In all relationships, we sometimes find ourselves unable to get out what we want to say. Sometimes we say the absolute wrong things at the absolute wrong times. This is normal and expected, because no one is perfect, especially in how we communicate.
Unless you’re a sociopath.
Sociopaths believe they are King and Queen communicators. Everything they say, in their minds, is expressed perfectly and flawlessly. You just need to shut up, listen and comply. No talking. No, no, no. Shame on your for talking.
These King and Queen communicators are quite delusional, don’t you think? Their communication approach of shutting out the voice of “the other” goes against everything we know and understand about healthy communication:
1. It takes (at least) two people, two voices, to have a conversation.
2. If a conversation’s interpersonal communication efforts repeatedly fail, the conversation fails.
3. If conversations between two people repeatedly and consistently fail, the relationship naturally ends due to this mutual failure.
4. But if the relationship doesn’t naturally end due to one person being burdened with the blame for the communication failures, the relationship becomes imbalanced, toxic and dangerously prolonged.
Without question, every relationship the sociopath enters eventually becomes toxic. From childhood friendships and family relationships to romance and business, toxic relationships seem to follow the sociopath around like lost puppies.
How ironic for these King and Queen communicators. Not a very good track record for all of their self-aggrandizing.
Why can’t sociopaths be realistic?
Sociopaths are the Kings and Queens of miscommunication.
I like that much better.
Great communicators consider the other person’s needs and point of view.
Great mis-communicators only consider their needs and point of view.
I believe this is almost too simple for us to grasp in the moments we need to grasp it the most. It’s probably why we lost our minds trying to make sense of their senseless miscommunication tactics. You can’t logically explain that which makes no logical sense in the first place.
That’s why it’s imperative to identify and pay attention to anyone in any relationship who dismisses your point of view and who makes you feel like your opinions don’t matter. The more prolonged the miscommunication is allowed, the deeper we bury ourselves in blame and shame.
When we begin with crap, we end up with deeper crap.
You matter, dammit! And so does every emotion and feeling and expression that surfaces and makes its way to your lips. No need to walk on egg shells any longer. Say what’s on your mind no matter how ridiculous or silly you think it may sound to others. Silence the sociopath’s echoing voice once and for all. Those who care about you will take the time and effort to ask for more clarification and possibly help you find the right words and language that may be eluding you.
Nurture your voice. Nurture your spirit. Nurture your foundation. Relearn what it means to have a healthy conversation.
(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/189432728046759847/)