In the aftermath of sociopath abuse, you might sense that you continue to shy away from your passion. You might even be ashamed of your intensity.

This is normal, because after being demeaned and minimized by the sociopath for so long, we tend to be afraid of our own success and joy.

Why?

We keep hearing the words of the sociopath echoing in our heads:

“You really don’t think you can succeed at that, do you?”

“Others know more about that than you do.”

“You think you’re so smart, huh?”

“Wow, you think a little too highly of yourself, don’t you think?”

“You’ll give up.”

“That idea won’t get you very far. You should focus your time in something more practical.”

Repeatedly!! With every thought, idea, or endeavor you shared with the sociopath, the sociopath knocked you down. Being knocked down was expected and you soon stopped being creative and innovative.

You ceased to be alive!

But you’re living now. It’s time you start to deprogram yourself completely from the sociopath’s influence, because that piece of garbage is no longer standing next to you whispering defeating comments into your ear. He/she is no longer trying to sabotage your efforts with your family or your friends. That sociopath is no longer real…remember?

Beginning today, write down those passions. Share them with someone you love. Imagine your ideas coming to fruition…all by yourself!

You CAN do it. Whatever it is. You CAN stand alone if you have to for a bit. You do not need 100% acceptance and understanding from anyone but yourself.

When we start living again, some of the people in our lives who are more accustomed to us being reserved and reliant on them for support might react negatively to our sudden independence at first.

Don’t let that worry you. Simply explain to these people that you’re perfectly sane, you’re not delusional, you’re awake, and you’re more awake than you’ve been in a very long time.

The people who love you will be relieved and will celebrate with you. The people who never really gave a shit about you, outside of controlling you, will be uncomfortable with your new found freedom and will retreat. You may never see or talk to some of those people again.

That’s okay.

The emerging and refreshed you doesn’t have time to continuously explain yourself to those who aren’t interested in getting it.

Keep your light shining brightly. No more self-defeating thoughts. Replace all of the crappy things the sociopath projected your way with inspirational and mindful encouragement.

Encouragement. Simple, real, genuine encouragement unhindered by strings, expectations, or obligations.

Don’t fear being a little excited and eccentric. That excitement and eccentricity is exactly what our world needs today. ❤

Namaste!
~Paula

Category:
abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissistic Sociopath, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 17 Comments

  1. I was a very successful business woman when I met him and he has pulled all the tricks you have written about on here. I am the founder of a 501c3 charity and this bastard has worked hard to blindside me and stop me from helping others by using all the mind games and cruel treatments. For the last 3 weeks he has given me the silent treatment and what a blessing! He thinks it is punishment but it has helped clear my head and in no time, I will be down the road and never looking back! I am almost a free Woman ! Your website is a lifesaver !

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    • Awesome! I am thrilled this site has helped you and am so happy for you and for all of the people you are now free to help and support. Sending you lots of energy and light! 🙂

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  2. The sociopaths for me are family. I grew up with it and seem to have more than one passion so don’t know where to focus the energy. It’s really confusing and overwhelming to work at more than one thing. Plus depression hits so hard some days I feel like I don’t have a passion.

    Frustrating!

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    • Oh I should add though, they are no longer physically in my life, but emotionally not so much.

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    • It IS frustrating when we have so many dreams and passions. Where do we begin? The simple answer is to begin where it seems natural to begin. Is it something that requires you to take a class or learn a new skill or meet new people? Or is it something that the necessary resources already exist in your life? How much of a challenge are you interested in taking on today? Experiment! If something doesn’t feel quite right after you begin, set it to the side and go toward a different passion. Don’t get too caught up in the details or in thinking everything must be perfect. And don’t feel like if you give up on a project that you’ve failed. Let yourself be a little unlike yourself. Smile and laugh when you choose to give up. You chose it!! How freeing is that?!?!?

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    • Love this. It also depends on finances too, which can actually make a choice a bit easier. Organizing my time gets a bit overwhelming too.

      This:
      “Let yourself be a little unlike yourself.”
      Is a precious little nugget!

      Maybe use that somewhere, where lots of your other readers can see it?

      And I am working on reinventing myself as a matter of fact. I can feel the changes taking place…gradually. There are times that it just isn’t happening fast enough and I still feel a ‘wall’ of sorts within. Patience can be tough.

      I have a really good chakra yoga program I’d like to get back to also. I have issues with consistency.

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    • You’re obviously aware of those obstacles that are hindering you as you listed them above: time, money, and patience. I bet if you get back into the chakra yoga program, the patience that presently eludes you will land in your lap, and then the worry about having the time and money will dissipate and solutions will soon follow. 🙂

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    • When I read your article/testimonial about what your practice of yoga has done for you, I was thinking along the same lines.

      I love that about yoga. It’s a good physical work out but also is so beneficial for emotional, spiritual and mental aspects of the self. I enjoyed that article a lot and found it really inspiring.

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    • Fantastic! That was my hope and intention for sharing it. I become certified to teach in the coming weeks; I have just a few lectures left and a final practicum/practice teaching exam. Once certified, I plan to put together some videos and share on my blog. It’s tough to make an investment in something we have never tried before. I want to provide a FREE intro to those who may be on the fence with regards to yoga and meditation.

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    • It’s really good to read your stuff about recovery. It has definitely given me hope, despite the family origin of my trauma.

      I know there must be a difference in experiencing it in childhood as opposed to as an adult. But I still believe that recovery is possible.

      I get negative at times and think there is no way I will ever recover from this. And even though my issues stem from an abusive childhood, I have a deep belief that recovery is possible. It’s just a matter of doing the right thing. The tricks are finding that right thing…because I don’t think it’s a one shoe fits all and then staying consistent. Which can be very difficult.

