Love-Life-Om was created by Paula Carrasquillo with a mission to support survivors of domestic violence, rape, and fraud on their journey of detoxification and renewal. With a focus on integrative and holistic approaches to health and wellness, Love-Life-Om helps one shed destructive thinking and behavior patterns and replace them with healthy patterns of self-love and self-awareness. It’s never too late to free ourselves of what no longer serves us and begin again. You matter. You’re worth it. Believe it.
About Paula Carrasquillo
Paula’s Education, Credentials, and Current Studies
- MA, graduate honors, Communication and Adult Education, Regis University, Denver, CO (December 2007)
- BS, cum laude, English, Frostburg State University, Frostburg, MD (May 2000)
- Certified Yoga Teacher, RYT-200, Yoga Alliance (August 2014)
- Certified Integrative Nutrition and Health Coach, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, New York, NY (June 2015)
- View Paula’s public LinkedIn profile.
- Unashamed Voices: True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst, self-published collection, Kindle Direct Publishing, (December 2014)
- Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath, self-published novelette, Xlibris, (August 2012)
- Love. Life. Om. (originally titled Paula’s Pontifications), blog, WordPress (August 2005 to present)
- Living Inside Out Loud column, Communities Digital News, LLC (August 2012 to present)
- A Yogini Transformed, blog, (September 2013 to present)
- Destined to Heal: Mindful Healing and Recovery from Sociopath Abuse (TBD)
If you have questions, insights, or would like to learn more about Paula’s health coach services, complete and submit the form below. Note that comments submitted through this contact form WILL NOT appear directly on this site.
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I couldn’t post here: https://paularenee.wordpress.com/live-love-laugh/identifying-a-narcissistic-sociopath/
Comment to that posting: You sound like a real bisch. Oh, these are things someone says that is a blah blah blah. I really love this part:
“I am no psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor. However, I have lived alongside a narcissistic sociopath and feel the need to share, even if in a tale-like fiction setting, how I understand the psychopathology that insidiously penetrated my body, mind, and spirit until I was nearly convinced that I was the evil one. How? Projection, transference, and control, that’s how.”
The part I took away from this is that you are diagnosing someone, while you play doctor, that I assume probably is either one of two people since you only mention this single person and this is the only person you have to reference off of. I’m thinking an ex or co-worker that doesn’t like you but you refuse to take the hint. So what happens when I combine the before mentioned with this next focal point?:
They say things to intoxicate you into compliance:
“You are the love of my life.”
“I have never known anyone like you.”
“You are perfect for me.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I never want to leave your side.”
“You are the most beautiful person I have ever met.”
“We are perfect for each other.”
“You are exactly what I have been looking for my entire life.”
It shows it’s a guy, that’s what happens. Get over him because I bet he’s over you and leave the doctoring to the professionals and seek one yourself. Maybe if you paid more attention to your job and did it better, you could get a raise and afford to spend the $10 to look a little more professional and get a web address that doesn’t include wordpress in the url. Enjoy.
Hehe! Okay. Thanks for the advice, dude.
Here’s an update to my comment made about a year ago. NS, of course, tried to convince me that after all this time, he had broken up with his other ex who has been coming back to him for
three years (a really toxic relationship) that he just wanted me to know that he was “thinking of me
most of the time”. (TEST). Aware of that, I wrote him a very descriptive letter of how I was just never going to be interested in getting into the kind relationship like the one he ended. I kept his emails to look back on to see the dates and how he was so predictable. I liked knowing that for some reason. Then a few days after he wrote me how much he missed me including all the loving words he used to refer to me,but, he wrote another another email that same day. Only this time,
it was to the ex but”mis sent to me”. It was a deep love letter to her telling her how much he missed her and how they would soon be together. I saw her desperate letters to him that preceded that wanting to know why he wouldn’t answer her questions and how she “just couldn’t take IT again.”
It set the match, and I made the decision to fire his misaddressed email to me, back to
him along with my opinion of him in terms I have never used before. I called him a “Pigamist” (my
made up word for what he was) and a Narcissist. But, in an effort to save his other girlfriend,
I blind copied her my response with his mis addressed letter. I felt the need to wake her up.
She had been manipulated by him long enough to put herself on a path of total self destruction.
I hoped it helped but will never know.
Fortunately, at least for me, he left any hope or desire to be with me and stopped communicating,
except once and that was to tell me that he no longer “under her clutches” and that he is “now happy.”
