This is a bit of a rant. I don’t rant much. (Or maybe I do.) Let’s blame it on the cardinal cross…

People wonder why I get so angry when it comes to the sociopath, the boy in my story. They wonder why I can’t just stop wishing he’d die and why I continue praying he has no children. I must have had my heart completely crushed to be able to get so fueled by the thought of the sociopath still breathing?

No. My heart was not broken by the sociopath. Coming to the realization that there are people out there with zero empathy, zero ability to be remorseful and absolutely zero remnants of a working conscience broke my spirit. A broken spirit stings and bleeds more profusely than any broken heart I’ve ever experienced. Nothing compares to coming face-to-face with the crushing reality that everything you love is everything another absolutely hates and tries to destroy.

I’m angry because the sociopath from my past is just a representation of the millions of heartless, cruel, selfish animals walking among us feigning care and concern. Fake, counterfeit people who suck the life out of people like me and many of the wonderful men and women I have met through my writing.

I am not fake. I am not counterfeit. I truly care, and I am truly concerned. Sociopaths insult my very existence. Sociopaths make what I’m made of seem easily acquired and copied when what I am made of can never be 100% duplicated.

The sociopath might get the expressions right, he might be able to repeat my words or steal my story and pretend it’s his own. Yes. Anyone can make cosmetic changes to their facade. It’s not very hard.

But what the sociopath can NEVER duplicate is what’s going on inside my soul.

The sociopath will never see the things I see. The sociopath will never feel the joy or the pain I feel. The sociopath will never be able to express love for another the way I do. The sociopath will never know unconditional love the way I know unconditional love.

No sociopath will.

Healing from my broken spirit and from my collective realizations takes an everyday effort. I remind myself every day to remain hopeful that good will triumph…despite the shitty news I read and watch every day.

Yes. I am absolutely angry. I am angry because too many of us just sit back too fearful to speak out against what can only be described as unfair treatment of others.

We see people getting berated by a boss or co-worker. Most of us say nothing. Why take the chance of being the one who gets thrown under the bus next?

We see a customer ahead of us in line being nasty to the cashier. We say nothing. That customer might turn around and hit us. Goodness gracious, we can’t get involved in something so distasteful, can we?

We watch a mother or a father scream at their children at the bus stop. It’s none of our business to get involved, is it? Again, we might end up in a fist fight, and we don’t want to invite THAT kind of behavior into our lives.

But it’s okay to sit back and judge all of those people who do stand up, get knocked down and then stand up again ready to fight…again and again and again. It’s okay to call those people crazy?

It’s okay to judge those people who speak the words everyone else is too cowardice to speak and somehow think being cowardice is really being intelligent and moral?


Morality is standing up, speaking out and fighting against the shit you see that is wrong. Immoral behavior is when you know the emperor is naked but you go along with the crowd, pretending to admire the bare-ass emperor’s clothes, anyway.

Really? People are proud to be this type of intelligent coward? Intelligent cowards?

I am a highly empathic person. I love being alive and have always loved seeing others happy. I have always gone out of my way to be fair or to let someone else win who seems to need that “victory” more than I ever did.

But I’m learning that it’s my turn to let myself win for a change. It’s my turn to stop being afraid of the punches that will inevitably land square on my chin. It’s my turn to just say, “Screw you, intelligent cowards. That guy is buck naked!!”

Yes. I am planning a party and not everyone is invited. That party is my life. And those uninvited are those who remain keen on being intelligent cowards.

Who else is ready to plan their next party and not invite everyone you once felt obligated to invite just to seem like a good person?

I don’t care if people call me crazy or call me angry or tell me I’m out of control, because I know I care now more than ever before, my anger is finally well-directed and I’m in more control of my thoughts today than I have ever been.

Many will think it unwise to be my friend. That’s okay. I understand. It’s never been wise to be friends with folks who most consider are crazy, because people might think you’re crazy for being friends with a crazy person. I get it.

I guess it makes no difference to me. I’ve got lots of friends others have judged as crazy (besides myself), and it hasn’t affected my ability to keep growing and learning and working and making a living.

And I’ve done it without kissing ass, bullying people, degrading people or getting people to feel sorry for me. That’s what sociopaths do. They cry and lie and cheat their way through life.

Don’t let them fool you. You don’t have to do any of those things to be successful. You don’t have to lie and cheat. That’s a myth sociopaths like to spin. They spin this myth, because they are too lazy to earn their success. And that is the key: you have to work hard and be confident that you are just as smart, just as capable and just as worthy as the next person. If more good people stop trying to follow the lead of the sociopath in their lives and instead do the hard work, more and more sociopaths will be pushed aside. They’ll be pushed out of corporations, out of governments, out of churches and out of communities.

