Have you been following the Pistorius trial?

“I’m scared of you sometimes,” texted Reeva Steenkamp.

She and Pistorius had been out with friends just a couple of weeks prior to her murder. Pistorius forced them to leave the restaurant due to his delusional belief that Reeva was flirting with the husband of a friend.

“I was not flirting with anyone today, I feel sick that you suggested that,” she texted, adding, “We are living in a double-standard relationship. Every five seconds I hear you dated another chick.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I read these and thought about what could have been my fate. These texts are reminiscent of my own from that toxic life with the boy in my story.

As soon as news of Reeva’s murder made the news last Valentine’s Day 2013, I knew Pistorius had killed her in a sociopathic rage. My gut and intuition told me that Pistorius’s claim about being frightened by potential burglars in his bathroom was ludicrous. To scare away a burglar, you just turn on a light or scream, “I have a gun and I called the police!” You don’t blindly shoot through a door, especially if you haven’t bothered to seek out the location of all your beloved family members first.

Who blindly shoots through a door? A sociopath at the height of his rage.

I imagine Pistorius was growing increasingly jealous and feeling increasingly out of control. Reeva was about to cross the threshold of stardom with her reality show and the public appearances that come with that world.

Pistorius, so accustomed to being in control and having the spotlight on him, could not handle Reeva being out of his control.

I imagine a heated argument resulted in Reeva feeling incredibly frightened. She didn’t freeze or fight. Her instinct was to flee. She had one advantage over Pistorius…her legs. She used them and raced to the bathroom and locked herself inside. This sent Pistorius into a frenzy of rage.

How was he going to regain control? There was no way Reeva was going to get away with exerting her independence over him. She was NOT allowed to run away from him without facing the consequences. The sociopath MUST have the final say…always!

As soon as Pistorius heard the lock click into place, he grabbed his gun and started shooting. Blind rage. Shooting 4 times.

Like a “good” sociopath, he had a plan. He knew who to blame. He wasn’t going to be accused of intentionally killing his girlfriend. After all, he loved her soooo much!

I wrote the attached story a year ago. Today, I believe, more than ever, that he is an evil and delusional sociopath who had every intention of killing Reeva. How dare she defy him and run from him? He never gave her permission to do such a thing.

What do you think?


Pistorius, Jealousy, and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies of the Narcissistic Sociopath

abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Narcissistic Sociopath, Psychopaths, Relationships
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Join the conversation! 56 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on the.VIVIDLY.blog.


  2. Well, I arrived here because I googled “Is Pistorius a sociopath?” I’ve not followed the story for very long but as you wrote, shooting through the door without knowing who is there or where your loved ones are, is ludicrous. Were they tested for drugs or alcohol?

    I lived in SA for 19 years and I know how trigger happy people can be there. I also lived with a sociopath for 9 years, but he was more of a mentalist. Still, you recognise them with hindsight. They tend to look like really good guys, until you know them better (intimately, usually).

    When I read that a psychologist said recently that he is a broken man, I immediately was reminded of the role that Edward Norton plays in Primal Fear. In other words, I saw Pistorius play a similar role quite easily. He’s just doing his damnedest not to go to jail (for too long, because surely he will need to do some time? We will soon know…)

    If you have not seen Primal Fear yet, you can probably find it for free via google. No downloading, no registering, just viewing it. vidzi dott tv has it.

    RICHARD GERE’s in it too!


    • I have seen that movie a few times. I remember watching it before I knew anything about sociopathy/psychopathy and thought that the story could never happen…it wasn’t real. I was convinced that no one could lie like that. That a person would confess to such a crime early in the interrogation process.

      Then I experienced a sociopath and learned more about how the lies are possible. Now when I watch the movie, I get chilled and angry and so frustrated. I feel great pain and sorrow for Richard Gere’s character and scream at the screen, “Wake up!! He’s tricking you!! Can’t you see!” But even if he could hear me, he wouldn’t heed the warning. It’s as if we must experience the abuse first-hand before we believe it.

