The following is featured in my newsletter – volume 1, issue 3.


There is a natural phenomenon that occurs once we experience or learn something new — we suddenly start seeing repeated glimpses of and frequent allusions to the experience and what we learned from it everywhere.

Many refer to such experiences as coincidences, synchronicity, Baader-Meinhof occurrences, selective attention, or the recency effect.

And we have all experienced this phenomenon:

Remember when you first started to learn how to read and suddenly, as if by magic, words and letters started floating past you everywhere you looked? The stop signs, cereal boxes, and magazines were always there. They simply didn’t interest you before you learned what the symbols meant.

Or you buy a red car and suddenly you start noticing everyone seems to be driving a red car, too?

Or you think about changing your diet, and suddenly you feel like you are getting bombarded by news related to the importance of diet and nutrition.

Even the content of this newsletter could be an example of a startling coincidence for you today, in this moment.

Whatever you call it, it happens a lot in healing and recovery:

We become absorbed in the subject matter and develop a cognitive bias for sociopath awareness and education, and begin to see sociopaths EVERYWHERE!

It’s not like the sociopaths weren’t always there, and we’re suddenly manifesting them due to some type of paranoia. Nor are we sociopath or narcissist magnets who somehow attracted these types of people into our lives. Everyone is surrounded by the 1 in 25 among us. Everyone. We are now the lucky ones who can identify and “sense” them better than others, better than we could before.

Like that line from “Sixth Sense,” we really can see (sense) dead people (sociopaths) now.

We couldn’t before, because how would we know to refer to something as some “thing” if we did not have the knowledge that that some “thing” existed?

Before we learned about sociopathy, we applied what we already knew about ourselves and relationships to the abuser and the toxic relationship. We defined the sociopath in terms of ourselves and the familiar, which is why we failed to understand the sociopath for what he/she was/is.

However, once we became educated and learned about sociopaths and finally understood the dynamics behind why our specific relationship was toxic, we experienced freedom and relief and thoughtfully came to the conclusion that sociopathy awareness might explain other failed relationships from our past and in the present.

So we began the practice of using this new tool of sociopathy awareness and applied it to other situations and relationships as they happened or were remembered from our past.

Many of us, after much time and reflection, determine that our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, long-time friends, co-workers, or even the coffeehouse barista we never liked are sociopaths or, at the very least, highly narcissistic.

But sometimes we were/are not always right in our conclusions of people, and our awareness is on overdrive and acts unfairly and labels individuals a little prematurely. We witness a person doing or saying something that is rude or selfish, and we immediately jump to a conclusion and say to ourselves, “Bam! She’s a narc! I know it!” In our hastiness to judge, we fail to remember that we all possess narcissistic tendencies to a degree depending on the circumstances, our age and maturity level, and our awareness of self.

For example, teenagers are all highly narcissistic. All of them, even the quiet and unassuming ones. It’s unfair and unwise to label teenagers as having personality disorders considering a teenager’s brain has not fully developed nor have teenagers figured out their identity in the first place. Most selfish and disrespectful teenagers spend the majority of the time failing at relationships, romantic and platonic, and become deprogrammed over time to behave better. Being a teenager is a rite of passage into adulthood and a painful time of trial and error. It’s those among us who emerge from their teens and early 20s with that primal brain still undeveloped that we must learn to spot and discern.

Awareness of sociopath abuse, psychopaths, and other pathological types opens up new ways of looking at and dissecting our current, past, and future relationships. We can use the tools to improve ourselves and how we interact with others, and we can also use the tools to determine who is worth the hard work it takes to establish and foster healthy relationships moving forward.

What we learn today impacts how we dissect, deconstruct, and digest our environment and the world moving forward. There is no denying that we will continue to see patterns, coincidences, and red flags of behavior that will immediately lead us to ask, “Could that person be what I think she is?”

The key to forming conclusions about others that are more right than wrong is to continue practicing and applying what you learn about sociopath awareness and to continue nurturing and fostering your intuition.

