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There is much debate surrounding the role a sociopath’s mother has in the sociopath’s life.

1. Did the sociopath become a sociopath because he/she lacked good parenting from his/her mother?

2. Could the sociopath have turned out differently if he/she had a “better” parent and/or role model.

My answers are “No” and “Hell no!”

First, I’d like to clarify my perspective: I think sociopaths are born without empathy or a conscience. If a person is born without a conscience, that person can’t grow one. Plain and simple. Our brains can’t generate something it’s never had.

Therefore, sociopaths don’t simply lose their conscience or ability to empathize due to poor nurturing. Nature didn’t provide the sociopath with that convenient scapegoat.

Let’s take the burden off the mother: It’s not her fault!

(Personally, it took me a while to accept this and see it, but once I did, I wrote an open apology to the boy’s mother for the nasty stuff I wrote about her on my blog.)

I strongly believe that mothers who stand by their sociopathic children throughout their lives are highly empathic and suffer the most of anyone else in the sociopath’s destructive life.

I think an empathic mother is the first “victim” of a sociopath. (Thank you, Kristin, for helping me come to this conclusion in our conversation last week!)

The sociopath’s mother spends the child’s early years desperately trying to fix the sociopath and feeling guilty that her child’s inability to bond is somehow her fault. She seeks advice after advice from experts. But nothing helps or changes her desperation.

Around the time the child turns 5 or 6, the mother accepts the fact her child is an asshole and spends the rest of his school-aged years fine-tuning and experimenting with how to protect “the secret” and also protect others from her child’s potential to cause great harm.

The mothers of sociopaths suffer unrelenting and constant symptoms of PTSD over their lifetime.

>>Imagine being verbally and sometimes physically pushed by your own child.

>>Imagine the burden of always excusing your child’s behavior.

>>Imagine never being able to look one of your child’s victims in the face, because you know what’s waiting for him/her around the corner.

>>Imagine anxiously anticipating the end of your child’s next relationship so you can act clueless when the ex comes to you with concerns.

>>Imagine the jealousy you would feel for those victims who got away knowing you can never be free yourself.

Mothers of sociopaths display bipolar and borderline behaviors. They think doing good deeds will help them appear like good people and maybe good mothers one day.

Unfortunately, their sociopathic offspring disallow these mothers from ever finding peace. The mothers end up losing everyone just like the sociopath…unless she chooses to break free and essentially abort her role as a mother.

But what empath, even one damaged by a lifetime of abuse and trauma, could turn away from her child? I don’t think such a mother exists. Not one.

This is why I see mothers of sociopaths as sympathetic characters and doomed from the moment their child is conceived/born.

Although I sympathize, I would not knowingly welcome a mother of a sociopath into my life if it meant being subjected to her child.

Namaste!
~Paula

© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

Category:
abuse, Child abuse, Children, Cluster B disorders, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 32 Comments

  1. A sociopath is one who servers most empathetic ties after trauma in their youth, the level of trauma, their will power and their average intelligence determine if they become high functioning or low functioning. It is important to note that a sociopath may retain some emotional ties or even build them. A psychopath is born without a conscience or empathetic ties and will usually not develop them.

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    • Those are definitions/distinctions that have never been proven through any type of blood or DNA tests. They are purely based on therapy findings 9confessions of sociopaths/psychopaths) and behavioral analyses and are not useful to the victims who have suffered the the consequences of allowing them into their lives. I would say the boy in my story, whom I refer to as a sociopath, would fit the psychopath definition better, because he experienced ZERO trauma as a child, at least, according to his stories and why should I trust his stories? Regardless of what we call them, they are dangerous and destructive to everyone and anyone crossing ther path.

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  2. So relieved to find this..i have been in so much pain and self blame for my daughters estrangement from me…after much research im certain she is a sociopath and now can accept she did me a great favor! When i quit her game she cut me out of her life..been almost 2 years..the worst is i also lost my grandchild…very painful..i pray for them!

