Sociopaths openly debase others in order to brainwash their new/current target into absolute and complete compliance.
The new/current target serves as the sociopath’s attentive audience. The new/current target listens with deep interest and awe as the sociopath talks about his disapproval and disgust of those from the sociopath’s past.
“She was so lazy.”
“She never cooked for me.”
“When she did cook, it was terrible.”
“He was so fat.”
“She pretended to work hard.”
“She was so fake. Her friends were fake too.”
“She only had that job because they didn’t know where else to put her in the company.”
“He was so arrogant and really thought he was something special.”
“She was so spoiled. Daddy was always bailing her out.”
“He just used me for my connections.”
“She gained so much weight and left the laundry unfolded for days in the basket.”
“She dressed like a slob.”
“She was so depressed and took pills and drank on top of that!”
“He was so worried about what others thought of him.”
“She stalked me! She’s crazy. She even wrote a book about a sociopath who seems to resemble me.”
“She was a horrible mother. Her family was a bunch of enablers.”
“If I had married her, I would have been miserable. She was just going to get fat and age like her mother.”
The new/current target takes detailed notes and vows never to allow herself to do or be those things for fear of losing the approval of the sociopath.
Being perfect. That’s what the victim makes her goal and purpose in life. To remain the “chosen” one who will never let the sociopath down and who will never be the subject of the sociopath’s diatribes against those who have disappointed him in his past.
Unbeknownst to the victim, all this complaining and criticism of others is part of her grooming and has nothing to do with who those people the sociopath is talking about really are and everything to do with elevating the new/current victim into a higher degree of compliance.
The harder and more vigilant the new/current victim works to maintain that unattainable and false sense of perfection, the weaker and more susceptible to emotional, mental, physical and spiritual injury she will become.
It’s sad and ironic how each victim/survivor is guilty of desperately trying to be perfect for the sociopath, only to lose themselves and became the polar opposite of perfection.
We broke down like an over-used washing machine and found ourselves empty and powerless. That’s what happens when we chase after perfectionism just to hold onto the approval of someone who isn’t worthy of our approval in the first place.
Release the emotional leverage the sociopath has over you. Let go of needing or wanting the sociopath’s approval or friendship or hoping the sociopath will one day appreciate you as a human being. It will never happen.
You’re dead to the sociopath, so why not make the sociopath “dead” to you?