I was duped. I took this picture last February.

I was duped. I took this picture last February.

A person who must lie about who he is, what he believes in, and about his feelings to get you to love him and then manipulate you into thinking your love is only genuine if you see him as superior and that you must never question his superiority is a narcissist and a sociopath and a psychopath.*

We want to make a distinction among these terms: narcissist, sociopath and psychopath. I no longer believe these terms are mutually exclusive; and if given enough time and observation, we will see that those we once thought were “just” narcissists, will prove they were psychopaths all along who simply wore their masks of sanity incredibly well.

I think psychiatry, neuroscience, and other behavioral sciences will one day realize this too and conclude that these terms (which are man-made terms based on limited human observations) all refer to the same type of person: [insert new term to encompass all three].

Today, we determine which label to apply based on the intensity or level of evil one of these types presents to us. What is becoming more and more clear to me is that the behavior of the pathological is purely situational and dependent on how much resistance they face from their chosen victim(s) and what resources they have available to them.

A person we once referred to as “just” a narcissist, does something that convinces us he is a sociopath, and then it’s revealed that he has done something even more diabolical which elevates him to the ultimate status of psychopath.

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths…they are all the same. It’s just that it takes time and a change in their status, resource level, and support level for their behavior to become evident and measurable through observation thus proving that they crossed the imaginary boundaries distinguishing the terms a long, long time ago.

Look at Cosby. If all psychopaths were lucky enough to have his money and connections to create the persona and mask he hid behind for decades, I don’t think we would ever fully understand or comprehend how easy it is for psychopaths to hide in our midst. Or how easy it is for psychopaths to instill fear in their victims forcing victims to remain silent, thus perpetuating the psychopath’s mask and outward persona of goodness and righteousness.

All psychopaths want to have the power Cosby had. The money, the honorary degrees, the celebrity.

In their delusions, like Cosby, they create micro universes where they ARE King. Some even name their cars or their wi-fi networks after themselves. The wealthier ones name yachts and airplanes after themselves. Same disease; different level of resources.

And these people are not geniuses or brilliant. They manipulate the most primitive part of us: our desire and need to be loved by another human being.

And in order to manipulate our primitive brain, all they have to do is tap into their primitive brain filled with trickery, manipulations and emotional blackmail.

Anyone who has to lie, cheat and steal to win people, jobs and status and then bash those same people to con others to gain a fresh supply of people, jobs and status is dangerous.


The cycle of abuse they follow in romantic relationships is the same cycle they use in all relationships, in organizations and in communities: assess, groom, idolize, devalue and discard.

Their evil behavior curls around and tarnishes and attempts to destroy everything and everyone in its path.

With Cosby, the American public was groomed and charmed into submission thanks to the creation of a character named Dr. Huxtable. Dr. Huxtable was Cosby’s “sheep’s clothing” and protected Cosby from being exposed for decades.

The man who raped those ladies is not a good person. He exemplifies a psychopath.The man who raped you, abused you, tormented your children and then cried to everyone in earshot that you’re a liar and insane is not a good person.

You can call him a sociopath, a narcissist or a psychopath. It doesn’t matter, because those of us who have met the devil know there isn’t a label or term available to use that can encompass the ugliness and insidiousness of what we lived.

Paula Carrasquillo
yogi. author. advocate.

* Note: This also applies to females who are psychopaths.

abuse, Addiction, Child abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Mental Health, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Self-care, Sociopaths
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Join the conversation! 46 Comments

  1. https://plus.google.com/103041359322144339544/posts/e5vBecfNDJw
    Bill Cosby Rape Facts: Based on historic serial rapist data statistics Bill Cosby is an international serial rapist. 98% of victims tell the truth; 5% of rape crimes are reported. 2% of victims lie; 95% of rape crimes are never reported because victims fear rapist reprisal. These statistics and supporting links are provided in detail below. As of March 1, 2015, 35 women have accused Cosby of rape. These 35 women represent only 5% of the victims Cosby raped. Cosby, a sociopath, lacks conscience, empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. If you doubt these statistics please do your own research. This is IMPORTANT! #billcosbyrapist
    WHY! VICTIMS MATTER! These victims represent all of us, our families, our children, daughters, wives, mothers and sisters. When our courts and countries fail to protect our families we must take action.
    Agree! Please take this link viral today. WHY! VICTIMS MATTER! Help stop rapist Cosby’s ongoing reprisal threats against the women who have accused him of rape.