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  3. Hello Paula,

    I’m the scapegoat of a sociopathic, narcissistic mother, who married into an abusive relationship headed by his sociopathic narcissistic mother. I knew early in the marriage that something was horribly wrong. But, after I had our only child – all hell broke loose. His mother wanted the baby so she and her son could have a lovely life together playing husband and wife – just as they did before I came along. BTW- Her husband was very much alive. Who knew? Mother and son would bathe together, go out to dinner and shows every weekend, take vacations together, while I was left at home. There was no way I would allow them to take my child. I mean : This was NUTS!

    I fought for 6 years to keep my daughter with me. All that time he was out of the house with his mother. I retained full custody in the divorce; the mother died; and we didn’t hear from him again. I was relieved my daughter wouldn’t be subjected to their immoral relationship and raised her with understanding, morals and lots of love. She had dancing lessons, piano, art courses, and trips abroad. I loved her with all my heart and loved being a mother.

    But, I felt there was something wrong with her from the time she was little. I went to a doctor to discuss it and was told “she was just very brilliant”. She wouldn’t be held, did not like being touched, lied constantly about things there was no reason to, couldn’t keep friends ( and didn’t care), showed no remorse, empathy or sympathy; and was hell-bent on destroying my life and my business.
    When she was punished (ie. no TV for a week, time-outs, no videos), she got back at me by either stealing from me; going to school and telling horrific stories of abuse which the school wanted to believe until I set them straight; spread smear campaigns about me in the town we lived ( again through school) ruining my business. She told classmates that she owned the house we lived in ( yeah, right!) and gave them the code to enter. I was shocked and frightened when I came home one day and saw an individual leaving my home by the front door! That continued into college and beyond. No more code for her!

    The swearing at me and physical abuse came later. The lying became more evoled and less pronounced. She was perfecting her believablity. You had to know her to tell she was lying. Unsuspecting victims were suckered in.

    I sent her to college and she lied and stole from her roomates. No friends. No one would room with her. She would use her professors to gain their sympathy and attention and once she had what she needed from them, she’d turn on them too. She had countless “boyfriends” that in reality were one-night stands.

    She went to grad school in another state, met a man 15 years older than her who was never in a long-term relationship but had money. Perfect victim! She re-invented her history; took my accomplishments in business and wrote her resume; would not let me come to see her ( always so busy in the apartment I co-signed for and furnished).

    Here’s the real kicker: I was the daughter of a sociopathic narcissistic mother – her scapegoat. I went No Contact ( best thing I ever did BTW). My daughter knew why I went No Contact. Big Mistake! She took my past, applied it to herself and claimed I was a narcissist to this new man, and she had to go No Contact with me! Now, before anyone jumps on this, I am not a narcissist, went for therapy to recover for PTSD caused by my mother and my daughter.
    I was sandwiched between a sociopathic mother, a sociopathic mother-in-law, and a sociopathic daughter. My daughter is double-loaded.

    Due to her claiming I “am a narcissit and she was abused” she “had to” go No Contact with me! Of course! How else would she be able to keep up her lies in a new state, with new victims, where no one knew her true history.

    There are two things I regret: 1. Believing for years this was all my fault. It wasn’t. 2. Believing the doctors who ignored my concerns. Maybe she could have been helped. God knows I tried. But, 25 years ago…it was the mother who caused this.

    I’m happy help is out there now. In the meantime, I have gone on with my life – knowing, without a doubt, I did my best.

    This was a matter of nature. NOT nurture.