May I laugh now? I haven’t seen this man for 21 months, I am truly awake and living the
life I had before I met him with only one wonderful exception….I am so much wiser, and productive
doing the things I had always dreamed of doing.
I write this because for those who are just beginning their climb out of the pit, or feel that
there may be nothing to welcome them outside of it, or whatever fears they have, LIFE
IS SO MUCH BETTER OUT HERE. Even if you are afraid of what’s out there, do it
anyway. You will be surprised how many people who didn’t know how to lend you a
hand will be there to help. But you must – really must – mean it.
I believe that Lot’s wife turned to salt because she was covered in her own tears that
It’s not easy. All of us who ever did this knows that. It’s not without loneliness and many
tears. But you get that if you stay, only more so. It’s not without dreams of the past
creeping into your subconscious and waking up in the middle of the night cursing his
name. But believe me, believe Paula, It is so worth every lonely, difficult struggle.
And the best part, this new found knowledge will always be a part of your awareness
now. No one can do this again. Cause you will never let them.
If you’ve had more than one NS in your life, as I have, it’s time to find the thread.
What is it about this type that attracts you while all the time feeling inside your gut
that something is wrong and yet, overlook it. THAT”S IMPORTANT. And what kind
of bad behavior have you found to be normal. That’s when we start making
excuses for the other person’s insanity.
It took me a long time to get here but HELLO, I”M HERE. And it’s all because of
this column, Paula, and all of you others who wrote in and helped me through it.
Thanks to you all. Good luck to you in your struggle. We are all spiritually there
locked in it with you.
Wow! What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing with all of us, Anonymous. I am certain it will bring hope and clarity to others. 🙂
I was researching information regarding sociopaths because my step daughter-in-law created so many problems (not her fault, of course). While reading “Identifying a Narcissistic Sociopath,” I realized that my ex-husband of 25 years was a narcissistic sociopath. I believed at first that, if I could make him happy, he would be happy. Wrong. His actions and verbal abuse ultimately ended in my divorcing him. The first night after I left, I slept like a baby. For the first time in my life, I felt free. I will share this with my daughter, a child psychiatrist, who suffered many of the same abuses he inflicted on me. She probably did not recognize his disorder due to denial and the fact her father was too close. I believe she has not truly faced the complexity of this disorder due to the extreme pain she experiences whenever he becomes a topic of our conversation. After our divorce was official, my attorney (a devout Christian man) called to tell me that he had not met a more manipulative man in his life and he understood why I divorced him. Thank you so much for providing the insight of 25 years of slavery. The relief I am feeling right now is incredible and empowering. Bless you for sharing.
Thank you, Virginia, for sharing your uplifting and hopeful story. I am thrilled you have emerged with knowledge and understanding of your power and light!!
You seem well. I hope you are. Thoughts always.
I am, mystery person with an email address that doesn’t exist. 🙂
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Finding your site is a God send! I am just coming out of a 4 year insane relationship with what I now know is a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies. Your site is helping me so much as I go through the healing process! Thank you Paula!
I’m thrilled you discovered my site. I’m more thrilled that you are on your path to great healing and self-awareness. Namaste, Angie! ❤
Does anyone have successful experience legally fighting this type of person? My son has a beautiful daughter with this narcissistic woman. He is trying to get full custody of her. How do you prove how harmful it is for a child to be living with such a person?? As the grandmother, I am very worried because I have a loving relationship with my granddaughter and want the best for her.
Have you visited http://www.onemomsbattle.com?
I’m sure you’ve considered this, already, but my first question is why does she want custody? Likely, it could have something to do with receiving child support. I would highly suggest testimony from people who know her, work with her, have had any negative association (true, of course) to clarify and verify just how the woman is a bad influence. Who has she lied to? Who has she double crossed (& with proof)? Is she on do drugs or alcohol or frequent clubs? What does she expose the granddaughter to — types of people and environment? Does she have a stable job? Does she offer a lifestyle that would balance a child’s upbringing? Just how moody is she? Does she yell, curse, belittle the child or anyone in the child’s presence? Your attorney should be counseling you on this matter. If you have all this, then you should not worry. Men are awarded children all the time and it takes personal references to get this done. For all the bad things I’ve listed above – the same goes for your son – can he prove he does all those things well – does he have a stable job and home, a balanced life, positive influences in his life as well as the one he would offer his daughter. Most judges can see through a false testimony and depending on how your daughter in law looks and dresses – unless she is a very good actress, she won’t fool anyone. Lastly, I believe the child can give input as to where she wants to be and why — this is huge. Good luck. It’s a sad situation when family’s end up like this. But, go back to the source of the problem — what did this Mother start doing that brought them to this point — that is your key right there!
