“What the heck does she mean by MINDFUL, anyhow?”

I am in the middle of writing “Embracing Your Light: Mindful Healing and Recovery from Sociopath Abuse” and am defining the idea of mindfulness in hopes of dispelling any misinformation, prejudices, or negative connotations, so you’re not asking, “What in the heck does she mean by mindful, anyhow!?”

Below is mindfulness to me:

Mindfulness doesn’t mean you have to do yoga or meditate or eat tree bark.

Mindfulness simply means you live your life fully aware of yourself, your surroundings, and how you and your surroundings affect and impact each other.

Mindfulness is compassion for yourself and all living things surrounding you.

Mindfulness is not prescribing to any particular religion or faith. The faith required to be mindful is a faith in oneself.

Mindfulness is a state of being and knowing, knowing you are perfect in your imperfections. Mindfulness is accepting your imperfections and understanding that they are not permanent and do not define you.

Mindfulness is knowing that life is in a constant state of change and flux and that you are part of that change and flux.

You are who you are today. Tomorrow, you will be who you are tomorrow.

Accepting this and being patient in knowing is mindfulness.


Yes, that’s my butt


Select the image to learn more and become one of my first loyal customers!

It Works! wraps are infused with a botanical-based formula of natural ingredients, contain no animal by products, and were not tested on animals.

I have very sensitive skin due to psoriasis, which I have struggled to control since the age of 12. The It Works! wraps not only toned and tightened and diminished the look of cellulite on my most shameful body part (my butt!), the wraps also did not irritate my skin. Rather, the active ingredients of tea tree extract, horse chestnut, jojoba and a host of other natural ingredients had a calming and soothing effect on my often irritated and reactive skin.

With a single application, you will see and feel amazing results. Personally, I was amazed at how tightened and toned my upper thighs felt and looked. I didn’t feel as self-conscious as I usually do about walking around in shorts after a single application! It was very freeing.

In combination with a healthy lifestyle of exercise and mindful food choices, It Works! wraps provide long-lasting improvements to skin texture and appearance of cellulite.

I have been applying the wraps bi-weekly. I will post more pictures as my courage strengthens. In the meantime, consider getting started with your own wrap regimen by becoming a loyal customer. Learn more at my It Works! site and contact me if you have more questions.

~Paula C.

Integrative Health Tip #1: Healing from Pathological Abuse with Guided Metta Meditation

When we are struck by a sociopath, we are presented with the gift of knowing and experiencing the true dualities of life.

We appreciate love more, because we felt true hate. We appreciate beauty more, because we have experienced true ugliness.

We saw these things not only manifest in our abuser, but within ourselves as a result of being impacted by the sociopath. Once we are outside of the sociopath’s sphere of influence, we are empowered to focus on the good…the love and the light and the peace.

Have you ever tried guided metta meditation? As supplemental therapy for traditional counseling, medication, and mental health recovery services, many healthcare professionals are asking their patients to consider integrative healthcare options like nutrition coaching, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation. I have a playlist on Youtube. Consider video number 4 (above) on the list.

Peace is within us, and once we realize how to access it, our life becomes enveloped in it, protecting us from future sociopath/pathological influence.

~Paula XOXO

Claiming Pistorius Suffers from an Anxiety Disorder is Insulting to All Victims and Survivors Worldwide

The psychiatrist did a great job of listing why one MIGHT suffer from an anxiety disorder as a result of health traumas or imperfect childhood experiences like OP, but the expert failed to accurately illustrate how anxiety is outwardly manifested and measured over time.

The expert, in his ignorance, proved Pistorius does NOT suffer from general anxiety. Quite the opposite.

People with true anxiety tend to be anxious as a result of deep feelings of accountability, shame and blame. Oscar displays none of these.

Those with true anxiety are often rendered unable to act, because we need things to be perfect before we act. Otherwise, if something doesn’t happen as we planned, it burdens us because we see the failed plans as being totally and completely our fault, no one else’s. Oscar blames everyone BUT himself.

Those with true anxiety burden themselves with all of the fault. We run every possible outcome and scenario through our minds, which is why most of is don’t act or pursue our dreams. We try to be perfect before taking action (which is impossible), so we rarely act. Oscar has the opposite problem. He believes he is perfect and acts like a bull in a China shop, smashing through life with delusions of entitlement.

Those with true anxiety can definitely be controlling as a result of our need for perfection. However, when and if we do act and our actions fail or result in harm, the shame and guilt builds and grows deeper. Our anxiety grows. It’s a vicious cycle that destroys our self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth.

OP displays zero accountability or remorse, which is evident in his specific responses to being questioned about his harmful behavior.

Oscar IS suffering, however. He suffers from the temporary anxiety of getting caught and realizing prison time is an absolute possibility and consequence.

It’s convenient for the defense to claim anxiety, but the diagnosis is grossly inaccurate and insulting to those of us who understand how anxiety leads to deterioration of self-worth, not to an inflated ego and deflection of accountability, which is what Oscar displays.

OP is a sociopath. There is no doubt in my mind. He intentionally murdered his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. The only thing that wasn’t intended was getting caught.