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    • Thank you, Lynn, for being so honest and open by sharing your story. I am in the camp that believes there is a genetic component at play that can’t be undone no matter how much healthy nurturing they receive. In your case, even your attempts to open up and inform your daughter about your abuse were used against you! It was devastating to read your words, because it’s one thing to have a romantic partner do that to us, it’s quite another to have your own child do it. XOXO ~Paula

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    • Wow! Thank you for posting. I have a sociopath daughter. I am so sorry for the things that you had to go through. My daughter has done the same with the no contact. No matter what, I know she is doing me a favor. But it still hurts because now she uses her children, of which I will never met, because she has built her life around lies and I would jeopardize anyone finding out the truth. It is a lifetime sentence. Thank God I had another kid, or I would have felt like such a failure, which is exactly what she would like.

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    • Thank you for sharing, Ang.

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  4. I came upon this site by accident. I got a lot from reading it though. I have finally come to accept that my son is a sociopath. He was diagnosed with Aspergers and pervasive personality disorder when he was 7. I’ve wanted to blame everything on that, and thought with just the right combination of counceling and love that I could “fix” him. In my eyes and my heart he is a sweet little baby who, born premature, held his hand gripped on my pinkie staring at me from his incubator bed, stealing my heart in the process. The boy who giggled about his food and loves amusement park rides and Star Wars. I have lived uncomfortably in denial for a long time. My little boy is now 11. He’s been inpatient twice, once for threatening suicide when he was 8 and he spent all last summer there for molesting a family member. I put him in a special school, have in home counseling, research, practice love and logic, I call the police when he’s violent as I am advised by his counselors to do. I am heartbrokenly done. He has a little sister, who also has my heart and he is a threat to her. He tried to get his stepfather arrested by falsely claiming child abuse in the middle of a store, he ran away and told his counselor that I was abusive because I wouldn’t give him a snack, he threatened to stab us all so I started sleeping with knives and scissors in my room. The kicker that made me realize this is much more than Aspergers and Pervasive Personality Disorder was when he tricked a mentally handcapped cousin into allowing him to steal something from him. He lies and steals all the time, but I didn’t know that even handicapped people were fair game to be his victims. He told me he only apologizes to get his way and if he doesn’t get his way, I’m the stupidest mom ever with an iq of less than 0. Just beginning researching and reading on sociopaths, he has every warning sign/symptom and he is only 11 years old! That terrifies me! I want a good future for him. I want to protect society from him. I want to love him but get distance from him. Is there a way to do it all? As for people blaming the parents, I am sure there are some not very good parents out there. But I lobby for my son’s education at a special school in Congress, schedule my life around accommodating his every need, and let him know multiple times a day he is loved and cherished. He has never been spanked or gone hungry or gone without anything he needs. If love could fix someone, he would have been “fixed” a long time ago…

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    • I greatly admire your strength and courage. I highly sympathize and empathize with you. What can be done? That is a huge question. We can’t use humans as guinea pigs and perform experimental DNA studies or brain surgery or detain them based on their potential to harm. Our society attempts to be fair and just. Unfortunately, society also is in denial that some who look “normal” and exhbit high-level reasoning and logic skills were also born with a nature that is anti-social to the extreme. They WILL hurt people repeatedly because there is no neural connection to a conscience or empathy. I can only imagine the hyper vigilant efforts you have made to determine what is “wrong” with your son and to protect your daughter and family from what you know he is capable. To live with that knowledge coupled with the blame and shame society projects and applies to your abilites as a mother is traumatic. But until a sociopathy gene is found, I do not believe parents of children like your son will be provided the support necessary to adequately protect their children from society AND society from their children. You are not alone, Diana. But you do hold knowledge and wisdom that could help other parents process and manage the challenges they face daily. To even consider suggesting that your child is a sociopath takes courage and indicates to me that you do love and care for him. Otherwise, why would you bother to investigate other avenues outside of his current diagnosis?

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    • Thank you, Paula. I am scared and heartbroken. It felt good reaching out. Nobody quite understands and I don’t have the words to explain. Nothing is black and white and I feel like a failure as a parent whatever I choose. I fervently pray they come up with a cure or a working therapy that will help my son thrive in the community and love a family of his own one day. Isn’t that we all want for our children?

