letter to a sociopath who thinks he's god

A Letter to the Sociopath So He Can FINALLY Stop Worrying About Me

letter to a sociopath who thinks he's godDear Sociopath,

I feel so silly writing this. Why? Well, I know how much you always worried about me, and no matter how much I told you it was unnecessary to worry, you still worried. So even after you read this letter, you’ll probably continue to have those same worries, but I hope not. What kind of life is it to worry about little old me who isn’t even in your life anymore? I hope this letter, filled with details of my recent happiness, helps to ease your worries.

So here goes:

Remember that love story you kept begging me to write when we were together? Well, I wrote it!! And can you believe I am nearly finished a much longer follow-up book? My second book should be even more enlightening for those who found my first book so helpful. I know you’d be proud of me. After all, you always said I had a lovely way with words and shouldn’t waste my talents and skills. You were even able to talk me into deleting that silly family-related blog I started when my son was first born, explaining to me that I should focus on something more practical and worthy of my talents. Well, guess what? I did that too! Isn’t this a great blog? I even came up with a catchy name for it, too: Paula’s Pontifications. Pretty cool, huh? I thought you’d be impressed.

I’m sure you could never forget my son. You know my son, the gorgeous and lovable little 5-year-old boy you so generously allowed to play with your dog. (That was incredibly selfless of you, by the way, to let my child play with your delicate dog.) Regardless, he is doing incredible! He loves yoga and karate and wants to be a soccer star when he gets older. All those fears you had about me raising him wrong and your worries that I was jeopardizing his well-being, well, you can now rest assured that he’s safe and well-protected. He starts 3rd grade in a few weeks, and although he is the youngest in his class, he keeps up easily, even though he hates writing, but I guess we all can’t be perfect. Thanks for caring so much. Oh, and don’t worry about him being sad because he is missing you. He doesn’t even remember you.  Isn’t that great? No worries there, either. No loss of sleep for my little boy. Kids are so resilient, huh?

Best of all, I never had to sell my car or file for bankruptcy! I know how very concerned you were about me losing everything when I left you. After a few career bumps and obstacles, I was able to land an even better-paying job than I had before. Plus, with my increased writing and editing experience, I get an occasional freelance job. I think I am pretty close to making double what you were making. Isn’t that awesome? If you were still with me you could have definitely become that house boy you always dreamed of becoming. The chances of me ever becoming pathetic and dependent have narrowed considerably! Again, you can let go of all those worries and fears you had about me sabotaging my career. With over 100,000 words published online, I’m sure my marketability will continue to grow. I’ve truly been blessed in many ways over the last 30 months. Thank you so much for worrying that I would fail. You can stop now, because I didn’t fail. Instead, you can celebrate and have a maté for me!!

Oh, and your biggest fear about me self-destructing? You can finally let it go!!  I was able to quit drinking! Remember all those AA meetings you found and wanted me to attend because the ones I was attending were too far away from your house and you felt they took away too much of our time together? Well, I beat my alcohol dependency without AA meetings. I took what I needed from those meetings and worked with my husband who was more than willing to sacrifice some of his days and nights to hold my hand and pick me up when I fell down, real and figuratively. And since I no longer need alcohol to get through my days, I even kicked my depression and am no longer on any type of mood-altering medications!! I know how much you hated that I took medicine. Well, no need to worry about it anymore. I am whole again and better than before.

And remember all those times you tried to get me started with a workout routine? Well, I have one now! I don’t know what got into me, but one day I just went to a yoga studio and haven’t looked back! Maybe it has something to do with doing it on “my” time and not “our” time. It would have been impossible for my husband and me to have scheduled matching workout routines. After all, who would take care of our son if we were both at the gym at the same time? (Flexibility, collaboration and partnership…in case you need to know for the future. You’re welcome!) But anyhow–back to yoga. It has changed my life!! My entire body and mind and spirit have been transformed! I don’t even recognize myself some days. I know you tried to push me when we were together. Sorry our workouts didn’t work out. (I’m so funny now, huh? I even got my humor back!) But be happy for me now. I found something I love, and I begin yoga teacher training next month. My goal is to one day teach yoga to trauma victims, specifically I want to help women who survived and escaped abusive relationships, relationships that compromised their physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. We all deserve to be whole again.

