No need to Stoop to Conquer the Sociopath

Each day during the month of October, I will feature a story in my CDN column written and submitted to me by a survivor of domestic violence. At the end of October, a compilation of all stories will be available for free as an e-book.

October 1, 2014: Shattering domestic violence myths: Betty’s Story “He never hit me; he didn’t need to.”

The following is the story’s introduction.

BETHESDA, Maryland, October 1, 2014 — Betty* is a domestic abuse victim who lives, works, attends college and raises her son in the United States.


Before the relationship, I was confident, happy, sure of myself and my place in the world.

During the relationship, my priorities changed to everything about him. Keeping him happy. I would even get dressed in the morning and mentally consider if he would “approve of” or like what I was wearing. I became a shell of myself, but I didn’t know it at the time. I only see it now, in retrospect.

After the relationship, I crumbled. Everything that I had “known” and thought for 6 years was a lie and realizing that and accepting it and moving forward was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s hard to wrap your head around such a total mind f*%#. I had a breakdown. Literally. Read more…

*All names have been changed to protect the survivor and the survivor’s family and friends.

Category:
abuse, Child abuse, CommDigiNews, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Recovery
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Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. It’s true that words are just as abusive as a fist.

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  2. I had a similar roller coaster ride with my X, except mine lasted for 20 years. It has been 3 years since I embarked on a divorce (still ongoing!). I did not understand the impact he had on my psyche until after he was gone.

    I had become a fraction of the person I once was. Our friends (now his friends) probably looked at me as though I was some kind of dullard. That is what happened to me after so many years of constant stress trying to please him and taking care of everything but myself. I never knew how exhausted I was.

    I have been spending the last few years trying to re-introduce myself to me. Even though I am still under continual financial stress (due circumstances in the prolonged divorce), I still feel alive and in control. At least the fog has lifted.

    My X is a master manipulator too, and I agree with you about couples therapy. So few are versed on this type of disorder. They were always charmed by him. If things did get uncomfortable for him then he would say that we were not getting anywhere and would discontinue the therapy sessions. The last time that we went to a family therapy (son included), he bolted right out of the therapy session and never came back. That therapist was starting to see through him.

    I never got true clarity about my situation until I had an altercation with my mom. It was an incident that happened soon after my X had just left. I Googled “mean moms” and somehow came upon Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The more I read about it, the more I realized that my X was one too.

    I ran away from my mom and spent many years making sure that I was not going to be like her. Instead of becoming her, I married someone even worse than her. That is why I probably lasted so long in the marriage, the feelings of my life were just too familiar.

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  3. Sharing on Face Book 🙂

    Well done Paula & Betty for surviving & speaking out & telling your story.
    It’s incredibly healing to read we are not alone against the evil that pervades our lives.

    Love & Light PR aka Awareb4 xoxo 😉

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