Survival of the fittest. It’s true. The concept is true. But too many of us have fed into the quick fixes all these scamming sociopaths like to throw up to divert us from the real work required for fulfilling lives.

There are no short cuts in life. Don’t let that moron sociopath make you think there is. That moron sociopath is just too lazy to do the hard work and if you don’t do the hard work, the sociopath has an excuse for being a liar and a cheater.

Don’t be a liar and a cheater. If more of us started living authentic and mindfully and not always looking for instant gratification, the sociopath’s way of being would never cross our minds. Ever.

And when a sociopath does cross our paths, it will be that much easier to spot them and say, “Hit the road, scumbag!”


abuse, Emotional Abuse, Lessons, Love, mindfulness, Narcissistic Sociopath, Psychopaths, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Work
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Join the conversation! 22 Comments

  1. I have just awakened from my Matrix pod and wanted to thank you. I have always tried to stick up for others and sadly have allowed myself to be taken advantage of. But now that my sociopathic cataracts have been surgically removed I am aware and I understand why I loved Wonder Woman and Jimmy Carter as a child. Why I read Sandman comics and listened to Tori Amos, watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, loved Stephen King and zombie movies, Dune, Sleeping Beauty, Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Orphan Black, House of Cards, American Horror Story, read mythology and history. I won’t go into my family history that makes me such a good detector now that I am awake but I see the world in another light now. I am on the true path to enlightenment. Its scary because its unknown and I must be brave but theres a silent war and we have to unite in love a Velvet Revolution. If love is our weapon instead of weapons we might have a chance. Silence/shame/fear/lies these are the enemy. Love and honesty and community is the weapons we possess. And yeah I am trying to figure out the best way to be effective. Social media and reaching out to educate women about rape culture helps. We have to protect our little boys from the vampires who want to turn them into monsters. Its too hard to change them but if we can get them help before they become monsters we will have future allies. Because there is a silent epidemic of male molestation that instills fear and shame and robs them of their capacity for empathy. I have seen so much and it all makes sense now. I had to be involved with a rapist who was molested at 12 by an older man in order to put the pieces together. The patriarchal pederasty system is not dead. Greece Rome… Its ancient and insidious and totally hidden in shame and memory deficits from compartmentalization.


  2. This is one of the best rants I have ever read. I was that girl,that stuck up for what was wrong or right at a job. I wasn’t doing it in a rebel kind of way…I would just state my thoughts…I was told “your so literal” I worked at that job for 11 years…when I educated myself on the laws put in place for people with disabilities..I was forced to go out on short term disability…by my employer….not my mds.I worked,the same day,that h.r. told me they couldnt accomodate 30 hours per week,as they had been doing for the past 3 years. I was also living with and engaged to a text book sociopath. Sociopath boy,left me 4 months after I lost my job. On thanksgiving. Lmfao. I laff so hard about that,I dont know why. He moved in with me. I have ms. I do pilates,ballet,surf,etc…..I am more active than sociopath boy is. After he moved out,I was allready falling behind in bills due to the job loss….well,I really fell behind. Lost my retirement savings,am going to have to file bankruptcy,blah blah blah……Paula….I get your rant. All of it. I learned in a short time how evil people can be….and it sucked my spirit dry. So dry. Im still very raw….Im still bewildered that the people at my job,can sleep at night….and I cant….Im bewildered that the my xsociopath seems to always have good things come his way. Boy have I learned alot about the world and people…….Thank you for your rant…


    • Thank you, Zoey! I really think we fail to give ourselves enough credit. More businesses run by people like us is what society needs…non-greedy, ethical, fair, and super-intelligent. 🙂


  3. Well said Paula and right on! I’ve got your back and I know you’ve got mine. Those who want to shut us up are afraid. Well you’re not afraid, scream from the roof tops if you have to.

    MLK said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”


  4. What most people don’t get is that it is not about the indivual ex narc inour lives. It is bigger than than and our mission to out narcs in the world who contiune to get away with perpuating evil. We are a sister-hood of women who came to earth to bring about changes on the planet and outing the evil is paramount to that. This is about the collective not the individual. The individual stories of the women who have crossed these wordpress walls are just personalized example of the big problem we have in society at the moment. Roar on Narc Warrior Goddess–we all stand behind you and alongside of you.


  5. I loved this so thank you. I am still struggling only a daily basis to compute how and that there are people in this world who are capable of lying, cheating, and being cowards without any empathy or remorse. I keep reading these amazing posts over and over and they all make great intellectual sense but I still can’t process and compute it because I am so empathic and thoughtful and considerate and thiught I only associated with similar people until my experience with the Narc. The one who crushed my soul and broke my spirit, who sucked me dry (temporarily only I hope) of my joy and love, and who made me crazy and behave in ways so out of character for me. Do you have any advice on how to finally accept and deal with that? Blessing to you for this wonderful and supportive work that you do.


