The sociopath’s goal is to isolate us in two ways: 1.) physically from our support system and 2.) spiritually from our moral code and beliefs.
We can look back and easily recognize how the sociopath physically isolated us. It’s not as easy to understand how we became so detached from our moral code.
Our moral code speaks directly to our intuition. They work in tandem. We establish our truths based on our moral code. Our intuition is designed to apply our inner, moral code to the outside world…to people and situations.
Our Intuition is the gut feeling we get about someone or some situation. One of the reasons we became detached from our moral code which led to getting lost in cognitive dissonance and the sociopath abuse is that we didn’t trust our gut…our intuition.
We told our gut that it was being unfair and unreasonable and too judgmental. We interpreted our inner voice, our intuition, as a negative judge of that person before us–the abuser, the sociopath, the psychopath…whatever term that suits. We denied our intuition and said, “No way, gut, I refuse to believe that any person could possibly be out to hurt and harm me. That’s ludicrous!”
We were wrong about our intuition, weren’t we? And because we were so wrong about our intuition, our moral code became ineffective. We now see that our moral code and intuition were only trying to warn us that not every person is motivated to act from a place of good intentions and love.
We essentially kicked over the red flags and killed our intuition by denying its worth.
Part of healing is to revive our moral code and intuition and nurture this amazing, inner team back to its brilliant self. We must get in touch with who we are, what makes us each individual and unique, and what also makes us compatible with others and allows us to be a part of a union, part of a community.
Even outside of the relationship, we remained isolated and distant from the very people who could guide us back to our spiritual and moral core. We told ourselves, “They will never understand. I can’t possibly get them to understand.”
And, in the beginning, we can’t explain it because we are deep in cognitive dissonance and detached from our core beliefs and spirituality.
That spiritual and moral core rests inside our intuition. So we must learn to have faith in that very thing we rejected. It was through that rejection that we left the door open to the abuse and manipulations in the first place.
How do you get back to that place of trusting your gut?
The first step is to forgive yourself for ignoring your gut. Then praise your gut for being so smart and apologize to your gut for being stubborn.
“I was really stupid to ignore you, Intuition. I vow to listen to you in the future. You’re so damn smart!”
The next step is to recognize what your gut tells you about people and situations moving forward.
In the beginning, you’re going to strike out more than you’ll hit home runs. Your gut is rusty! So, at first, you might pick the wrong people to trust or the wrong group to join or the wrong job to replace the one you lost.
It’s okay. It takes a while to polish and work our those kinks.
Resist the urge to judge yourself too harshly. The only thing self-judgment results in is self-defeat. You don’t want that.
So keep telling yourself it’s okay to get things wrong at first. Let go of perfect. Let go of the need for instant results. Rest. Be good to yourself. Eat well. Live well. Laugh at yourself.
Laugh a lot at your old self. She/he was a real riot, don’t you think?
ive been in such a relationship for ten years. even made me do an abortion i still feel guilty about. but on the other hand if i wouldve had that baby i would still be with him. i could not get out of that relationship no matter how i wanted to untill i met an angel who accepted me totally as i am and made me pregnant. that was the turning point in my life and my road to freedom. but i still find myself struggling to regain my lost confidence and intuition which i knowingly ignored and still sometimes feel regret about the abortion. my son is 20 months now and has a bright future ahead of him. i really met an angel and so is his baby boy. only now i realize the time ive waisted should have been the most beautiful years of my life, but at least im free now.
i really appreciate your efforts to share your knowledge and experience with others.
Thank you, Roshni. I am thrilled you found your angel and you are embarking on the life you deserve with your baby. No need to have any regrets. Accept it happended and that your past can’t be undone. Your future is wide open. Begin today to nurture the intuition you lost and never feel guilty about decisions that made sense to your past self. 🙂
Reblogged this on thedayileftthesociopathinmylife and commented:
I always had a strong gut feeling an now I realise that I was right an everything I thought about him was true esp the nagging feelings that just wouldnt go away ..always trust yourself more than anyone
Thank you for the reblog. Always trust your gut!! 🙂
No problem I have spent many hours eafing your blog and it is helping me although at the moment I have set myself back a bit by breaking the no contact so im a bit all over at the moment very confused think I need to read the no contact part again 🙂
We all do it!! We all break No Contact at some point. But we all learn something new each time we do. We become stronger and more focused with each “mistake” we make as we begin to heal and grow. 🙂
I thank God he is in my life. I knew something wasn’t right with his personality. The more I seen the real him. I knew I had to get away from him. One minute he convinced me he would get help for addiction and counseling for emotional illness. He never intended on getting help because he thinks he is fine. I should deal with him. He constantly lies this was the red flag for me. I do not have people my circle who lie to me. When I find you are a liar I no longer trust you so I separate myself from people like this. I am glad I found this blog no one else really understand. They think I am way out there.
So true. When we think back, there were many, many times our gut told us something was wrong, but because we wanted to be loved and taught to be so forgiving we gave in way too many times. I am soooo glad I finally listened, my gut was screaming so loud at one point, I could no longer ignore it and decided to love and forgive myself and take my life back.
Beautifully wrought in clear language. Must be on a lot of our minds lately, the ‘how did I get there’ work. I’m working on a piece about the same. All people in such circumstances, male, female, child and adult, need to know these things. Nice work, thank you for sharing your intuitive wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your insight! I look forward to reading your piece! 🙂
[…] Regaining Your Intuition After Sociopath Abuse […]
Yes, I am forgiving myself for not listening to my spirit of truth on the inside. The gut truth. I learned that when you are in a place of vulnerability look out.
This is when someone of this sickness comes and be all you want him to be.
I have rethought how did this happen to me. Well, here I am a single woman who wanted someone to share her life with. I am 50 first marriage now I know he is also a narcissis socipath. It is amazing how we repeat cycles in our life. Twenty five years ago I had this type of man in my life. This leads me to think there is something in me that attracts this type of personality. I am in therapy. I will live free!
Reblogged this on Blog Of A Mad Black Woman and commented:
I didn’t follow my intuition, because I reasoned that what it was telling me could not be true. I am definitely going to follow it from now on.
You definitely explore an important point! In my case, I was in so much fog that I couldn’t even see that parts of me were missing!
Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
Another great post on being patient with ourselves and (there seems to be a theme today) Paula speaks the truth. All we ever had to do and all we have to do in the future to avoid becoming the victim of abuse is to listen to our gut and live a life guided by our natural instinct and moral code. As long as we remain true to our core beliefs and not compromise our boundaries we will be ok. Not just ok……….. we will flourish and grow, confident and at peace.
Wow. I hope every woman — and even teen — reads this. Thank you; I needed this.
You’re welcome, Donna. 🙂
Regaining your intuition is the first step to taking care of yourself and your wounds.It’s the begining of healing. It’s taking your power back.
This was so beautiful. I think I needed this today. I was trying to talk counterpoints to my intuition today, when in fact the intuitive signals have been SOO clear!
You’re welcome, Kim! ❤
Great post and excellent point!
We are, it seems, hard-wired to be hard on ourselves and forgiving of others to our own detriment. It’s as though it is alright for them to make endless mistakes but we’re not allowed to make even one. And it is vital that we learn to be gentle with ourselves, first and foremost.
One of the most important strides I made in recovering from being the child of two narcissists was to allow myself to be human (considered a ‘sin’ in a narc’s version of reality) and to make mistakes (something not allowed in a narc reality as it reflects badly on them, unless it reflects well on them – but that’s usually when you haven’t made a mistake and they turn your success into a failure for their benefit) and just learn from them, see them as experiential experiments leading to personal knowledge.
So you ignored your intuition, maybe that was a necessary experience along the journey of life to lead you to a greater understanding of the value of your instincts. Now you know how spot on they are and that they are more than worth listening to! The experience actually strengthens the bond within.
Thank you for sharing this!
Yes!! These experiences make us strong. 🙂