mensupportOne thing I have learned from writing my book and continuing this blog, is that there are far too many people in this world who have fallen prey to abuse, sociopathic or otherwise. And the number of men who are victims/survivors is probably equal to the number of women who have suffered. Men just don’t talk about it as openly as women do, so the number of men affected may seem lower, but more than likely, they are the same.

Possibly due to my recent post about this not being a man-hating blog or maybe due to something aligning perfectly in the cosmos, but recently I have been contacted by more than the usual number of male victims/survivors of abuse looking for support and help.

This is bittersweet for me:

Bitter, because I get disheartened at the news of anyone suffering and struggling for support and understanding. Bitter, because I am saddened at the thought of the actual number of men I walk past and encounter every day who could be silently suffering like so many of the women I have encountered since my own journey to recovery began.

Sweet, because I rejoice in knowing that more and more of us are seeking help and not just relying on our inadequate selves to recover. Sweet, because men and women are coming together, unifying, to make sense of abuse which has typically been misunderstood as only a female issue.

Regardless of the why behind this trend, I’m choosing to embrace it and grow with it.

I reached out to some of my female survivor friends to ask them for help with compiling a list of places online that are specific to helping men. This list is by no means comprehensive, but it is a start and can speak to a larger list and page as folks comment and add to it.

So PLEASE, comment and add your thoughts and reactions to this list.  I have not personally vetted these sites or resources, but maybe there are some men in the audience who can help add value and credibility.

1. www.HelpGuide.org – This site has a page dedicated to helping men find support after abuse.

2. Heart-to-Heart Living – Empowering Men since 2003

3. www.MenWhoAreAbused.com – Also have a youtube channel. His name is James.

4. begood4000 – A youtube channel maintained by the page above.

5. Men’s Advice Line – Advice and support for men of domestic violence and abuse.

6. Mankind Initiative – Support for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence

7. Domestic Violence Against Men – Information provided on the Mayo Clinic’s site on how to recognize signs of abuse specifically for male victims.

Namaste!
~Paula

© Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications, 2013.

(image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/148267012702775027/)

Category:
abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Friends, Health, Journaling, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Sociopath, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 14 Comments

  1. Thank you for this! I don’t know that I agree that the number of men victimized by female sociopaths is the same. I believe I read that male sociopaths outnumber female sociopaths 3:1. However, I do believe that there are plenty of victims out there and there needs to be help for ANY AND EVERYONE who has been effected. I love this!

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  2. I am a survivor of a sociopath my ex wife was clinically diagnosed during her 5 year prison sentence for many years I thought I was the crazy one or that there was something wrong with me but now I know that it was all her and I am the victim. being a man I have found it difficult to get ne sort of help its like people act like a sociopaths terror is insignificant and m just bein a pussy but mental abuse is very hard 2 deal with.

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  3. I love your site..and I would love to have men sharing their stories,it’ not always about women’,I think of men & women as equals in domestic violence and hope that men seek help on this blog, as I don’t think that you’ differentiate between the two sexes.I for one would welcome comments from men,it gives us a different perspective.After all we are all in this together..regardless of what sex we are.The abuse that we go through each day,needs to be highlighted…It certainly was a wake up call for me after 35 years.Then we didn’t have a name for it.And domestic abuse wasn’t really looked at as a problem..society thoughts were…don’t interfere,what goes on behind closed doors is none of our business..kind of reaction!!!!.I woke up from my dream like state(it was a weird feeling) after reading a blog from Melanie Tonia Evans,I knew something was very wrong with my husband,but could never put him in a catergory..he just didn’t seem to fit’.Until February 2012.Then my life changed,the abuse carried on emotionally and still does,but I read everything on Narcissistic Abuse,realised that he fits the name Narcissistic Sociapath ,which is very scar. It has taken me since Feb 2012 to read everything on the subject,to stand back from my husband and watch his reaction’s,his everyday moods etc.I don’t know how I done it,but I just detached emotionally from him,he still does the same things,but I look at him as a little boy in a tantrum and react in turn as if I’m his momma’ which is to ignore him. Don’t say anything,do anything…sit back and watch them fall apart.They will look for other things to try and bait you,just do’ nothing!! ….inside you will be thinking,Geez’ how much more! But keep it inside ..if you say it anything??? ..they have won this battle,and will be preparing for the next..so step back and watch.I have just been to my solicitor for a divorce and he gets his letter Friday 11 Oct 2013 so let the games begin….My advice to anyone… male or female..step back.. read as much as you can in blogs,articles, google about your partners behaviour.. step back.. don’t react.. assess their actions to you..and when you are strong enough emotionally ..detach..then make your decision based on how you feel emotionally….don’t do what I did, which was try to explain what he was doing to me to friends & family..they really don’t understand… no amount of you’ telling them will make any difference as they have not …LIVED IT!! They can turn away from you thinking ,your exaggerating,paranoid and just want attention.Speak on blogs or people that are going through he same thing.Because if you involve anyone else the Narc will make sure that he comes off as the victim and not you!!!
    With that said,I’m just about to put on my armour he he’ for another day of Domestic Narc bliss….NOT!!!!!! To all that are going through his mental torture,Be careful!!!!Even one day away from Narc abuse is a like a weeks holiday…Marilyn x .