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    • Of course! And I wish the man who harmed me and my family would get better. I wish he could have a healthy family one day, too. I am torn many days between wishing for him to suffer and wishing he’d get hit over the head and a conscience magically manifest. Many victims go through periods of extreme hate for their tormentors, but perpetual hate and anger is not where survivors and thrivers focus. I’d love for our stories to be taken more seriously and perhaps speak to the need to increase research in hopes of a cure or therapy. As it is today, those of us directly impacted are on our own to heal and cope and pray for a miracle.

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    • I am so sorry that you have to go through this, We I was pregnant with my second child the older sociopath told me she was going to take an needle and stick it in my stomach when I was sleeping to get rid of “That Baby”, I had to watch them very carefully and my oldest tried as many things as she could to torment my other child every day. It is a very difficult situation to be in, because you love them no matter what they say or do, however you have to protect others from them. It is a dark place to be, without warning others, you feel like a terrible mother. Be strong, seek help and speak up and document these things. As the years go by, they get better with lies and will make you the culprit and you will even question yourself. Best of luck to you!

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    • So sorry to hear of challenge you are facing DB. I can so relate. I have an (oldest) son age 36 AND a daughter aged 34 who have variations of sociopathy and borderline disorders. I nearly broke myself physically, spiritually, and financially trying to fix them. My son showed signs of strangeness as young as 4 when he buried his sisters favorite doll and would not give up where it was. He would per in a bottle and try to get the other kids to drink it. Things went downhill from there. Frequent trouble in school for meanness so by the time he was 13, no regular school would have him. I too nurtured, protected, loved and tried to keep victims out of his way. From what I know today I was too empathetic–he nearly ate me alive. Sociopaths don’t understand love–they are only out to get what they want. After numerous encounters with the law, thefts from me, and assaults, I now have had a restraining order in place for 4 years. No contact is the only way to go. My only suggestion is to get a lot of structure and behavioral expectations in place for h at an early she, with consequences and removal from home if necessary do he learns he will be uncomfortable if he hurts others. I was far too forgiving and understanding. He has gone on to victimize many and I only hope he will become permanently ensnared in the legal system….meanwhile I have achieved a fulfilling life and am so grateful to have learned about these personality disorders as something I didn’t cause and can’t cure–wish you the best

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    • So sorry about that Luc! It is really painful and quite daunting to live with. It is important that you seek guidance and be strong, for it is the weak upon which they prey.

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  5. Difficult subject. I can comment on it from two points of view. I have an ex who has some sort of personality disorder. He has no diagnosis and I can’t pick exactly what he might have – and there is a lot of debate about the different Cluster B PD’s anyway. What I do know is that he has something. He works from the same book the rest of them do – the Narcissists, Sociopaths and even Borderline men. His mother has something too and the way she brought him up must have affected him.

    I think the nature/nurture debate will continue because it can never be solved or decided – we are all individuals and each circumstance affects us in different ways. But I would say that my exes upbringing certainly had a part in how he is today.

    I had two sons with him. The eldest is a loving, charming, helpful, generous, empathic boy. The other is different and I seriously worry he has inherited whatever is wrong with his father. Sometimes he uses the same words as his father, treats me the same way and is a carbon copy. And it is not because he seems him often as they only spend around 55 nights a year with him.

    If my youngest turns out to have a PD when he is older then I know it is despite his upbringing, not because of it. I am well aware of what he needs to learn to be a whole human being and the importance of empathy. I teach him about it all the time. I teach him about consequences, boundaries, not lying and I am loving and affectionate. All things my ex never got from his mother.

    How he will turn out I don’t know. I can only do my best. But if he turns out like his father the only conclusion is that it is genetic. If he doesn’t is it because he didn’t have it or because I helped him? I will never know. But if my ex got brought up by a different mother I feel confident he would have been somewhat different.

