Think back. What was it the sociopath did that made you think the sociopath was a good guy who deserved your trust?

Did the sociopath take up for you when no one else would?

Did the sociopath promise to fix something in your life that you were convinced could not be fixed?

Did the sociopath actually come out and say, “You’re different from everyone. You have something special, and I can help you nurture it”?

More than likely, the sociopath spent hours, days and many weeks grooming you into believing he was your savior, your saving grace, and that you complimented him perfectly.

He wanted you and only you.

Included in his charms and slick talk to convince you he was worthy and serious, the sociopath probably had an example or two of “accomplishments” he made in the past.

Did the sociopath tell you about how he helped a friend or gave to a charity?

Sociopaths are very good at giving us lip service and listing examples of their so-called good deeds. And because we would never dream of lying about who we are and what we have done to improve ourselves and others, we believe the sociopath and are impressed by the sociopath’s grandiose stories of action. Really impressed.

Unfortunately, we never heard the real story of their over-inflated acts of kindness, acts accomplished and implemented by others and at the expense of others. The sociopath simply took (and continues to take) the credit like any pathological and self-righteous nut job would.

The sociopath depicted himself as a saint surrounded by sinners. He always, somehow and miraculously, escaped the world of the sinners just in the nick of time, too!

And the proof that the sociopath was god-like seemed to be right before your eyes, too. You became “knowledgable” that all of the sociopath’s exes had been eliminated and vanquished from his life, and they all seemed to regret having been vanquished.

(The sociopath MUST have be some kind of wonderful if he could induce such neediness and desire in those he had discarded, right?)

He’s like the James Bond of real life, don’t cha know? How glorious it must be to be the charmed sociopath, huh? To attract every sinner in need of saving on the planet means the sociopath MUST have super powers or SOMETHING that causes him to emit such energy, right?

We never dreamed that the power the sociopath emitted was the power of lies, dishonesty and manipulation. We just never suspected THAT until it was almost too late.

Instead of reading the signs correctly, we believed what the sociopath told us. The sociopath convinced us that, regardless of the blaring fact he kept losing people in his life, the people he lost meant nothing to him and were just out to destroy him…never the other way around.

The sociopath convinced you that he had what everyone else wanted (You know, that secret computer chip implanted in his brain, which explained his ever-impressive and expanding mind of knowledge and power. Bahaha!), and he’s offering it to you (yeah, poor sinful you) for a steal. All you have to do is trust him and believe in him, and your life will be forever blessed. Everyone will be envious that you are by the sociopath’s side and not them.

(Pfft! Really? You fell for it, too. Admit it. We were all duped. Nothing to be ashamed about. We all want to believe Superman really exists. It’s called hope in mankind.)

Once positioned on his right side, you unknowingly volunteered to be a slave to the sociopath’s every whim and fancy.

You found yourself agreeing to say and do things you never dreamed you would ever say or do. You rejected people who, in the past, you would have welcomed due to their inquisitive and powerful nature.

The sociopath told you not to trust them, so you didn’t, because you trusted the sociopath and believed that the sociopath MUST have known something you didn’t know. Repeatedly, you rejected and discarded the same people the sociopath rejected and discarded.

(I just watched independence and discernment wash away as I wrote that. Very frightening how much power we give these sociopathic fools…and for no good reason other than our blind faith in the good of humanity.)

But as soon as you began to question the very whims and fancies you once blindly trusted, you became one of the sinners whom the sociopath needed to either mind screw more or vanquish forever from his delusional world of self-power and control.

Once you stopped responding to the sociopath’s relentless attempts to mind screw you, you somehow either left or were discarded like many before you.

Regardless of how it ended, be thankful it’s over. Be thankful the freak is out of your life and you can focus on reality again.

If you’re reading this in disbelief and thinking that life with a sociopath sounds too much like a silly B movie or cartoon, you’d be correct. Sociopaths love drama. The more that surrounds the sociopath, the better.