Namaste!
~Paula

Category:
abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Health, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, Newsletter, Psychopaths, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths
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Join the conversation! 7 Comments

  1. It kinda gets tiring to read how sociopathic behavior is this evil entity. Emotion is a problem as well it cause a wide variety of wars, abuse, blah blah.
    I’m diagnosed sociopath the difference I have then the standard is an IQ of 186 and the ability to logically interpret appropriate from inappropriate behavior.
    I met someone who sites like these that bash a entire subgroup has tainted her view of me, why cause I was honest and told her upfront. But she through everything is great for me. Am I violent? Yes I’ve never hit her or verbally abused her in two years. Not a single insult. She knows all the facts and she learned them from my psychiatrist the risks of dating me. In a fact based environment she was ok.
    The online smear campaign is what changed 2years of a actually mutually beneficial situation to one that is now negative.
    My psychiatrist was actually documenting how she connected with me and would teach me not necessarily the feelings others expressed but close to an understanding.
    We had a rare phenomenon, almost teaching logic to process emotion, it was even gaining some focus for artificial intelligence.
    Just saying hate it or not we’re the “bad guys” yet I’ve never seen blogs and forums for sociopaths the we share our exploits and conquests of humanity by masking behind the facade they everyone puts up, we just match.
    In most of he comments I read, I hear how feeding the love side of someone else makes them feel better, then the reverse when we are feed by the need and cling for us. Sound like both sides get what they seek. The end is harder for one if it ends.

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  2. If you include Narcissists as well then that’s a extra %6 of the population which is 1 in 10 people after adding the %4 of Sociopaths.

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  3. Thanks Paula for your post & bringing in lots of varied points. I am fascinated by narcissm not least because noticing on fb & elsewhere, how people/friends/family will moan about themselves but not offer support or compassion for others.I am surrounded by it but personally aim to offer it out. I am sure we are all a little narcisstic & my preteen def is along with this YouTube, selfie generation. Am fascinated by synchronicity & am seeing lots of 11:11 and other sequences at the moment. Fascinates me! have a book about Jung that details it.

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    • Thank you, Nathalie! It’s very fascinating; I agree. I have number sequences that I notice. Some are connected, in my mind, to good things that are about to happen. Others serve as warnings and remind me to pay attention to how I interact in the world. I think being aware and not dismissing these coincidences and synchronicity help us to build and nurture our intuition. 🙂

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  4. Paula, I loved what you wrote about teenagers. I realize it was not the focus of your piece, but I so thought of my stepdaughter and her own path of transformation. I have learned so much by witnessing her.

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  5. I wish more people would go ahead and be narcissistic as all get out before marriage and children, because the whole “Eat Pray Love” path, of leaving the marriage to find oneself with no remorse, the idea that that is okay to do, is sad and injurious to others. Growing up, maturing, learning to live compassionately, this is all about coming to the realization that we are here to serve others. Those who fall into roles of servitude early on, because of peer pressure or societal expectations, before coming to that realization, the commitments do not hold. Being anything but narcissistic has to come from the bottom up, or the inside out, not be imposed from above or outside in honor of how one “should” behave. Maybe its the most narcissistic people who need our love the most. But without boundaries they will suck the life out of us till we shrivel up and disappear. To me, if a person’s philosophy denies humanity of another, no matter how low they are, they are no better than the sociopath. Be careful. There is a tendency to be what we fight against. Shine. Shine for those who need it most.

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    • I think narcissistic people need their own love the most. Not ego love but real compassion for themselves which begins with being accountable for their own crappy behavior. I don’t have an interest in taking those folks by the hand and forcing them to be accountable and discover their self-love for the very reason you note, Kristy. Why sacrifice my self-respect and personal happiness more than I already have in this lifetime? I’m more interested in helping those who are already internally motivated to be and do good. And by help, I simply mean being here in hopes of keeping them motivated. ❤

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