    Nothing is simple and in the end I believe it is a combination of nature/nurture and for each individual the outcome will differ depending on their own particular circumstances and nature.

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  6. Ok Paula, my two cents worth….besides the fact that this article is right on of course from a co-victim of course…;) people just know we are all on the same plane if they’ve experienced this hell…
    The first time I reluctantly went to his mama for help, she said, and I quote “he would die without having your girls in his life, however, I would never allow any man to talk to MY kids like the way he does to yours…”
    I blindly chose to listen to the first part, but subconsciously tucked that last part away, gone but not forgotten at that time.
    Secondly, we had a bday party for my then 12 year old and had his parents over, mine never invited of course, so just the four of us and his parents who are not still married to anyone……….
    Anyways, he picked a fight with my then 9 year old as the bday girl was blowing out the candles. As the candle smoke blew….he proceeded to cuss, not curse bc that word is too nice for this one, my then 9 yr old out and sent her to her room. So what did I instinctively do? Questioned his stepfather parenting rule at that moment, which I had to pay for later behind closed doors in every way possible of course, and then when he turned his words on my other child who had only blown out candles, satan’s disciple sent her to her room so he could “tell ME a thing or two!”
    We’ll i of course went to the back of the house after apologizing for what had happened and once again locked the 3 of us in one room so it could blow over. His mama yelled at HIS daddy for whatever reason she said, and when she left and slammed the door, the spawn of satan turned on his daddy, whom I never saw physically touch the narc soc in my time of 7 total yrs with him (almost 4 married) who in turn gave it back to him just as nasty as the evil satan reflection had given all of us. He left, but before he did, he came back to our room of safety we called it, and said “please don’t leave him, sometimes he just says things when he is pushed to his limits…..” Then the narcs soc’s dad left. I mean….Really!! Nobody but me apologized for satan that night, or ever!
    Yes people, that happened just that way! We’ll, 2 yrs after that when we finally left for good, thank God, I find out from him in one of the 3 drunken attempts of course, to get us to come back, that his mama told him our problems were all MY fault for not making my children respect and mind him as their stepfather! What an absolute hefer! She also told her coworkers, who were more than happy to let me know, the exact same thing. I just replied, “all of you know the truth….shame on you for being played too!”

    All this to say, she tried to warn me, but turned on me in the end bc you are right, she had to, plus she is so whipped she doesn’t know how to be different. The dad just didn’t want his son’s slaves to leave him with satan alone again, as we did Everything for all of HIS family…..but not mine ever…;) they all lived within a half mile of one another, side note…birds of a feather?

    By the way Paula, my girls are the most respectful and loving children, they are just that, children! I have always taught my girls that all girls should know how to spit far by the pond and wear diamonds with high heels at the same time! With the satan experience, my now 16 and to be 13 year olds are so brutally honest with their potential boyfriends, if they dump them I have heard, mama they sounded just like @@@@@ so I ditched them…..Thank God Paula! Something good on this side of the tunnel!
    Love you Paula, never stop writing for all of “us!”

