Outside is material. The narcissist/sociopath only understand material. Their reputation. Their body. Being adored. But it doesn’t change anything. They never look within to change the foundation that will inevitably crumble beneath their next victim.

After Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissists are constantly on the look out for something or someone outside of themselves to “feel better” – they think they’ll finally be “whole” or “normal” by engaging in get rich quick maneuvers, weight loss gimmicks, rigid regimes, religious fanaticism and other schemes.
the hole
They obsessively fixate on and become dependent upon someone else for healing / fixing them. Consummate suckers; whatever keeps them frantically distracted from their issues and truths, they’ll be spending time doing it. Especially if there’s a fan club on hand to give them their much needed admiration while doing it.

Why such frenetic energy?


Narcissists are so terrified of sitting still for a minute, lest all those feelings catch up with them. Shame. Abandonment. Fears. Insecurities. Envy. Jealousy. Possessiveness. Anger. Rage. Emptiness.

They never realize that all these things they’re USING to fill them up WON’T WORK. That hole of theirs, is on the INSIDE…

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  1. Oh wow. Every time I read another one of your posts, Paula, it is exactly the description of the N/S I know. He begged me to save him almost within the first week of meeting him. He wanted to be saved first from his last relationship which turned out to be an inter-weaving one with her whenever he was away from me and sometimes with me (via email), a relationship that I thought was over when we met.
    Then it was his finances and he asked if I would handle them for him and I refused because it seemed way to weird for anyone to suggest that, especially at such an early stage in our relationship. I just advised him to pay for a financial adviser, like I did. He was always needing something and asking if I would be taking care of him, if he got sick. It got stranger with each need.and he seemed to always be “the victim” of some kind and generous deed he did, according to him. Fortunately, I stopped the need to fix someone a long time ago, but the N/S makes it difficult, because he tries to be the perfect man in all other ways. No one but you and all the other readers out there on this blog can fully understand the gravitational pull they have on the heart.. Giving them up is like giving up an addiction because they create the person you describe to them that you want. Just complain about something and they fix it without question, right away. And, I am not an ungrateful or stupid person to know the difference between a real change and a setup. After the hook is set, they reel you in and then take control. I got out before it went beyond the point of no return. Time does two things: It helps get rid of the pain, but it also diminishes the bad memories. In order to stay focused, I’ve printed out his first response to my breaking up with him..which was a verbal slap in the face and read it every day when I seem to only remember the good times. Oh, he had since apologized and begged for forgiveness but I just re-read his first response and just don’t reply. It hasn’t been easy, but I am actually starting to feel normal again. A message for all your readers: Don’t save him…Save Yourself!


    • Yes!! It’s so important to remember the crap, because if you forget it, the door to you stays ajar for him and could swing wide open one day when he tries worming his way back!! (By the way, I didn’t write this post. This was a weblog from After Narcissist Abuse -ANA blog.) 🙂


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