I’m sure you’re dying to let me know how proud you are of me, huh? No worries there. My husband, my son, my sisters, my parents and the wonderful and amazing new friends I have made are repeatedly telling me how proud they are of me.  Don’t worry, I am 100% appreciated, just what you always hoped for me.

So that’s my happiness in a nutshell. I hope you finally found what you’ve been looking for, too. Oh, but you already told me that you had found what you were looking for. I hope that’s still working out for you. I know how much it sucks to lose people you once loved.

Namaste!
Paula (a.k.a. Pumpkin. You might remember me by that name.)

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/33284484715793320/)

free yourself

Freeing Yourself from the Sociopath’s Needs and Crazy-Making World

free yourselfI often repeat, “The sociopath needs us; we do not need the sociopath.”

But the sociopath tries really, really hard to convince you of the opposite. It’s part of the mind control, mind warping practices of the sociopath’s twisted and despicable philosophy he feeds you.

I’ll never forget when the sociopath, the boy in my story, first tried convincing me that I should think in terms of “needing” each other.

I was raised to be independent and to not rely on another person for my basic needs like shelter, clothing, food and other sustenance. As I grew and experienced love and relationships, I also learned that being needy of another person’s affections went against full independence.

I gave love, not expecting love in return but was damn grateful when I received it.

So I was a bit shocked when the sociopath came crying to me upset and feeling neglected and saying, “I NEED you to need me the way I need you!!!”

The first thing that came out of my mouth was, “That’s a dangerous place to be…needing each other…don’t you think?”

He looked at me blankly, silently, so I continued, “Isn’t it enough knowing that I love you? Why would you want me dependent and desperately needing you? I mean, what kind of place would I be if something happened to you and I was left alone? What about if something happened to me? You’d rather us suffer thinking we lost someone we NEEDED to survive?”

Again, crickets from his direction.

I understand now why he could not provide a rebuttal: he knew I thought the idea was BS and he also knew I was not easily malleable. I was a big effing frustration for him, which led him to reverting to angrier and more shocking rages, leaving me wondering what the hell I had done wrong to make him so angry. I found myself NEEDING him for answers and NEEDING him to treat me like I mattered.

But my needs were NEVER met. Instead, my neediness just grew with each layer of shame and blame thrown my way.

A = The Sociopath’s Needs
The need to control you.

B = Your Needs
The need to feel and to be treated as if you matter.

A – B = Crazy-Making World
The sociopath’s need for control is gained by not providing you with your need to feel like you matter. The sociopath’s needs (A) are met; your needs (B) are NEVER met.

It’s a vicious equation and cycle that never ends even after the relationship ends and even after you go no contact. The only way it ends is to accept that the sociopath is a sociopath and will never respect you as a human, treat you like you matter or provide you with the answers you desperately deserve.

If you don’t accept this, your needs continue to be unmet and your desperation for your needs to be met continue to grow and fester. This desperation drives you to levels of high stress, anxiety, prolonged periods of rumination and complete distraction of your other basic needs. You’re still working toward changing the equation that can never change. The sociopath will always have control if you continue insisting your needs will somehow magically be met by the sociopath one day.

This leads to nothing good or productive. You can’t sleep or eat or work without being reminded of something the sociopath withheld or failed to answer honestly. Everything becomes a trigger. Your daily routine, which you once shared with the sociopath, is continuously interrupted by a memory recall, a flashback of an event or associated stressor and/trauma. Certain words used by a friend or colleague may spark panic or take you away from the here and now. You’re mind is out of your control, it seems, because it’s still stuck in Crazy-Making World of the sociopath’s creation.

You’re unable to focus, and your life continues to be crazed until you finally accept and recognize the sociopath for what and who he/she is:

A hateful, despicable, cowardice and vile “person” who lacks all respect for himself and humanity.

No sociopath is going to provide you with the answers as to why he is shitty or why he told you he loved you, yet treated you like you were the most unworthy human on the planet.

