Therefore, it should come as no surprise that hiding behind a keyboard and writing my story as opposed to standing up in front of a public crowd is my preferred venue.
Being behind the screen is a safe and comfortable place for me. I find courage and strength in composing and editing and only sharing my words when I think they are “just right”.
For the past year, I have been studying to become a yoga teacher. Being a yoga teacher requires one to be in front of a crowd, talking and instructing students into poses using specific verbal cues to guide them safely and with ease.
These cues are verbal, did I mention? I can’t hold up a sign and expect students to read my words. They must hear my words.
Needless to say, I’ve struggled getting in front of students and have only found the courage to teach my fellow yoga teacher trainees…until today!!
With butterflies in my throat feeling like I was going to suffocate and run away to catch my breath, I broke through and taught my very first 60-minute class to a bunch of folks I did not know.
I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed those 60 minutes. To be honest, I was terrified. I stuttered many times and found it difficult to clear my throat.
I had students hold poses, not deliberately, but because my mind simply went blank!
At about the 40-minute mark, something clicked inside my head, and I decided to break free from the chains of trying to be something I wasn’t.
I’m not a veteran teacher; I’m green. So I switched things up. Stopped looking at my cheat sheet and moved the students through poses that came to me naturally.
I think I finally cracked a smile at the 45-minute mark and gave them 10 full minutes in savasana.
I’m sure they needed a break from me as much as I needed a break from me.
I guess I’m sharing this, mostly because I know for a very certain fact that if it had not been for my experiences with abuse in my life and my desire to give back the gift of yoga that has healed me in the aftermath of that abuse, I would not have ventured out of my comfort zone to face and shatter my fear of being in front of people–talking, hearing myself talk and not worrying about being judged in the present.
If I can do it, a person who has suffered panic attacks in public places when I have felt eyes upon me, so can you, so can anyone!!
What are you terrified of doing outside of your comfort zone but would love to have the courage to finally do?