      The world keeps beating itself up thinking there must be a good reason for this behavior (Pistorius’s) and that the person/people just need to wake up and be rehabilitated. VOMIT!! They can’t change. Even those of us who can change must remain forever committed to the process. These people can’t commit to an inch of self-reflection. He belongs in prison for life.


  3. If something like this should happen to my daughter I would pray to God to make his time behind the safe walls of the jail as short as possible …

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sociopaths survive by playing on the sympathy and empathy of non-sociopaths. It’s impossible for us to understand what it’s like to have no conscience, so we look for reasons why a sociopath behaved as he did. Was he abused as a child? Did he suffer some sort of trauma? No, he’s a sociopath and he has no conscience, empathy, ability to learn from mistakes, or a sense of responsibility. The simple reality is that some people are sociopaths. There isn’t a reason, they’re just born bad.

    What we really need is for everyone – and I’d advocate teaching it in schools – needs to be taught how to recognize a sociopath. The only way to protect yourself from them is to stay away. The majority of them won’t do you physical harm, but they’ll ruin your life in other ways. They are remorseless parasites – they will rob you, manipulate you, cheat you, defame you, and whatever else fits their agenda.


    • Absolutely! There is no excuse or explanation! They are what they.


    • that is so true – so obvious to those who have been abused by one it is almost a given…

      outside that group talking about or describing the actions of a sociopath abuser makes you look like a total nutter

      I come to think that this – this disconnect is the most interesting thing about them not them as such but the people around them – how they can be so fully brought under the spell of the abuser – facilitating – supporting – adoring it is the least comprehensible aspect of the dynamic for me…


    • Spot on!


  5. Google searches:
    “Reeva Steenkamp website” returns “Oscar Pistorius Official website”
    “Reeva Steenkamp official website” returns “Oscar Pistorius Official website” as 3rd choice

    I find this offensive!

    Why are athletes revered so – even the nondescript ones?


  6. Why do most web sites talk of Reeva in close context to Oscar? I believe they were dating only for a few months and she had an accomplished career without him.


    • Why does anyone make a relationship “official” after just a few dates? I think it’s clear they weren’t JUST friends. And for a romantic relationship to end with one person dead…establishing what type of relationship they were in speaks to possible motive or state-of-mind of the killer. Oscar is a killer. He killed Reeva in a fit of rage. His expectations were not being met. She was clearly an independent person, because dependent people don’t illicit such contempt in pathological shits like Oscar. Dependent people comply and the pathological shits don’t have much to rage about due to receiving unlimited and expected supply. It’s difficult for many to understand the deep need for these types to be in complete and absolute control, either explicit or implied control. A person as educated, as successful, and as knowledgeable about abuse as Reeva wouldn’t be able to hide her contempt.


  7. How many intruders break into an apartment then use the washroom? The type of bullets he used are colloquially known as dum-dums. Appropriately named ammunition for an idiot.


  8. I relate to your personal story Paula. I agree about Oscar also. I recognized the emotion in Reeva’s writing . I had to get an Order of Protection to escape my boy…wish she could’ve escaped too.


  9. Paula, I agree 100% with your sentiments.

    It is unfortunate that so few people actually understand what a sociopath is, and that it is almost mandatory to experience their actions first hand before being able to gain that insight.

    I too recognised almost immediately that OP must be a sociopath, at the time when everyone else around me was in shock at how such a “terrible accident” could have befallen such an awesome “hero”.

    To be fair I was already wary of him after he had made the news a few times in the previous few months for all the wrong reasons, but more specifically the way in which people just seemed to always be giving the benefit of the doubt when, rationally, it didn’t make sense. But when suddenly, on such an auspicious day, this highly unlikely tragedy befell the guy, it immediately set off alarm bells. His statements over the coming weeks, particularly at his bail application sealed my opinion.

