I always find it difficult to explain how deeply I feel about a friend. I always fear I’ll leave out an important detail or my friend will think I’m just blowing smoke. I realize those fears are my own projections. In the recent past, I’ve been a bit weary of praises I’ve received. I’ve always questioned if they were authentic or if the person throwing them my way wanted something from me.

Fortunately, the spiritual journey on which I have actively been participating for a couple of years now, has allowed me to discern the authentic and unauthentic, both in myself and others. After all, we’re all guilty of superfluous thoughts and exaggerations…mostly out of fear!

So this is a post about love and friendship. Fear doesn’t enter the equation.

A few weeks ago, I visited California. Before my trip, I reached out to a few bloggers I knew through this journey who lived in California. I didn’t come right out and say, “Hey, I’m going to be in California. Let’s try to meet up.” Instead, I simply asked how they were doing. With friends, that simple question leads to conversations about general life challenges and joys.

When I reached out to Lynna (her blog is My Sociopath: Struck by a Sociopath), I sensed she was overloaded with lots of work and school responsibilities. I decided not to mention I was going to be in California. I didn’t want her to feel pressured into carving out time to meet up with me. There would always be other opportunities. This trip wasn’t it, I thought.

Fast forward to day #2 of my trip:

I woke up very early Saturday morning. I left my husband sleeping and went out to Hollywood Blvd. for coffee and to search for “Hollywood Stars” to photograph and share on Facebook for some friends and myself. I would find the star, take the picture and then post the image to Facebook and tag my friend. It was like a treasure hunt!!

At about 7:45 a.m. as I was about to snap a picture of Bruce Lee’s star (for myself, actually), a notification ran across my screen from Lynna. She was up and texting me.

I abandoned my treasure hunt and responded excitedly to her message. She and I are friends on Facebook. She saw the stars I was posting.

“You’re in California!” she texted.

I could sense her excitement. It made me excited.

“Yes, I am!” I responded.

She wanted to get together. She suggested a place to meet. I said maybe I could grab a Zip car from the hotel.

At approximately 8:00 a.m., I signed off of my phone and went on a mission to find transportation. I was incredibly excited to meet Lynna…FINALLY!

By 8:30 a.m., I re-messaged Lynna to tell her that I had found a car and that my husband would be coming, too.

By 9:00 a.m., I was on my way to Laguna Beach to meet one of the first bloggers I started following nearly two years before. I was anxious, nervous and elated.

As I drove and got lost once, I couldn’t help but think about how magical and other-worldly I was feeling. I felt like I was being transported to a different place and time. It truly felt surreal to be driving down a California highway headed to the coast to meet someone who I felt a deep and real connection, despite the fact we had never met in person.

By 10:30 a.m., I was hugging Lynna. Wow. (She is exactly as I imagined she’d be, except I thought she was a blonde when, in fact, she’s a red head).

We talked blogging, yoga, school, sociopaths, narcissists (of course!), and we talked food and friendship. I felt at home and welcomed. It was the shortest three hours I’ve experienced in a long time.

Then I met Ivonne the next day…

I am grateful for this blog for many, many reasons, the least of which are the friendships I’ve made and continue to make.


abuse, Emotional Abuse, Forgiveness, Friends, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Psychopaths, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Yoga
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Join the conversation! 16 Comments

  1. I’ve been having a hard time accepting that the man I’ve loved for years is a sociopath. But all the evidence is there, cheating, lying, no remorse, no sadness, no empathy, no joy. He’s only interested in sex and money and home improvements AND SEX period. I could go on and on. But something happened tonight. I remembered his deceased wife had bookcases of all the James Patterson novels ever written. THAT WAS ALL SHE EVER READ. I am somewhat of a book snob so just wrote it off as she liked murder mysteries. I finally read about Patterson on a whim and discovered that he writes extensively about sociopaths/psychopaths. I believe, she, too was trying to understand him. This is the last straw. I KNOW now what I’ve been dealing with. NO MORE.


    • Wow, Marie. The proof and validation you needed has been waiting for you all along. You weren’t ready before; you’re ready now. Embrace that realization. 🙂


  2. Reblogged this on The Journey Through It.


  3. Paula, without your blog, I might still be in a NS relationship. It was truly this blog that opened my eyes to what I was dealing with and allowed me to read yours and other similar experiences over and over again until the first stages of grief and loss were something I could deal with, act upon, and get out. And now, after 6 months of being out, I can now breathe without pain and/or tears but am still sweeping out the stuff that lingers in my brain and especially in my dreams at night. . I always read and wish I could contribute something to help other people like you do and as these wonderful people who bare their souls on this blog do,, but I almost feel guilty for having had such a short relationship, in comparison (6 months).

    I found you in a sheer moment of desperation (that nagging feeling that the pieces were not fitting into the right places) and an inner voice that told me to Google the meaning of “narcissistic” and there it was,the shocking answer to everything I had been fearing with the personal journey that seemed to give me the invisible hug
    and gentle advice that changed my life. With you and your blog I also managed to get through the most difficult times of NC..

    You have helped so many people besides me and and if you are ever in my town, I hope it isn’t by accident that we meet. You were my light that led me out of a very dark place.that no other friend could. Yes, you are a friend to each of us here and I would throw in my hat to you and to those who need the same. My story I hope
    has had it’s beginning and it’s ending…but the lessons need refresher courses all the time, which is why I stay on this blog.

    Thank you, Paula for being that friend (an angel without wings). So happy that you were personally able to meet up with that person who went through her journey with you also..


    • Anonymous, Your words are too kind. Thank you! And you sum up exactly why I am here…because other were here for me! If it hadn’t been for the words and stories of others, I may have never escaped the ruminating, self-shaming and blaming, self-doubt and general disinterest in moving forward. How could I move forward when nothing my brain could logically come up with made any sense to me? I was stuck! I am so glad you are no longer stuck trying to make sense of the senseless, too. It’s an amazing and freeing experience. I am indebted to so many here on WordPress and Facebook and other places on the web. I hope to continue meeting my friends in-person. Namaste!


  4. It was so kind you didn’t want to “bother” her about your trip to CA, and still it ended up working 🙂 Obviously, you were meant to meet!


    • We were!! She kept telling me I should have just said something weeks before. But if I had done that, would it have been as special? I’m sure it would have been, but how it happened will never leave me. 🙂


  5. Yay! So fun to see you meeting your blogging pals 🙂


  6. I think that is wonderful that you got to meet on line friends in person. Some people have a hard time understanding that there are real good people on the other side of the world who we would never get to know if not for the internet. Years ago it was pen pals writing letters back and forth, it is much easier now a days and in a way much easier to form strong bonds with people because when you sit down to talk you are focused on that person without the distractions of work, other friends around etc. and I think people tend to be more open when they are not looking a person in the eye, there is a bit of safety to let your walls down and be yourself especially when we are discussing something like narcissistic abuse.
    There are so many people I would love to give a real hug to if ever given the opportunity…….. and you make the top of the list.
    I am happy for all 3 of you!
    PS I love the “I judge you to be an awesome person”


    • I’d love to meet you, too! I’m not kidding when I describe it as other worldly. Everything just happened and fell into place for our meet up with little to no effort. Like magic, really. 🙂 ❤


  7. Paula, you are an awesome friend and it has been your friendship and love that has gotten me through the last year and half. What I appreciate the most about you is that you see my good side. I do have a bad side–I kid no one but more often than not people usually see what’s wrong with a person than they see what’s right with a person. You see the good which is so refreashing.


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