Work, stress, and trying to do too much finally caught up with me. I’m sick.
The signs that I needed to slow down have been there for months. I couldn’t find my spark. I didn’t feel “all-in” about anything life threw my way. Even journaling and blogging were elusive. I failed to finish any critical thinking exercise I started. I’d write a few sentences and abandon the effort mid-stream. Being unable to follow through left me feeling incomplete and impotent in all areas of my life.
A holistic slump. It sucked!
Then I decided to quit my coffee habit this past Sunday. Why? The timing of this decision is beyond my full understanding, but there is no doubt quitting helped my body and my mind wake up…ironically. Eliminating caffeine instantly threw my body into a whirlwind of weirdness: Headaches. Body aches. Nausea. And a cold!?!?
Luckily, these detox side effects moved quickly, and light is once again shining freely into my world. I sense the return of joy, clarity, and freedom of body, mind, and spirit. I look around at my surroundings, and instead of feeling dread at the thought of living out my day, I’m anxious to be creative and explore new possibilities and new ideas.
What a welcome relief after months of feeling stuck and unmotivated.
My biggest struggle lately, and most likely the biggest reason I allowed my energy and verve to be depleted, has been finding the courage to let go of my blog. For the past two years, off and on, I’ve had the urge to delete it. But doing that seemed so senseless. My blog, despite being filled with anger, grief, and sadness, served a great purpose for my own awakening and for that of others (at least that’s the feedback I receive from kind readers). Although hitting the delete button seemed drastic, I couldn’t ignore feeling like the blog hung over me like a dark cloud interfering with my journey toward greater truth, abundance, and higher energy.
I needed a plan. A transitional plan. Change management on an individual level was necessary, because continuing to help people without a solid plan or approach was killing me. Unfortunately, finding the time to build a plan seemed impossible while simultaneously writing posts, responding to comments, responding to emails, and taking phone calls. I was doing these things on top of working full-time as a web content developer, working weekends teaching meditation, going to school to become a health coach, and taking care of my family.
What was I thinking? Well, I wasn’t thinking clearly, that’s for certain. I was allowing the needs of others to come before my own. I was unable to find a balance between helping myself and helping others. Replenish myself and replenish hope in others. But I can’t stop serving others. I’ve tried to stop, thinking, “You must stop helping others”, was how I was meant to interpret the message. It wasn’t the correct interpretation of the message. The correct interpretation is, “Stop for now. Rejuvenate yourself. Devise a sustainable plan of action.”
I was and continue to be guided by a force greater than myself. That force is asking me not to give up what I started four years ago. It’s asking me to allow the same energy I used when I began writing to expand and blossom. That force is reminding me that despite not being able to define an absolute solution today, clarity comes from moving forward.
Today I am semi-resting as I work on wireframes and a site map for my new Love. Life. Om. website dedicated to bringing visitors the latest and most effective holistic self-care approaches to living beyond change and transforming one’s environment, body, mind, and spirit.
Living beyond change. That’s how I see healing and recovery today. I don’t even want to slap “healing” or “recovery” to anything I offer moving forward. Why? Because the first step we take toward recovery and healing is essentially toward a new way of being…a new approach to living. To say, “I am healing” or “I am recovering” implies one is fixing themselves and will stop whatever they’re doing to heal and recover once he/she is fixed. But what we do to heal and recover should not end. We aren’t fixing ourselves in recovery, because we were never broken. What we do in recovery is harness the strongest and brightest light within ourselves to overcome our deepest pain and suffering. Why would one give up being perpetually connected to the strongest and brightest parts of him/herself just because one thinks he/she is healed and recovered?
When we abandon the healthy habits we formed while “in recovery”, the chances of slipping back into old patterns of being, old patterns of thinking, and old patterns of dating and relationships greatly increases. The same way a diet “fails” once one returns to unhealthy eating habits, so too do traditional methods of therapy, healing, and recovery. Temporary steps result in temporary health. Permanent change results in transformation of body, mind, and spirit and the release of the desire to go back to old patterns of behavior.
It’s not about healing and recovery. Our experiences changed us. We must learn to live beyond the change.
Living beyond the change means transforming into a more aware, more joyful individual who continues practicing and mastering the habits and lifestyle choices that propelled one to health in the first place. What I propose and offer is a chance to change one’s entire lifestyle and energy starting from within the soul and working outward into relationships and surroundings.
Yes, there will be lots of yoga tips and even short video tutorials on my new site. There will be meditation tips and recordings to help cure insomnia and PTSD symptoms. In addition, the site will offer nutrition education and easy-to-integrate diet tips to drastically improve your health. I’ll also be offering weekly affirmations delivered directly to your inbox, because it’s hard to stay positive and motivated when change is afoot and everything feels like chaos.
The best part…the majority of what I’ll offer will be free! Of course, there will be costs associated with working with me privately as a health coach, yoga teacher, and meditation guide. Also, extended and personalized meditation recordings will be available for purchase. I’ll continue to market and sell my books, Escaping the Boy and Unashamed Voices, and transfer the best and most popular posts from my current blog to my new site.
It’s a new season. It’s a new beginning. It’s a rebirth.
I’m so excited to offer myself to each of you as you journey toward a lifestyle transformation of abundant health, wellness, and peace. I’ve learned from experience that I must be patient when creating and not release my work prematurely. So please be patient. My new website will be ready when it tells me it’s ready. 🙂
Paula Carrasquillo, MA
Yoga Teacher and Health Coach