    • Bill Cosby Rape Facts: Based on historic serial rapist data statistics Bill Cosby is an international serial rapist. 98% of victims tell the truth; 5% of rape crimes are reported. 2% of victims lie; 95% of rape crimes are never reported because victims fear rapist reprisal. These statistics and supporting links are provided in detail below. As of March 1, 2015, 35 women have accused Cosby of rape. These 35 women represent only 5% of the victims Cosby raped. Cosby, a sociopath, lacks conscience, empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. If you doubt these statistics please do your own research. This is IMPORTANT! #billcosbyrapist
      WHY! VICTIMS MATTER! These victims represent all of us, our families, our children, daughters, wives, mothers and sisters. When our courts and countries fail to protect our families we must take action.
      Agree! Please take this link viral today. WHY! VICTIMS MATTER! Help stop rapist Cosby’s ongoing reprisal threats against the women who have accused him of rape.


  2. VICTIMS MATTER! These victims represent our families, our children, daughters, wives, mothers and sisters. Cosby, a sociopath predatory serial rapist, doesn’t, and he has no one to blame but himself.
    Bill Cosby Rapist. Every time I see Cosby I see a monster, a rapist. I will relentlessly pursue rapist Bill Cosby, Cosby accomplices, Cosby supporters and the Cosby family. This is not a threat, this is a promise. Let’s be clear, they own this. #billcosbyrapist https://plus.google.com/u/0/wm/4/103041359322144339544/posts/28kkiFdxxmR


  3. This is a very interesting discussion. I’ve learned a lot. I thought my ex was a simple narcissist, but after thinking the whole situation over, it is clear to me he has no conscience at all. I was raised by a stepfather who was a psychopath. However, he was not sadistic. He was genuinely curious about how people worked, as he was also curious about how machines worked, and how he could breed tomatoes to have certain characteristics. It was all the same to him – a person, a machine, a plant. He had no human empathy at all, and no understanding of the needs and wishes of others. He was completely cold. My ex, however, loves the drama he can cause in another, he enjoys the distress he can cause. It makes him feel important and powerful. He is both amoral and sadistic. I thought I was dealing with different animals as a result of this, but the lack of conscience, the willingness to do anything, say anything, pretend about anything in order to “win”, is the same. It has taken me many years to figure all of this out. I am still learning, We have a daughter together, who spends half her time with her dad. It is a very difficult situation, not healthy for our daughter, and I live in a chronic state of stress/depression. He has fooled a lot of people, and has a top notch lawyer, and we have spent almost nine years in the legal system already. I really don’t believe the time-share situation can change at this point. Information like this has been very helpful to me, so I thank you for posting about this. People who have lived this experience in some way, either themselves or by supporting someone, are really the only ones who understand. I’ve also found a lot of good information from Bill Eddy’s books and blog, and his organization, the High Conflict Institute.


  4. I was quite unhappy, but not really shocked when the Cosby comedy show was not cancelled here in this city.
    What did shock me was the number of violence soaked comments made by (mostly) men who attended his show, toward both the victims & the protesters both inside & outside the venue.
    Culturally, & religiously our & most all societies condone this kind of behaviour. Men get a license to behave like this. “Boys will be boys” etc.. It’s just sickening how in 2015, women will always get the blame in some courts of public opinion.