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    • Sorry, did not finish that one “positive” thought, that ONE being the satan experience was only good in the fact that my young ladies are very perceptive to everything said Ok Paula, my two cents worth….besides the fact that this article is right on of course from a co-victim of course…;) people just know we are all on the same plane if they’ve experienced this hell…
      The first time I reluctantly went to his mama for help, she said, and I quote “he would die without having your girls in his life, however, I would never allow any man to talk to MY kids like the way he does to yours…”
      I blindly chose to listen to the first part, but subconsciously tucked that last part away, gone but not forgotten at that time.
      Secondly, we had a bday party for my then 12 year old and had his parents over, mine never invited of course, so just the four of us and his parents who are not still married to anyone……….
      Anyways, he picked a fight with my then 9 year old as the bday girl was blowing out the candles. As the candle smoke blew….he proceeded to cuss, not curse bc that word is too nice for this one, my then 9 yr old out and sent her to her room. So what did I instinctively do? Questioned his stepfather parenting rule at that moment, which I had to pay for later behind closed doors in every way possible of course, and then when he turned his words on my other child who had only blown out candles, satan’s disciple sent her to her room so he could “tell ME a thing or two!”
      We’ll i of course went to the back of the house after apologizing for what had happened and once again locked the 3 of us in one room so it could blow over. His mama yelled at HIS daddy for whatever reason she said, and when she left and slammed the door, the spawn of satan turned on his daddy, whom I never saw physically touch the narc soc in my time of 7 total yrs with him (almost 4 married) who in turn gave it back to him just as nasty as the evil satan reflection had given all of us. He left, but before he did, he came back to our room of safety we called it, and said “please don’t leave him, sometimes he just says things when he is pushed to his limits…..” Then the narcs soc’s dad left. I mean….Really!! Nobody but me apologized for satan that night, or ever!
      Yes people, that happened just that way! We’ll, 2 yrs after that when we finally left for good, thank God, I find out from him in one of the 3 drunken attempts of course, to get us to come back, that his mama told him our problems were all MY fault for not making my children respect and mind him as their stepfather! What an absolute hefer! She also told her coworkers, who were more than happy to let me know, the exact same thing. I just replied, “all of you know the truth….shame on you for being played too!”

      All this to say, she tried to warn me, but turned on me in the end bc you are right, she had to, plus she is so whipped she doesn’t know how to be different. The dad just didn’t want his son’s slaves to leave him with satan alone again, as we did Everything for all of HIS family…..but not mine ever…;) they all lived within a half mile of one another, side note…birds of a feather?

      By the way Paula, my girls are the most respectful and loving children, they were just that, children! I have always taught my girls that all females should know how to spit far by the pond, master at least 3 full dinners, and wear diamonds with high heels at the same time! With the satan experience, my now 16 and to be 13 year old young intelligent young ladies are so brutally honest and perceptive with all of their potential boyfriends and all of their acquaintances. I have heard them say mama they sounded or acted just like @@@@@ so I ditched them…..Thank God Paula! Finally I can see one thing of worth to those years of hell and something of good use from it on this side of the tunnel! Glad to finally be here in the clear…….;)
      Love you Paula, never stop writing for all of “us!” You are truly blessed!

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    • Thank you so much for taking the time to share this part of your story, Nelly!! It’s amazing how the families know what we’re dealing with and hold out hope that we could somehow change the monsters or at least shield them from the brunt of the abuse. They know. They’re protecting themselves as much as we are. But it’s much harder for then to escape and step away. 🙂

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  7. The Soc who abused me, his mother is worse than he is. All of her children are the same way. Behaving in appalling ways, leaving a path of destruction and pain. I believe that socio mothers can take perfect children, model horrendous lack of accountability and breed a family of smoke and mirrors. This can be enhanced by an illusion full of money, nice houses, good schools and “things”. Mothers who live lies teach their children to do the same. They are desperate and they model deception and cruelty to keep that secret safe. I think you can nurture beautiful babies into monsters to keep your facade alive and well. I have seen this twice in my life, both times, the children are absolutely ruined and the mothers walk with their heads held high, their children like minions around them begging for scraps of acceptance and love. It is the most painfully sad thing to see. Shower these women with compassion, though I don’t think in this life, it will do much good.

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  8. Towards the very end. I finally met my socio’s mother. His mother was a nervous wreck. I had met his brother who had said that he had stashed drugs under his bed when he was a child (his brothers bed) – and that he had put his step father head first through the kitchen window. I hadn’t known any of this, a he played victim. But then he was good at doing that. I personally believe that sociopaths are made, psychopaths are born. I think he was sociopath that was made. Was it his mothers fault? No… I think his father was a socio too, alcoholic, always cheating on the mother. that was his childhood. Hearing his dad wack his mother.