    The stuff that has come out during the trial just continues to pile on the evidence, but still, there are many who cannot see it, who won’t see it. But it’s all there.

    Here’s an example:

    When asked by Nel why he was having such trouble controlling his emotions, his tearful response was something along the lines of: “This is night I lost the woman I loved, why can’t you people understand that?”. When I heard him saying it on the radio my immediate gut feeling was one of sympathy, but after dwelling on it for a few minutes, the horrible realisation dawned on me of what was wrong with statement.

    The fact of the matter is he didn’t “lose” Reeva. He killed her. A normal person would feel remorse about the fact that their actions were directly responsible for harming the one they love. His remorse is that he lost something valuable to him. Zero compassion for his victim. Zero remorse for his role in what happened. Zero accountability.

    To this day he still refuses to accept responsibility for his actions: It wasn’t his fault, it was the fault of crime in SA. It was the fault of his amputation that made him vulnerable. It was the fault of fear. All lies. If he was honest he would blame Reeva because I am certain he believes she pushed him to do what he did (but of course he can’t say that in court).

    Absolute sociopath. I think it’s pretty clear from his line of questioning that Gerrie Nel has a good understanding of the subject of sociopathy and I really, really hope that the judge is as well because, at the end of the day, that is going to be the real determinant of how this trial pans out. A sociopath can be incredibly charming and their ability to seduce people into believing them is what makes them so capable. But when someone who understands what a sociopath is recognises them for what they are, they lose all that power.


  10. The sad thing is that most people don’t know much about sociopaths until they have been in a relationship with one of them. I had to learn the hard way, too, but now I recognize sociopaths very quickly and I absolutely agree with you on Oscar Pistorius. I only hope the judge won’t allow herself to be taken in. The fact that the court adjourned the trial to allow him to regain composure after he “broke down” and cried on the witness stand doesn’t make me optimistic.


    • Thank you for commenting, Juana. I have a different take on the judge’s decision to recess: I think she sees right through his dramatics and is just as tired of them as the rest of us who “get it.” Even Time magazine has published online articles in support of Oscar as an abusive perpetrator, physically and emotionally. How many years did it take to get Lance Armstrong to admit to doping? Wow. He helped convince the collective that a person CAN lie and lie convincingly and with impunity to protect their reputation even at the expense of destroying the lives of others. Society is a bit disgusted with these fools, and we are becoming more comfortable and confident in our judgements of them. It’s absolutely imperative to the integrity of society that we practice calling a spade a spade. 🙂


    • What I am now finding interesting as I try to reintegrate myself into the wider peer group is how deeply held the lies have become… I think on some level the others fear me as an evil presence – some of their utterances reflect such…

      The loser narcissistic abuser has control over the level with which I might be seen by the group – his sidekicks warn me not to approach – in a way it is interesting indeed to observe knowing as I do…

      Others when alone with me express their discontent at my exclusion but at the same time always point out that they are friends with the abuser and don’t wish to take an opinion directly about him – limiting their comment to the gross presence of my exclusion and maybe some empathy for how that feels…

      All of this points to the potency of this form of manipulative abuse within a group of cognisant adults – it even begins to directly challenge my own perception of events – makes my diary notes and purging written material gain in importance as a grounding reminder of what actually happened and how it felt – the potency of the lies and our strong need to be part of a group conspire to write it all off as trivial.. or as something I inspired by my own misadventure – this starts to tell me how impossibly difficult it must be within a relationship with these losers.

      Watching the Pistorious trial on telly – reading about it in the papers acts a lot like a trigger – inspiring feelings and re-runs in my imagination – aggravating me – making it feel present in the moment.

      I am astonished that I would not long ago have defended both Pistorious and years past Armstrong – I never wanted to see that they were liars. It is only now that I am touched with the destructive emotional pain of abuse that I see them clearly as malevolent beings… pure and evil.

      Partly it is this almost innocent expectation for genuine fealty that confounds any clear view on what is destructively abusive behaviour.


