Understanding and accepting that you were a victim of narcissistic abuse is essential to moving forward in the healing process. ANA blog does a great job detailing what to look for in yourself to help put a name to what’s/who’s responsible for leaving you unrecognizable and forever changed. Namaste!

After Narcissistic Abuse


Self-Doubt

1. YOU DOUBT YOURSELF

Do you recognize that you’re doubting yourself more than you ever have before?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something.

This reactive adaptation to narcissistic abuse is because the narcissist is ALWAYS finger pointing and shifting blame to YOU for ALL of the ups & downs both in the relationship AND in the narcissist’s personal psyche.
Because this relationship has NON EXISTENT boundaries, you will find YOURSELF constantly PUT UPON and FORCED to accept responsibility for things you didn’t do or say. This borrowed humiliation and shame is exactly what the narcissist intends for the victim to take from the narcissist. Their own unfelt core of shame.

2. CONFUSION

confusion

Just refer to the above explanation of self doubt and boundary transgression if you want to understand the CONFUSION that is part and…

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  1. Danni, this message is for you.
    I just found this site and believe you me it is so necessary. I read some, not all of your postings because I got stuck on a few things. First you stated that he was running around with this
    beautiful girl and you were feeling depressed. Naturally this would seem so unjust and so unfair and just plain wrong. I see why you would be depressed but what you need to know is nothing good will come out of this relationship he has with this new girl. Rather she will end up like you
    eventually. Just go one day at a time, one minute, one second and do not contact him. Do not put yourself in harm’s way. You are too beautiful and have to much to offer that is why he
    glummed on to you in the first place. You are worthy of happiness and you will be happy, he on the other hand is not. Please let me know how you are doing…………..remember the only thing that matters is you…………….you must concentrate on you…………truthfully, he can only hurt you now if you allow it……………grab onto your frieinds, family, and anyone who understand what
    you have gone through. I am going through the very same thing, kind of, last night my husband
    told me he was going to get a prostitute, after all I will not give it to him so he is absolutely entitled to do this. Of course I no longer care as long as I do not betray my body or heart or mind or soul. He can not have it anymore. So keep your mind, soul, heart and body. Remember not to get caught up in worldly notions. Concentrate on you. You have the power now……………to live life free…………good luck to you……………

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    • Hi Susan. Thankyou for your reply. I have moved on from him and i do feel much better than i did. Thanks to this awesome site. I no longer think about him, i have seen him in the streets and i just smile and look the other way. I never got hoovered i guess that means that i was too strong for him. I dont know, im just glad im out. Im sure he hates the fact i have moved on and havnt contacted him at all. I have attracted 3 narcissists in a matter of 3 years and i am staying single until i know who Danni is, and why I’m attracting these kinds of people. To those of you going through what i went through . It DOES get better, and you will survive without these predators. I felt very suicidal and very bad about myself. But im definately so much better now. Thankyou all especially Paula for your kind words and wisdom and i love this site. Bless you all, u are all angels. And Susan , thankyou for your reply i wish u well in your life and wish only the best for you.

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  2. its been 3 days since I had enough of his disrespect and hurtful things that he did. I stuck up for myself and he didn’t like it. so now I am made to feel like I have all the problems. He has been texting me all night with such hurtful things and im a total mess. I miss him (I don’t know why ) I love him and wish he was the person he was when he was loving. im so confused and I havnt eaten for 2 days. help me, why does he hate me sooo much. ???????????????? how can he go from great to such a bastard

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    • Have you reviewed the FAQs I put together? What you’re feeling is absolutely normal and expected!

      FAQs – Understanding and Recovering from Pathological Abuse and Trauma

      https://paularenee.wordpress.com/faqs-understanding-and-recovering-from-pathological-abuse/

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    • Thankyou to all for your support and i feel sane that people know what I’m talking about. No one understands what we go through . It’s not a normal breakup with normal people. They are nut cases. Im am very worried about what it says about sociopaths having smear campaigns. Do all of them do this or just some. ?

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    • Danni, I prefer not calling what they do campaigns. Sociopaths simply smear anyone and everyone whom they view as a threat to their existence. My ex bad mouthed everyone, including his mother, my mother, my sisters, my son’s father…everyone. Depending on how big his circle of friends, determines how much he smears. Many people in their inner circles just tolerate them and nod in agreement when they start bad mouthing people. You are surely being “smeared” in some form or another. And who cares, right? You know you aren’t sick or any of those things he could possibly be saying. This blog started as my angry reaction to what I was uncovering about all the lies and triangulation my ex was committing. Gossip and lies hurt people. I was hurt. So I wrote. Luckily, I learned what others think of us, even those people we thought loved us once, matters not as long as we respect and know our worth. 🙂 Namaste!