  5. I’ve found it infuriatingly disheartening that people question why the women did not come out years ago ignoring the pink elephant in the room that Cosby was/is a powerful person in that industry and the women were just plain afraid of what he would do further than what he already did to them. It’s like the same people questioning the validity of the timeline how a traumatized person should manage trauma act as though they have never been in a subordinate position either under an authority figure at work, etc…where they were too afraid speak out against mistreatment by someone with the power to ruin their lives. It happens a lot and these women are brave for coming out with the truth whether 5 minutes or 50 years after it happen-which doesn’t erase the event.

    There was an article on the Science Journal website in September that parallels to this regarding a graduate students research on these pathologies which stated roughly that psychopaths with high IQ’s are better at masking their “excited” response to horror images /events than sociopaths. It makes sense that the three terms refer to the same cat just a description of different stripes for each one. All three are pathologies are empathetically bankrupt. It’s like when you finally witness that smirk when faced with one in the midst of begging them for compassion…it’s probably the most disheartening human experience. All three have the differing talent in expressing and masking their own stripes.

    I also think these variations of “emotional debtors” that lack the money, charisma, and power to leverage resources, panhandle pity to live parasitically at worst, or with contempt when they have to “act” normal and live normally without drama as there is this unnerving pang of rage they have when they think people aren’t acknowledging how grand and great they deserve to be at best. It’s sad that Cosby’s talent allowed him to ripple his pathology and affect more women’s lives than have came out I’m sure as if he didn’t possess this power, money, etc.. he would be limited to terrorizing people locally in his world–either way, people are unjustly hurt.


  6. How come when talking about this you wrote “he” does that mean only men have these traits?


    • No. It’s just easier sometimes to write he than it is to tet being gender nuetral. Some of the most dangerous sociopaths/paychopaths are women.


  7. In my experience the psychopath is more commonly a broke, bottom-feeder parasitic loser. But it makes perfect sense that there would be wealthy powerful psychopaths as well. The common denominator is that they are people that have no true self, conscience or moral compass and believe they are entitled to something “just because” and care not one bit who they hurt. They capitalize on using what they have, or as Dr. Phil calls it their “Currency”: money, status, power, sexual attractiveness, and so on – to get what they want (money, status, power, sex) out of unsuspecting, naive people. So in Cosby’s case, he was using his power and status as an actor/comedian in the entertainment business as leverage to tap into the endless stream of young, naive aspiring actresses he encountered. He wanted sex from them and they either felt pressured to bite the bullet and put out, felt it just may help their career to be associated with him, or feared he could abruptly end their fledgling career if they didn’t comply with his demands. If he didn’t get what he wanted out of them semi-willingly (sex with mostly young white women) he would drug them, force himself on them and get it that way. In his case, he already had money, status and power, so all he was lacking is sex – since he wasn’t attractive women weren’t willingly submitting to his attempts to hit on them. So he used what he had to take what he wanted. And it worked partly because of the shame the women felt, and their fear of not being believed and being blackballed in the business for squealing on a “star”.

    It seems to me that more common is the bottom-feeder-type psychopath that uses sex, lies and manipulation to get money, status and/or power. They prey on the weak, naive, trusting, lonely and vulnerable – a recent widow, elderly person, someone with wealth, good job, assets, good credit, young children (pedophiles target divorced women for them) etc. As Paula stated in her post above, upon meeting someone they begin the cycle of assess, groom, idolize, devalue and discard of their new target. And their meeting of this new “someone” is often not any accident – they specifically frequent places where their targeted type is sure to be found. Maybe it’s old folks homes, senior centers, singles orgs, childrens’ activites and sports teams, even funerals – depending on what specific demographic they are targeting. They usually want money, but not always, and find unlimited opportunities to go after a “bird’s nest on the ground” so to speak. I can see examples of this throughout my lifetime – my friend that found herself suddenly widowed with two young children who remarried, only to find out her toddlers were being sexually abused by the new husband, my widowed elderly mother who my psychopathic sister has controlled and isolated to turn her against other family members and extract money from her, my husband’s friend that was widowed when he met a new lady that quickly married him. He let her take control of his business as Accounts Payable manager, and one year later she is trying to clean him out of his assets and falsely accusing him of cheating to secure a better divorce settlement for herself. He is undergoing treatment for cancer so I don’t think he even has the strength to cheat if he wanted to. But she is lining up the cards in her favor in the legal battle that soon will ensue. I even know women that have married old men for the financial security and then have the nerve to complain that their elderly husbands are boring and don’t want to go skiing, partying, etc. with them!!