  11. Perhaps I’m still the walking wounded and am hyper sensitive to certain displays / reactions, but each time I see a picture of Oscar P. I see my ex and see the evil, dark sociopath/narcissist that I finally escaped! That cocky, self assured – “I’m superior” – smile to the “devastated” sad frowns. Gives me chills. In my heart of hearts, I just know that man killed her because she was “abandoning” him or causing some other unforgivable narcissistic injury. 😦

    My ex didn’t abuse me physically, but emotionally and mentally, I was wrecked. He only flirted with physical abuse – sometimes “lightly tapping/hitting” my face if he didn’t like what I said, or sometimes squeezing my arms really hard or biting when we were intimate. I still wake from dreams where he is screaming and screaming at me over something I did wrong. I’m certain, had the relationship lasted, that the physicality would have started.

    Of course, none of us was present during the tragic events of last Valentine’s Day. But deep down, I believe Oscar was losing his temper and, maybe, punishing Reeva for being too independent, for threatening to leave, for not allowing him to continually be the puppet master. His story is empty – like his soul. He keeps saying how worried he was for her, how he was trying to protect her, yada yada. Yet, he didn’t think to say to his girlfriend, “Reeva, get dressed and go to the neighbors. Get help!” According to some reports, she was in street clothes in the bathroom – not what most of us wear to bed. She was likely leaving and he flipped out.

    Now he is doing what sociopaths/narcs do – he is “playing the role” with the vomiting and the sobbing and the intricate detail to events that happened a year ago. One would think that, given his alleged fear during the incident, that moments would be blurred and details forgotten. (At least, we mere mortals would be so caught up in the moment, in the emotions of the alleged break in, that we would likely forget).


    • Barb,

      I, too, was pushed and grabbed and bitten. No punches to the face or gut, but those would have been easier to comprehend and heal from in the aftermath. And surely the violent physical abuse would have escalated if I had stayed longer. I have zero doubts. My independence provokes people like this. How absurd is that?

      It’s not a fact that should be ignored that most of us who come to pages like this undoubtedly believe and instinctively know that Pistorius deliberately shot Reeva. He killed her. He murdered her on purpose.

      Today he testified that he asked a police officer if he could wash his hands because the blood in them was causing him to vomit. Only a self-righteous nut would even ask such a question after being arrested for murder.

      It’s just so sad to me.


  12. Paula,
    I have nominated you for the peace and justice award….http://teelahart.com/2014/03/31/the-peace-and-justice-award/


  13. This tragic event sends chills down my spine.


  14. Paula – your analysis of events is perfectly correct and as many others have confirmed, is typical of socio/ psychopathic behaviours.


  15. OMG! The long text she wrote to him that they read in court sounds like the man to whom I was engaged. The week before he broke off our engagement he said to me with tears in his eyes to”never leave me, I need you!” “you are my soul mate, the woman of my dreams”. Then when I told him a few days later after he tripped out on me when I said he scared me sometimes when he quickly errupted like this he left, came back, said he needed space then broke of our engagement…went cold like that overnight…. all that happened in one week! The whole relationship from meeting to engaged to breaking it off was three months total.
    He told me that both of his ex wives are crazy, that they are both suing him and he spent one week in jail five years ago for spousal abuse with the second who he says “destoyed him financially and “convinced” the courts he tried to harm her”


  16. So glad you posted this. I had been wondering what your thoughts may be. Sociopaths never understand that their stories do not make sense. As you wrote, who blindly shoots into the bathroom of their own home not knowing where their loved ones are? If it had been a burglar (who locked himself in the bathroom???) then just call the police and wait. It breaks my heart for her and her family.


    • Exactly! What burglar climbs through a window and then locks himself in the room he just climbed into? Hmmm? Makes no logical sense. It’s not like Pistorius was chasing the burglar and the burglar got scared and locked himself inside. That’s because the person he was chasing and who was terrified was Reeva…not a strange burglar.


