Love to a sociopath is about possession, personal gains, and benefits.

From sex and trophy spouses to community status and financial wealth, sociopaths are involved with others for material benefits, not to establish deep, fulfilling heart connections.

In romance, as long as the sociopath gets what the sociopath expects, needs, and desires, the sociopath will “love” you.

Once the sociopath has drained you of your worth and dignity, the sociopath will get bored and begin plotting an exit plan. Part of that plan is to make you, the one being discarded, look like the crazy and unstable one.

How do sociopaths do this?

Easily…they simply treat you as they’ve always thought of you…like you don’t matter. And you don’t matter as a human being to the sociopath. You never have, and you never will. You were simply a means to an end.

Once you can accept this and stop fighting against this insanity and stop begging to be treated like a human with a heart, you’ll be able to begin to heal and live again.

Reconciling this in our hearts and minds simultaneously seems impossible. But if we repeatedly remind ourselves that when we are dealing with someone who lacks a heart and a conscience, we can’t expect that person to respect our heart and our conscience.

How can we expect the sociopath to respect something in us that they’ve never felt or known in themselves?

Like insightful writers who write what they know, sociopaths behave based on what they know. And their knowledge is limited to what they know of themselves…and they are empty.


abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Health, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissistic Sociopath, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 10 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on Shagustus and commented:
    Paula nails it every time!


  2. Yea, I was married to one of those individuals for 16 years and it ended exactly the way you described.


  3. […] Love means possession to a sociopath. […]


  4. Hi Paula,

    Great post 🙂

    These disordered minds rely on our reactions to them to use & abuse.
    We don’t like to abuse so, we avoid it & carry the abuse inflicted upon us.
    We don’t want to look or act like an abuser!
    If we do react they vilify us or minimize their behavior after, they have made us look or act crazy.

    Mine always said, ‘You are my possession, I own you!’
    He also was the ‘Calling Card’ abuser whereby he warned me subtly that ‘I deserved better than him’ & that he was a ‘bastard’ & ‘you would not be able to live with my possessiveness’ etc…
    He said these things subtly & covertly after the ‘lovebomb’ of how freaking fantastic I was!
    So, this tactic was to inflate my ego & then attack it! ‘Your so great, why put up with me?’

    My natural impulse was to dismiss his claims as just ‘talk’ & his insecurities & his fragile ego etc… but, I now know he was letting me know just what I could expect.
    I would agree that he was a ‘bastard’ & that I did deserve better & he would act hurt so, I would say ‘well you said it’ & he would then say,’if you think I am then why do you stay?’
    Blah blah & then I would find myself justifying why I didn’t think he was a bastard & why I stayed!!!

    I always thought he was a ‘good person’ so, would rationalize these scenarios back to myself.
    I wouldn’t be with him if he was outwardly a ‘bastard’.
    I never denigrated myself by saying, ‘I’m a bitch’ or ‘you could do better’ etc…these are his tactics.
    I also knew I wasn’t a ‘bitch’ & that I was good enough….these statements from him & his actions were meant to make me question my worth, not his.
    All very manipulative & covert & effective.
    These disordered minds rely so heavily on the fact that we are not full of ourselves nor are we intent on sabotaging our loved ones.

    They play the victim, play dumb, evade & divert attention, lie,shame, blame & rely on our positive conscience to manipulate & make us think we have done something wrong to them….the disordered mind in all it’s glory!

    Writing & sharing & loving & keeping the faith..:) PR xoxo


    • Thank you, PR. As textbook as they are, we are also very predictable in how we react to their crappiness. Let’s hope we can become predictable in how we choose to heal and grow from these experiences, too. XOXO


  5. You are so true, Paula. Oh my goodness; you are spot on. You’ve explained The NS Of whom I fell in love with incredible precision. Thank you for reaffirming that we (I) deserve so much more. We are beautiful beings who deserve sooo much more.



  6. Thank you. Every time I read one of your pieces, I heal a but more.


  7. You are right, we can not expect something from them when they do not have it themselves . How innocent we are sometime. We believe if we show them love and kindness, then they will be able to connect to a different way of being and treat us differently. We learn with time that this is a false hope.


  8. Well sad Paula! Love your post and its right on target! Thank you!


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