    It is downright scary how many people are totally oblivious and naive about predatory behavior all around them. I met a woman at the gym last summer that struck up a conversation with me and we exchanged cell numbers. As we talked I learned she just happened to have experience in the same business my husband and I are in, but currently only had a temp job. She came on very strong and told me she had just moved here, after a messy divorce. She claimed she went to the health club every night. She called me last summer wanting to get together to talk, and after thinking about the whole encounter I never returned her call. Something about her befriending me just seemed too “tailor made” to be coincidence. Since then I have looked for her when I work out at the club, and have never seen her since! My intuition told me something about her overt “coming on” to me just didn’t seem right. My knowledge of disordered behavior armed me with protection against possible harm from what could have turned out to be a predator. Had I not been armed with the knowledge I have, I would more than likely met up with her and not thought a thing of it.

    We will all encounter these predators of one type or another as we go through life. My wish is that every high school (maybe even lower grades) would provide education on these disorders so young people would be armed with this information during their lifetime. They will undoubtedly encounter psychopaths in college, the workplace, churches, friends and very possibly in their own families. They would then be aware when finding themselves in such a situation and wake up and see all the red flags waving at them!


    • OMG Middlechild. I could have written that. Very good information here. Many thanks for your insight and the value of trusting your gut. We learn that the hard way and when that lesson comes through, look out psychos. That’s one of the reasons I don’t date. Betrayed too much and not a trusting fibre in my body. Thanks a lot Narcississts and Psychos. You are to blame for that.

      I really enjoyed your good post there. Take good care Middlechild and have the best life ever. 🙂


    • I agree with most of what you said except for the part about motive. I’m surprised you don’t think Cosby was attractive. Bill Cosby in his prime was very attractive to women, and in fact beautiful women were throwing themselves at him. He could have as many as he wanted, so he didn’t rape to get sex. He raped to get control.

      Liked by 1 person

    • middlechild, I agree with much of what you said except for the part about motive. I’m surprised you don’t think Cosby was attractive. Bill Cosby in his prime was very attractive to women, and in fact beautiful women were throwing themselves at him. He could have as many as he wanted, so he didn’t rape to get sex. He raped to get control.


  8. It remains for me this hiding in plain sight thing that confounds reason so completely and makes it so hard for anyone to be able to reasonably come to sympathise with what happened – leaving the victim to question even if it happened at all. This aspect of these abusers – and I agree totally with you that delineation between narcissist, sociopath or psychopath are or seem meaningless in the sense that they sort of have associations with context but no clear functional differentiation.

    In my personal experience what I find is that it is not the abuser himself who has to do anything to protect him from me articulating what happened – it is a wider and growing group of people around him who jump to his defence – this manifests as indirect instances of affirmation and them or a increasing group stopping to relate to me socially.

    I come to understand the root of his abusive behaviour to be fear – in a sense his fear of having others to compete with or who have contrary opinions manifests initially as direct abuse and then later as a sort of pernicious contagion where I see even peripherally connected people – people who would “like” things on facebook start to withdraw – stop even this casual thing… the infection progresses even years after the direct abusive events.

    I think with people like Cosby this same thing can be seen, the mechanisms of this form of abuse are so common and so clear once you know how they feel that you return again and again to just how blind everyone else seems to be…

    I dont think I will ever come to terms with that blindness.