  17. The minute I heard he shot her in the bathroom I knew exactly what had gone on. When my ex would kick off, I always used to get to the bathroom if I could, because I could lock him out. Until he broke the lock off by kicking the door in. My friends refuse to agree with me, but they haven’t lived it. Like now, how the defence is showing messages of how much they loved eachother, to counteract that email. Those are the two sides of an abusive relationship, it is shocking how many people don’t realise this – but I suppose I didn’t until I was in one.


    • Karen, You bring up a great point about the love notes. The only thing the lovey, mushy messages prove is that Reeva was desperate to prove Pistorius wrong about her. Remember when you did that? I remember when I did. I remember leaving little love notes all over the place reminding my ex abuser that I cared. It was exhausting!! Nothing I ever said or did was good enough for the boy. We must stop excusing jealous behavior as something expected in a relationship. We must stop feeling responsible for repeatedly proving that we can and should be trusted. If someone can’t trust you, that someone is the one responsible for leaving the relationship, not forcing you to suffer their immature, jealous wrath.


  18. I have never had any doubt that he was guilty. I haven’t read that much about him but what I have read was spine chilling when you know how psychopaths are. I read that he has had charges for domestic violence brought against him in the past but they were dropped. I don’t know the details of the incident, supposedly one of them was back in 2009. I was shocked on the weekend I was talking to my mom about the case, she asked me if I thought it was an accident and I laughed (not because it was funny but because I couldn’t believe she had any doubt) For one thing, who starts shooting into a closed door when they don’t know who is behind the door and their lover is not in the room with them. Any one in their right mind would call out asking who is in there and wait until whoever is in there to come out. Position yourself on the bed and be prepared to shoot if it is an intruder, you don’t blindly shoot through a door. I think the tweets about being spooked by the washing machine was his way of building a case of defense for himself, I think he planned it or at the very least thought it was a possibility he would kill her.
    My mom thinks he is innocent. She said he even threw up and was crying in court, OMG mother!! have you not listened to a word I have said about JC and how psychopaths can cry on demand? then I told her that I had heard he had been charged previously for abuse and what my mom said blew me away. She said, “But that was years ago.”
    Just last week I had a nightmare about JC stalking me in my dream he killed another woman thinking it was me. I woke up in a panic.
    The thing with psychopaths is they are so sure of themselves, they plead innocence so convincingly and they figure they will get off somehow and they often times do. I used to think JC lost control due to rage but the longer I was with him the more I realized he usually planned his moves very carefully and set up his alibi in advance.
    They know exactly what they are doing.


    • They know exactly what they are capable of doing, yes. But I do not think they have any control over when the rage will come. When I was raged upon, it was like an ambush! One second he was sweet and charming, but the next second he was calling me a whore and throwing things at me. Can you imagine living with a brain like that that essentially has an evil and vindictive mind of its own? Wow. These people are dangerous, they possess their victims and have the capacity to kill unprovoked. I understand why your mother doesn’t want to see it. Who wants to believe that evil lives among us?


  19. Did you guys catch the emotional vomiting in court and the hysterical crying! I mean really! Reminds me so much of my narc crawling on the floor and crying after he got caught cheating! These emotional episodes- don’t know who falls for it!

    There are so many markers that indicate he is a narc sociopath- feels like it could be my ex. Reeva always trying to please him and walking on eggs around him, breaking her down little by little. Etc.

    If you had ever been the victim of a narc sociopath- you know exactly what happened that morning.


    • Oh, my. Yes. The crying and vomiting. I couldn’t even watch that because it reminded me of my ex, too. The uncontrollable crying and whining. They cry for themselves, not for anyone else. He isn’t crying for Reeva. He’s crying because his mask has been removed for all to see the real Pistorius beneath it. I had a cat as a little girl that got pregnant too young. When she birthed her kittens, all of the kittens died within minutes of being born. She ran off soon after. Outside. She found a spot beneath a tree right outside my bedroom window and cried and moaned until she finally died. I will never forget that cry. It’s the same cry my ex cried. A dying cat. These pathetic fools sound like dying cats when they see all before them slipping away.


