Sociopaths lack self-identity, which is why we will always outshine them, and they will forever remain delusional.

Sociopaths spend so much time mirroring victims in order to gain friendships [term used loosely], business associates, and intimate partners that they have zero sense of self.

Can you detect the REAL person in the following?

Two years ago, the sociopath suddenly declared he was an expert on architecture to be with HER. Then, a few months later, the sociopath declared architecture sucked and claimed he loved living in tents in order to be with a different HER. Just a little more than a year later, the sociopath faked being interested in saving stray animals to impress and be with a new HER. And today, after years of claiming America sucks, the sociopath is now wearing the mask of a flag-waving, pro-military, patriot out to fool a new HER along with HER community of friends.

With all of these growing and ever-changing interests depending on the person, group, or community the sociopath covets in the moment, one would think the sociopath was a regular renaissance man, huh? A genius! A brilliant intellect!

But nothing could be further from the truth, because feigning interest and talking shit about shit does not a genius make.

A genius is a person who knows who he is, why he is that way, and how to take what he is to become a more aware version of himself…and then freely share his knowledge and learnings with the rest of the world.

Nope. That is not a sociopath. Whatever the opposite of genius is, is what the sociopath is.

Could that be the village idiot? I think so.

As a result of having zero sense of self, sociopaths are not capable of introspection, because one must have a fundamental understanding and awareness of who they are before being able to go deeper to discover “why” they are who they are.

Furthermore, if one can’t answer the “why” of who they are, one certainly can’t begin to fathom the idea of changing, growing, and transforming.

And I don’t mean material change and transformation like getting a raise, having a baby, losing weight, building muscle, getting a haircut, or dressing in the newest fad. That’s not change. That’s more mask building and maintenance.

I mean real core changes, like believing in something you never believed in before…like God or fairies or spirits or energy…things not tangible or easily proven. I mean being so completely aware of oneself and one’s abilities that intuition and creativity alone could guide you to peace and happiness.

But we aren’t here to discuss ourselves at the moment. We are discussing the village idiot. So let’s get back to him, shall we?

It’s rather sad if we let ourselves think too much about the sociopath’s true nature and his lack of identity and self-awareness. It’s really very sad to me.

And because the sociopath lacks self-awareness and an ability to be introspective, the sociopath avoids, at all cost, any situation that could force him to reveal to the rest of us his lack of self-awareness.

(How tasteless THAT would be…to be humble and admit to being the village idiot. The sociopath can’t do that to himself, can he? Pfft!)

And it’s because of this fear, this fear of being discovered for the fool he really is that the sociopath perpetually projects, blames, and shames everyone in the room except himself.

And the sociopath keeps getting away with it because the rest of us are just too nice!

Instead of asking the sociopath directly why he/she is such an asshole for projecting all the blame on us, we think we’re the assholes who provoked the sociopath to talk to us and treat us THAT way in the first place.

So we spend all of our time in introspection attempting to determine why we were so cruel to push someone to the point of being nasty to us, which, we think, will explain and help justify why a person who claims to be our best bud or soul mate would blame and shame us for everything.

And as long as we remain falsely focused on ourselves and unable to answer those questions with certainty, the sociopath is free to remain shallow, materialistic and in complete control.

(Crazy and ironic cycle, huh!?)

But there is an amazing pay off, because the amount of time we spend in introspection asking ourselves all the hard questions about our actions and motives is equal to the amount of time the sociopath spends being a shallow, empty, insecure, delusional fool who tricks himself into thinking he’s superior.

WE change and grow and the sociopath remains a fool.

Hmmmm? This explains why, once we realize the sociopath is a sociopath and begin asking the sociopath direct questions, the sociopath suddenly rages or retreats and finally shuts his pie hole for change.

We could ask something very simple like, “Why do you always disagree with him knowing it hurts his feelings as your friend?”


“Why would you say that about my sister? You only met her once. And please don’t even talk about my son’s father like that. You’ve never even met him.”


“Why do you feel the need to text me repeatedly throughout the day? You know I’m working. It makes no sense.”

These questions elicit lots of rage or lots of silence, because extremes are what the sociopath knows, and extremes are very effective at keeping us confused and wondering.

But there is really NOTHING to wonder about when it comes to dealing with a sociopath. The answer to all of the questions we ask are always the same. And that answer is:

“Because I don’t care.”