  9. How can we expect our society to focus on the core of psychopathology when the leading intellectual and financial heads have the least of empathy?And if narcissism succumbs wouldn’t it be a defeat for our materialistic society and capitalistic economical system?The powertrain of the frenzy of “development” and “expantion” are mainly the cluster b personality disorders…


    • I believe it’s a myth that one must be cutthroat to be successful. There is power and success among leaders who put the common good before selfish and greedy reward. Capitalism is not the enemy; the enemy is a collective fear of the consequences of outing those who lack empathy and compassion by the masses. Our fear of what these “losers” MIGHT do to us if we come forward is what gives these losers power. Personally, I’m ready to be torn apart by their shaming and blaming and pointing of fingers. I certainly am not perfect and have made many, many mistakes in my life. But I’ve accepted them and am honest and open about all of those things, so if a bunch of these losers want to use my past mistakes against me and to discredit the work I am trying to accomplish today, then that only speaks to the nature of the loser and not my nature. We all need to release the fear of facing who we are if we expect change. The losers love that we are so afraid.


    • I couldnt agree more that the monster feed on our collective fear!!And yes i admit that I am afraid of the consequences of the struggle against the malevolence!!Although raising awareness to people about the extent ,nature and effect of psychopathology in our society seems to be one , if not the most, powerful tool to remodel the existing structures. Working in the medical field for almost a decade i can now say what a tremendous change would be to recognise the need of curing the psyche of patients and health professionals in parallel with the classic procedures..


  10. I hope this isn’t throwing a red herring into this but, what about Asperger’s? We have seen this come up on other parts of the board from time to time. Since an adult diagnosis is often difficult to obtain, or is ambiguous, it’s yet another ‘reason’ to not have empathy for others.
    If someone meets all/most of the criteria of a Narc. or a Sociopath, (or both) does it really matter how they are defined? If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, etc. It’s probably A Very Nasty Duck
    ‘Just getting so fed up with the tons of excuses people (esp men) seem to have for being awful.
    Here’s our local version..


    • Aspergers is a totally different disorder. Cluster B personality disordered people manipulate plain and simple. They are “actors”. Not the case with someone who is on the spectrum.


    • I agree, Lorrie, but there are Cluster B’s who lie about themselves and claim Asperger’s just like they lie about illnesses and claim they have cancer going as far as shaving their head and eyebrows. 😦


    • Sadly you are correct Paula. They will claim anything so that they are at the center of attention. Sick. Sadly so many people have an easier time believing a manipulator than a victim.


    • People with Asperger’s are not without emotional empathy. In fact, they often have an abundance of it. What they lack is the cognitive empathy that enables them to pick up on social cues…. like when it’s okay to jump into a conversation, and when it’s inappropriate. They’ll push past the boundaries of courteous exchange without knowing it.

      I have an Asperger’s buddy I’ve known all his life. When I walk down the street with him, I’m often trying to keep him from pushing me off the sidewalk or stepping on my toes.

      It’s not deliberate. They just don’t sense the boundaries or personal space. Once they know of an issue or problem, however, they can be very sensitive to it, and feel very guilty if they made an error that hurt someone.


    • Anon,

      I have a grown Aspergers son. He can APPEAR to not care about other people’s feelings because his social skills are so deficient and because his high intelligence causes what looks to be arrogance. BUT, when I was wheelchair-bound for a month a few years ago, he was the only person I could count on to be there 100% to help me. My other two “normal” kids came around much less frequently.

      And a sure sign of an N/S/P is pathological lying. My son doesn’t lie–in fact, his Aspergers seems to prevent it–he’s often TOO honest (in that he hurts feelings unintentionally because of his social awkwardness).

      And my son was the first to realize that my ex-psychopath was evil, long before any of my other family or friends did (which of course was still WELL before I accepted it). He’s more astute than most “normal people” in some ways.

      Although they may SEEM to share some tendencies, in fact psychopaths and Aspergers couldn’t be more different.