The writer China Mieville has been outed as an abuser of this type by one of his victims – a very well-regarded UK human rights journalist. It seems that he, and other abusers of his type, seem to seek out particularly strong women to destroy as this is part of their abuse-satisfaction. http://www.bidisha-online.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/venice.html
Thank you, Justine. They need resourceful and highly sensitive women (and men) in order to a.) gain whatever it is they covet from us and b.) get away with it because we feel too guilty and ashamed to speak out against them because we feel like we somehow deserved what we got. And the effects are physical and visceral! I can’t hear his name without wanting to vomit.
I found your blog after the first round I had with a NS I met three months prior. It was so important to me that I put in in my “favorites” to re-read, if I needed it in the future after my first breakup with him. Boy did I ever. He did a “sympathy- in-an-accident” email to me while I was still in the “bargaining phase” of it within my mind. We go through the five phases before reality sets in and those phases last differently for each person. In my case, the bargaining part was about one month later.
Not taking your advice, I emailed him back with my concerns for his well being and, just like he planned, I let him in again. And, it all started again. Only this time he was even better at convincing me that he was my ideal in every way. But he was deceptive enough to have his needs and that was to get back to the business of the other women he had in his stable. It was devastating to discover but having your blog to refer back to made me understand the MO of a NS. This man was classic. So once more I finally ended it – based on this blog and accepting the truth about what I was dealing with.
Just as you warn us, he made an attempt about a month later to “test the waters” I believe,but I have not responded in any way. It’s been another three months and he has tried three times about the same time each month to see if I am “ready” yet. He is a master at his technique.
Cant say that it has been as easy as just saying “goodbye” because I ache every day with a longing for the “character” he played, but totally dislike the “actor”. It’s hard to let a fantasy go because it’s not a tangible thing, but at least I know what I am dealing with and that makes it worth the pain of going through the stages of grief that I must and to never forget the “no contact” rule.
Thank you, Paula, for saving me from something I might not have ever got out from under. Good luck to everyone out there who has also had the need for this advice. My advice is “Take Paula’s advice.” It’s not an easy hill to climb but I can see the top already.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your struggle and for thanking me, but YOU deserve the most thanks! You’re strong and smart and growing everyday in your independence. Always give yourself the credit you deserve for remaining open and honest with your desires and understanding where they come from. 😉 ❤
Going through the same thing. Good luck!
The opportunity for you to speak about the sociopath on Huffington Post is no accident. Those that need support will find your site. I have worked many years with sociopaths and/or narcissists that were court mandated to see me for 52 weeks. I have listen to them tell me in detail what they did too emotionally and physically torture their partners. The sociopath/narcissist is fully aware of what they are doing and as you know it makes them feel all powerful. In my experience the only thing that might make them stop is impressing upon them further incarceration if they get caught abusing others. I held out hope that their victims were at least safe during the year they were in treatment with me. I stopped this work and feel good about my contribution. There has been a few times where I feared for my own safety. Unfortunately many pathological men are smart about not getting caught. It takes people like you to raise awareness to prevent further victims. More power to you!
Thank you, Roberta. I had no idea you worked with this “population.” I am also encouraged by what you mention that they know and are aware of what they do. That has always been a big question mark for me. And these men are smart when it comes to recognizing their limits and what society will and will not tolerate. Hopefully, more and more will see that less and less should be tolerated and not brushed aside as common. 🙂
My ns son brags how he never gets caught. “Deny, deny, deny.” He’s so proud of himself. One thing that is so important to know about these people is that they are NOT unfeeling cyborgs. On the contrary, they get off on spreading pain and misery. That fills them with great joy. He is my oldest child of 6 and all of us feared -and still fear for our lives. One day we figure he’s going to kill one or all of us. That’s not even the sad part. He’s married to a woman who he got pregnant and we begged her to at least wait to marry him. But, she believed his lies that we are the haters blah blah blah. All we can do is hope and pray for my poor grandson’s safety. My son puts on a beautiful performance as “doting father” and I can only hope that maybe this time he means it. But you all know….:(
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