Drama has no substance. It’s more transparent, translucent and without substance than the clouds. At least clouds have a purpose!

The sociopath is just a fool who builds life upon a foundation of shifting and sinking sand. The pillars of support the sociopath needs come from you and me and that person and this person.

Without us, the sociopath can’t survive and thrive.

Without us, the sociopath ceases to be powerful.

Without us, the sociopath is unable to hurt people like us.

Without us, the sociopath will suddenly and violently perish.

Sociopaths NEED us; we do not need them. Always remember this simple fact to remain free from the sociopath’s lies, manipulations and never-ending con game.

The next time a sociopath crosses your path with charms and promises of salvation, just nod, smile and say:

“No, thank you. I might believe in ghosts and faeries, but I refuse to believe in you.”


Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopaths, The Washington Times, Uncategorized, Washington D.C.
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Join the conversation! 18 Comments

  1. It’s 3:00 am, he said he’d be home at 9:00 pm, but he calls and says he still won’t be home for a couple of hours. If you question why he’s out six hours later than he promised, he starts yelling about how he has to take 6 drunk friends home and how you must want them to drive drunk and kill people, plus you just don’t want him to have any friends, why are you trying to control everything he does. No, I just wanted a husband I could trust, who kept his word, didn’t get defensive when he was 6 hours late and who respected me, the woman he took vows with.

    But what a great responsible guy he was, ya know. Always some excuse…he works hard and is late coming home again; he’s helping the single female co-worker clean up after the party (until dawn!); he went out and bought a new car you can’t afford, didn’t agree to and hadn’t even test driven, but don’t get upset cause there’s a 2nd car now (he gets the new one of course); he’s spent 20 minutes banging the dishes in the sink so loud it wakes you up from across the house, behind the closed bedroom door, but don’t ask him what’s wrong cause that’s being critical and can’t he just wash dishes, jeez; and he’s such a great guy, everyone adores him, he can talk to anyone so it must be YOU who sucks at communicating (even though I bet he’s never raged or punched anyone else).


    • The mind games and excuses are unrelenting. Of course, he’s a loser. Anything he says to refute that is a lie and manipulation. Gas lighting at its finest!


  2. Paula, I wrote the poem “Check Mate” (pun intended) soon after my divorce. It expresses some themes in your blog: http://letlovebe.hubpages.com/hub/Mate-Check


  3. I was most certainly duped. 😦 Thank God he’s out of my life now. 🙂


  4. I love your posts. they are a constant reminder against slipping back into old patterns of incorrect thinking. Thank you for all the work you do and the heartfelt reminders of what is true and good in the world.


  5. Amazing article


  6. Paula? It just hit me,why a lot of women,date sociopath after sociopath. You said anyone who is at “point of frustration in their lives are susceptible to these parasites”. Being discarded by my xsociopath/fiancé..a month ago….so far,has been the worst time of my life. Hands Down. I am hanging on by a thread. One minute I am okay,the next,I want to call it a day. So. Having said that. I hooked up with my x sociopath,9 months after my mother died. I was out of my head. But I still had hope left in me. However,I was employed,self sufficient etc….We were together for 4 years. I lost my job as a nurse in july of this year,the sociopath bailed in November. I am more out of my head,than I was when my mother died. I have no job,no money,I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 2 months before my mother died,nurses aren’t allowed to get MS,I did not quit my job,nor was I terminated,I was told,by my employer,not my MD,I had to go out on short term disability. So much hell has happened during my time with the sociopath,and after. So,my point is…..I am so vunerable right now. BEYOND BELIEF VULNERABLE. Never felt this hopeless in my life. Though I think I would be able to spot a sociopath better now,who knows…with my current situation…when your hanging onto the bottom,and you see no way out….you are blinded by what a person is….as long as they offer hope.