Find your dosha to help guide your healing and recovery #sociopaths #abuse #recovery #DV

Ayurveda 101: Discover your dosha to help bring your body and mind into a more natural state of balance and peace.

Will you take a test and share your dosha type with the rest of us?

I believe the majority of us survivors are Pitta. I base this on how we communicate and on the struggles many of us have shared related to stress, weight gain, digestive disorders, and general well-being.

What’s your dosha? Better yet, do you even know what a dosha is? Have you ever come across the words Pitta, Vata, or Kapha?

Do you wonder why certain foods seem to negatively affect you almost instantly, while other foods feel like home in your belly?

Or why you enjoy certain activities and sports and not others?

Discovering your dominant dosha will offer great insight into how to bring your body and mind into balance.

I’d love it if you would consider taking this test (provided on the page linked below and above) and share your dominant dosha in the comment section.



(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/218987600601380543/)

A collective gut changes the world

Our emotions carry us away to places of self-doubt and shame when we deny them.

When we deny our emotions, we clog our intuition.

Stop denying them. Stop trying to turn your frown upside down. And stop trying to hide your joy when you are joyous.

Embrace your highly empathic nature. Embrace feeling deeply. Embrace your true nature.

Don’t keep trying to defend yourself against those labels people give you:

>> “You’re too sensitive.”

>> “You seem emotionally unstable.”

>> “You need to calm down.”

>> “You might want to see a counselor about your outbursts.”

>> “You’re crazy!”

The truth behind all of these labels is that they come from a place of fear. Your emotions and ability to release them scares the hell out of people.

So what do we do about it?

For starters, we don’t apologize for our feelings. Our feelings come from a highly intuitive place of understanding and knowing.

So we keep sharing what we feel, despite the fact there may be zero statistical evidence backing us up. And when we see another who bravely shares, we back that person up. We don’t cower and hide behind the pack.

We want things to change, right? Well, the only way to see change in the world is to exert our powerful emotions.

Once each of us starts to share, the statistics become very clear and valid.

Look what has happened in communities like this one? We started talking about things no one wanted to believe was true, and now we have numbers that prove that what we have seen and felt all along are absolutely valid and absolutely real.

Never underestimate your gut and the domino effect and power it can invoke to unearth the voice of a collective gut.

A collective gut changes the world.

Wow! Really!


The internal film of my life


My life frequently passes chronologically through my internal lens like a film, a movie trailer. It seems to start and end the same each time it plays. But the middle always surprises me by what my subconscious chooses to remember and draw to the surface at a specific time of day or during a particular season.

Today, my film is playing out like this:

>> I see myself chasing after lightning bugs as a child with my sister.

>> I see my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Newlon, who encouraged me to speak in front of people despite the embarrassing way my “R”s came out sounding like “W”s.

>> I see the town librarian who never smiled and always seemed annoyed that my sister and I would come in on really hot summer days and sit for hours and read Highlights magazines just to cool off.

>> I see myself at sleepovers with my friends Missy and Lissa and their annoying little brothers.

>> I see myself sitting through my high school graduation next to Doug who finally spoke his first words to me after being in the same classes for 4 years.

>> I see myself as a freshman in the dorms and running barefoot in the puddles behind Cumberland Hall with Kristy who loved thunderstorms.

>> I see myself visiting DC for the first time alone to be with my friend Susan and meeting her Korean ballerina roommate who had no shame in telling me that her secret Korean spice was MSG.

>> I see all the interesting patrons I met waiting tables in college.

>> I see my friends and parties and celebrations and vacations and the ocean and the mountains.

>> I see my wedding day and the day I learned I was pregnant.

>> I see myself meeting my son for the first time.

>> I see last night and how my son is growing into a boy who makes me proud.

>> I see the sociopath and how accepting one man’s self-pity nearly destroyed my vision of all the beauty my life has provided.

>> I see the power I had once given that ugly grain of sand.

>> I see how that ugly grain of sand will forever spread his self-pity, and I accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.

So I go back to thinking about planning my next party with the people I love and who love me.

I think about being here, now and being completely confident in my next decision to grow and learn and to open my life to more opportunities to meet even more wonderful people I will one day be seeing in future versions of my life’s internal film.


(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/401172279277101461/)

Don’t be ashamed to feel angry

Anger is a natural and valid emotion. We become angry when our sensations are assaulted.

Most of us don’t address our anger as it arises and instead allow anger to sit and fester. When we do this, our anger grows and overpowers all of the other sensations we experience, including feelings of happiness and joy.

Over time, this build-up of anger makes us seem like angry people to the outside world. If we’re confronted about our built-up anger, our immediate response is to say, “No way! I’m not angry!”

And that statement may be true in the moment. You may not recognize that you are holding inside unresolved, unaddressed anger. Being told by someone that they think you’re angry makes you more angry. It’s such an unfortunate cycle.

Why do we hold in our anger? Why do we try to hide it and not address it?

The simple answer is that most of us were conditioned to believe that being angry is not good. So when we feel angry, we feel like we’re somehow not good, and the last thing we want others to see is our anger for fear they’ll judge us as not good. And the sad irony is that this fear actually makes us internally more angry and ashamed of ourselves. How unfair.

