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Practice being the smart, caring and inquisitive person you were born to be, and eliminating sociopaths from your life will be that much easier!

It’s not cool to be an asshole. Sociopaths think they’re cool.

Sociopaths are so delusional, they think the rest of us are envious and wish to be bold and as straight forward as the sociopath is.

Do you think these are enviable and/or brave behaviors?

1. Lying to get what you want.

2. Crying crocodile tears to get sympathy…so you can get what you want.

3. Yelling profanities to get people to listen…so you can get what you want.

4. Shaming people into believing they’re bad and you’re good…so you can get what you want.

5. Stealing knowledge, ideas, resources and connections from others…so you can get what you want.

I don’t know about you, but in my book those are all indications that the person is lazy, cowardice, ignorant, childish, selfish, delusional and someone I wouldn’t want to call a friend let alone a spouse or significant other.

How can you be proud to stand next to someone who is a leech in every aspect of their lives?

>> Sociopaths steal from their parents, children, spouses/lovers and business partners.

>> Sociopaths would rather buy the Cliff’s Notes on life than wade through the tough parts and the good parts with equal interest and passion.

>> Sociopaths have zero creativity; their ideas about life and love are mere words stolen from true poets and artists. They are masters at clichés. They know them all! It’s quite something to listen to them talk about life with so many over-used platitudes and commonplace stock language. Sociopaths lack emotions and continuously betray themselves, unknowingly, with each passing conversation and protestation they attempt to invoke.

This is why sociopaths NEED us; we don’t need them.

More specifically, they need us to suspend our disbelief long enough so we become convinced the sociopath holds all of the answers.

Although sociopaths are unable to explain how they come to think what it is they spew, they can’t stop spewing it.

Sociopaths are so convincing with what they spew, we tend to just take what they say as having come from their own minds and thought processes.

(I’d put this up their as the #1 reason we stuck around longer than we should have; we trusted someone undeserving of our trust just because they sounded good.)

Once we start to question the sociopath, we’re immediately raged upon and accused of disrespecting the sociopath’s authority. And, more than likely, we become ashamed of ourselves for inciting such a reaction from someone who called us his soul mate and reason for living over breakfast just hours before.

In the words of Cher to Nicolas Cage in Moon Struck, “Snap out of it!!”

(You did. You have. You won’t go there again!)

Today, thankfully, we are all very discerning individuals. (We wouldn’t be participating in pages like this if we weren’t!)

We are smart and articulate and expect anyone and everyone who claims to be an expert to provide proof. Gone are the days that we’re going to blindly trust someone just because they are charismatic and appear well-studied and knowledgeable. We are no longer suckers in our public or our private lives.

Therefore, if we hear someone preaching, we will feel safe and comfortable asking, “Why should I consider what you have to say?”

An honest and passionate person will answer, “You shouldn’t,” because an honest and passionate person has learned that the door to thinking, living and understanding closes the moment we abandon our independent thought processes and instead, rely on others for answers.

The answers are inside you. Don’t let a sociopath (or anyone for that matter) scare you into thinking his answers WILL BE your answers or else. The second a person says, “You’re wrong for thinking that way,” you need to remember that it’s your thoughts that make you who you are. Your thoughts will guide you to your truth and to your imperfect but perfect self.

I’d rather live alone with my imperfect self than share a space with a delusional and controlling sociopath any day!

Namaste!
~Paula

© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications

Category:
abuse, Child abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Friends, Health, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Poetry, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Writing
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Join the conversation! 20 Comments

  1. I have been married 53 years to a man that has hid his true character for all those years. He never talked to me about himself, I always thought he did not know how to express himself and after years or arguing and never undestanding what is actually going on with him. He would criticize me no matter what. This man in public is too charming, they all think he is the greatest. I always say to him if they could only follow us home. He had an affair and he lied and blamed me for his behavior. I am leaving I have had enough. After 53 years I finally know this man that i loved very much but I must say the thrill is gone.

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  2. […] Always be inquisitive and watch sociopaths run in the other direction (paularenee.wordpress.com) […]

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  3. A tactic my ex used was to position me in financial dependence — even though I made money. Currently, his FIFTH wife is working for his company — and yes, his former partners and a former broker said he stole from the company. Clients have said the same, but since he can talk circles around the truth & has connections, nobody wants to deal with him — most do not know how to deal with someone like that in business or otherwise. I think he is very smart & gifted, but he, unfortunately, has evil intentions for what he could have chosen for good. That’s so pathetic & tragic. Someone who has down syndrome can bring so much to this world. Intelligence means nothing when it’s used for selfish & evil & sick purposes =(.

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    • You make a beautiful point…we have the capacity to do so much good. Why would any of us choose to hurt and destroy another, especially after seeing them in pain? Sociopaths can’t see the pain because they have zero empathy and zero conscience. People with a conscience and an ability to empathize are horrified when we learn we’ve hurt someone, intentionally or unintentionally. 🙂

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  4. Hi Paula,
    What is up for the holidays? How have you been?

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  5. Once again, truly enlightened by your words. Any time I”ve been emotional, explaining my feelings to my N was almost impossible. The very thought of his reaction regarding my thoughts made me stumble on words….I couldn’t make sense of “anything” I tried to say, which made me appear stupid. He’d step in, take control and well, we know how the hostage lecture goes….and it was more of the narc doctrine. In the end, what was really at the core of my heart and thoughts was never addressed. I was stupified. I’m on my way…..one day at a time….thank you so much!

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  6. another great post Paula!
    perfect description of my nar/sociopathic sister!
    Once a person is able to disassociate from them, it is rather entertaining watching them go through more people…sucking them into their games, using them, wearing them out, and then tossing them under the trains!
    Recently I ‘warned’ someone about the nar/sociopath and got a ‘thankyou’…obviously not everyone is taken in by her crap.