      Depression is wicked and can keep people that suffer with it from caring to plow through. I know because it’s what happens to me. It would be nice to have someone put a board under my butt every day and pry me up…in a kind and well meaning way. lol.

      Another problem I encounter is that I read about so many things that might work and after having started one, I will drop it and try something else.

      Lately I haven’t been doing much but I am reading a book called “The Tao of Fully Feeling.” I highly recommend it. The subtitle is “Harvesting forgiveness out of blame.” It has made me think about blame in a completely different way…a healing way.

      Congratulations. I have no doubt it’s been a long road for you to where you are now. And with your teacher training, you obviously care about paying it forward. Looking forward to the videos. I’ll definitely check them out.

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    • I don’t like putting a severity level on trauma. It’s all relative. It’s all personal and impacts a person’s identity and sense of worth. From those who suffer PTSD and abuse through military service/war to those who suffer as children, I absolutely believe recovery is possible but only if it’s a desire of the individual. I have tried lots of traditional methods and approaches to recovery. The one that worked for me has been yoga. I absolutely understand that it must be a preference of the individual, but I don’t hide my preference.

      Yoga is also gaining the spotlight in the integrative health field. Non-profits like Zen Boulevard and Yoga Hope have provided yoga as therapy to DV survivors and to survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing respectively. Survivors of cancer also have yoga as part of their recovery programs in hospitals and institutes. In addition, med students are even being encouraged to become yoga practitioners and teachers, so they understand the power of yoga in order to recommend yoga therapy to their patients.

      We hold lots of trauma in our tissues, because it’s partly due to our ability to physically move and act in the moment of the trauma event that causes PTSD. The combination of focused breathing and movement that yoga requires has been proven to release that internal tension and “free” a patient slowly and gradually over time.

      If I hadn’t seen the positive results in myself and in others whom I have personally met and been in contact, I wouldn’t feel confident enough to share and encourage others to give yoga and meditation a try. To just consider it.

      But it does require a commitment of at least a few weeks of consistent practice. Recent studies conducted with older generation veterans concluded that after just 8 weeks of a regular and consistent practice of transcendental meditation, vets with PTSD experienced a 50% decrease in their symptoms and triggers. That’s huge to me!

      So I feel internally motivated to make an effort to influence and persuade folks who happen to find this blog to try yoga. 🙂

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    • Wow! 50% in 8 weeks. That IS huge.

      I can see your point in putting severity. It’s not really fair to compare.

      What you said about the lack of being able to move in the moment the trauma/abuse is happening…wow, major light bulb moment for me.

      Recently I’ve been thinking about my breathing and have almost always had this problem with ‘forgetting’ to breathe at times. I think this comes from the reaction of holding my body tight. It is apparently a protective reaction. It probably goes along with the ‘Freeze’ response…which is my mind’s response of choice.

      In my coming more into awareness, I catch myself not really breathing, a lot. So there’s something else that yoga and meditation is helpful for, since you are focusing on breath in both meditation and yoga.

      I am making a commitment to myself as I write that I do the chakra yoga practice tomorrow morning. 🙂

      So exciting. Thank you.

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    • Fantastic! The forgetting to breathe is vital. Our breath is our life force…sending oxygenated blood to all of our body parts. If we stop the flow, we trap new toxins and push existing toxins deeper. The process of releasing these toxins should be slow and at a pace your are comfortable. Feeling nauseous on occasion is expected and is nothing to fear. You will surprise yourself, I suspect. 🙂

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  3. I’m exactly at this point, I mean literally right there! My sociopath, just today, after discarding me three months ago and without any contact of any kind until today, I went to his mothers house where I had lived with him and our son for the past 17 years in marriage, to beg for some money to eat and for some gas. He just laughed at me and then slammed the gate in my face.

    I was in tears, pleading with him to help me, while his mother silently crept up behind me and stood watching from behind the hedge.

    Once she realized that I could see her there she immediately began to fiddle with the top of the hedge sweeping her hand back and forth as if she had a purpose for being there and not because she was eaves dropping on us. I began to speak to her as she just looked at me with disgust and a half snickered smile on her face. All I asked her was why he was doing this to me and why she was allowing it to happen?

    My god neither one of them has returned a phone call to me in three months and they have my son living their with them since they made me leave. I’ve been homeless, jobless, and support less ever since.

    Her only reply to me was “This is your own doing” and “why do you still come around here”?

    I told her this, “my child lives here”! And “because, I am still married to your son”! and “I have nothing, no food, no home, no gas, and no support or love”! “I’m hurt, I’m scared, and I’m confused”! “All I want is to know why! Why did you allow this to happen to me, keeping me from my son, and turning a cold shoulder to me suddenly after 17 years”? “Making it impossible for me to ever get back on my feet again”! “Why won’t you help me help myself”?

    She only stared at me as if I was insane, then turned and walked back into the house, and shut the door quietly. I was left standing there alone, sobbing, in utter defeat. I walked away. I walked away to nowhere, I have nowhere to go and no one to go to.

    He has isolated me from every friend and every family member in my life. I want to end my life. This is no life. This is torture.

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    • This is a disgusting example of how these people can easily discard and disregard humanity. Your humanity is being negated by these assholes.

      Please do not subject yourself to their hatefulness and lack of regard for life. Is there a community group or church or organization that you can reach out to temporarily for some assistance? You can not be ashamed for being thrown away by these people. No human being deserves to be treated as they have treated you. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do or say to make them change their minds and consider you. You must accept that and focus on why you matter. They suck the life light out if us by their very presence and existence in our lives. Is there anyone you can talk to one-on-one? Where are you located?

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  4. Beautiful reminder for us all, Paula.

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  5. so lovely and inspiring! I took heart in the image of those who love us celebrating for us.

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