zenbirthdaycardWhy can’t sociopaths truly empathize with others?

We know they can fake an empathetic stance and act like they care. They do this with brilliant believability in the beginning idolization and repeated grooming phases of the relationship.

But they can’t feel the emotions that empathy naturally necessitates. They can’t demonstrate true empathy in words or actions or in their treatment of us.

If we are feeling hurt emotionally due to insensitive treatment by the sociopath, the sociopath, in turn, succeeds in hurting and crushing us even more by criticizing us for being emotional!

Why? Why do sociopaths not recognize our pain and attempt to alleviate it rather than exacerbate it?

The only explanation is that sociopaths are somehow denied the ability to feel or have emotions of their own and, as a result, are convinced that emotions are a sign of weakness. After all, how can anything the sociopath doesn’t possess or can’t experience have worth?

But the irony is that sociopaths are fueled by our emotions!! They need our emotions. When we cry or get angry, the sociopath perceives our emotions as their cue, their green light, to destroy us.

They hate emotions and love to destroy what they hate.

So what better way to “hurt” a sociopath than by being emotionless in the face of their abuse? What better way to get a sociopath to lose interest in you than by not reacting to them?

This is why no contact is so important! You’ve exhausted yourself in hopes of getting answers. And you know by now that nothing true or real will ever come from any more questions and pleadings on your part. Further questions and pleadings will simply fuel the sociopath and encourage the sociopath to continue the avoidance and projection games.

Nothing will ever be resolved.

So you are left to accept the sociopath for the incomplete person the sociopath is and to detach emotionally from an emotionless being. It’s really simple and very easy once you put it into practice.


© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications.

abuse, Emotional Abuse, Forgiveness, Friends, Less Than Zero, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Writing
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Join the conversation! 9 Comments

  1. I am in the early stages of no contact and am stuggeling with why this is so hard….I have learned to react with nothing but pleasantries, and have found it is defiantly better, it seems to give me my power back.


    • It’s like breaking an addiction. You are finally taking care of yourself, but it takes awhile for our brain chemistry to be reconditioned so that it matches our intuition and hope for our life. The longer you can beat your urge to reach out and contact this person, the more opportunity you are offering your brain to break the bonds of betrayal and false love that kept you attached to your abusive partner in the first place. Healing ourselves is a very powerful thing. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Paula. Your blog is a lifesaver! I knew he did..this….this…and this….but I never realized it was a “package deal”, and has a name……sociopath. Textbook!!!!


    • I just noticed my Freudian slip….too funny!


  2. Can you imagine how many people our ex’s have destroyed and had to learn how to detach & numb! Absolutely no contact is so important! Unfortunately, mine resurfaced last year & has been attempting to fight for joint custody/over nite access with MY child whom I have legal sole custody. Because I don’t engage in the bully antics, threats, abuse, etc…. he looks and acts like a freak even in court. This is all recorded on paper. Sometimes I even want to laugh at the purple ex.


  3. I often wonder about the enormous irony. I am a hugely emotional person. My best friend calls me the empath. The man in question feels no emotion. I’ve often thought that my example filled a void he needed to be filled. But that is just wishful thinking. He does not gain from my example of empathy and deep emotion. Saying goodbye is so hard for people like me. But detachment is a must!


  4. My ex delights in sending me short messages about scary news regarding our daughter while preventing me from doing anything (court orders don’t get enforced). Otherwise, I’m completely left in the dark, so is my family. If you think the legal system can protect your child from an obsessed abuser, think again.


  5. You must be following me around again!!! I am poker face (ing) the world at the moment. 😎


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