green lights to help nurture the sociopath and infuse his life with love and light.

1) Projected Feelings of Insecurity

The sociopath in my story never attended college, not even a community college course. Nada. Nothing. He blames his mother for his lack of formal education. Somehow it was her fault that he never motivated his own lazy brain to find a passion and interest and learn about it.

To me, education means many things. I know and admire many autodidacts who are some of the brightest people I have ever met. But I have also worked alongside those with PhDs who are just as impressive. Having a diploma or certificate to hang and display does not equal intelligence, in my opinion.

However, I love school. Always have. Meeting people and sharing ideas in a classroom or on a message board has a certain appeal for me. Just before beginning the relationship with the sociopath, I earned a master’s degree in communication and adult education. I am very proud of myself, but I am not one to go around announcing my credentials (unlike I just did) so I never thought to mention my degrees to the sociopath when the relationship first began.

He didn’t learn that I had a master’s degree until a few months into the relationship. He overheard me talking to someone at a backyard BBQ about my experience writing my thesis.

The sociopath’s eyeballs nearly flew out of their sockets! He immediately interjected himself into our conversation. It seemed he was impressed, but then he made certain to tell us that he believed formal education was over-rated and that his real-world experiences were just as valuable.

Hmmm? I thought to myself, “Of course, our real-world experiences are very valuable. I have many of those, too. Is he that insecure that he needs to point this out to me?”

I didn’t know how to respond, other than, “Yes, I know many people who don’t have a college education who are probably some of the smartest people I know.”

(FYI – I do not and never have included the sociopath among those brilliant, non-degree holding folks I highly revere.)

Maybe he recognized that he had an empty skill set even with his real-world experiences and just wanted to dismiss my accomplishments in an under-handed way to make me feel insecure, too.

Oh, well. It didn’t work. I know I’ve got skills. Real-world skills and academicly-honed skills. I love my skills, and I love my student loan payments about as much as I love school! Hehe!

2) Emotion-phobia

The sociopath got very nervous around me if I cried, like he was uncomfortable and had never seen a woman cry before. I cried because I missed my son. I always missed my son. The sociopath didn’t understand why I missed my son.

He would say things like, “It’s only two days without him. Can’t you just be happy being here with me? Don’t you love me?”

(See how it always goes back to them? Because I loved and missed my son, I somehow didn’t love or respect him. I didn’t provide him with enough narcissistic supply, I guess.)

So, I tried talking to him about love and mothers. Unfortunately, he had a shitty mother as a model, but she was his model. I respected the model. But I did not agree with the model.

The only emotion he did show, however, was his rage and a few tears over the thought of losing his Shih-Tzu. He didn’t fear losing his dog because he’s an animal lover or humanitarian. Oh, no! He feared losing that dog because that dog was the one and only living thing he could control and use to control others. He couldn’t bear being stripped of his most valuable tool.

(And if he ever has children, they will serve him just as the Shih-Tzu has served him.)

3) A Fragmented Family Story

I have a colorful and memorable childhood. It definitely wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies, but I loved my childhood.

The sociopath claimed to love his childhood, too.

Based on the fragments of a life the sociopath shared with me, I tried piecing together the sociopath’s childhood in the early pages of my book. The history he shared with me was not seamless, not even close. Nothing he explained ever added up using any logic I could understand.

(Maybe because he was never told the truth about why they moved around so much? Could be.)

But, in the words of the sociopath, his childhood was one of privilege and freedom.

Nope! I didn’t believe it! Why? Because I did’t see it. There were no pictures documenting this “fairytale” life he claimed to have lived – Oh, those pictures are in our other house, he’d claim. And there were no shared family stories about this once idyllic life. Not once did he and his brother or parents share a story from childhood. (You know.. the ones where everyone who remembers starts laughing and feeling nostalgic.) None!

And if his childhood had been happy with his family, his adulthood would have been indicative of that happiness, too. It wasn’t. He never hugged his parents or brother and never told them he loved them. They didn’t bother telling him he was loved, either. So sad. Not evolved as he liked to claim. Just sad.

I always pitied him. I felt his family was filled with dysfunction because a family is only as dysfunctional as the secrets they keep. And his family has many, many hidden secrets.

The brief and vague glimpses the sociopath shared with me were all a pack of lies told by a sad and injured boy who desperately wished to have lived a happy childhood. I refused to give him mine or my son’s.

4) Idol Worship

It’s one thing to admire another person. It’s a whole different thing to idolize someone, especially people you have never met before. Again, another source of pity for the sociopath that blinded me to his innate evil.

Not only did he worship me in the beginning and then tear me down once he realized I wasn’t the perfect image he had conjured, he idolized dead rockstars, too.

(And because they’re dead, they can’t tell you the truth behind their masks, either. Read my book for more on that part of his sickness. It’s a doozy of a story! Hehe!)

5) A High Need for Control

When I see someone who desperately wants to control every part of their life from the way laundry is to be done to the way a person should love them, I am saddened for that person. How sad to feel so insecure and out-of-control that you demand respect and order from others for no other reason than the fact you want to be a raving dictator.

I don’t think this one needs any explanation. Control is the middle name of all sociopaths!

In closing, I just want to repeat: these behaviors made us feel sorry for these fools. These behaviors tricked us into giving a shit about a person who doesn’t deserve our love, respect and care.

If I felt that these warning signs could liberate and open the eyes of his current girlfriend, I’d send them to her today. But they won’t. Because, like the rest of us, she must live the shit in order to believe in the shit. And the shit is evil. She’ll see it soon enough.