    • Thank you, Ellen, for explaining this in simple to understand terms. It’s the lying and the fact they have no renorse when they duscover they have harned someone that should be the best inducators that they are psychopaths and not someone with Asperger’s. 😦


  11. I agree with your descriptions of narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath, however, Mr Cosby has not been convicted of raping anyone, and until that happens, I hesitate to put a label on him. Just because he is famous, and has money, does not mean he is evil.


    • Maybe you should read some of the personal accounts. No one is saying he’s guilty because he’s famous and has money. Those are the reasons he got away with what he did for so long. I choose to believe these women. A lot of people are choosing to believe these women instead of relying on a flawed system to make up their minds for them.


    • Just because he hasn’t been convicted, doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. In cases of multiple charges, innocent until proven guilty is a naive belief.

      Most rapists are never convicted. 86% of rape cases never make it to the prosecutor. The ratio of false rape claims is thought to be 2 to 8%. So if we apply these ratios to the claims of rape that have been levied against Bill Cosby, it’s likely, out of 20, that 12 to 18 of them are true.

      Hmmm…. Seems like a serial rapist to me.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Joyce. I’ve been trying to find the latest statistics on the % of rape victims who don’t come forward and then apply that % to this case to come up with a probable # of people he raped who have yet to come forward.

      It’s like trying to figure out how many people a serial murderer actually murdered based solely on the word of the murderer and the bodies uncovered. Seems the truth will never be revealed in its entirety.

      I would also like to know the number of unsolved murders out there which speaks to the number of unidentified killers walking fancy-free among the masses of people in the fog about the reality of this world.

      The court system is a flawed, very flawed tool, that humans created to provide just punishment to those accused of committing crimes. Unfortunately, it has turned into a money-making machine that falsely identifies and labels people as innocent just because adequate “proof” was not presented to the right people at the right time.

      Therefore, the way I see it, the time is right and the evidence is screaming at everyone. But just because the evidence isn’t being presented before a judge (who is a flawed human being like everyone else), it’s frowned upon to draw an educated conclusion based on this evidence (which is exactly what a hand-picked jury does inside a courthouse.)


    • If 20 men, all from disparate times and places, accused someone of stealing their property, society’s view would be vastly different than how it relates to these charges of sexual assault.

      I find it comical when people disavow the beliefs of others by saying that the man has not been convicted, therefore, we shouldn’t draw conclussions. We’re all engaged in a platform to do exactly that, express our opinions and draw conclussions. And that’s our constitutional right. Their belief is also their opinion and nothing more.

      I agree that our system of justice is flawed. (When I research rape by fraud law across the country, it’s astounding how inappropriately premises of law have been applied to our statutes.) It’s really tough to conceive that someone who is found “not guilty” in a courtroom is actually exonerated. In truth, all a “not guilty” verdict does is acknowledge that insufficient proof existed to reach a guilty verdict.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Anonymous,
      Why is it easier for you to believe that 30+ victims are evil liars? Strange to me. I do not understand our victim-blaming society and never will.


    • I think part of it stems from the egos of Cosby supporters. These people chose to “like” Bill Cosby and chose to “like” what he stood for a long time ago based on the false persona Cosby projected.

      The stories being shared today by the victims directly insult and go against the supporters’ choice to “like” Cosby and that’s the problem. Supporters are taking the stories the victims are sharing personally because the stories bring each supporter’s choice to “like” Cosby into question. Rather than face their flawed intuition and understand why they could blindly like and revere a person they don’t even know outside of the characters he plays on TV, these supporters find it easier to call the victims liars. By calling the victims liars, it saves the Cosby supporters from getting caught in a state of cognitive dissonance.

      It’s ironic that these supporters are clueless that they are each as much a victim of Cosby as the women he actually raped. Cosby set the stage for the victims to never be believed by building a support system of sheep who are too lazy and too fearful to consider the opposite of what they had been conned into believing. Lazy sheep. That’s what victim blamers are.