    • I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! Just wanted to say — you’re in my prayers. I too was duped by a sociopath and totally get that feeling, but add to that all your other difficutlies. I hope you will stay strong and find your way though all of this pain. You’re not alone.


  7. Reading your post I was transported back in time, to the beginning and remember thinking he has to be a decent guy if his ex wants him back and she treated him so badly yet he still talks to her so he most be a decent guy. Just like what his new woman must have been thinking when he discarded me and I was a basket case.
    I remember when we first started living together and I would be worried about money and he would say, “Don’t worry I always pull a rabbit out of the hat don’t I?” so I would stop fretting and leave it in his hands; then I would be in shit for leaving it all on his shoulders. I couldn’t win for losing; what he wanted one day was the opposite the next.
    He always used the numbers 007 in all his passwords, the number on his truck, his handles on line. He really saw himself as James007. Gawd!!! How embarrassing now to look back.
    Always the poor taken advantage of nice guy that never did anything wrong but was always misunderstood and falsely accused.
    I can’t help but wonder sometimes what his new woman is thinking now. How he has managed to turn things around that she is using him etc when she owed the house and had enough investments she didn’t have to work. I know somehow he will have made her feel guilty.
    Amazing how they can do that. I gave everything just to win his approval and “love” like a labotomy patient blindly obeying him.
    Shudder* thank God I am free of that.


  8. If you are a person who has always been put down, like from childhood on, if they are a bit glitzy or quite pretty they draw you in because you can not see how someone like that could possible be interested in you. Then once they have gotten you to care about them they turn on everything about you to drag you to a lower point than you were before and they only keep you around until they have used you up or somehow you can find a way to escape.


    • What you say is very true but definitely not limited to only people who have been put down. Anyone who is at a point of frustration by life and/or people is susceptible to these parasites. Anyone who has recently suffered a loss or a set back. Anyone who remains hopeful that life will bring a miracle if they just believe. Struggling organizations deal with this type of character, as well. Who is on top of their game 24/7/365? No one. It’s an unfortunate myth that people who fall for sociopaths are somehow weaker than others. Most are people who are going about life happy and joyful and ready to conquer the world. A sociopath sneaks in and makes the goal seem easier to obtain with a lot less work. If it seems too good to be true, it more than likely is. There are no short cuts in life. Unfortunately, we always seek the path of least resistance and we’re always looking for quick fixes to our problems. Sociopaths promise those quick fixes. The reality is that the “long cut” may require more patience, but patience truly is a virtue and definitely a HUGE shield of defense against sociopaths and sociopathic behavior and thinking.


    • Ted, no one is immune. We all have our needy times but the narcissist or sociopath is not attracted to our neediness, it is our capacity for empathy. In my case I was not in need of building up, sure; meeting a guy who appeared to be my soul mate was thrilling and something everyone hopes for in their life, but what pulled me in was his neediness. He had always been such a tender hearted guy who had been taken advantage of by the women in his life. The poor misunderstood bleeding heart. I was going to prove my love to him and nurture him, help him reach his full potential. Because, after all he had so much potential and just didn’t believe in himself because of all the psycho bitches he had been with that bled him dry.
      Little did I know that he had been the one bleeding the women dry emotionally and financially. My ex got with strong independent woman who were compassionate and empathetic. With resources he could siphon.


  9. Substitute “she” for “he” and you described the nightmare friendship I was in with a female narcissist. Incredible. Thank you Paula! Despite how humiliating it is to have been in this type of relationship, this gives me hope that I do not have to feel that way and confidence to know I made the right decision to get this toxic person out of my life.


  10. My son Anthony exhibits every single point you made. I can’t tell you how many times he reeled me in and I believed him. I was constantly defending a nut vase because he was so believable, just like his father. He even used the race card saying it was because he was 1/2 black at times and other people didn’t like him ie: teachers etc. Because he was a 4.0 student and played 4 sports during his school years it seemed easier to believe him. Thanks for sharing.


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