The first step toward releasing years of engrained, unaddressed anger is to accept that being angry is NOT a sign of weakness or a sign that we are emotionally unstable or bad people.

Anger is a natural emotion and deserves our attention.

Once you accept this, you can start dissecting those things from your past that made you angry. You can start releasing the anger freely through writing or through discussions with those you trust.

Don’t be ashamed to express this anger. We must move through it, not side step it. Denying our anger or any emotion is unhealthy and toxic. Denying our anger makes us sick physically, emotionally and spiritually. People don’t want to be around us when we’re sick. They just don’t.

Once we address all that anger we swept under the rug, we become more accepting of any new frustrations and situations that anger us. We immediately begin to recognize the sensation of anger, and we learn to patiently move through it. We no longer shame ourselves or judge ourselves for feeling angry.

When we can do this with all of our emotions and sensations, we experience freedom.

And when someone reacts to us and says, “I think you’re angry,” don’t be ashamed. Say, “Yes, I am angry.”

Own your emotions. You’ll be amazed at how your world opens up when you do and at how quickly you can resolve your anger to make room to fully embrace other more enjoyable emotions that come over you. No more unaddressed anger clogging the path for happiness and joy to reach our consciousness.


What to look forward to if you decide to break “No Contact” with the sociopath


No Contact isn’t easy to maintain.

In the early months of recovery, not only are you detoxing from the addiction of being totally dependent upon the sociopath for emotional validation and support, you are also going through the natural rumination and bargaining phase of grief.

And the grief is multi-layered! You are not only grieving the loss of a relationship, but you’re also grieving the loss of a fantasy you thought was real.

You want answers. You demand answers, dammit! So you erroneously think the sociopath will give them to you. You contemplate breaking No Contact.

Reaching out to the sociopath will inevitably harm you. The sociopath will do 1 of 4 things:

1. Ignore you, causing you to question yourself more. (Stonewaller)

2. Respond to you with hate and vile, causing you to question yourself more. (Persecutor)

3. Respond to you with feigned concern, telling you that you’re sick and need professional help, causing you to question yourself even more. (Savior Complex)

4. Respond to you with a weak apology and love bombing to suck you back in, causing you to question yourself more. (Pity Ploy)

All of these responses give the sociopath power and control over you. The sociopath feeds off of your desperation.

Do you want to continue this merry-go-round? Or do you finally want to break free from the craziness?

You know what you need to do…


(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/545428204843094244/)

“…in like a lion and out like a lamb.”


I always loved this metaphor, and it’s proving true this March with snow, sleet, angry winds and freezing temperatures sweeping across most of the United States.

The metaphor also fits our transformation in the recovery process, specifically as it applies to rediscovering our identities.

We begin our journey as stubborn, prideful and roaring lions. We’re angry and frustrated and determined to get back to who we were before the sociopath entered our lives.

We miss that person we were before. We want that person back. We’re pissed. We repeatedly scratch and claw to find that person.

In our angry and prideful lion state, we fail to see that the person we were before…that person is gone.

Because we are the stream and the stream is forever flowing. With or without the sociopath, we would have continued to change.

But the sociopath was an uncontrollable storm and our banks washed away in the flood.

To rebuild after the flood, the lion is of little use. Roaring isn’t action, and we recognize the need to take action.

Enter the gentle lamb that tenderly and compassionately envelopes us in its warm and cozy coat.

It’s in the safety and protection of this coat that we begin assessing the damage to our banks.

At first, we think, “Oh, shit. There is no way I will ever be able to repair this damage.”

This self-defeating thinking stalls our progress. We aren’t interested in finding any sandbags and rebuilding our foundation. We’d rather wallow in self-pity and weakness.

So we do. And we continue wallowing. We continue getting weaker, despite that warm coat that blankets us.

Soon, the continual self-pity tarnishes our coat, and we become disgusted with ourselves, and we say to ourselves, “This is NOT where I want to be. I do not want to be this pathetic.”

But then we find we’re stuck again!! We have no idea where to begin; on which bank should we start?

After stalling a bit longer, we finally just pick a bank and begin the repeated and arduous chore of carrying and dropping sandbags, carrying and dropping sandbags, carrying and dropping sandbags.

It seems like forever, but we finally begin to see progress. The rain comes on occasion, but it’s more of a drizzle and less of a storm.

Our banks are tested, and our sandbags hold.

We’re overjoyed, and our confidence and determination builds. We pick up another sandbag and drop it and another and another.

Soon, the damage to our banks is much less noticeable to ourselves and others who happen to be walking by.

“Lookin’ good over there! Do you mind if I have a closer look?”

And we begin to welcome people to our banks again. We trust the work we’ve done will hold up…and it does!… and our confidence slowly returns.

We start catching glimpses of ourself. We barely recognize what we’re seeing. But surprisingly, we’re not repulsed. We’re relieved. It’s like our best bits have been enhanced and our worst bits are barely visible.

Our confidence, love and compassion continue to grow, and we lap up the clear waters of our stream like thirsty and growing lambs should.

We’ve been reborn. The universe awaits!


(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/297308012871018357/)

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