    • I’m guessing you haven’t been victimized by a psychopath, because if you had you’d know that the vast majority of them aren’t “convicted” of anything, despite the fact that they regularly abuse their so-called loved ones and often engage in criminal or immoral behaviors of varying degrees, not to mention the endless lying and cheating they usually get away with for so long. Their charm often saves them.

      Most of us here have seen the psychopaths in our lives get away with so many horrible things, illegal or not. And we understand firsthand why the victims didn’t come forward sooner, and probably wouldn’t have at all if someone hadn’t gotten the ball rolling and made them feel as if just maybe they’d be believed.

      Where there’s smoke there’s fire–if you really believe that all those women telling remarkably similar stories are making it up, then you–luckily–have never been a victim.


  12. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
    Paula had another excellent post today.


  13. Paula you hit the nail square on the head with this post. I often say to people desperate to figure out if their ex is a narcissist; “does it matter what we call it:? He was an evil abusive man who set out to destroy you, do you need to know more?”
    I didn’t even know what a narcissist was when I started searching on the net for answers; every time I put my search terms in, narcissist came up. I was getting frustrated because I was looking for info on domestic abuse. Over the course of the last almost 5 years I have figured out he is a psychopath, but I only experienced the psychopathic behavior in the last 2 years of the relationship. When I went back the last time the abuse, infidelity, lies, …. well everything was so much more intense, bizarre and scary. It was like once he had destroyed all my resources to leave him he felt safe to let the mask down completely and didn’t even try to hide his true evil intentions and nature.
    I believe that every victim will experience the true evil buried within these people if they stick around long enough. If the victim can get away within a few years they may never see the full depth of the depravity and evil. Also depending on the upbringing of the N, whether he was raised in a home that provided the opportunity to learn the behaviors of loving caring people, if there is money for an education, if he was raised in a Christian home etc the psychopath may have more refined people skills and be able to hide easier and for longer.
    I can not believe Bill Cosby still has people defending him and refusing to believe 19 women (last count) who have come forward. He almost got away with it his whole life. If 19 women have come forward, imagine how many he abused. I get physically ill. And he put on such a good act for so many years, working with children, never swearing in his routines, he was highly respected by everyone. I can totally believe that women would trust him explicitly and he abused that trust and drugged them. Scum of the earth, evil, the lowest of the low. One girl was 15.
    When I listened to the interview where he refused to answer and just shook his head, I thought how narcissistic of him. I remember James saying, “I will not honor that statement with a response.” as his defense for his infidelity. “If I told you the truth you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
    You are so right about the power of money and how it enables them to create a “front” that can hide them for their whole life. But NOT if women start speaking out in unity like these women have. All it took was for one woman to come forward and it has snowballed and become something that can’t be ignored or brushed under the carpet any longer.
    It just makes me more determined to keep speaking out, there is a revolution starting and I believe narcissists, psychopaths, whatever we call them will never again have the luxury of silence protecting them.


    • Thank you, Carrie! I think now is the best time to keep talking and to never give up talking. People are ready and attentive. Cosby’s exposure is a window of opportunity, and we must take advantage of this period or lose it.


    • Dear Paula,
      Thank you for the post.

      Dear Carrie,
      I want to mention that I was also looking for the causes of domestic abuse and the N term comes again and again without knowing what it is and day by day I discover it… The most people will start searching once the abuse started and as you say in one topic the most of all N/P use the same manual to destroy the victim.


  14. Hi Paula!

    Love this post!

    I’ve often said that trying to distinguish between what specific type of character disorder a person who harmed you has, is like trying to figure out whether the truck that hit you was a Ford or a Chevy. Who cares! You are just as broken and pained, no matter what!

    For Steve… I think you’ll find the answer to being “careful” in the following….