No sociopath will ever tell you that you matter or that your feelings and needs matter, because the sociopath only gets joy in your desperation for answers not in your relief once the answers are provided.

Shoot! If they gave you your answers, the control and abuse would end. Control and abuse is too fun for them.

Sociopaths rely on and need you to need them. It gives them power over you. The power increases with each and every bit of information the sociopath continues to withhold.

It’s slow torture. It’s evil at its finest.

How do you get the torture to end? Easy. Stop needing the sociopath for anything, especially for answers that will never come. Eliminate your need to know and put your other needs, like finding peace, first. If you put your needs first, the whole equation changes…just like magic:

B (your needs) – A (the sociopath’s needs) = D (Your Power and PEACE)

The next time the sociopath withholds answers and information from you in a bid to control you, let go of needing to know. Once you do that, you regain your power and then the sociopath doesn’t matter anymore and needing anything from the sociopath becomes a moot point.

Who needs ’em!?! Not us!! 

Namaste!
~Paula

(Note: Practicing this early, sooner rather than later, can help you maintain your sanity when you’re forced to deal with the sociopath in family court and co-parenting situations. You CAN detach from the sociopath but still remain attached to your best interests and the best interests of your children. Otherwise, you’re fighting an emotional battle with someone who lacks emotions and you will always lose. So stop asking “why” and start taking back your power.)

(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/35465915788125242/)

The End of the Relationship with a Sociopath: Where is the Sense in It?

senseless

From the beginning, a relationship with a sociopath make no sense and is unlike any relationship we have ever encountered. And then the end comes, and we’re blown away by how it plays out.

When normal, healthy relationships end, we naturally grieve. We say goodbye to someone with whom we shared ourselves and whom shared themselves with us. It’s sad. It’s painful. But it’s life. People come and go. And just because the person we are saying good-bye to will no longer be a part of our everyday life, we have the beautiful memories of that person and all of the adventures and growth we experienced.

But when a relationship with a sociopath ends, it’s on par with losing someone through death. Why is the grief so intense? Probably because there was never a normal closure when a so-called relationship with a sociopath ends.

When we end romantic relationships with healthy partners, there is usually the final, mutual conversation where one side says, “I love you but it’s just not working” and the other side says “I love you, too, and I agree it’s not working.” You go your separate ways; there is no drama; there is no second-guessing. You move forward and deal every day with the gradual subsiding of the pain and grief of losing a person you once shared a life. And you always remember that person and how he/she shaped you and helped prepare you for the next relationship.

When the toxic relationship with a sociopath ends, we never experience the mutual conversation or the drama-free exit and separation. Instead, what we get from a sociopath is emptiness and lies. If you leave the sociopath, he’ll say, “Thank God I don’t have to endure you any more. I should have realized long ago that I was wasting my energy on you.” If he is the one to leave, he’ll say, “It’s just not working out. I don’t love you and never really loved you the way you wanted me to love you. We would have made each other miserable. Have a great life.”

Both reactions are shocking to a normal, health non-pathological person. How could someone devalue the years you spent together with such dismissive statements and lack of emotion and care?

Well, a sociopath, that’s who!

Once the sociopath no longer needs you or realizes he can’t use you for further supply, you become dead to the sociopath. His memory is wiped clean of you, because he was never able to connect with you on a spiritual level in the first place. You were just a material thing, an acquisition and a conquest; it’s easy to toss away things. In no uncertain terms, you become trash and garbage in the eyes of the sociopath.

You do not exist. You are worthless and so was the relationship. Poof! You’re nothing.

So harsh! You are unable to compute how the sociopath was able to come to such a conclusion about you and your worth. Once you recognize this reality, when you hear it in his tone and learn of it through the smear campaign, you may become desperate to make him see how wrong he is. You may try to delay the end. You may call him and beg and barter with him. You may get down on your hands and knees and say you’re sorry and would do anything to prove to him that you are worthy of his eternal friendship and love.