  20. Indeed, you hit the nail on the head with your description of how the events were likely to have unfolded. Or maybe, she told him she was leaving him, and had to dash to the bathroom to escape his tirade……. so she thought.

    I sincerely hope that society is beginning to realize the reality of sociopaths dwelling among “normal” folks. The fact that this man was revered could help to achieve that recognition. How sad it comes at the cost of this young woman’s life!

    Great article!



    • I am hoping the same, Joyce. I am hoping jealousy is no longer viewed as an okay or expected emotion for lovers to have. It’s not and it’s never been a healthy emotion to have, but we somehow think it’s expected. Love is NOT smothering or demanding your lover repeatedly prove herself/himself. Society has everything backwards…at least we did have it backwards. I’d like to think things are shifting. 🙂


  21. Hi Paula,

    We had a similar case here in Australia,

    Really sad but, eerily familiar once again & another poor woman lost 😦


    • PR, That is a horrible story!! OMG! That man deserves to be thrown from a balcony. I can’t even imagine the terror she faced and the judge even said that. How could he not see that this rage was not a one-time thing!!?? That he is more than capable of doing it again? That it’s not about anger management? Uuuuggghhhh!


    • Hi Paula 🙂

      Re Simon Gittany, he even had the next victim or OW showing up to court & in the media to support him. They did a complete documentary type program on the story. I knew as soon as I read the original news that he was a Sociopath.
      Another beautiful young woman wasted just because a jealous egomaniac couldn’t stand losing control!
      The Police had video of him with his hand over her mouth & dragging her back into their apartment & a little while later she was thrown off the balcony 😦
      Have a listen to his new girlfriend, complete & utter mind control by another master of illusion!


      Reeva & Lisa never stood a chance & hopefully these cases will bring some awareness but, I doubt it as it’s no longer front page news here & everyone has continued on whilst more & more suffer.
      Truly tragic but, hopefully with sites like yours a greater awareness is growing & I am sure many have been spared just by being aware & leaving before it’s to late.

      ‘You are my possession’, still rings in my ears. People are not possessions & life is not a game! Hopefully it’s GAME OVER for Oscar? Wait & See.

      RIP REEVA, another beautiful angel gone too soon 😦

      Love & Light 🙂
      PR xoxo


  22. Reblogged this on Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD and commented:
    He certainly has all the hallmarks of a sociopath.


  23. Much as I agree with you about Pistorius, I have to point out that in South Africa, one doesn’t deal with burglars like one does in the USA (or other first world countries). I have friends who have been murdered, both by gun and knife, both within and just outside their or other people’s homes. That’s what lends Pistorius’ story a touch of credence (much as I think he knowingly murdered her in a sociopathic rage as well).


    • You don’t start shooting before you know where your loved ones are. And why would a burglar jump through a bathroom window connected to the master bedroom and then shut and lock himself inside? Pistorius never saw a burglar, remember? He didn’t have his legs on. He wasn’t chasing some shadow into the bathroom. There isn’t even a TOUCH of credence, in my eyes, to his story. Even my friends in SA aren’t convinced.


  24. I used to date a guy that was in college when I was 17 and still in highschool. Even though he was a couple years older than me, I thought he was a decent guy and a pretty good boyfriend. At a college homecoming gathering the guys were chugging straight whiskey out of paper cups, and after a few of those, he sat down next to me and put his hands firmly around my neck, shaking me and saying repeatedly “Don’t leave me” with a crazy look on his face. I broke free, jumped up and ran out of the dance yelling at him. He followed me and we ended up at his dorm where I spent the rest of that night helping him get through his drunken stupor and vomiting. I chocked it up to him being drunk out of his mind and nothing like that ever happened again. Another time, he very cryptically mentioned something to me about having a knife and hoping not to have to use it. I really don’t know what triggered that, but I left his house and we eventually later split up. Looking back, even though it wasn’t obvious to me at the time, I recall he was quite controlling and critical of me. I never felt like I could be myself with him – he was always saying I acted too immature, to the point where I wouldn’t open my mouth I felt so inhibited around him. I knew nothing about sociopaths back then, but knowing what I know now, I was lucky to have gotten away from him when I did. He has since been married and divorced at least 3 times and I feel very fortunate that I got out from under his control and moved on. I think he may have had mental issues I wasn’t prepared to deal with.