BINGO!! The sociopath hurts, harms, storms through life doing as he damn well pleases because the sociopath doesn’t give a shit. Not about you or her or me or being patriotic or saving animals or reading that book or believing in that cause.

Above all, the sociopath doesn’t even care about himself or about knowing who he is inside.

But the sociopath will never admit to this. NEVER! Instead, the sociopath will continue prancing around like a delusional jackass who thinks he’s superior and deserving of everything that is given to him.

But one day what is handed to the sociopath will smell like a steaming pile of stinky Karma. There is no doubt about that…at least no doubt in my mind. And that day is fast-approaching. 🙂


abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Humor, Lessons, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 16 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on Marilyn Munrow and commented:
    Wonderful blog, you speak from experience, i can tell. I hope Karma does catch up, and soon Paula.


  2. I have been sucked into this wormhole now for 6 very long years. Too much to put in a post like this. I’ve never even met him in person. I have now blocked him from the only ways he can get to me, unless he decides he wants to use snail mail, but he won’t do that, because it will be actual evidence of his illness. I exposed him to his family and friends several years ago, and that should have put an end to all the madness. 9 months passed, and then it started again. This time I’m determined for it to never ever ever again be a part of my life in real time. Perhaps if I write a book someday, the whole sordid and crazy story can be told. I am choosing to write a new chapter, starting just 4 days ago. Give me strength.


    • Cheers to your strength!! It takes many words and iterations to uncover the labyrinth of lies and manipulations to get at the truth. Go, you!!


  3. Mine started mirroring his girlfriend’s taste in clothes. His own (or maybe he was just mirroring mine) previous taste was for simple dark colors, maroon and navy blue and charcoal suits. She’s into bright pastelly colors. He came to court after he started dating her wearing a beige suit and a multicoloured pastel striped shirt that my mom and I call his candy crush shirt.


    • Hehe! Love it! The boy in my story wanted to match my style, too. Told everyone I dressed him. Now he’s dressing in the style of his new GF. So very odd and a huge sign of their limited/lack of identity. The NEED us; we do NOT need them. 🙂


  4. Paula,

    great post as always. But this quote by you sums up so much and it breaks my heart that the woman I once loved is a shape shifter.(star trek reference)

    “Sociopaths spend so much time mirroring victims in order to gain friendships [term used loosely], business associates, and intimate partners that they have zero sense of self”.

    In the first 10 years of our marriage she mirrored me perfectly. I really thought we were a match made in heaven, except for the occasional tantrum when she did not get what she wanted. Then I would relent and comply, regardless of how stupid and unreasonable the request “demand” was. Then we would get back on the magic carpet and be happy again, except me. I was making bad choices to keep her happy and I knew it, but the good times were so darn good.

    She mirrored her best friend, who happens to be her divorce lawyer, who happened to just divorce her really good husband. (mirroring the friend was a business deal so she could be invited to fancy parties) Then she mirrored her N/S father so closely that she became just like him. (mirroring the N/S father was a business decision to get to his money)

    One time I asked my teenage daughter, after the divorce, “so, what do you think of this new version of your mom” and my daughter said ” I really didn’t know the first version all that well so i couldn’t tell you” Sharp girl that daughter of mine.

    Anyway, after reading each one of your post I get closer to pulling away and as they say ” letting go” and rediscovering my true identity again. Great stuff and thank you.


    • Fellow Survivor, Thank you for sharing, and I’m very happy my posts are helping you. The shapeshifting makes it impossible to suggest to those he/she is mirroring that they are being conned. How can someone dislike a person who SEEMS just like them? And your daughter is definitely very bright! 🙂


  5. This is exactly what i needed today. Thank you. You nailed it.


  6. another excellent post, Paula!
    fits that sociopath delusional narcissistic sister of mine perfectly!


  7. ..delusional jackass….village idiot……..laughing hysterically—what a great post—you made my day……


  8. Hi Paula,

    Very true & yes they are the ‘skid marks’ you find on your knickers sometimes, hahaha 😉

    They remind me of a dog with a bone that looks into a pond & see’s another bone so, drops the one he has to get the other & it sinks to the bottom & then he has none!

    They truly are the epitome of a ‘lost soul & lost cause’.
    I cannot imagine life without passion & love, no wonder they are so jealous of us 🙂

    Love & Light 🙂
    PR xoxo


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