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    • Hi. I’m walking around in a daze all the time. I just want this to end. I dont think i will ever trust another human being again. There has been no contact from him at all. I blocked his number but i know that he would use his daughters phones if he really wanted to contact me. So i guess i wasn’t good enough for him to want me back. Which makes it all the worse.

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    • It’s not that you aren’t good enough; you’re better than good enough. It’s simply the assets you have for him to consume are not at the top of his needs list at the moment. If you really want this person back in your life, he’ll be back. Is that what you want? I don’t think so. You’re just feeling shitty about yourself because you needed and still need him to validate your worth. That’s what happens in relationships with the mentally diabolical, they make us feel good and bad in the same breath leaving us waiting and waiting to be told we’re worthy. You ARE worthy!! You don’t need that disgusting human being to validate you. Your validation is inside of you.

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    • Hi. Thankyou for helping me understand this. You are spot on. I know i dont want this guy back , i just feel angry that he has a beautiful girl by his side and im the one suffering and in a depression . He is not exactly the most handsome guy and he has women flocking to him. And i wish i could attract as many admirers that he does. I just dont know what to do with myself . I have withdrawn from people . When im in the street i think people that know him are looking at me and what ever hes told them they judge me. Great now im paranoid as well. I despise that bastard. Im so angry, he has made me like this. I was such a happy go lucky person, . He works in a local club here, what a great job to pick up vulnerable drunk women. I think he got the sack from his job for head butting 3 of his friends and had six security guards take him out. Im so glad, .. god i have so many mixed emotions atm. Im so over this state that im in. What helps you move on faster . I cant stand this anymore.?

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    • Danni, I wish there were a simple answer to moving forward faster. What you can do is focus on the qualities about him that don’t appeal to you. The qualities that drown out the good, fake person he presented himself as being. Once you accept that the good side was fake and that his choice to present himself as someone he isn’t had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. And if this guy were your brother or son, would you be proud of him? Probably not. And think about why you think getting attention from others is desired. What would you do once you had all of that attention? Is it really something that would be fulfilling? None of us can possibly attract every person that crosses our path. A person who can do that is wearing many weak and empty masks. Be you. Discover you. Doors will open and someone who really resonates with you will walk through it one day. 🙂

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    • I dont know who I am . I look after my kids. I have no job. I have a narcissist mother who is planning on living with me. I live in her house but she’s decided to have plans of a happy family living together. No way, I will die if that happens. My kids father puts me down . I am too emotionally weak to get a job. I’m totally trapped. I have never felt so trapped before this, all alone. I’m seeing a psycologist but they can talk to u and although i feel better i still feel trapped. This narcissist i was with for only 5 months, i cant believe the damage that he has done to me in that time. Im sorry to be so down but i just really need to let this out. Its been 3 weeks no contact and im glad . It just hurts really really bad

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    • Please don’t apologize. Admitting and realizing you don’t know who you are is actually a good thing! Too many of us walk around thinking we know ourselves when, in fact, we have no clue. It often takes something like being struck by a pathological person to jolt us to attention and finally ask ourselves, “Who the heck am I and what do I want from life?” Finding a trusted psychiatrist to help you dig deep helps, but you still have all those other hours in your month outside of the doc’s office to learn and practice healthy self-talk. When we find ourselves lost, it’s almost necessary to isolate ourselves, meaning we must rely on ourselves to bounce around our thoughts and inner emotions. Process them by writing or talking to a counselor…someone who isn’t going to judge us and has no personal interest in our awakening.

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  3. You will heal! I too had felt like I would never get through the pain & crap my ex dumped on me. Remember, it’s THEIR crap! In the beginning, I felt like I had to defend the injustices spewed onto me but practice makes perfect and 4 years later, my ex actually freaked in court just last month that “Bee never answers any of my text messages and blocked my number on her house phone for last 3 years!” Ahhh…it will feel so good when you leave the crap behind. Literally.

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  4. […] Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist (paularenee.wordpress.com) […]

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  5. […] Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist (paularenee.wordpress.com) […]

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  6. […] Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist […]

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  7. The more ive gone through with this narcistic guy the more i realize ive done nothing to be abusedby him nor do i accept his jekyl hyde disorder..i realize after seventeen years of abuse, i wenttocounseling, offeredtwice to gotomarriage counseling, i was told to get my head twisted on right, yet anotherconfirmation he is mentally ill..im getting the courage to leave him..lifes too short whentheresno willingness to change… i am so lookin fwd tomoving away from him

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  8. […] Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist […]

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  9. This is how I knew I was healing. I no longer questioned my every decision. Nor did I worry if others thought it was the wrong decision any longer. Took 13 years, though.

    Signed,
    Strong at last somewhere in Canada.

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