But, more than likely, by the time you make such a spectacle of yourself, the sociopath has already found a new source of supply. By doing this, you just end up looking like a crazy and desperate fool. The sociopath does not care what you have to say. He does not acknowledge any of the truth you might be speaking. However, the sociopath loves that you keep begging him and pleading with him to be nicer to you. These are the moments that feed the sociopath, and he shares these pleadings with his current victim/girlfriend/fiancee to prove to them how insane you are, “Jesus! This woman is so sick. She just can’t let go and accept I don’t want anything to do with her.”

The boy in my story described several women from his past in this way. (I’m definitely added to that list now. Hehe!) But was it really letting go of him that they were unable to do? Was his teenage lover really desperate to marry him after all these years because she was delusional and couldn’t accept the end of the relationship? Was the ex-girlfriend from Ohio, now married with children, pining for the boy because she still loved him? Did I call him after my stepfather died because I needed him to comfort me?

No. None of us really needed him in our lives. What we needed from him was a glimmer of humanity that we never received when the relationship ended. All we got was drama, hate and lies. We were desperate to be treated as humans.

But expecting to be treated as a human when the relationship with a sociopath ends is hoping in vane. It will never happen. Why? Because the sociopath isn’t human like you and me. He has no conscience. So why on earth would the sociopath treat you like you were human if he doesn’t even know what it feels like to be human with a conscience?

He wouldn’t, because he can’t. The sociopath is not capable of treating you like anything other than a disposable piece of flesh.

Namaste!
~Paula

(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/209206345162866290/)

blindfold, Paula Carrasquillo, Paula Renee Carrasquillo, Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo, psychopath, sociopath, awareness, dating a sociopath, divorcing a narcissist

Blindfolded and in the Fire Zone of the Sociopath

blindfoldRemember that game we played as kids? The one in which you were blindfolded, spun in circles five times and then set out in search for some hidden item or person? And the closer you got to that item, your friends would call out things like, “You’re getting warmer, warmer.” And once you stepped directly in the path of that item, your friends would scream, “You’re so hot, you’re on fire!” And you’d reach out and touch it, and the game would be over. You won!

Remember that game? Well, it’s the game I feel like I need to (hypothetically) play with the people coming to my blog from Northern Virginia. I want to (hypothetically) scream:

“You are on fire. You’re so close! You’re in the fire zone of the sociopath!”

But I can’t, and I won’t (hypothetically). All I can offer is a (hypothetical) warning:

Don’t extend your reach because there is no winner, only losers when you invite a sociopath into your life. And please don’t think you can be the one to finally defeat or tame that beast. It’s a trick your mind (and the sociopath’s) are playing on you. He may seem fixed and cured, but that’s a facade, another mask, one of his three favorite masks:

  • Victim (She’s destroying me! Everything she says is a lie.)
  • Savior(Only I can help you! You need me.)
  • Persecutor(You’re a whore just like everyone else! You’re dead to me.)

The truth is he doesn’t really care if you stay or go. Don’t get me wrong. When he asks you not to leave, he means it. But he doesn’t want you to stay because he loves you so much. He’s just enjoyed controlling you. He sees his ability to control you as love. Love means control. Anyone and anything that he can successfully control 100%, he loves: his dog, his girlfriend, his workers, his illegal friends.

But the biggest reason he doesn’t want you to leave is because he can’t stand the whole “starting over” bit. Damn! Just when he thought he had you in the perfect place of control, you decide to leave. You know how much effort and “hiding” on his part went into getting you right where he thought he had you?

So he’ll cry like a big old baby if you suggest you want out of the relationship. He’ll promise to be better. He’ll promise never to do “that” again (whatever “that” may be). He’ll make you feel so dizzy from the wailing and crying that you’ll say, “Okay. I’m willing to try” just so your head will stop spinning. (Mind control. Believe it!)

And let’s say (hypothetically) that you do decide to stay. I suggest that you tell him the very next day that you changed your mind and you are serious this time and will be leaving him. Like the day before, he’ll wail and cry about. But this time, don’t give in. Don’t succumb to the toddler tactics.