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    • Hi Marilyn 🙂

      Well said & I think your amazing to have held yourself together & endured the Narc/Soc for 35 years (WOW)…Inspirational & I wish you continued success & a bigger & better life 🙂

      Love & light & thanks for sharing 🙂

      PR xoxo

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  4. Philip W. Cook is the author of Abused Men—The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence (Preager second edition 2009). He is also the author with Tammy Hodo, Ph.D., of the recently released When Women Sexually Abuse Men (Prager/ABC-Clio June 2013).

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  5. ‘Shrink4men’ and ‘Psychology today’ are also good websites for men in abusive relationships and as far as I can remember, they both describe the Borderline PD woman as well as Narcissists and other Controlling types. As someone also mentioned, the Psychopath Free website also has a section for Males. Another excellent article Paula 🙂

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  6. http://www.psychopathfree.com is a very good site wich help me tremendously and they do have a special men section

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  7. I found it interesting with my brother who has had a hard time understanding why I stayed with my abusive ex and that abuse isn’t confined to bruises and broken bones. He didn’t understand me having a blog about abuse and kinda had this “just get over it” attitude. Now he is going through a divorce and telling me about the hell he has gone through ever since they got married, the callous discard and now slander fest she is on. All I said was “Google narcissistic women” he came back to me a few days later and I got a text message “OMG that is her!!!” He didn’t realize he was in an abusive relationship and how she had been slowly wittling away at his self esteem. He is going through through

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    • Wow! Can he now relate better to what you’re trying to accomplish with your blog?

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    • Actually he never used to talk about it at all and recently he introduce me to someone and said “my sister Carrie, she has a website on domestic abuse. It keeps her really busy” I was impressed. My whole family is recognizing it as a valid website and worthy cause. I never thought I’d see the day, its been 3 years since I left JC and 2 since I started the blog and its only the last couple of months that they actually “get it” and don’t minimize the severity of the problem and what I went through. Part of it for my mom anyway was that show “The devil you know” she watched that and said she kept thinking “OMG that’s exactly what Carrie went through”. And like I said, for my bother it was experiencing it himself. The lies his ex is telling about him trying to destroy him, the way she loaths him and belittled him and the effect it has had on him. Then to have an answer as to why! He definitely had his eyes opened. He viewed me as weak and like it was my own fault but now he knows. I think it was rather humbling for him. I won’t wish it on any one but it does feel good to finally be believed and understood.

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  8. one of the things that has always made me uncomfortable with some women are when they engage in ‘male-bashing’. It’s one thing to acknowledge something like ‘it’s a guy thing’ but a totally different thing when its ‘men are no good, they are worthless’ and other such statements. No woman has ever had me in their good graces for long once they speak that way.

    And my David…yep he’s been on the receiving end of domestic abuse. He abhors any woman who insults him with any kind of disrespectful statement. Example, he was sitting on a bench waiting for me, minding his own business, when a tenant (in my building) is walking her dog. The dog comes up to David and David pets him. The woman said to David…that’s strange that the dog should come to you…she hates all men! David was insulted but didn’t say a word. For weeks he just ignored her and her dog, finally, she spoke respectfully to him with ‘good morning’. It’s called behavior modification and social graces.

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    • Yeah! I think sometimes we say things and don’t realize how disrespectful and hurtful they can be. I’m glad he responded as he did, because it forced that woman to reflect upon what she had done/said. 🙂

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  9. Thank you, Paula.

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