I think the worst thing a person can do is pretend to care about us just to learn our secrets.
Sociopaths are masters at feigning concern.
They see us cry or become upset or emotionally withdrawn and desperately ask, “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”
And because we’re trusting and would never pretend to care about someone we recognize is hurting, we assume the sociopath before us (not realizing he/she is a sociopath) shares our same values and ethics. We open up and spill our guts never suspecting we’re sharing our soul with evil.
The sociopath only asks because knowing our pain makes him/her feel more superior. Knowing our weaknesses empowers the sociopath’s delusions further.
Well, a sociopath is unable to be introspective and recognize his/her own foibles as weaknesses. So when we open up about our weaknesses, the sociopath’s ego inflates. When the sociopath says, “Tell me more,” the sociopath is really saying, “Tell me more, so I can feel even more superior about myself.”
To a sociopath, being human is viewed as tasteless and messy. Of course, a sociopath would never admit to this because a sociopath thinks he/she is a superhuman and above even commenting on the state of the rest of us lowly beings.
(It makes me laugh thinking how stupid these fools really are about love and life. I think I laugh, because I’m deplete of tears crying over them.)
The sociopath’s fake concern is despicable and can cause many of us who have fallen prey to their fake concern to fear sharing or speaking out in the future.
I know I am guilty of bottling up my sorrows for fear I would be judged as the sociopath judged me. It took a great leap of faith to finally say, “No more!” to being silent.
But the fear never goes away. The fear of being misunderstood or appearing “less than” creeps in regardless of all the work we do to build our confidence and self-esteem.
The reality is that we are all subject to judgement and rejection every time we open our mouths and talk to other human beings.
Luckily, the percentage of caring people greatly out numbers the percentage of jerks in this world. So speaking and sharing is a chance I am willing to take, regardless of the fact that the personal demons and secrets I’ve shared in recent years have been used against me many times and not just by the boy in my story.
I’ve trusted too soon and/or trusted the wrong people.
But those who prove they really care always offer advice, support and guidance. They never just sit their basking in the delight of knowing my private thoughts and biggest fears. And people who really care don’t judge me or try telling me I’m a sinner and should have done X, Y and Z instead. And they don’t run off and tell everybody what I shared in private.
Take inventory of the folks in your life who you’ve learned to trust or not to trust. Don’t continue to share with those who have clearly betrayed your trust. But never forget those who clearly respect your struggles and always seem to be there ready to listen.
When meeting new people, keep the conversation light and don’t share too much too soon. Your gut will help guide you. Just listen to it.
And never be like the sociopath and pretend you care about the sociopath’s struggles when you really don’t. We don’t have to care about what the sociopath does or becomes just because we think caring will make us better people. It’s probably better that we don’t care, keeping THAT door to hell closed forever! 🙂
(Image source: http://imgfave.com/view/3642089)