    There is a common thread in all character disordered people……. no emotional empathy. That’s the knee-jerk reaction to the pain or discomfort of others. It’s a characteristic that you either have or don’t have, and probably by the time you’re six years old. There are genetic links to this phenomenon because it’s the result of both brain chemistry and early childhood development.

    When a person has no emotional empathy, they don’t care about others around them. They don’t develop a conscience that regulates the behavior of morally intact people. They are only hemmed in by fear of loss or exposure, or fear of other consequences. And their bonds are all based on “what’s in it for me.”

    The difference between various forms of character disorder has to do with early development. A narcissist is a person who lacks emotional empathy and self esteem. They are prone to self-aggrandizement at other people’s expense, as a means to puff up their public persona.

    A psychopath, on the other hand, doesn’t need a reason to harm you, other than the simple enjoyment of doing so.

    A person with borderline personality disorder would have the same basic lack of emotional empathy, but also, they would be fearful of abandonment. End result is that they are over-sensitive about anything and everything. They live in a black and white world in which you are either their God or their worst enemy, and it can change on a dime. They can leave you flat, no matter how closely you feel connected to them.

    So the most fundamental distinction for all character disordered people, is their inherent lack of emotional empathy, that can enable them to harm you without any pangs of guilt or remorse.

    This character disorder is found in people who are wealthy and poor, strong and weak, and any other personality type you can think of. But, they are drawn to careers in which they will be considered authority figures. They are often high achievers in both business and sports because testosterone thwarts oxytocin, the neurotransmitter primarily responsible for the development of emotional empathy.

    A couple of books you could read about this are “Just Like His Father” by Dr. Liane Leedom and any of the “Moral Molecule” books by Dr. Paul Zak.


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    • Thanks, Joyce! As a psychopath, my ex personifies each and every cluster B disorder. He can easily show signs and behave in ways that would speak to a fear of abandonment and then switch to not caring if his victim stays or goes. It’s all a big mind screw and meant to cause confusion and cognitive dissonance. He presents himself to others depending on what he needs from the specific individual or group. That approach alone is indicative of his lack of remorse or respect for humanity…behaving in a specific way in order to maximize his return on investment. People are not commodities but they are to these pathological types. 😦


    • 100% correct!

      They are chameleons that can change their character to suit any situation and undermine anyone based on their want and need at the time.



  15. This is a powerful post, one I agree with as I don’t waste time with the arguments of psychopath, sociopath, narcissists when 1) several authorities on the subject concede that both the “conditions” of sociopaths and psychopaths is comorbid with narcissism anyway and 2) when you are dealing with someone out to hurt others for personal gratification you can name it anything you like and the results will remain the same, the arguing about what that person is ironically is just another form of feeding their narcissistic supply.

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  16. Paula I love your blog,but don’t we have to be careful on this one? Everybody with power or money we can’t just label a psychopath how do we distinguish that?it’s easy to look at people with power and money and say a lot of them are psychopaths are narcissists but are they really?


    • I didn’t say that power and money makes a person a sociopath or that all people with money and power are pathological.

      I am alluding to the psychopaths who abuse their power and money to create a false sense of who and what they are in order to control and harm people. Psychopaths with power and money are simply the psychopaths who can hide easier than those without the resources to obfuscate and con people into revering them. Psychopaths with money and power are able to keep their mask of sanity secure for a longer period of time. Money and power serve psychopaths and the money a psychopath has, the eaier it is to protect their real character from scrutiny and consequences.

      There are many, many people with money and power who do not abuse that power and actually try to make the world a better place. There are people with money and power who try to empower communities and organizations.


    • Plus, I think the more we practice compassion and non-judgment, the easier it will be for us to detect, by the simplicity of contrast, judgmental behavior and lack of compassion in others regardless of what is in their wallet or what degrees line their walls. 🙂


  17. Another great approach. I love how you mention the “resources they have available to them”This is, in my mind, where the sadistic part comes into play. They are excellent at using whatever resources are available to hurt another. Oh, and how they manipulate our basic need- to be loved. Perfect!

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