1. Did the sociopath become a sociopath because he/she lacked good parenting from his/her mother?
2. Could the sociopath have turned out differently if he/she had a “better” parent and/or role model.
My answers are “No” and “Hell no!”
First, I’d like to clarify my perspective: I think sociopaths are born without empathy or a conscience. If a person is born without a conscience, that person can’t grow one. Plain and simple. Our brains can’t generate something it’s never had.
Therefore, sociopaths don’t simply lose their conscience or ability to empathize due to poor nurturing. Nature didn’t provide the sociopath with that convenient scapegoat.
Let’s take the burden off the mother: It’s not her fault!
(Personally, it took me a while to accept this and see it, but once I did, I wrote an open apology to the boy’s mother for the nasty stuff I wrote about her on my blog.)
I strongly believe that mothers who stand by their sociopathic children throughout their lives are highly empathic and suffer the most of anyone else in the sociopath’s destructive life.
I think an empathic mother is the first “victim” of a sociopath. (Thank you, Kristin, for helping me come to this conclusion in our conversation last week!)
The sociopath’s mother spends the child’s early years desperately trying to fix the sociopath and feeling guilty that her child’s inability to bond is somehow her fault. She seeks advice after advice from experts. But nothing helps or changes her desperation.
Around the time the child turns 5 or 6, the mother accepts the fact her child is an asshole and spends the rest of his school-aged years fine-tuning and experimenting with how to protect “the secret” and also protect others from her child’s potential to cause great harm.
The mothers of sociopaths suffer unrelenting and constant symptoms of PTSD over their lifetime.
>>Imagine being verbally and sometimes physically pushed by your own child.
>>Imagine the burden of always excusing your child’s behavior.
>>Imagine never being able to look one of your child’s victims in the face, because you know what’s waiting for him/her around the corner.
>>Imagine anxiously anticipating the end of your child’s next relationship so you can act clueless when the ex comes to you with concerns.
>>Imagine the jealousy you would feel for those victims who got away knowing you can never be free yourself.
Mothers of sociopaths display bipolar and borderline behaviors. They think doing good deeds will help them appear like good people and maybe good mothers one day.
Unfortunately, their sociopathic offspring disallow these mothers from ever finding peace. The mothers end up losing everyone just like the sociopath…unless she chooses to break free and essentially abort her role as a mother.
But what empath, even one damaged by a lifetime of abuse and trauma, could turn away from her child? I don’t think such a mother exists. Not one.
This is why I see mothers of sociopaths as sympathetic characters and doomed from the moment their child is conceived/born.
Although I sympathize, I would not knowingly welcome a mother of a sociopath into my life if it meant being subjected to her child.
© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.