in my honest opinion mug

in my honest opinion mugBeing an opinionated jerk is not the same thing as being an honest person.

A sociopath will fog up the honesty window by telling you he’s honest to a fault:

“I always tell people what I think of them. I always give them my honest opinion about what they wear and what they eat and what they drink. What do you mean by saying I’m a liar?”

Telling people, unsolicited, what you think of them isn’t exactly the same thing as being honest about who you are and what your motivations are.

Telling people that you don’t like this or that about them is you being a smug prick. It’s not being honest with them.

Being honest with them would be:

“I hate this gift you gave me, because I really don’t like or care about you and don’t care if I hurt your feelings or not because you are nothing to me. Next year I won’t like the gift you give me, either, because I don’t like you. I just love seeing your disappointed look knowing I made you feel so disappointed about yourself.”

A Sociopath could never come right out and be 100% honest. Ever!

So don’t let these fools claim honesty by pointing to a time they were “honest” with you about something you said or did that they didn’t like.

Pfft!

That just proves they’re an asshole, and anyone can be an asshole on occasion, but not everyone can be honest about why they’re an asshole.

I’d love to hear a sociopath explain his asshole-ness to me. Wouldn’t you?

IMHO, sociopaths are disgusting, delusional jerks who go against all decency and righteousness. Why do I think that? I think that because I have witnessed, first-hand, how they have verbally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically caused harm to others and lack any remorse for doing so.

As victims and survivors, the closest we get to receiving an apology is more like an excuse:

“Well, it’s your fault. You knew I was like this from the beginning.”

My response to the boy in my story when I received the above excuse went something like this:

“No, I thought you were just an immature asshole who needed some life experience to see what an asshole you really are. I guess you like being a cocksucker, huh?”

(Needless to say, that response didn’t help bring peace to the situation.)

I take full responsibility. It was my fault for accepting the sociopath into my life. Shame on me for thinking he was human like the rest of us.

Good morning! Namaste!
~Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/152629874841562497/)

Category:
abuse, Child abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 15 Comments

  1. Just in court last month, my ex who I do not engage with even in court advertised he’s an honest and reasonable man. I almost laughed.

    Your post is so true. They have crappy opinions about everyone. When you are able to see through the mask, you’ll see they don’t sound very bright when they speak and are vulgar, crude, disrespectful, ignorant and puts down everyone from his family, friends, co-workers and anyone else unfortunate enough to meet the person. As the partner – you’ll endure the worse of it.

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  2. Frost,

    First, this blog isn’t about you or other sociopaths, for that matter. It’s for victims/survivors of sociopaths to understand it wasn’t their fault and they can move ahead without the answers related to the “why”s of pathological behavior.

    I’ve written about sociopaths and that they do tell the truth…when they rage. You should read it.

    And no, I have never feigned liking a gift. Sorry. Maybe as a child or a teenager, but not as an adult. If a friend takes the time to buy me something or make me something and it’s utilitarian value is useless, that gift still has an emotional value and love attached to it. That is, if the gift didn’t come from a psycho just looking to be praised for being a great gift giver.

    I’d like you to stop posting on this blog with your accusations related to it being a place to bash sociopaths. It may seem that way to you but it’s so much more than you could ever comprehend, I fear, if you keep reading it as a victim of what is written.

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  3. Hi, my Soc swore on the heads of his children he was not lying (big pfft!)
    & on another occasion his mothers grave!!! (( extra big pffft!!!) only a Soc would continue to tell more prolific lies on the day of his own mothers funeral!
    My Soc proclaims to be honest bahaha…..absolute nutjob….am glad he’s gone 🙂
    Who does & says that crap….A Big Fat Soc that’s who!!!!
    PR xoxo

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    • Well here’s another one, lol my ex would swear whatever “truth scope” he had on his horizon, on his mother, well I would too she’s a heroin addict, he hasn’t seen in years! I waiting for him to just be struck down by lighting! So I can just sweep him up and sprinkle him on the grass like fertilizer. 😊

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  4. So I am reading this book by Bill Eddy “How to deal with High Conflict People in Legal Disputes”. Basically you are describing what we call “being a bastard” he calls “emotional fits or lies” to fit the needs of the situation. The HCP (cluster b personalities) may or may not have presence of mind they are basically in my words, mind fucking you to get what they want. Makes me angry and scared all at once. I too accept the fact I let The Monster in our lives, but I try my best to stop his manipulation, to bad he employs the weak to advocate him. Still on my angry vent – sorry people!

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  5. Paula,
    I generally enjoy and appreciate your postings. I’m not certain, however, whether the name calling and offensive language is necessary. There is a time to be angry, and a time to heal. I agree that they are not capable of understanding their own shortcomings, they are liars, and manipulators, but are we not stooping to their level when we resort to name-calling?

    Signed,
    Partially recovered ex-spouse of a narcissistic sociopath.

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    • None of us are saints. None of us are Mother Theresa. I am sharing what I did, right or wrong. I called him those names to his face. Yes, I did. I was angry and hurt and confused. It’s how I reacted, because they do force us to stoop to their level.

      Now, with complete detachment, I can re-tell the story but can also still call him what he is, because he is what he is. If I were to call him a good guy, that’s name calling also. Just because a name is negative doesn’t mean I am harboring any untapped anger. He is what he is.

      🙂

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    • But I agree about the cursing. I shouldn’t. But I have found that sometimes only a curse word will do. I’ve gotten much better, however, as this blog has evolved. I wouldn’t recommend going back too deeply into the archive. 🙂

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    • I think the name calling and vulgarities shows “normal” people who don’t speak to each other in healthy relationships. How these relationships evolve so quickly and verbally abusively into unhealthy relationships. In my current relationship, we do not curse nor yell when we disagree. Freaky – huh? Lol. Because NS want to bring you to their level, they can’t win a argument with wit or facts, so win it vulgarly and mudsling. I refuse to engage with my ex. He still tries.

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    • Paula,
      Yes, I understand. I guess we all deal with things differently.

      I ended up on this blog after my therapist referred to my ex as a narcissist and said he’s likely also a sociopath. I was researching these terms when I found this blog, which I find very helpful.

      Others who post here, please be careful not to use your last names. When I did a Google search this blog came up. Lesson learned! Thank you to Paula for helping me to straighten this out before it became an issue in my life (hopefully it hasn’t…although I am maybe just not aware of that yet).

      Keep up the good work, Paula.

      Signed,
      Partially recovered ex-spouse of a narcissistic sociopath somewhere in Georgia.

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    • I honestly find that swearing is a great outlet for me. I have done it out loud in the corner of my room and have also written it out here and in my personal journals. It’s my angry release. If I didn’t acknowledge my anger in the past, it just built up and festered and then finally spewed out of me in a big chaotic episode. Now, if something bothers me, I immediately try addressing it. When I curse to myself, I end up laughing at myself immediately afterwards. Some people have other ways to release anger through their language. I mean, I don’t walk around cursing all day, not by any means. I wouldn’t have friends or a job if I did that. But sometimes getting out the anger with my words works wonders for me. Yoga is by far the next best thing to release my hurt and anger and it’s a silent release, very therapeutic and deeply effective. 🙂

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  6. The most honest thing he ever said to me was after hours of crying and apologizing telling me he’d always love me and THEN said,”Its your own fault I hurt you, you kept taking me back.”
    Cock sucker is too nice a name to call them.

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  7. So true!! The closest we get to an apology is some delusional, convoluted excuse that no one believes any way!!!

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