    • Maria, My only advice is to keep telling yourself, like a mantra, that you are worthy and beautiful and smart and capable…alone and without someone else validating you.

      It’s quite unfair, at first, to think about all of the work we must do in order to undo the damage to our minds and bodies. The sociopath’s wake of destruction is each of ours alone to wade through, accept and let go.

      The great news is that you know this type of person exists. Why is that good? Because you will become even more in awe of the good people you meet. You’ll stop making excuses for bad behavior, yours or others, and make greater efforts to be accountable and forgiving of those who truly deserve forgiveness.

      I’m no longer the type of person who says, “Oh, he just doesn’t know any better. Give him a break.”

      He knows better. He just wants to take the short cut through life, and he wants everyone else to willfully step aside and make room for his sorry butt. Not me. I’ll stand in his way until he does the work himself. 🙂


  6. Oh my. Yes is all I can say. Thank you.


  7. Great post!


  8. One of my most empowering moments was realizing that I was an authentic, empathic, highly sensitive person. I had been directed to think that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t believe in lying or deceiving others…What a great moment to find that not only was I authentic, but then to find other like-minded people! Wow! We are not alone-we are a powerful force that has remained silent for far too long!


    • Yes! We’ve been quiet in our humility and thinking we’d be judged as prudish or self-righteous. We’re allowed to embrace our awesomeness because its not arrogant or selfish. We’re not arrogant or selfish! And that’s what makes what we have to say genuine and authentic. We say it because we believe it, not because we want to be singled out as special or especially crazy. Hehe!


  9. Paula, as hard as I tried I could not hold back the tears, 1/2 way through your post I had to stop reading because I was getting my keyboard wet. lol Everything you said I could relate to so well.
    I have friends who knew I had a blog and what it was about but I don’t know what they were thinking I was writing but when JC told them what it was about and cried the blues they were angry with me and thought I was “taking it too far”, ” should move on now and let it go” I tried to explain it wasn’t about JC, but I never heard from them again because I said I was not shutting it down nor writing about something else. It may have started out as a blog about JC but now it is about narcissists (whatever name you want to call them, psychopaths, sociopaths) and the havoc they wreak, the lives they destroy the life they take.
    Like you I am about 3 years out and i have never had clearer thoughts than I do now, I am appalled and sickened at what is going on in the world and no one says anything. We are so evolved that the narcissist in the world are revered and held in high esteem or if nothing else feared to the point no one will question them and that is how they gain the power they do. Every one afraid to stand out from the crowd for fear they will be at the receiving end of the N’s wrath and everyone will turn on them. But if one person stands up and says “That is wrong, you are wrong, that is not ok” and one more person stands up and says “I agree with her>” then soon another will stand up and another and another and soon the N’s of the world will be alone. But it takes someone who isn’t afraid to stand out from the crowd.
    I am not afraid, and I am standing out from the crowd and beside you saying “She is right!!”
    I know many of the people who know me wonder why I do what i do, why my blog is so important to me, why I don’t just shut it down and get JC off my back. That I am asking for trouble by speaking out and should shut up and disappear so he will leave me alone. But if I do that I am doing what generations of women have done, keeping the secret, perpetuating the problem, helping the N carry on with his agenda and I refuse to be bullied into silence. On days when I think life would be so much easier if I just shut up I will get an email from some woman (or man) thanking me for sharing because now they know they aren’t crazy. People who were ready to kill themselves because no one understood and they were being told by the N and bystanders that they were crazy, too sensitive, deserved the treatment or any of the other numerous lies the victims are told.
    I think you are awesome!! I love you! you are such an inspiration. Thank you for speaking out with such passion and intelligence.


    • Carrie, I think you’re awesome, too. I love you and love the card you sent me. I recently read somewhere that standing behind an empathic person is not for the faint of heart. It takes a special person to not judge you and not think you’re crazy for being passionate. I think it’s only other empathic people who can back you. That’s why the friendships we make through this are so special. We don’t judge each other. We relate to the passion and the need to speak openly about pain and love and joy and friendship. No more pretending we’re normal. We ARE crazy…crazy special! Hehe! ❤


  10. I liked this rant! I do know why but the line “I am having a party and not everyone is invited” so resonated with me today!! Why do we think we need to keep welcoming mean, passive-aggressive types into our banquet of life? No more. We don’t have to welcome everyone at our table.


    • Hehe! It’s just ridiculous what we subject ourselves to…freely!! We know these people will never change and always surprise is with some new and twisted take on reality and us. Just not worth it anymore. 🙂


  11. Not a rant at all! Very empowering.


  12. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
    Yes yes yes!!!!


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