    I watch a lot of 48 Hours, 20/20 and 60 Minutes on TV that usually feature a murder case that was perpetrated by a sociopath, usually one the victim knew well. The thing I find fascinating about the Pistorius case, and so many others like it, is that all the signs are there when you unwind the story leading up to the murder. Few of us ever recognize those warning signs and signals that the sociopath sends us until it is too late. But they are so obvious when you replay the sequence of events leading up to the murder in reverse. As someone posted above, the unpredictability of the sociopath is what is key. We all need to recognize the signs that we are dealing with a sociopath and assume they can and will do anything – lie, steal, murder, cheat – without feeling any guilt whatsoever. We need to assume the worst instead of overlooking their actions and giving them the benefit of the doubt. We can get away from them before something tragic happens, or we can stick around at our own peril. Who knows what that guy I dated at such a young age would have eventually done to me if I had stuck around. I’d much rather be safe than sorry in such a situation. It’s also interesting to me how the murderer, Pistorius in this case, adamantly maintains his innocence all the way to the guilty verdict. It is just so classic – they are so practiced at lying convincingly. So sad for Reeva that she probably didn’t even know what she was dealing with or what he was capable of until she locked herself in the bathroom with bullets coming through the door. What a senseless tragedy!!


    • Middlechild, All of the signs WERE there but no one reads them for what they are. It’s maddening. And these abusers continue to use DARVO (Deny Abuse, Reverse the role of Victim and Offender)tactics to make everyone feel sorry for them!! The proof is in the pattern. There is a trail of people behind these fools, and it’s not because they are charming and great catches. Its because they are NOT charming nor are they great catches. People keep throwing them away for a reason. people run away from these people for a reason!


  25. I think you should share your story with the prosecuting attorney.


  26. Paula,

    I don’t watch news stories much, let alone TV. This is interesting to me and worth pointing out about psychopaths. When I read the exchange between them while she was at the restaurant, it was uncanny. Not just with the words exchanged, but that this scenario is played out multiple times everyday in abusive relationships.

    When my last psychopath and I had had sex on one of the last times I would ever seen him, he was completely unmasked and not only was his naked body exposed to me, but also his evil. Everything within our being responds to this.

    He reached into his nightstand, and grabbed a loaded gun and pointed it at me, as I laid there on his bed. Terrified, I jumped up and ran to the door, then turned around, “J…put the gun down, you’re frightening me”….he did not. He picked it up and was waving it around like a madman….telling me that he wanted me to know that he had it so he could protect his girlfriend and his family’….to which I knew was bullshit.

    Again I told him to please put the gun back, because it was frightening me…

    He looked at me with total evil in his eyes….he knew that I knew who he was and that he would use that gun on me, should I ever attempt to continue with him….this wasn’t spoken out loud, but I KNEW it. He ordered me back to bed, and feeling like I was going to vomit, I did what I was told. Miles from home and I did not have my car that night. As we laid there and he ‘spooned’ tightly (it was rage!), that I felt I would be squeezed to death…he said to me “It’s too bad you’re such a bitch…what a shame this could have worked out’….

    Vomit rose to my mouth and I had to keep swallowing it, fear of moving while he was awake…

    He had NEVER before physically abused me.There was a face grab once, and at the end, there was sexual abuse….where he tried to strangle me…

    But this was the end.

    Even though we know these men are abusive, what separates the disordered from the rest and makes them so very dangerous, is UNPREDICTABILITY….