This time, when you refuse to listen to the shame and blame of the 35+-year-old toddler before you, the most sinister thing will happen right before your eyes:

You will witness the moment you become dead to him. The black, glassed-over, gaze of his eyes upon you (or rather through you) tell the complete story. It’s dark and evil and totally empty. (This is your visual proof of the absence of attachment he feels for you or anything about you. You may have missed this, especially if the breakup occurred over the phone or through email. Dammit!)

If you do witness this or have witnessed it, never forget it and take it as the best and only proof you will ever receive regarding what he is and where his soul is.

He’s a sociopath whose soul belongs to the devil.

Accept it. Take off the blindfold. No need to reach out for proof that further contact will hurt you. You know intuitively that fire causes inevitable harm, and the closer you get, the worse the burn. Now it’s time to believe sociopaths are just as destructive. And the only way to stop a fire is to douse it, to kill it. Make the sociopath dead to you just like you’re dead to him. It’s not an easy feat. But it’s achievable. Trust me. 🙂

Namaste!

~ Paula

(Image Source)

Unofficial Press Release – An Abusive Relationship Presented as a Work of Fiction

Cover: Escaping the boy: My Life with a Sociopath RevisitedWhen I first self-published Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath nearly a year ago in August 2012, I was extremely ignorant about marketing and self-promotion. I relied on this blog and a Facebook page to spread the word. I eventually created a website, too.

Recently, I was able to scrounge up some cash to pay for an official press release to be distributed to numerous outlets, including book reviewers and syndicated media sources.

The original press release written by the “pros” at Xlibris sucked!! It really sucked. So I wrote my own and am awaiting word on it’s tentative release and distribution. In the meantime, I’m sharing my rewrite here. (Am I a little protective? Yes. A little anal? Yes. But only because “they” got is so, so wrong the first time.)


Author Paula Carrasquillo Accounts her Abusive Relationship Presented as a Work of Fiction
A fictional story based on one woman’s experience of emotional, spiritual and physical abuse at the hands of a sociopath

GAITHERSBURG, Md. – Abuse comes in many forms and affects many people in the victim’s life. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuses are equally degrading and harmful. One is not better than the other or worse than the other. They are all abuse.

Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath details and illustrates the insidious nature of emotional abuse in a pathological and toxic love relationship. The novelette is the first fictional title by author Paula Carrasquillo, yet is highly based on a not-so-wonderful life experience. Paula admits that she’s not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a counselor, but through extensive personal research, reflection, and acceptance, she has come to the conclusion that her relationship was highly dysfunctional and unhealthy due to her abuser whose character and behavior can only be understood as being that of a narcissistic sociopath.

Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath is an eye-opener of a read. The author expresses to her readers that if someone seems “too good to be true,” he probably is. And just because there are no physical signs of abuse, does not mean a person isn’t suffering due to another’s actions or words.

Many readers will relate to this story and find comfort in knowing they are not alone. In addition, many readers who have not personally experienced abuse will be compelled to pass the book along freely to family, friends, love ones, and others they suspect of being a victim of abuse—emotional, physical, sexual or otherwise.

Although the title and cover would suggest a moody and dark tale, Paula infuses her storytelling approach with humor, survival and hope: survival of intimate partner abuse and hope that one day there will be an end to domestic violence and an increased awareness of the destructive nature of sociopaths hiding in plain sight who inflict inevitable harm.

For more information on this book, interested parties may log on to www.Xlibris.com.

About the Author
Paula Carrasquillo, M.A. lives and works in the Washington, D.C. area. She loves to read and practices Bikram yoga for her physical and emotional well being. She earned a master’s degree in communication and adult education from Regis University in Denver, Colorado and her bachelor’s degree in English from Frostburg State University in Frostburg, Maryland. Paula has worked with the at-risk population as a curriculum developer and an educator teaching GED, ESL, and Life Skills courses. She currently works as a web and content analyst. She also writes a weekly column for The Washington Times Communities, Living Inside Out Loud. Paula is currently writing her second book on healing and recovery from pathological love relationships and abuse.

Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath* by Paula Carrasquillo
Revisited
Publication Date: August 27, 2012
Trade Paperback; 72 pages; 978-1-4797-0609-9
eBook; 978-1-4797-0610-5

To request a complimentary paperback review copy, contact the publisher at (888) 795-4274 x. 7879. To purchase copies of the book for resale, please fax Xlibris at (610) 915-0294 or call (888) 795-4274 x. 7879.

For more information, contact Xlibris at (888) 795-4274 or on the web at http://www.Xlibris.com.

balance

Balancing to Hold On by Letting Go

balanceSince I started this blog, I am realizing more and more how much we, the victims and survivors of pathological love relationships, need each other. I’m also realizing how much we need to set each other free.

From the outside looking in, most people who visit this site (and other sites like this one) can easily jump to the conclusion that we’re a bunch of crying, complaining, broken-hearted, love-sick divas who need to move on!

I get it. I really do. I understand why many choose to look at us in that light: it’s easier to see surface emotions and judge them without diving deep into the reasons behind the emotions.

Often when we read or hear of another’s pain, we end up taking on their emotions. It’s draining. That’s called empathy. Being empathetic takes lots of energy and requires an absence of ego.

We know sociopaths can’t do that. They are not able to empathize.

The rest of us can empathize to a high degree, and the beauty of our ability is that we can choose the degree to which we empathize.

What do I mean? Well, think about it. The amount of energy it takes to focus on another’s pain is draining. We know the people in our lives who drain us the most, right? More than likely, the first person that comes to mind is the sociopath with his pseudo-pain.

But there are many non-pathological people who need our attention due to real pain, and we give to them freely. We put our worries and frustrations aside in order to take on the worries and frustrations of others.

And because we are aware of the energy required to do this, we sometimes choose not to empathize. We choose not to get involved. Making that choice is tough and sometimes filled with guilt. But it’s necessary.

I am perfectly content sometimes to not get involved, especially if I have no useful skills or resources that can help someone in great pain. In those circumstances, I end up feeling more helpless and hopeless and sad, in addition to taking on the pain of the person with whom I am empathizing.

So I choose not to get involved.

It’s not easy to turn the switch from “on” to “off.” I have had to do this often over the past months with family, friends and blog followers (I apologize!) in order to protect myself and remain on track to self-awareness and recovery.

Being overly empathetic of others steals our energy needed for ourselves. It’s the catch-22 of being a healthy, non-pathological person who critiques sociopaths and psychopaths daily–I end up looking no better than the sociopaths and psychopaths I analyze and digest.

But that’s just my guilt talking. I know I’m not a sociopath or psychopath. I also know when the time has come for me to be serious about my limitations and think seriously about hanging up my current hat in order to try on a new one.

Now is one of those times.

Since late February, I have been struggling with writing about sociopaths/psychopaths. I know deep down that I can’t maintain this momentum. I just can’t. I’ve written exhaustively about my experience and observations over the past 16 months or so. With the submission of each post, I think, “This could be the last one on the subject.”

It never is. There is always something that sparks something inside of me. It could be a conversation with a friend, a question from a reader, a TV commercial I watch, a word I hear, a song I begin to hum…whatever it is, I become inspired to share one more story related to sociopaths and toxic relationships.

But I am serious this time. This really could be the last post on the subject I write, but that’s only because I have so many other wonderful things in my life on which I want to focus.

Other than the obvious need to spend more time with my family, I am also actively planning to begin yoga teacher training in the fall. Once certified in yoga, I can then become certified to teach yoga to trauma patients.

THAT is what I see as my ultimate gift and take away from my toxic relationship and the best use of my empathy and all the energy it consumes. My writing has been a stepping stone to many things: friendships, understanding, job opportunities, vision and purpose.

I’ll continue to write, but probably less and less about sociopaths and psychopaths but more and more on healing techniques and mindful approaches to self-care (which anyone could benefit regardless of past relationship horrors).

I remain dedicated to transforming this blog into a comprehensive book on the aftermath and journey to self-recovery and healing from relational harm. That goal will be primary through the end of this year. As far as writing new material, I want to focus more on writing and editing for Elephant Journal and my Washington Times Communities’ column (which could possibly go into syndication, but I need to hunker down for that to happen).