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  7. I used to try to explain ( I know, I know what was I thinking to believe I could explain feelings to a psychopath) that he couldn’t tell me how to feel. If I ever had a feeling that was contrary to what he approved of, such as being suspicious because he had person ads and didn’t come home all night and i said, ” I’m hurt because you did this and he would just say “well you shouldn’t be”. But never have an explanation; just tell not to feel that way and that was supposed to end the conversation.
    I can’t believe I actually argued for my right to feel.

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    • It’s normal for you to look for validation of your feelings, especially when you have been hurt 😦
      I am sorry you went through this ;( but, you are not alone in that &, as we all know now, you cannot expect validated feelings from a ‘rock’ without emotional connection.

      My ex husband, (before the Soc) used to do awful damaging things & when I told him I didn’t like it & it hurt me, he said “well it doesn’t hurt me”, meaning himself & if I didn’t like it then, ‘change your perception or leave’…Not so easy when you have kids & a mortgage etc…so, a captive audience for continued abuse…argh!..
      Freedom is so great & I am fine now but, needed to learn that accepting the unacceptable was my dysfunction & never again will I live like that.
      Like Paula said, better to be alone than with someone that makes you feel more alone in a relationship with them than without them!

      Love & Light to you Carrie 🙂
      PR xoxo

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  8. I have a question….Been 20 something days of NC with my x spath/fiancé…I stopped at my daily gas station today,the girl behind the counter asked “where has -insert name here-been” I stated “we are no more,we split” her reply…”awwwww” I said “why awww” she said “cuz he was so nice” I almost puked. I went though the whole…was it me,am I the crazy one,etc…….awww? explain please.

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    • What others perceive from the outside doesn’t compare to the reality of the hell you lived inside the relationship. An attendant at a gas station has no clue about how that “nice” guy made you feel about yourself and your life. An attendant at a gas station is just an audience member. People think OJ is a nice guy. People think Scott Peterson is nice. Pfft! You can’t let other people’s bird’s eye view opinion sway you away from your intuition and gut. 🙂

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    • They play the nice guy for a reason & we have all fallen for it 😦 We once thought the same!
      It’s part of the illusion & when you disagree with the overall opinion of ‘Mr Nice Guy’, you look like the nasty one. I just agree, & say “yes well, everyone is entitled to their opinion”,knowing full well that if you ever get burned by ‘Mr Nice Guy’ you won’t think so!
      Hopefully others don’t get burnt as, I wouldn’t want them to go through what we have, just to prove to them what ‘Nice Guy’ is really like.
      ‘There but, for the Grace of God go I’…..& we did & the wrapping is often much more impressive than the empty box inside & we know it 😉

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    • So true, PR!! I look back and wonder how I could have been so fooled. Today, I see the packaging very differently and very ugly.

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    • Ah Huh, nothing worse than an empty box full of promise but, empty nonetheless.
      I just re-wrap & send it back, ‘no longer at this address’ 😉 & ‘return to sender’, here’s a box of what you gave me, nothing…LOL although tempted to put POO in it, just being honest & after all that’s what it really contained originally, a box full of Sh*t! 🙂

      PR xoxo

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    • I have been there and heard those “oh he is such a great guy” comments more than I can count. I also have to allow our children to praise him. This is very hard. But I think of it like this. The compliments and the nice things the others are saying are just like swallowing a huge vitamin. You don’t like it, but you have to do it because there is some good in it for you. It is the right thing to respect and honor someone else and their view of how they see this person. Just like with a vitamin, anything good will get absorbed. The bad or useless, you will just see in your bright yellow pee! ha ha. But seriously. It is always hard to hear someone saying something nice about this person who hurt you beyond belief. But like Paula said, they are part of the audience. They are laughing along with the joke. Very likely they will not even remember the conversation or the comment. And if they are looking for validation or “fact checking” like so often are my children, you can show that you can tolerate nice things being said about this person. You can agree “yes, it is good that he knows how to fix bikes. That is a useful skill and we are glad to have him share” and then move on. It is only a blip and you will not lose by allowing it to pass. The good will stick where it needs to. Each person has their own journey with their respective SP. And that is the hard part, letting each person have their own time to discover. Peace to you and I hope it gets easier!!

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  9. Hi Paula 🙂

    They are classic bamboozler’s & mine would replay the same lecture over & over & if I stood my ground, he would disappear for days off the radar etc…so, that he could schmooze/dupe another as his ‘spewing’ got tiresome & he needed a fresh audience that hadn’t heard the same lecture, over & over like a recording….In fact, it was the same lame pre-recorded mind programming over & over. I thought my guy walked his talk because, of his high ranking in his job etc…but, as you know, he had gleaned it off others to give the impression & keep the illusion alive. I used to just listen, (had no choice really) & I often wondered if he knew he was repeating himself & look out if I drew attention to the fact he was!
    He really was such a massive bore that relied on me to make conversation when his ‘spew’, turned to dribble 😉

    Love & Light 🙂
    PR xoxo

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  10. “Sociopaths have zero creativity” and the word “spew” are perfect to describe the narc in a nutshell. They surrond themselves with creative people, steal their ideas and call them their own. And since most of the minions are ignorant, well they buy into it hook,line and sinker even when being presented with the truth of it all. That used to piss me off but now I laugh at it and them because they are the fools that are being willfully being duped so as to be part of the fake entourage—lmao 🙂

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    • It’s rather entertaining watching them do the same damn things they pulled on us but with different suckers. I was a sucker!!! But now I can laugh at myself and see the sociopath for the deranged psycho he is, and that’s putting it lightly. 🙂

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