    A psychopath can spend an entire relationship NEVER laying a hand on his partner, but when and if he believes he is losing control, even if he does not want the victim anymore, she is COMPLETELY disposable to him, Just as they do when they rage and then five minutes later, it’s over, they can do the very same with murder. Just as they are emotionally cruel, psychological brutal and then minutes later act as if nothing ever happened…this same tactic of rewriting history, is played out after the psychopath has committed murder.

    She never thought this man would kill her.. But I imagine that when she locked herself in the bathroom, she knew her life was endangered. I know that feeling all to well and am so grateful to be ALIVE today….

    It’s a valuable lesson for all of us to learn, Paula and you’ve done a beautiful job in outlining this.


    • Thank you, Kelli, for sharing that story. It was hard to read. I agree…It’s the unpredictable nature of these people that makes them so dangerous. And they do this type of crap sober!! (Not insinuating being intoxicated is an excuse. Just pointing out that these people do not need a substance to alter their reality. Their brains naturally “go there.”)


  27. I believe you are right. Scary but true.


    • I tend to agree – the text messages offer a significant insight – what is interesting to me was how much I had bought into the story he had made about burglars – I have a friend who used to live in south africa – the story was plausible and the environment difficult for people like me living in civilised England to imagine so I thought it had traction

      I am however with you Paula after reading the messages it is as clear as day you can see the manipulative narcissistic signs a mile off…

      The narcissist loser who has made me his target has a wife – she is kept contained, so far as I can see, in a way that makes me worry for her wellbeing – she is made to sit in the car when she is present among others but is almost never present – she does all the work earning all their money while he dosses about doing as he wishes – I find I worry for her… especially after this story.


    • I have real sympathy for his wife. She’s a brainwashed victim. And there really is nothing you or anyone can do for her until she chooses to set herself free, unfortunately.


    • It has been suggested to me by others that she may have been happy while he was busy being hypervigilant of me and making his abusive attacks…

      She seems really nice – I find I am worried for her now I know what he is like and in the light of this news story where you can see clearly how it can all go so wrong.


    • I’m sure she was happy when you were in his cross hairs. She was no longer the focus of his contempt and anger. And she probably agreed with every nasty thing he said about you. She knew better NOT to disagree.

      Understanding the dynamics of relationships like this may possibly help her one day. You never know. She may come to you for support and guidance. Be hopeful.


    • Hope is always that thing we find around us however desperate we may feel. Personally I feel like I am coming to understand this enough to see his abusive acts objectively, they still happen – they just dont bother me that much any more. I guess everyone learns to cope somehow, I would wish her only the best knowing what we know of how its likely to be.

      I am hopeful – thankyou Paula – you have helped…



    • Hi Silkred 🙂

      I have been supporting the OW in my life & whilst she is still in him clutches, I have empowered her with information & facts etc…she knows what he is & here’s a brief excerpt from an email from her to me.

      The OW response :

      He has a very disturbed personality and there is an evident ‘split’ from what he pretends to be (thinks of himself) and what he is.

      I am still caught up in this and the cognitive dissonance that accompanies it but I am moving closer to moving on from all of this. Thank you for your support.

      *This lady is a Dr of Sociology & lectures in Human Behavior & he duped her & continues to control & manipulate her etc…
      At least she knows what he is & I have more emails detailing his abusive patterns & lies.
      I think she is going to stay purely because he’s got her hooked & until he slips up again then who knows?

      I replied on one email with this;

      Unbelievably believable & leads his life like a veritable soap opera with him in the male lead & the female lead interchanging!
      The guest roles are us & the regular cast members are his family, enablers & followers.

      Life is not a soap opera, nor is it a game. People are not possessions & the ‘truth’ will set you free 🙂

      You cannot save the OW’s but rest assured their life is not a ‘bed of roses’, they are just more fuel for the incessant fire that rages in the souless to keep them warm!

      Love & Light 🙂
      PR xoxo


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