So I’m not really going anywhere. I could never leave this community. However, I realize I need to let go a little in order to free myself to explore more possibilities for life, love and laughter. The “longing” part is taken care of now, because I feel more free today than I have ever felt in my entire life. I owe a large majority of that to my blog readers and visitors. You’ve made these past months so worth it to me.

The rest is thanks to my loving husband J., my son A. and myself.

Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/147492956518852766/)

Pistorius, Jealousy, and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies of the Narcissistic Sociopath

jealousy and pistoriusNarcissistic Sociopath’s single-handedly destroy their lives through paranoia and jealousy. As more and more news is being leaked to the press, it seems Oscar Pistorius is no better than the common douche bags across the globe (like the boy in my story) who abuse and lash out at their partners. An olympic athlete jealous of his girlfriend’s relationship with a rugby player? Sure. Believe it. Having close friends outside the “romance” is just the thing that sets off these cowards. But it’s going to be a tough nugget for many supporters to swallow, since Pistorius happens to have a couple of medals to flash in front of our eyes in hopes of blinding us to his true nature.

Narcissistic sociopaths can’t leave well enough alone and believe the people in their lives when they tell them they are “just friends” with someone. Why? Because a narcissistic sociopath can’t trust himself. How is he expected to trust anyone else?

Sociopaths are the Kings and Queens of self-fulfilling prophecies: their biggest fears become reality quickly. Sociopaths suspect the worst and repeatedly accuse their intimate partners and spouses of acting in despicable ways.

“You whore! I know you’re sleeping with X, Y, and Z when I’m not around. Why else would you be friends with such losers who have nothing to offer you?”

Over time and worn down by the increasing delusions of the sociopath, these partners finally just give up and relent. It’s too tiresome, otherwise, to continue our attempts at defending ourselves and our intentions. We allow the sociopath to think what he wants to think. Unfortunately, as soon as we think we have disengaged, the real fight for our lives and spirits begins.

I think many of us who have experienced similar can imagine the nightmare that was Reeva Steenkamp’s last moments. The rage, the anger, the begging, and the pleading. Even if Oscar Pestorius is never diagnosed with having a pathological personality disorder, he behaved as if his dark side was met with little to no resistance by the “idol” so many had cheered to victory in the past. Such a shame.

As I have noted in the past, a narcissistic sociopath can take the most innocent of behaviors (like being friends with someone) and twist it into something dark, dirty, and shameful. Being a good person and having good and loving friends and family is the narcissistic sociopath’s biggest enemy and source of rage and disgust. As soon as the green-eyed monster of jealousy rears its ugly head, kick these fools to the curb. Who cares if he/she happens to be a well-respected athlete or business owner? They’re pieces of trash capable of murdering you. If you think that’s harsh, lucky you. You’ve never looked evil in the eye.

Pistorius murder charge: Was Reeva Steenkamp shot over “close friendship” with Oscar’s rugby hunk pal?

My latest TWTC story–Lance Armstrong’s ‘jailhouse’ confession: Do we care?

Lance Armstrong's "jailhouse" confessionEver since writing my October 2012 post comparing Lance Armstrong’s behavior to that of a narcissistic abuser, I have anticipated his next move. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when The New York Times reported last Friday that he might be ready to come forward and confess.

Pfft! Who cares? What good is his word now?

Read my latest Washington Times Communities story:

Lance Armstrong’s pending “jailhouse” confession: Do we care?

Judgment Day and Finding Recovery: A Reader Shares her Story

TWTC story December 29, 2012

I have been a bit quiet today and need to catch up on my reader comments. (I’m not ignoring you!!) I have been busy preparing a two part story for my TWTC column, Living Inside Out Loud.

Yesterday, a reader contacted me with her story. Out of her need for safety and self preservation, she chose not to share her story publicly. I told her I would share it on my blog and in my column. She agreed!!

I hope you will read both parts, share, and comment. Her hope is to help others by sharing her story, something we all need in our healing and recovery.

Part I: Judgment Day

Part II: Finding Recovery

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: