We can look back and easily recognize how the sociopath physically isolated us. It’s not as easy to understand how we became so detached from our moral code.
Our moral code speaks directly to our intuition. They work in tandem. We establish our truths based on our moral code. Our intuition is designed to apply our inner, moral code to the outside world…to people and situations.
Our Intuition is the gut feeling we get about someone or some situation. One of the reasons we became detached from our moral code which led to getting lost in cognitive dissonance and the sociopath abuse is that we didn’t trust our gut…our intuition.
We told our gut that it was being unfair and unreasonable and too judgmental. We interpreted our inner voice, our intuition, as a negative judge of that person before us–the abuser, the sociopath, the psychopath…whatever term that suits. We denied our intuition and said, “No way, gut, I refuse to believe that any person could possibly be out to hurt and harm me. That’s ludicrous!”
We were wrong about our intuition, weren’t we? And because we were so wrong about our intuition, our moral code became ineffective. We now see that our moral code and intuition were only trying to warn us that not every person is motivated to act from a place of good intentions and love.
We essentially kicked over the red flags and killed our intuition by denying its worth.
Part of healing is to revive our moral code and intuition and nurture this amazing, inner team back to its brilliant self. We must get in touch with who we are, what makes us each individual and unique, and what also makes us compatible with others and allows us to be a part of a union, part of a community.
Even outside of the relationship, we remained isolated and distant from the very people who could guide us back to our spiritual and moral core. We told ourselves, “They will never understand. I can’t possibly get them to understand.”
And, in the beginning, we can’t explain it because we are deep in cognitive dissonance and detached from our core beliefs and spirituality.
That spiritual and moral core rests inside our intuition. So we must learn to have faith in that very thing we rejected. It was through that rejection that we left the door open to the abuse and manipulations in the first place.
How do you get back to that place of trusting your gut?
The first step is to forgive yourself for ignoring your gut. Then praise your gut for being so smart and apologize to your gut for being stubborn.
“I was really stupid to ignore you, Intuition. I vow to listen to you in the future. You’re so damn smart!”
The next step is to recognize what your gut tells you about people and situations moving forward.
In the beginning, you’re going to strike out more than you’ll hit home runs. Your gut is rusty! So, at first, you might pick the wrong people to trust or the wrong group to join or the wrong job to replace the one you lost.
It’s okay. It takes a while to polish and work our those kinks.
Resist the urge to judge yourself too harshly. The only thing self-judgment results in is self-defeat. You don’t want that.
So keep telling yourself it’s okay to get things wrong at first. Let go of perfect. Let go of the need for instant results. Rest. Be good to yourself. Eat well. Live well. Laugh at yourself.
Laugh a lot at your old self. She/he was a real riot, don’t you think?