Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

If the narcissist is the victim, does that make you the abuser?

Perhaps, of all types of narcissistic abusers, the “victimized” abuser is the most difficult to get past. Some narcissists learned that they could get attention and control others by being victims. Their lives become one sad story after another and they find listeners and believers and helpers to manipulate. This can be a type of covert narcissism that is very difficult to understand and handle.

“Victimized narcissists” are masters at projection, among other behaviors. They can say any hurtful thing to you, but if you dare to say something back, you are labeled as abusive. They can call you any name, but if you challenge them, you are being mean. They can lie about themselves and about you and they sound so honest. And there will almost always be someone who will believe them.

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Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. I flipped his game around on him by telling him he was just a “boy toy now”. Well, he asked?!?! He cried…I hung up the phone and that was the last contact I had with him in 2011. Not sorry!


  2. Towards the end of our time together, my ex husband said, weeping, that I always told him that he did whatever he wanted to do, whenever he wanted to do it, with no concerns for anyone else. Then he said, “What about you? All I hear is,’I, I, I!” I said, ” You mean like when I say, ‘I feel hurt when you…, ‘or, I feel sad when you,… ” He said. “Yeah.” I told him that I was trying to use correct communication skills, and asked if he’d rather just have me call him an asshole instead. He had no response.

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  3. They really are quite pitiful…My ex the moment after I discovered his married lover in our home started building his case against me while I was just trying to breathe & recover from his betrayal. So by the time I figured out that he was a narcissist he had 2 years of telling everyone who would listen to him that I was an abusive angry alcoholic. He would even say to me, you need to lose the anger! Being angry is like drinking poison and wanting someone else to die…Ahhh how wise & enlightened was he? Moron alert! Anyway the moral of the story really is you get what you give in this life & what goes around comes around! One day the narcissist will have to be accountable for all of their lies and that will be a very good day!

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