    I had never met his family. In all of those years, I never met them. I guess he wanted to keep me away. When I did, something really weird happened. He got me to sleep in his mothers bed. when I said no to sex, he suddenly started yelling at the top of his voice as if we were having a row, but the only person rowing was him. This was all part of a ploy for his brother to hear. He slapped me, so I hit him back, then he was yelling he was calling the police. I had hit him wtf??? …. he went on like this for hours, was a nightmare –

    As soon as his mother came home at 4am ….. he said sshhh now. And went silent. He knew exactly what he was doing. After this he was able to claim victim to his family. They literally have no conscience. They don’t feel anything. i do believe that the damage was done in childhood …. but then, his brother isn’t like it. So who knows, they are screwed up, I do know that, and they screw other peoples lives up.

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  9. Thanks for this Paula!

    The schools of thought on this issue always seem to be black and white–they’re either born that way or they’re not. And if they’re not born that way, then the usual fallback to blame is the mother.

    I admit I have huge animosity toward ex-S’s mother, not because I think she made him that way but because, in order for her to deal with it, she routinely blames the women. Your post made me a little bit more understanding of her.

    Looking back, when I first met his family, everyone had this guarded but hopeful attitude towards me. I now understand they thought I might have been “the one” to fix him. When that didn’t happen, despite my best efforts, I joined the long list of his ex-girlfriends and ex-wives who failed him. Combined with his smear campaign, he turned every single one of them against me, even the ones who I was close to and I think are pretty intelligent.

    Thank you for giving me food for thought when I thought I knew pretty much everything there is to know about them!

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  10. very good!
    I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all in how the Fates, the Wyrd Sisters, or any other ancient term to describe how ONE person in a family unit can turn out to be sick, sick and sick! Just because someone is ‘born’ in a family doesn’t make anyone any more responsible for the behavior or lack of in another member of said family.
    my ‘adopted-out’ sister, has the same genes as myself and other sibs (from the same parents. she was adopted, (due to death of mother) and raised by others.

    It is my firm opinion that that sib was a product of her environment! In 1980 I divorced said sib, saying that it was a ‘accident of birth’ that made us related and her disgusting and terrible deeds against myself, husband and my birth children, were enough to banish her from my life. Unfortunately, being a narcissist and possible socio-path, she hasn’t left me or other family alone (that’s another story)

    I will grant that PERHAPS there was a ‘bad gene’ in her makeup or something related to her birth. she was born while mother was taking that drug in the 50s and 60s to prevent miscarriages and mother did have full blown uterine cancer (found only after the child’s birth)…but…sib in question was NOT raised with the rest of us but by 2 people that had some pretty serious behavioral and mental issues (seen many episodes myself). Both adoptive mother and adopted child (my sib) fed off of each other…they were into S&M big time.

    In many people they have a CHOICE to change behavior. If they don’t, in my mind, they are unable to which then means they are a sick socio-path. If you have one in your mists, get as far away from them as possible. And learn as much as you can about the behavior.

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  11. Hmmmm, I am a mother to a Narc. His Narc behavior started at 18 yrs old. He is now 29, ya know the one that wants to kill me? I had to disconnect from him permanently almost 2 years go.

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    • Narcissists aren’t sociopaths. Your son made a choice. And that choice to abandon a moral code is not your fault.

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    • He threw the moral code right out the window and has caused so much havoc. He just loves to cause pain and grief in every relationship he has ever encountered.

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    • I agree Paula! Not her fault! Becki your crown will have an extra jewel for bravery and love in it, I know that decision was hard to make and disconnect, glad you joined us, sorry for your reason though…God bless you honey! Paula is awesome, she has helped me so much, keep remembering to stay focused!

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    • Thank you, my son does exhibit quite a few sociopathic tendencies. Paula is great, I have learned so much from her blog. God bless you too. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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