Namaste! ~ Paula

(image source: Pinterest via cuded.com.)

The Top 5 Reasons to Date a Narcissistic Sociopath

Top 5 Reasons to Date a Sociopath

You’re probably asking yourself, “Really, Paula?!?! What the F&%* has gotten into you? Have you gone nuts on us?”

No. Not exactly. However, I have gone nuts listening to the same justifications over and over again from victims as to why they won’t leave or think they can “fix” their abuser.

Once and for all, “YOU CAN’T FIX A PERSON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE FIXED!”

I realize it’s not a simple thing to escape or leave your partner. I understand. But I also understand that if we don’t start changing our way of thinking while we’re in the hell that the narcissistic sociopath has created, we will never get out of it. We will just fester, lose ourselves, and eventually die with lots of regrets.

This post is for all of the men and women who think it’s more compassionate and human to stay with their abuser.  Who hold out hope for a better future, because they don’t want to give up on someone. Who need to take a good hard look at where they are and what they have or will become.

The Top 5 Reasons to Date a Sociopath

1. You never have to speak.

We all have trouble expressing ourselves and sometimes we just wish we didn’t have to make a case for why we think the way we think. It’s grueling on our brains and can cause headaches for some of us.

In a relationship with a sociopath, you’ll quickly learn that you don’t need to use your brain anymore. It’s really a moot exercise that goes something like this:

While sharing your most intimate feelings and your best ideas with your sociopathic partner, he’ll sit there seemingly listening while he nods, grunts “a-hem, a-hem,” and rubs his hands together in anticipation for you to hurry up and shut up. As soon as you finish your sentence, he’ll says, “Well, but you’re wrong. It’s actually X, Y, and Z; not A, B, and C.”

And it doesn’t matter what the topic, you will always be wrong. (Unless it’s knowledge or experience you have that he wants to suck from you. Just don’t ever expect a “Thank you” for your free lessons. Sociopaths take with impunity.)

If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, it doesn’t matter what you think or say. The sociopath isn’t going to listen to you anyhow, so you may as well stop.

2. You never have to change.

Those 10 pounds you’ve been wanting to lose? Keep ’em! That class you wanted to take in hopes of helping your career? Stop worrying about saving up for it. Why? Your sociopath likes you just the way you are, the way you were when he spotted you and set his sights on ensnaring you. The idea that you would want to improve yourself when you are already so “perfect” is absurd to the sociopath.

Change is a dirty word to the sociopath. Change means you are spending time doing something that doesn’t involve pampering and tending to his needs. Only his self-improvement, reputation, and goals matter. Find out what your sociopath wants to accomplish and help him grow and change. Your self-improvement is completely unnecessary.

You can finally breathe a sigh of relief knowing you don’t have to bother with all of the hard work that goes into being successful and accomplished. You can feel completely content being a sub-par human. It’s not like anyone would notice improvements anyhow, right? Pfft!

3. You never have to make hard choices.

Decisions. Decisions. They’re pesky little buggers, huh? If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with a sociopath, he’ll make those decisions for you. No need to worry your pretty little head about making any for yourself, okay?

The sociopath knows what’s best for you after all. And he will tell you often what’s best for you. It’s quite amazing how much he knows after only knowing you for a short time, too. It’s like you are soul mates or something and you’ve been waiting for him to come and save you from being burdened by all of these tough choices and decisions.

4. You never have to make new friends (and you can forget about old ones!)

Maintaining healthy relationships with friends and families can be a burden sometimes. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just want to turn off my ringer and not listen to my sister complain to me or to my best friend tell me about another argument she had with her husband. Another exhausting part of life I would like to do without on occasion.

Enter your sociopathic partner to the rescue! Thanks to him, you will never have to worry about that again.

Your sociopath will single-handedly make all of your friends and family members disappear. In record time. It’s like magic, really. One day you’re getting calls from your mom, dad, sisters, and long-time friends; the next day you’ve got no one. (What a fucking relief, huh? They just drained you anyhow and expected too much of your time.)

But how did the sociopath accomplish what you never could with your friends and family? How did he get them to leave you alone for a change?

It seems your sociopath’s charm can be VERY selective when he puts his mind to it. He puts on a prince charming mask for you but a Darth Vader helmet for everyone else. No wonder you keep ignoring all the warnings your friends and family give you about him. You can’t see what they can see, and it is just how the sociopath likes it.

And now you have no more friends. It’s just the two of you. You and your sociopath against the world. Isn’t it so romantic?

5. You never have to love yourself.

The most difficult place to get to in life is a place of self-love. Self-love requires you to care for yourself, respect yourself, take responsibility for yourself, and know yourself. If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, the struggle to find self-love is over, because the sociopath will strip away every last ounce of your spirit. You will be rendered spiritless, and it’s only with a spirit guiding us that we can journey toward the inner peace self-love provides.

Your sociopathic partner will convince you that you are worthless, shameful, and damaged. Through gaslighting, triangulation, projection, and manipulation, you will quickly be convinced that you are garbage.

You are a bad mother, a bad father, a horrible employee, a person in need of learning lessons. Everything you accomplished in life up until the time you met the sociopath means absolutely nothing. Why? Because it didn’t involve the sociopath.


Get a head start today. Go ahead! Delete your Facebook account. Delete your blog. Throw away pictures from your past. You are stuck with a sociopath who can’t be bothered with your tears, your hopes, your desires, or your ambitions. But most of all, he can’t be bothered with you behaving like you matter.

Do you matter? Of course you do! I don’t want you to give up on yourself. Please don’t give up on yourself.

Namaste!

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